Is this the right place to start a help thread? UK system below

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Is this the right place to start a help thread?

UK system below

I've read the FAQ and such, I'm still kinda scared to start.

There's no gym near me so can fit help me build a starter routine? I've never done fitness before but once I reached 20 stone (127kg) I cut the carbs out, I cut most sugars out, started walking and drinking a lot more (only) water.

Now I'm stuck at 15 stone with barely any cardio or muscle structure and fat. I work late each night so I need something I can do past midnight for an hour or two without waking anyone (23 live with parent because university student) I'm still smoking but each day I smoke the less I'm enjoying it so now I'm at a time I want someone to tell me "This is how YOU progress because I'VE done it" not some wank YouTube video.

Been on 4chan for a good 9 years and this maybe my second time on fit so be careful with me.

I have some home weights (I think they're dumbbells best way I can describe them is two metal rods with weights for each)

If that describing didn't clue you in to how new I am to training I'm not sure what will.

PIC - Some diet supplement I was told to take, some meal replacement drink.

Help me start fit, I'm ready.