>Gym ghosts won't stop haunting the smith machine and

cant you ask the gym genie to make them go away?

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>>41331971
We don't have one of those at my gym.

>tfw we only have a gym fairy that gives you cursed wishes

Christ I know that feel
>Satan takes over the squat rack
>Jesus refuses to stop curling to do something about it

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>gym ghosts jerking off on cardio bunnies faces
>gains goblin hobbling up and stealing my weights off the bar mid rep
>gym golems leaving their depleted cores in the free weights

Atleast its not planet fitness.

Ha ha what an absurd and RANDOMxD scenario. EPIC thread, bro. Mind if I screencap and post this to reddit? Don't worry, I'll give you credit. ;)

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>>41331951
>gym aliens abduct chad and his pizza

all according to plan

I preferred these Twilight-Gym threads more when they were bizarre but somehow believable. You faggots ruined it with your scifi/fantasy shit

>>41332028
>gym computer virus won't stop shitposting

when will it end lads?

>>41331951
Still better than having a gym wendigo infestation

>be me, 210lbs, 9% bf, 1,2,3, 4 and then some, constant mires
>gym wendigos get transferred over in crates of locally sourced fresh plates
>me and all my lifting bros cursed to run forever
>lost all gains

Fucking feelsbadman

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>gym wizard keeps doing spell casters
>says its for his abs, but normal men keep turning into manlets when he's around

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>>41331951
You need to see the gym gypsies. If you can outroll them at dice, or dance while they play the fiddle, they may strike a bargain for you

>>41332078

I will not fall for your tricks gypsy, you cannot have my gains.

>>41331951
>gym gestapo keeps shitting on me while I try to improve my form
>fuck
>local gym ghost shows up
>starts tickling my fucking calfs, form slipping
>needless to say I'm back on cleaning the manlet pits

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>>41332050
>gym wendigo

I needed this senpai top kek

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>All out of barbellgrease
>have to jerk the plates in place

>fucking gym-damavik curling in the squatrack
>oh wait, it was just a hairly manlet, nvm

>tfw the gain goblin spills ur protein powder

SHUT THE FUCK UP MOM

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>>41331951
>just finish my last set of dumbbell incline to exhaustion
>I'm ready to collapse
>got a really good sweat going
>get up and head to the water fountain for a quickie
>really craving a good slurp of cold gym water
>It's gonna really refresh me and give me the endurance to keep going.
>might get another set in after that sweet sweet agua
>get to the water fountain and the Gym Sphinx blocks my path

>"Anon, anon, I know you're about to expire,
>and you feel like you've hit the wall,
>but if you can answer my riddle entire,
>then you can taste from this waterfall"

>fuck it
>going home
>too tired to deal with this fucking Sphinx's riddle

>>41332038
contribute then, faggot

>gym timelord keeps resetting sets
>yells LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAIIIINNNN
>slaps weights out of manlets hands
>distributes manlets gainz amongst the gym like free samples

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>>41333206
>walking from bench press to incline bench
>bar at the incline bench is padlocked to the rack
>Fuck
>quickly turn to leave
>Gym Jester blocks my path
>Starts chanting while doing cartwheels around me

>"Anon answer me
>these questions three,
>and the incline key
>I'll give to thee"

>His riddles are always too hard
>Fuck it, I'll just go do decline bench instead
>Gym jester basically calls me a coward and a brainlet as I walk away
>Can hear the whole gym snickering as Gym Jester continues to roast me

Life is pain, /fit/.

>>41332012
Let me guess? 8hr preacher day? Fucking hell, we get it Jesus, guns for the son but cmon.

>attempting an lmao3pl8 squat
>nobody laughs, so I can't

>>41333008
>new guy lights a cigarette near the whey silo
>dust explosion levels an entire city block
>gym won't be rebuilt for at least 2 years
>only other gym is planet fitness

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>>41333333

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>>41332585
"Gym gestapo" fucking mien

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>>41333333
CHUCKED

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>>41333333

>>41333333
did he died?

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>>41333333
HOLY FUCK

>>41333333
what have you done

breh

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>>41333333

>thats alotta 3s mah boy

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>>41333333

>gym clown replaced my protein with fake snakes and made a fool of me in front of my gym crush
>again

>>41333418
wtf is wrong with this guy, can you give me a quick rundown?

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>>41333333

>>41333641
he chewed too much mastic gum

>>41332014
>mid rep
Mine always take the smallest plates off just before you start your set so you pop the whole thing off thinking you're doing more than you are

It's genuinely the most annoying shit and they gym has a free month bounty on every gains goblin

>>41332014
Why the hate for planet fitness?

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>gym barbarians are shouting midrep while smashing the bars against gains goblins again

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>>41331951
>gym physicist fucked with the gravity again
>crush laughs at my new 1 plate bench

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>Gym out of barbell Q sauce

These curls are so flavorless and bland.

>>41331951
>Gym chemist replaced chalk with asbestos

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>tfw twinky manlet
>going to the gym for the first time so I can get huge
>try out bench press
>manage to unrack bar but can't complete rep, arms give out, everything's going black, cry out for help
>someone sits in my lap what the fuck
>oh no it's the gym milf
>she shoves her sweaty H cups in my face
>"looks like you need some all natural supplements, anon"
>forceably breastfeeds me
>gain 20 pounds of muscle from her liquid gains
t-thanks gym milf

>leg press broke and killed a hot girl because she overloaded the machine with too many pl8s
>she was my gym crush
>now's she just gym crushed

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>>41334277
Damn, our gym milf only has D cups.
>TFW only gaining 10lbs of muscle a session

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>>41333333
This post hasn't been checked enough

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>>41333333
You got anymore of those 3's?

