>You wake up >"Oh hey anon, I just thought you should

thanks mom

>>41282554
Punch that bitch right in the dick

>>41282583
>>41282554
Mommy looks reallyy youngg and really thight!! yum

>>41282554
MUMMY
MILKIES

>>41282554
Yes mistress. May I lick your feet?

>>41282554
Bend her over the kitchen table
Grab a fist full of her hair and yank her pants and panties down
Slap her hard on the ass when she tries to fight back and say HOLD STILL
Slam my dick into her balls deep
Hatefuck her so hard and fast that she thinks I'm trying to rip her in two.
Leave her cum filled post orgasmic and babbling some retarded cunt speak about this being technically rape
Throw a hundo on her back, tell her to buy me some more creatine and a steak, and have my supper ready when I get home from work.

>>41282554
Thanks sis

>>41283877
there is no way that you dont have mental problems

>>41283833
This guy gets it. Whatever master wants, master gets.

>>41283877
Thank you, I forgot to be grateful I'm not a virgin today, but you reminded me

>>41282554

>gf makes me custom made healthy bento boxes to eat when she is away
>throw them in the trash because they have shitty macros
>tell her they were delicious over the phone

Anyone else here /devilish/?

>>41283917
Didn't you know Alice?
We're all mad here.

>>41283941
If I was a virgin I'd be a far more content and happy man.

>>41283970
What a madman!

>>41283970
>healthy
>shitty macros
Couldn't you just tell her what adjustments would make he macros better? I've never had a girl complain about how autistic my diet is.

>>41283970
FUCKING TELL HER WHAT YOU WANT TO EAT YOU DICKTWAT

>>41283997

Every time I tell her that she brings up her nutrition class she took in high school. It's pointless arguing.

>>41284001

I tried.

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78KB, 321x185px

>>41282583
>>41282637
>>41283941

Fucking kek

>>41282554
Well I would have to kill her and spend all day digging a hole outside.

Apples do not go on the counter, they go in the fucking crisper.

I guess I could go to the zumba class and look for a replacement afterwards.

>>41282554
I wouldn't even be mad. I'd be content just having someone cute care about me.

>>41283970
"your body makes it's own protein"
>t. my gf

>>41282554
"I'd rather do some cardio with you tonight..."

>>41282554
Listen...who are you and what the fuck are you doing in my house?!

>>41284269
She isn't... that wrong? You're body makes all the amino acids you need on it's own unless you have AIDs

>>41282554

>spend ten dollars on more creatine

dont touch my shit lady

>>41284300
Do you want me to go, anon ? :(

I just want the best for you

>>41282554

Who are you and why are you in my house?

>>41282554
lift her. out a window.

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>>41282554
>wake up again
>masturbate furiously

>>41282554
I have a girlfriend? This must be a dream. Might as well enjoy it before I wake up and am depressed again.

>>41283877
>>41284563

A combination of these

>>41282554
>there is such a thing as too big.
I hope she means fat and not muscle. My buddy is bulking hard, and his wife is getting wetter and wetter the bigger he gets. She says it's enough, but I see her biting her lip when he squats 405 for reps when he lets her tag along at the gym.

>>41283877
>into her balls deep
>her
>balls

Anon you fell for the trap meme

>>41284329
There's such thing as essential amino acids, only obtainable by food, meat. That's why vegans are pussies