ITT: We talk like normies >I can't wait to start working

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>I am a heterosexual male who love girls!

>can see his abs
>keeps saying he's ripped and huge

>>40974434
kek

>Hugh Jackman is so strong

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>Lacey omg have you seen Chad today? I hope we hook up at his party tonight xD
>Omg Stacey I know, I would totally cheat Brad with him hehe

>I'm only coming to the gym for the next couple months to tone up for the summer

>I have a gf

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HAHA silly tinder boys ur gif game better be GOALS or u aren't gonna SLAAAAY meee teeheee

>turning all my fat into muscle!

>yea just hitting shoulders today

>>40974540
Me and my lifting buddy have a friend who swears by this, that you need to have a bit of fat to turn into muscle.
We refer to him as the grand alchemist in private

>What routine should I do?
>I just want to get toned, I don't want to be too big

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No, what worries me is that I might in a sense adapt to this environment and come to be comfortable here and not resent it anymore. And I am afraid that as the years go by that I may forget, I may begin to lose my memories of the mountains and the woods and that's what really worries me, that I might lose those memories, and lose that sense of contact with wild nature in general. But I am not afraid they are going to break my spirit.

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>I'm on a tea detox since I've been eating pure shit for the past year! I heard you could lose 60lbs if you drink three cups a day for 2 weeks!!!!

>just gonna do 10 sets of curls before I go home to my gf to watch Netflix and have sex

>>40974628
lmao girls always wanna do some trend shit before they do hard work

theres one where they cover themselves in literal dirt or something in the shower. supposed to be exfoliating or whatever they call it. looks like theyy got shit on lmao

>5 minutes into dieting
>one cheat meal won't hurt right?

>>40974413
> Nah bro, skipping gym today

I'm gonna start this new routine I saw on reddit! It's called "PPL".

>you look so toned girl! Have you been hitting the pilates?
I tried.

>If I don't eat when I want to eat, I'll go into starvation mode and gain weight!

To be honest "summer bodies" for girls is easy, just eat less for 6 weeks before it

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>>40974645
Goddammit why is this? My mom is doing some weird lo-carb diet thing right now with weirdass looking food, I just told her to intermittent fast instead while drinking way more water

>Does diet for two weeks. Nothing happens
>Intermittent Fasts begin
>Loses weight immediately due to not simply eating as much
>"Wow this lowcarb diet!"
>mfw

>Subway's healthy, my fav is a foot long chicken with mayo and cheddar

>>40974772
It's actually much easier to eat less + cardio + HIIT for 2 weeks. Then perpetual maintenance.

>>40974413
> "I've ordered 5kg of whey, its really going to help my lifting!"

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>>40974612
>doesn't know how to preform human transmutation

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>>40974790
Women food is straight up heart attack inducing.

>squatting is for women

>>40974814
Who came first? People buying whey thinking it's steroid or people discouraging other people from buying whey thinking it's steroids?

>>40974612

O L I V E R

L

I

V

E

R


yes, grand alchemist Andrew

>uhhh it's leg day today
>i'm not feeling that good, a bit dizzy
>guess i'll have to skip today's workout :^)

>>40974880
Tell him that muscle growth is by hypertrophy, not hyperplasia. No new cells or tissue are ever grown - just the existing cells enlarge and repair. So to think that fat has any place in it makes no sense.

>>40974903

He's retarded, he won't understand.

>So how come you and Matt have been eating so much?
>Well, we're on a bulk, and the routine we're doing requires a lot of callories and rest
>So you're trying to be fat?
>well, I'm trying to gain weight, and that requires gaining some fat
>You already ARE fat! *Grabs my pinches my stomach*

REEEEEE FUCK OFF

>never skip leg days amirite guys haha

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>>40974880
>O L I V E R
best girl

>>40974853
Probably the former, seen as protein companies pay roiding models to sell cheese off-product to dyels telling them that they got big through "hard work and eating protein!". So then all these parents see their shut in kid ordering bags of stuff over the internet with pictures of 100kg black guys on it talking about how they need it to get big.

