My friend's girlfriend complimented my physique and now

>>41027073

Police

>>41027073
call the police retard

Sure sounds like a "friend"

Where do you live?
If USA, a gun.
If elsewhere, sandgloves to shatter his bones.

What the fuck kind of knuckle dragger """friends""" do you have?

>>41027085
/thread

That Wojack is unsettling. Bring that.

>>41027073
A giant fucking axe. Call him a bitch and asking him if he gets his ass beaten by everyone his dog sniffs.

>>41027116
I forgot to mention, he said we can do it unarmed or with a weapon and I'd prefer to settle it unarmed, but I'm afraid he'll bring a knife or something anyway. Should I bring something just in case?

>>41027073
holy shit if that makes him insecure you probably don't need to worry, but yeah call the police

>>41027146
this

do it fggt

Take a bunch of viagra and turn up with a throbbing erection
Lock eyes with him and pull it out and start stroking slowly

No homo

Just tell him that you didn't force his girlfriend to be attracted to you, and that he shouldn't be jealous of you if he hasn't worked to get fit himself.

>>41027073
Bring some free weights and challenge him to a lift off

>>41027153
It would be stupid to take such a risk.
There a 2 red flags: he is angry at you instead of his bitch, although it's not your fault she's this way.
He talks about perhabs bringing weapons.
Both things strongly suggest, that he's not trustworthy at all.
So if you agree on a weaponfight, it could easily escelate alot and serious injuries for you both are likely.
But he seems that kinda guy who's gonna bring a weapon anyway, which he would use as a last resort and fuck you up bad.

So don't fight him, either way you are gonna get hurt badly most likely.

>>41027206
Bring some free weights and punch him with really heavy dumbells

>>41027169
this.

>>41027073
>handgun
>when he shows up just mag dump into center of mass
>take off all of his clothes (no homo)
>sprinkle some pcp on him
>tell the cops he broke your door down butt naked and tried to fuck you
EZPZ. it's like you haven't ever had to settle a simple disagreement before my dude.

>>41027073
Call the police, bang his gf, film it and send it to him.

>>41027073
Memes

>>41027260
>Yeah I've got some of his clothes lying here with bullet holes right where the wound is but I swear he was naked officer

>>41027283
Throw them in your bloody clothes bin. Don't be dense m8

>>41027291
Should I cut the bullet holes out?

>>41027301
If you like the clothes he's wearing you could. A little action with a Tide pen wouldn't hurt either probably.

>>41027073
When things begin to heat up, give him a quick peck on the lips and grap his cock and DO NOT LET GO!

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>>41027073
Tell him, yo bitch chose me.

>>41027322
It's a fight not your Saturday evenings

>>41027073
Dude just call the police

>>41027260
Forensics would likely show cloth fibers in the wound. They'd know he was clothed. Also, a tox screen would show that he had none in his system. Furthermore, your entire house would be a crime scene, blood spatter and forensic analysis of the crime scene would show that he wasn't breaking down your door, and that he likely wasn't even near it when he was shot. This is sloppy work, you can do better.

>>41027329
Its called Psychological warfare cuck

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>>41027073
Kill him in his sleep tonight

Problem solved and the girl is now yours

>>41027364
Tox screen would show he had no PCP in his system*

>>41027372
Psychosexual warfare

>>41027364
I watched an episode and a half of Dexter with my girlfriend so I know what I'm talking about. Just slip the cop a fiver and wink.

>>41027398
Touche. I think you'll be alright.

>>41027073
You both need to go to an open field with his girlfriend standing in the middle. Then you both call her name in a cutesy voice and who ever she walks over to is her new bf. I did this for custody of my kids when my wife left me.

>>41027073
Best weapon is to fuck his gf and send him a pic of her cum covered tits and face

>>41027073
Take a dump on his chest

>>41027073

barbel.

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pipebomb.

>>41027073
krav maga

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>>41027073
Pipebomb

>>41027497
Only option if you want to win.

>not just flexing a 'cep

>>41027085
fpbp

>>41027073
Show us her tits

>>41027377
The Russian way. Do eeet

>>41027073
I would honestly bring my autentic katana and cut him into a thousand pieces

>>41027765
I would honestly recommend you go back to /r9k/ now, you are embarassing yourself

>>41027085
>>41027108
Before I even checked the thread I thought "the police, you retard"


I have safes full of guns and use them often.

