Who /mischief/ here? >go to friend's gym with a guest

Not sure if you're shit-posting or bragging about being a faggot, but either way you should probably kill yourself.

>>42010595
>have years membership to 24 hour gym
>get there at 8am and do a few hours cardio while eating toast for breakfast
>make sure cardio is very slow as to not disturb my belly
>hide the TV removes first thing in the morning so people can't change cartoon network over later in the day
>after doing cardio sit at front desk talking to employees
>know all the employees by name
>talk to employees when they're most busy (example/ When there's a line of people going swimming, I stand next to the desk talking about different cars to anyone that'll listen)
>also harass any female workers as much as possible
>lunch, go to the gym cafe and have huge meal
>someone's usually cleaning the toilets about this time so I go in there and talk to them about cars or mega blocks
>sometimes I sit on the counter and sing sea shanties while an employee cleans the toilets out
>go to the weight room and give buff guys
>if someone's deadlifting I'll go stand by them and tell them to use less weight or they'll snap their spine
>when it starts getting busy I sit at the only good bench and play on my phone
>I keep my headphones on incase anyone tries to ask me to move
>when it gets late and people start leaving I go for a shower and bath in the pool (although the employees have been looking the pool at 9pm lately to keep me out)
>after this I eat some protein rich food at the cafe and shitpost on /fit/ or /r9k/
>walk around the guy doing my beavis and butthead impression for 30 minutes (I'm getting really good)
>I hit on any woman still left around until they leave
>sometimes I sleep in the changing room but the employees usually wake me up and tell me to go home
>say goodnight to each gym worker individually
>go home and cry self to sleep
>repeat tomorrow

>>42010595
>enter gym
>shit in the only squat rack

>>42010735
i want every word of this to be true

>>42010749
>My daddy knows the owner so they can't ban me
>I live with my mummy and daddy down the road from the gym so I can get there extremely quickly
>also I made a female worker leave because I kept hitting on her and asking her out to discos
>what really pushed her over the edge though was when I asked her to sit on my lap while I worked shoulders and count me
>when she didn't do it and said no to my marriage proposal I reported her to the manager
>the owner and manager decided to cut her bonus because she was missing treating their "most dedicated customer" so she quit
>ever since she quit the moral of the workers has been really low (apparently her 'can do attitude' and 'uplifting personality' made the other staff forget about their hopelessness for a short while)
>guess I'll just have to start following workers around and cheer them up


anyway I best get some rest because I'm in early tomorrow

so glad I can practically live at the gym with all the friendly workers. I think I might take some chicken tendies in with me tomorrow and share them as a thank you gift

>>42010914
>>42010735
Trying way too hard for it to be even remotely funny

File: 1471285010213.png (36KB, 605x523px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 605x523px

>>42010595
>"accidentally" put on shirt inside-out
>go walking outside in a park or something
>ugly girls/dudes tell me my shirt is inside-put
>thanks bro! and i keep walking
>qt3.14 tells me my shirt is inside-out
>thanks! then i take my shirt off in front of her to fix it, showing off my 4-year-/fit/ body
>y-you too
D E V I L I S H
E
V
I
L
I
S
H

>>42011070
>"accidentally" put shirt inside-out
>nobody says anything
>indonesian superstition turns out to be true and your uncle dies

I'm just busting your balls, that actually sounds like an ok idea. I'd imagine it only works rarely, but I could imagine it does work once in a blue moon.

>>42011070
Damn thats a good idea

Sometimes I'll kick shitskins gymbags if they leave them laying around the free weights section

>>42010595
how long did it take you to post this because it almost triggered me

>>42011834
>>42011804
first of all, nodody is going to tell you that your shirt is inside out. second, a HOT GIRL is NOT going to tell you your shirt is inside out. hot girls dont confront shit.

third, even this all happened, if you took your shirt off and your body was impressive enough for it to catch her eyes, then it would also be VERY obvious that you did it on purpose and you'd look like a dork.

also who the fuck accidentally puts a shirt on inside out.

a better idea is to go to the bar with inside out jeans and then when a girl asks "why are your jeans inside out" you say "tee hee oops" and you take them off for her. at least its funny then.

>>42011909
>first of all, nobody is going to tell you that your shirt is inside out. second, a HOT GIRL is NOT going to tell you your shirt is inside out. hot girls don't confront shit.

No, hot girls don't confront YOU. But I like the fact that you project your own insecurities onto me.

>even this all happened, if you took your shirt off and your body was impressive enough for it to catch her eyes, then it would also be VERY obvious that you did it on purpose and you'd look like a dork.

Tell that to Connor Murphy, I mean you're right, he does look like a dork, but the girls don't mind. Being attractive is almost literally a get out of jail free card, you think being a dork matters?
(Oh and to sauce that juicy factoid http://news.cornell.edu/stories/2010/05/unattractive-people-pay-price-court)

>a better idea is to go to the bar with inside out jeans and then when a girl asks "why are your jeans inside out" you say "tee hee oops" and you take them off for her. at least it's funny then.

Jesus christ, ever hear the saying blind leading the blind? Well here's a 21st century 4chan update. The autistic leading the autistic.
In fact I feel like that's a banner just waiting to be made.