>tfw anal fissure is killing my gains >went to doctor complaining

eh boy
look you go on vacation to nice place with extremely high humidity. Then go swim in the ocean. Stop eating so you dont shit for 1 week. only eat rice if you feel very hungry. let the magic happen. guud luck

>>40546695
so stop putting knives in your ass you fucking idiot

>>40546695
You should make sure your shit is coming out real soft or even thin the coming week or two to give it time to heal. It happens when your shits are to dry and big and make a small tear in your asshole, also stop shoving giant cocks up there.

>>40546695
buy stool softeners.
Also do butt kegels.
Tore my ass up bad by eating some nut shells by mistake.

>>40546746
>>40546729
I've had a two week vacation/heal time off from work and it's still fuckin aching boys. gonna shove a finger full of aloe vera up there and hope for the best. Man I feel like a retard shoving fuckin suppositories up there everyday for 3 fuckin months then again my fuckin doctor is the real retard for not knowing this shit.

Fuckin asshole gave me some muscle relaxing cream and some laxatives. I've been eating like 4 bricks of weetibix for that amount of time also to make my shits nice and fuckin pasty bros. Mixed in with my protein my bathroom smells like a fuckin fat traps yeast infection and its just gonna get worse :(

I was in the same boat, taking extra fibre really helped me a lot, try psyllium husks with your protein shakes.

A hot bath with salts will help if you are really suffering also.

Taking a shit used to be fucking awesome. It was my own world where I was alone. I was a king. Now it's taken from me boys. I feel like Christ shitting on a toilet of thorns.

>>40546797
>he died for our shits

>>40546797
The Last Shitting.

>>40546797
Crying out "My God! My God! Why have you abandoned me?"

My butthole is itchy and hurts for a couple of months now. The skin beneath it looks more like insides of a vagina than a normal skin. What do? Do I have AIDS?

Not OP btw.

>>40549419
You have butt AIDS

RIP

Kek my gf had anal fissures last year after i relentlessly fucked her up the ass. Wish that was a joke but its not

wtf this is so gross, fix your diet this is why you got it.

I've got some bad hemmy issues. I've found that if you wet your toilet paper before you wipe it won't chafe your asshole so much. That's probably where a lot of the pain is coming from.

>>40549419
>skin beneath it looks more like insides of a vagina than a normal skin
I want to put my dick inside that.

>>40546779
> I've been eating like 4 bricks of weetibix for that amount of time also to make my shits nice and fuckin pasty bros. Mixed in with my protein my bathroom smells like a fuckin fat traps yeast infection and its just gonna get worse :(

haha oh boy

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>>40549813
I've found that shitting to the sweet and soothing voice of Billy Joel relaxes my ass muscles enough to slide out one of the Cosby kids with little to no pain. Try 'The Longest Time' or a personal favourite of mine is 'Piano Man'. It doesn;t work well with 'We Didn't Start the Fire'; in fact if I do recall correctly I believe the raspy last verse when Joel mentioned the shooting of JFK stresses my republican ass so much it made my stools that sharp that it just reopens the fissure back to square one with mad bleeding.

>>40546695
The best way to prevent anal fissures and hemorrhoids is to make sure your never constipated. The longer stool stays inside you the harder it gets. The more strain it takes to get it out and the more likely it is to cause damage.

>never go 2 days without a vowel movement
If you do, take a mild laxative and wait for your bowel to tell you it needs to go and don't blow a blood vessel pushing.

>if your stool is usually hard and you don't already go once a day
Consider taking a stool softener like a generic brand of colase.

But since you already have a tear and thought you might have hemorrhoids, I suggest taking 2 sitz baths a day until the fissure is healed. It will improve blood flow, help keep it clean and reduce pain.

>t. Crohn's patient

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>>40546797
>>40546805

>>40550338
>tfw haven't had a vowel movement in years
How fucked am I bros?

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>>40546695

I had anal fissure due to dry skin and stress. I solved it with gold bond medicated anti-itch lotion (do not use powder obviously). Goodluck anon, eventually ask a doctor if it's a good idea but it worked for me.

>>40550497
That sounds awful, you must be in consonant pain

>>40550525

Also removes all pain from the cut and feels amazing.

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>>40546695
cleanse the area with witch hazel several times a day

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>>40546695
This thread is chapping my ass.

>>40546695
>Self destructing ass

Kek

>>40546782
DO NOT USE PSYLLIUM HUSKS
That shit ADDS bulk to your shits and is what gave me fissures.

>>40546695
I had the same deal anon from having a low-carb diet and using the wrong fiber.
Go on Amazon and get "Garden of Life Beyond Fiber"
Stuff is amazing, Godspeed

>>40550497
>>40550534
kek

You need more fiber in your diet

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>>40549915
Jesus Christ

Do you finger your ass alot? Lmao sounds like you made cut your ass open eith your fingernail..

>>40546779
>my bathroom smells like a fuckin fat traps yeast infection
WEW

>>40546695

I had anal fissure surgery when I was a teenager and playing rugby..

Here's a disgusting story:
>just come home from surgery
>still drugged out of my mind
>procedure including cutting my anal band and stretching my poopie hole
>I'm filled with a 6 inch girth of gauze and tape
>I feel the need to use the bathroom as a bowel movement is approaching
>drugged out waddle to nearest bathroom
>rip tape off ass
>begin to pull gauze dick out
>wet sloshy shit comes gushing out everywhere
>my recently cut up anus is so loose like I just got BLACKED
>shit everyone on the floor of the bathroom and splattering the walls
>mommy walks in on me crying in a puddle of liquid shit
>gets the mop out as I crawl into the shower to begin washing myself off

Top 5 worst moment in my life and I was 15

>>40553093
Why the fuck did you have an anal fissure as a teenager?

>>40549837
Y-you too

Haven't been to the gym in like 6 days now bros and I feel fat as shit. Someone fuckin jump in the gains-mobile there and drive to my house and smash my fuckin head with a big rock

>>40546729
That monster shit after a week would destroy his anus and his neighborhood
never hold your shit in. That's what causes hemoroids

>>40553093
What are the other 4 moments

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Iktf

I've one a hemorrhoid + tear for 2 years now

Every time I shit blood pours from my ass like a nosebleed, and sometimes when I'm at work the hemorrhoid will get pinch by my buttcheeks

not going to the doctor though

>>40553502
>not going to the doctor though
why?

>>40553531
>showing a doctor your ass

I'm not gay bro

>>40553536
Look dude I get it's embarassing but holy fuck you clearly need medical attention

you can shave and bleach your ass and take a shower for him but please go

>>40553550
gay doctor pls go

>>40553502
>t. ameriturd

>>40553536
go to a female doctor

>>40553312

My rugby diet was pretty awful, not a lot of fiber. It was a high fat and protein diet and I would bulk really dirty. I take lots of fiber now.

>>40553484
1. being born
2. Getting into a fight during an opera house date with a random instigator
3. Shitting everywhere
4. car getting destroyed in a hit and run before I was going to play paintball
5. getting suspended for a prank gone wrong

>>40553569
Probably lives in one of those backward buttfuck country's where the doctors are goats or donkeys or somethin baka

>>40546695
Man I had hemroids a couple of times. Seeing this thread makes me paranoid. The last week I've been shittjng the biggest bricks I have ever shat and it's tearing open my ass. Every morning I'm in pain and hoping that I dont get a fissure or hemroid. The only thing I changed about my diet is cut down to 2 cups of coffee (from 6-9), increase my water intake and cut away all lactose products. I feel better and healthier but my shit became solid and big as fuck.