For hunting and unanticipated self defense.


You're going to have a fucking problem if you bring a gun to a knife or bat fight.
>You either shoot him because he doesn't back down or he backs down and is out to get you again.
Or he brings a gun and then it becomes a duel.

Or, you bring a bat/knife to a bat/knife fight. That's also dangerous and puts you at risk for unreasonably hurting the guy and getting in trouble.
Get the police so that
>You don't end up in a situation where you either hurt the guy and win but he still has a strong case for both civil and criminal Court
>when you Avoid option A and you end up losing because you didn't bring enough force you get hurt
>And instead get the guy caught in the act, he has a record, and in the future you will have a very good case for self-defense if he tries to retaliate
By the way, either this guy is not your friend or you're friends with a total moron. Don't associate with his punk ass.
Maybe get the jump on him early and beat his punk ass

>>41027841
>too much
>didn't read
>>41027073
Show us her tits

an entire black plastic filebox filled with daddy longlegs and their eggsacs.
make sure not to securely snap on the lid, so when you get there you can just trip and fall on purpose and the contents will just go everywhere.

you're welcome

>>41027146
This. A big ass hammer could also be good. Go for that stopping power, m8

>>41027801
I would honestly reccomend you to fuck off

>>41027886
okay it's me again
don't do that
you'll probably get arrested
don't sink to that dumbass's level, mmmkay?
stay safe OP, and reply back afterwards so we know you're okay

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>>41027073
>Gypsies

AR-15

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>>41027801

Throw a 45lb plate like a frisbee like the Rock at the beginning of pain and gain.

That is my fitness goal, btw.

>>41027073
Barbell with spear attachment

>>41027073
OP I'm gonna need your race and your friend's race for science.

>>41028070
>attachment
Do they even make those?

If you really want to fight him and he really wants to fight you, why not handle it in a boxing ring like men?

Fighting on the streets is retarded because the loser almost always gets ass blasted and resorts to fighting dorty.

>>41027899
This
I know I'm not fighting a fucker with a sledgehammer.

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>>41028125

>yfw you never fought in the iron wars

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>>41028279
But where's the barbell?

Demand to meet in a dangerous neighbourhood and tell him you'll be wearing gang colors. Then ghost the fuck out of him.

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>not bringing your dumbbell dagger attachment

just dont show up retard. dont fight for such a dumb reason.

>>41027073

Tell him you will meet at a location next to a high up place you can get to.

Then when he shows up, be waiting on the high up place and drop a big rock on him and just run away. Maybe bring about 5 rocks the size of a baseball for maximum odds of hitting him.

Probably next to a road overpass would be ideal since you could just walk casually down the road after.

I'm not saying you /should/, but you... could.

>>41027073
a gun

Bring free weights as a weapon. Force him to lift them until he's attractive enough for his gf. Friendship saved, everyone gets laid.

For real though, you either have incredibly shitty friends or have been a really shitty friend to make him instantly want to fight you over this. But either way this guy isn't your friend.

>>41027073
A hug and gentle words to reassure him that his fragile masculinity isnt going to make his gf cheat on him

Mate with a gun or something
Or bring a fire extinguisher and spray him with it then throw the empty extinguisher through his windscreen and run away

>>41027208

This OP. Don't fight him. Jealousy is the rage of a man, and he will not spare in the day of vengance. You try to act tough and he might stab you in the neck

Just apologize and tell his girl you're not interested

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>>41027073
It's not hard OP, just bring this.

>>41029619
>functional fitness

He wants to fight to prove his honor. The biggest disrespect you can do is not fighting him at all. The second you agreed to fight him you became a beta bitch for even giving him a chance to redeem himself from his insecurities.

>>41027073
I demand an update, did you get kill, OP?

>>41029596
What would impregnating a gun solve, here?

>>41029635

He ought to beat his woman for being a whore instead of beating OP for doing nothing wrong

>>41029657
Basically. Either way, his 'friend' isn't a friend, he's an insecure fuckboy with a shitty relationship. Sounds incredibly insecure with many personal problems and a completely dysfunctional relationship.

