>be me >laughing about the usual memes >feeling breddy

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>go to health foods store
>WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING ACTIVATED ALMONDS?
>HOW DO YOU EVEN OPERATE? IS THIS EVEN A REAL FUCKING STOER?
>recognize sensei from my dojo
>'A-anon, there's something wrong with you.' he says
>oh, yeah, wrong place
>lol
>shouldn't i be at the gym right about now?
>head to gym, stomach is making sounds like cerberus grinding his teeth in his sleep
>uh-oh
>skip out on any machines or racks, got to get to the ol' watering hole
>drop off all the brown kids at all the pools
>lol
>check it out when i'm done
>90% just almonds, also blood
>lol
>suddenly starving
>need to get me some more almonds
>get back out onto the floor and spot a bro's snack bag
>holy shit are those almonds?
>i leap on the goods like lion on a gazelle
>fucking majestic
>bitches b mirin'
>bro comes over, 'Dude what the fuck is your problem?'
>bro made a crucial mistake
>bro forgot TO ACTIVATE HIS ALMONDS
>using my almond-empowered zeus-like thighs i pop his head like a watermelon
>2 ez
>but man that wasn't enough almonds
>gotta get some more almonds
>lol
>back on the prowl
>maybe this time i'll actually find the health food store
>this time the sounds of over nine thousand screaming infants greets my ears as a blast of conditioned air wafts over my 6'9001" -5% BMI activated-almond body
>no lie
>head over to checkout, i ain't got time to look like some kind of non-almond-activating plebe
>ask the pregnant clerkin a calm, measured voice
>'WHERE ARE THE FUCKING ALMONDS? I'LL KILL YOU I SWEAR I WILL'
>inb4 loss.jpeg
>lol
>she says the store is out
>mind = loss.jpeg
>'HOW COULD YOU BE OUT?'
>she points a shaking finger off, dramatically into the distance
>'H-he bought them all!'
>my head snaps around to look, and there he fucking is.
>MOTHER FUCKING PETE 'GODDAMN ALMONDS' EVANS
>iamnotworthy.png
>I crawl limply to him, the vainglorious beast I am before the majesty of the GREAT ACTIVATOR
>'Oh savior, I beseech you!'

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>kneeling before the chosen one
>begging forgiveness/sanctuary/a spotter
>'My son.' he says in a beneficent, soothing voice, like that of angels singing praises to the holy divine
>'I have wronged you, oh mighty Nutrio-lord, giver of recipes and mover of feasts!'
>'You have not wronged me, my son. You have but finally seen the light.'
>he outstretches his hand, kind of like that 'My son, you must now choose' meme, and shows me that we have arrived in Gainzhalla, the drinking hall of the great Zyzz himself
>fields of activated almonds roil like an amber sea of mystery and protein
>he says 'Come my child, walk with me through the fields of- holy shit, settle down'
>it is too late
>my hunger has reached CRITICAL LEVEL
>dive into the almonds and immediately gorge
>'No wait, that- oh god that can't be healthy' Evans manages in the face of my all-consuming HANGERING
>eat a few goats too, probably
>couldn't tell
>surrounded by almonds
>big almonds
>small almonds
>big ol' giant almond tiddies
>all activated, sprouting and ready to give up their sweet, sweet nutrients
>my feeding frenzy is so mighty that it forces even the Gods to pause in their daily doings
>the cosmos itself is insignificant as I pound down every ounce of nutty goodness that is Asgainz
>suddenly my alarm starts going off
>wake up with a start
>was it... was it all just a dream?
>hurry to my computer
>last image was almonds.jpeg
>check my amazon order history
>no, it couldn't be
>not a single almond in history
>sweet merciful mother of Arnold, is it true?
>run out into the street, cars swerve around me
>bash right into the health food store and sweep up to bitchy preggo clerk
>still screaming kids and moms
>lol
>'Where did he go?' I cry
>she looks at me like i'm nuts, tells me to get out before she calls the cops
>as I turn to go, there he is!
>it's Pete Evans doing pic related
So, long story short: do almonds have too much fat, or are they okay as a source of protein?

You can't be fucking serious.

Really activated my walnuts

a real human almond

>>41251704
Nigga what

What a good quality post! Keep up the good work anon!

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So...this is the power of activated almonds....not bad

>>41251704
>>41251729
>>41251739

shan't be reading a word of this

I have learned something here, /fit/. I'm just not sure what.

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>Ctrl+F
>only one activated almond thread in all of /fit/