Then after that magazines like cosmo start coming up with shit on the spot like protein kills your body and give your children roid rage and that's why your 16 year old son doesn't like your new boyfriend.

>I don't train legs because I play a lot of soccer
>I don't train legs because i damaged my left knee once

(Fair enough) but he runs and Sprints like a bad motherfucker every other day

actual normies responses

>SQUAT PLUGS?

>THATS FUCKING GAY

>>40974935
Well they're semi-right in that gaining muscle requires taking in enough calories and its hard to get the amount perfectly so you can aim roughly around there and some days reach it, others not and slowly make gains but stay in shape the entire time - or you can bulk above it and ensure there's the nutrition but also get fat, with all the associated ill health effects.

But the muscle has no requirement of fat being gained at all, in any way. If you are really on it and can control your macros you can gain without any real fat at all.

>>40974981
Nothing really unreasonable there - he probably doesnt want exhausted legs when he's got to play a sport and sprints are great for leg development anyway. In fact if he's playing soccer and sprinting thats preferable to any leg routine.

>>40974991

Oh no, I agree with you, that's the point I was trying to make with my greentext, maybe I didn't express myself well.

He also makes me do push ups and thinks it's super impressive if I do 20.

>>40975003
Oh no it's two different people
But still I mean do it like at least once a fortnight or something

>>40974413
> "yeah i might be cycling tren, test a, hgh and ais but really i think my size is down to cleaning up my diet and really committing in the gym"

I only do light squats because I don't want to get bulky, just toned.

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>>40974987
Fucking normies when will they learn

>>40974413
Today I have to pick up my girlfriend after work and we'll have dinner with our group of friends, so I won't go to the gym.

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>hey Stacy look at that guy over there
>who him?
>yea he is like 5'11 lmao
>ewww when his height starts with 5 I'm instantly turned off

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>>40975150
that gaston is dyel

>>40975167
> wearing thick felt
> most of his body concealed
> "he's dyel reeeeee"

>>40975167
C O P E

>>40975188
>> wearing thick felt
then don't do this? its fucking hot in Florida where I assume this was taken.
he doesn't even train his neck

>>40975203
> training neck
What a meme, go ahead and post your neck because ive never met anyone who believed that curling their cervical spine under weight was a good idea who wasn't a pencil neck.

>>40975222
>implying
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3188479/

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>>40975243
Go read the study, no neck isolated neck exercises at all. I've even attached the image they give of the program.

>>40975277
>Go read the study
pfft fuck no

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>>40974778
cos women are more emotional and less practical. they get a little emotional buzz when they read/hear about whatever the fad diet or fitness meme of the day is, and think to themselves
>wow i could get an amazing body just by doing this one simple trick!
and because they get the immediate emotion high from the promise of instant gratification, which they don't get from actually researching what they need to do and putting in consistent hard work/self control, they pick the instafeel 99% of the time

>>40974504
Is this a shop?

>>40974645
>lmao girls always wanna do some trend shit before they do hard work
EVERYBODY does this. 99% of the guys I see in the two gyms I go to do super low intensity bullshit, drink a protein shake and call it a day; only a handful of people (BOTH man and women) actually put in any actual work

>Yeah, only only go to the gym once a week max. I don't want to become a disgusting bodybuilder LOL

>>40975311
Do you really think that only women act like that? Do you genuinely think that the average gym goer researches anything and they don't simply do what they're told by PT's and fitness magazines?

>>40974935
He's right fatty, time to cut

>>40975150
>those calves
>/fit/
You fucking wish

>>40974612
'Grand alchemist' loud kek

>pizza is my boyfriend :P

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>>40974612
>>40974817
>>40974880
>>40974947

I want to buy this, but I dont want to look like a weaboo autist. Should I go for it?