>>41029619
>meet at parking lot
>tell him you need to do something real quick
>set that baby up 300 yards away
>use your functional strength to launch the balista


There is no better way

>>41027073
A big tub of anal lube.
It must clearly read anal lube.
And a shoulder length rubber glove.

>>41027841
>I have safes full of guns and use them often
>For unanticipated self defense
H-how "often" is unanticipated self defense?

>>41027073
Your fists. Tell him he's not a man if he refuses hand-to-hand combat.

>live in Florida
>faggot comes on to my property armed with a knife
>knife in his hand
>threatens me because his bitch left him cause he beats her, and blames me for convincing her
>warn him to get lost and never come back
>he approaches me
>take out my gun and put 4 .45s into his chest
>call the cops
>take a police report
>continue living life

Make sure you don't shoot him in the back, because it'll be harder to explain to the cops. Yes, I killed a guy.

>>41028293
Are...are you retarded?

>>41027146
Or a +5 greathammer, load 5pl on one side of a barbell and one hand it

>>41028279
>>41028386
>Go to the gym
>Chest day, ready to get joocy
>Set my bag down next to the bench and proceed to jump around in circles shouting "HOOKEY HOOKEY HOO"
>Now that I've claimed the bench I can start working out
>Grab the dumbbells and lay back
>Do some flyes and make mad natty gains
>Suddenly a DYEL comes out of nowhere
>Enters my bench area
>Tell him he's violating claiming ritual code
>He lifts up a 20 lbs EZ bar and throws it at me
>Holy shit he's trying to steal my gains
>Deflect the bar and stab him with the dagger attachment on my dumbbell
>Instantly gobble the gains he made that day
>Get a pump and flex to show my dominance
>Nobody enters my bench area for the rest of my workout

>>41029657
>>41029667
I think she was hinting to her boyfriend that he's a DYEL bitchboy and should start lifting.

OP I want you to call the police and get a gun if you already have concealed carry eligible and then post a follow up thread describing whatever the police did to handle it

>>41029772
Whoa. You ever feel any guilt?

>>41028279

That would be a pretty cool weapon. Absolutely fuck cavalry up

>>41029844
No, the guy was an absolute scumbag. The first cop who arrived knew who he was. He arrested him three times.

The guy always shot up heroin. Drank fireball, and beat the shit out of his girl. This faggot got caught trying to siphon gas from my friend's car.

>>41029772
Edgy

>>41029772
That's it? Is that really how that whole stand your ground law works?

>>41029722
On the farm, breakins happen a few times a year in my area.

Mountain lions, bears, coyotes, poisonous snakes et al are weekly things.


As far as violent encounters with other citizens, the city where I work has them all of the time. One of the neighboring cities is one of the top 5 most dangerous in the United States (for relative murder and violent crime). The other hovers around the top 5 for meth AND heroin usage.
I personally have only had trouble with the varmints, but I don't go anywhere without a gun where I legally can.

You don't know when you'll need it. Roaming criminals just did an organized sweep of 500 houses/car break ins in a local area the other night. A different group from the same gang (I assume) did multiple break ins in another part of town.
The safes full of guns (probably around 100 guns) are partly for collecting, hunting, and familial heritage.

I mentioned it more to prove that I am a heavy gun user and advocate but absolutely do not recommend bringing a gun to such a confrontation. It's bad news all around

>>41029901
Most of the time it's exactly like that, the guy is a scumbag known to police and the cops will have dealt with both him and the shooter before.

Or he's wanted for a litany of other crimes including a murder or something

>>41029722
I should also mention for recreational shooting as well

Doesn't matter if he's bigger than you, stronger than you, has martial arts training, brings a crew, a bat, a knife, or even a gun

Nothing beats a pipebomb

>>41029901
>Is that really how that whole stand your ground law works?
Literally yes, why do you think the Zim Zam didn't get flimflammed? He only ended up in court in the first place because MUH RAYCISS or nobody would even have bothered.

Also, if someone comes onto your property castle law takes effect and his refusal to leave pretty much gives you carte blanche, it's even more of a shoo-in.

>>41029773
SHOW ME THE BARBELL MOTHERFUCKER

>>41027108
Yeah Sting will kick his ass