>be at party >friend struggling to open jar for his gf

>>40772255
how 2 get gf help

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>>40772284
Go to a supermarket in the middle of the day and just open all the jars on the shelves. The cleaners will need to work overtime to mop the floors from all the gushing clunges that'll be mirin your handiwork.

>be me dyel
>walk into friend's party
>slipped on an icecube and got covered with booboos

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How do i get a gf like this?

>>40772552
Idk, give being any nigger on tinder a try

>>40772993
hol up
so what u sayin iz

>>40773004
You tellin me we wuz TINDER DATES n sheiitttt!???

>>40773004
>WE WERE, LIKE, BLACKED, AND LIKE, STUFF!!1!!1!

>friend bets other friend he can swallow a pickle whole and yack it back up in good condition 30 minutes later at party
>friend tries to open jar of pickles in front of 3 9/10 qts
>can't
>i wrench it off him and unlid that bitch with the flex of a thumbcep
>i-i loosened it for you
>no
>go home with 5/10

haven't seen him since

>>40772385
M8 clunge is fucking stuff from VDs, it isn't another word for twat.

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>>40772255
>At work, filling water at cafe
>"Hey anon, can you help me?"
>Cafe bro can't open cocoa shaker.
>Twist until I feel something pop in my hand
>Lid is fucking cemented on
>Cafe worker qt is there. Not giving up
>Use other hand and twist that bitch open
>Qt mirin my forearms
>Left hand stronger cause that's my fapping hand
>Grab my water and leave without saying anything
>Right hand injured for a week, pulled a tendon in my wrist
>Totally worth it

>>40773064
It is in the UK dickhead

>>40772255
cool story my alpha

>>40772552
you dont, she's already being hit by 2 chads and tons of other guys and is choking on some black dick

>flatmates cant make eye contact with me
>only converse over text message
>will fly a foot into the air when I say anything to them
>say Im aggressive when Im just standing up for myself, I even make sure to not posture correctly
>they haven't fully hit puberty and theyre REALLY depressed and beta.

its kinda funny desu, I got one of them to sperg over text and basically, he said "I make contracts for a living" and then I followed up with "then why'd did you sign a contract without reading it?

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>>40773057
>With the flex of a thumbcep

>>40772552
Make money and be a metrosexual

>>40773057
>>friend bets other friend he can swallow a pickle whole and yack it back up in good condition 30 minutes later at party
What the fuck? Who does weird shit like this?
>go home with 5/10
Is that a good thing?