>>40976051
The only people who would recognize it are also weebs.

>>40974645

Except exfoliating is actually a thing? I would be willing to bet money you have disgusting skin

>>40976067
Tank top or a t-shirt then?

>>40974612
I'm actually testing this right now. I'm 36 hours into a fast. Drinking water and black coffee only. The coffee is for the autophagy gains.

ANYWAYS... I did chest and tris yesterday, got a good pump and I'm quite sore today. Going to do legs today. Gunna keep doing this for about

I have like 5 days left minimum before I break this fast. Not exactly sure how I'm going to make any conclusions but hell yeah fucking science man.

> I'm gonna start doing just like 500 crunches a day until my belly is burned off

mfw a bro at my gym literally told me this two days ago

>>40975311
This is actually incredibly insightful. Thanks.

>doing more than 3 pull ups takes years of training or roids

yes i have heard that from many morons

>>40975320
This is the unedited version

>>40975721
>reasonable answer
The real normie itt

>>40976236
>implying any version is edited

>>40974903
hgh causes hyperplasia and it kicks ass

>>40975763
no of course not, men are definitely susceptible too

but of the people who actually do the research and make a lifestyle change, what proportion of them do you think are men? 80%? 90? my point isn't that ALL women are like this, or that ALL men are exempt, but in terms of the overall trend, i don't think you can deny that the power of the fad has much more effect on women than men - like who do all the memeazines target their ads at dude

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>>40974413
>hey, ladies

>all these shorties with slick tongues seducing women--always that guy that only talks with a mildly low voice that never oscillates at all
>you can't call out these horny fuckers or everyone will just look at you weird
I hate normies and don't understand them

go on omegle and go to the 'discuss questions' chats and see what I'm talking about
>all these horny guys saying "hey ladies" here's my kik
do normies only think about sex?

>>40976156
That sounds like a great, big, disorganized waste of time

>>40974903
So I can gain muscle on maintenance if I eat my protein?

>>40976692
Yeah

>>40976082
t-shirt desu

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>>40976756
Goodbye GOMAD then!

>>40975311
Why does /fit/ indiscriminately hate women so much? This is just human behavior you fucking school shooter

>>40976156
Tell us how much the hospital bill is

>>40976537
I dont know anything about that, impressive if true and i would be interested if those cells break down after use.

>>40976692
What do you mean? If you get to maintenance then eat extra protein you wont be at maintenance anymore. You need to eat above your sheer BMR to gain muscle, my point was that technically you just need to eat enough to match your output and then the cell renewal and growth, otherwise at most you will just repair muscle and never make progress.

Going into a larger calorie surplus is much easier and certain, but the fat that is gained alongside this has no bearing on muscle growth.

>>40974638
Must be nice

>>40976967
I mean eating 1gram/lbs at maintenance, not extra.

>>40976967
You can eat maintenance and gain muscle while losing fat. Recomping is a thing. Your macros have to be pretty much spot on for it to work, though. It also takes so long to make strength and size gains this way that most people don't have the patience for it, opting for the larger bulking and cutting cycles. The benefit of a recomp or very leangains method is to stay lean year-round. You just gotta not get frustrated with slow progress.

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>Comment on some guy's form in a full business suit doing squats
>the 'no critics' police are sent on me, break my knees with police batons
>lose my 10 year membership that I signed up for

When normies don't know how to do shit in the gym you should be able to help them

>>40975150
mirin those calves

>noooo anon, you dont need to lose weight. you just need to work on your abs more XD

>>40976917
>going to the hospital for not eating for a week

What are you going to do there, brag to people in the fat wards?

>>40974624
Oh God please no more

>>40974685
Delet this

>>40974480
>Dissing based Huge Jackedman

>>40974790
How isn't that "healthy"?

What do you mean by "healthy", specifically?

>>40979845
>chicken packed with sodium
>high fat dressing
>tons of bread

Come on anon use your head.