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>Gym senpai has noticed my gains.
>has high expectations for me.
>issues side quests during rest time in-between sets.
>get some sweet extra xp for strength gains.
>sometimes he'll give me impossible quests to see if I have WHATEVER IT TAKES.
>nearly get myself killed.
Such is the burden of being noticed by senpai.

>>41333333
Nice.

>gym communists seize the gains of production
>everyone is now equally dyel
>always long lines in front of squat rags and bench press now
>black market develops
>"hey boy, you want some whey?"
>"y-yes"
>its undercover gains control
>"oh no"
>get put into gains gulag
>have to do crossfit

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>>41333333

>>41334466
lel

>>41334022
Fuck you that was clever

>GM asks me what I want to do
>"benchpress"
>rolls for strength
>critical fail
>cant reroll
>have to press now, last guy to refuse got banned
>load up bar
>drop plates 4 times on my pinky toes
>first bench collapses as I lie down
>go to press, bar snaps in half
>load up on a second bar
>GM looking at me intensly
>risk taking the ban, but only other gym is planet fitness
>bench successfully
>wonder whats about to happen
>cops come in
>tells me mum has been killd in freak eagle attack at the cinema
>they were cleaning the aviary today and had to let them in the cinema

Fucking GMs

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>gym preacher doesn't use a King James

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>>41333333

>someone left the manlet cage open
>they stole all plates doing neck curls with them

i swear someone is doing that on purpose

>>41334753
whats this guy's name again?
hes pretty based

>>41334277
Sauce on this semen demon?

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>>41333333
PRAISE KEK

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>>41335100
>>41334762
>>41334491
>>41334433
>>41334399
>>41334392
>>41333647
>>41333418
>>41333401
>>41333394
>>41333388
>>41333372
>>41333370
>>41333368
>>41333337
HAHAHA WOW, XD, EPIC GET RIGHT GUYS!? LETS DERAIL THE ENTIRE FUCKING THREAD BECAUSE "LE EBIN GEDD :DDD" HAHAHA THIS IS TOTALLY """"""NOT"""""" /b/ TIER CANCER!

HOLY SHIT, SURE IS SUMMER IN HERE! KYS YOURSELF NEWFAAAAAAAAAAAAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>41334806
I hate when that happens

>>41331951
>gym goblins running around the gym, curling
>look again
>gym goblins were manlets all along

>gym communists walk up to me today
>"Hey anon... there's something different about you"
>"I just can't put my finger on it"
>I started visibly sweating from my hoodie
>"Anon... Take off your hoodie"
>I softly said "n-no"
>they called for backup
>they forced me against the wall and took my hoodie
>one of the communists shouted "Aha! You were hiding your gains all along!"
>they take me to the gym surgeon
>surgeon physically extracts my muscle to be redistributed amongst the working class
Man. I really need to find a better gym

>>41333333
checkin

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>>41335775
Chill out, why so sad?

You're not yourself when you're hungryᵀᴹ
Here, have a Snickersᵀᴹ

>>41334806
you should report that to national manlet control, its now law that all gyms have a manlet pit at least 12ft deep. Will they ever learn?

>>41335939
XD SNICKERS MEME
WHATS NEXT!? BOGDANOV GIVE ME QUICK RUNDOWN!? AWOOO!? FUCKING BANANAED!?!?!?!?!?!? XDDDDDDDDDD

>>>/reddit/

>doing squats
>gym pianist keeps playing Dvorak No 9
>keep getting inspired to conquer unexplored worlds instead of getting gains

t-thanks

>>41335962
Wow...well, someone's frustrated. I hope you have a nice day, anon.

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>incline bench press
>does it anyway

>>41336002
decline desu

>gym golem keeps lifting the machines instead of the weights
>never reracks the bench press station
>can't make gains because I can't find the machines
Damn you gains golem

>it's double gains weekend
>I'm banned for luring people into the manlet pit

>New Gym Caesar
>mad with power
>everytime someone fails a lift they're executed by lions

at least i dont have to wait as long for the squat rack

>gym pharaoh
>forces us to lift sand stone all day long
>make sick gains like never before
>stupid dyel starts gym revolt
>frogs everywhere

It was too good to be true

>>41333333
Mirin'

>>41336281
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biVEtQQ_9mo

Oats!
Milk!
Water!
Whey!
Lower!
Oats! And lift!
Milk! And pull!
Water! And raise up!
Whey!
Lower!
Feel the weight of the bar on my shoulder
With the taste of my whey on my tongue
Rippetoe, God on high, can you hear your people cry?
Spot us now!
This legday hour.
Deliver us!
Hear our call, deliver us!
Lord of gains, remember us here in this crushing squat!
Deliver us! Sickest gains you promised us!
Deliver us to these promised gains.

>>41336426
Reading the first few lines, I actually thought it was a captain planet thing.

>squats!
>protein!
>bench!
>ppl!
>water!
>by your powers combined i am captain /fit/ness!
>captain /fit/ness, he's our hero, gonna take bf% down to zero, he's our gains magnified, and he's fighting on the /fit/bro side

>>41336489
lmao

>penis inspection day at gym
>inspector uses to much chalk while jerking me off, rips off entire foreskin

>>41336426
kek