>>40979845
If you go to subway,get the salad, use no dressing

>injecting grams of exogenous synthetic hormones into your body is unhealthy and probably means you have body image issues
>I like going to the gym but it's not my entire life, I have other important things going on that sometimes take priority over it
>I just want to get a bit stronger, bigger and leaner then maintain, no need to look like a bodybuilder or get super shredded and there's no point in being able to lift heavy weight

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>>40976156
You don't need to test it to know the answer. You are wrong

>what do you mean losing weight won't get me huge

>some people just aren't built to have abs
Direct quote from my sister.

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>Omg I ate soo bad yesterday but it's okay because I go to the gym :))
>I've been stuck on 130lbs deadlifts for 2 years now with my personal trainer, but I know I'm getting stronger! (Says the woman with a body that can contest Danny Devito's)
>At least we go to the gym teehee that means we're stronger than most people :)))

Heard in the female locker room at a tech company gym, so many normies attend these lunch workout classes and expect big results even though it's just cardio mixed with some light weights. I mean the classes are challenging, but I think most people are confusing being out of breath=working the muscles.

FUCK. The Danny Devito chick is especially bad, she keeps talking like she knows anything about fitness, but her physique is seriously the worst one I've ever seen, (seriously, looks just like Danny Devito) and she got no cardio and no strength but she keeps repeating things her poor personal trainer has probably told her like shes some fitness guru.

A lot of the girls also ask me for fitness tips or copy my routines, but they always take it with a grain of salt and never stick to it. Why do I bother?

>>40976156
You're fucking retarded, I hope you pass out while squatting

>>40974626
One of these days I'll retire from this desk job in Silicon valley and go back into the woods of Oregon with my rifle, hunt a bit, and build my own log cabin.

>>40979937
>not eating 4000 kcal a day

Why even live?

>>40974413
oh the irony

>>40975721
Kek like low intensity cardio is bad when you're already lifting heavy 3-6 times a week.

>>40974638
:(

>>40975101
I wonder if anyone ever fell for the scam and used like a recto flute plug and just went fucking hard in the squat rack sounding like some kind of concerto.

>>40974739
. how did you know I am jewish

>>40975003
weight training can increase your explosiveness and make you faster in the long run. If his legs are already fit he should stop being a pussy and throw some weight on a bar so that he can ascend in athleticism.

>>40974413
I'm too broke to lose weight, and don't have enough time to work out

>>40974772
No such thing as a "summer body" for a guy because if you want to look good you have to work more than a fucking month like girls do

>>40982064
Girls don't look any better either after working out for just 2 month...

>>40976217
Even worse are those people who swing their body around like crazy to do a pull up

>>40981688
It's ok i dont have gf too :( lets get swolebso bitches will come

>>40974413
dis shit lit senpai

>Y'all catch that sportsball game last night? The big black guy put the ball in the goal quite a few times!
>They're goin all the way this year!
>Can't wait to drink an ice cole beer and watch niggers throw a ball around and run!
>Dude did you see what stacey posted on her instagram! She totally wants to bang bro!
>Snapchat me that pussy if its cool!
>Whooooo drake and 21 savage rules! I love worshipping niggers!

>>40977665
Planet fitness isn't a real gym.

>>40975150
You can see fat girls nipples

>>40974504
Damn Chloe Moretz looks like THAT?!

>>40982152
Why so mad?

Also
>wait how much does the bar weigh?

>>40976874
When you can't get them, you have to convince yourself that you hate them

>>40982279
just my observation of your typical normie these days.

>>40982296
Pretty much this. It's almost depresses me at times before I realize that these cynics just make it easier for me to date.

>>40977665
We don't want your help.

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>>40981741

>Does doing situps burn belly fat?

>I can't wait to hang out with my friends this weekend!

>>40974790
The subway websites actually pretty concise nutrition wise ( for aus at least )