>drive to gym >realize i forgot my hard hat >drive back

>>40369093
are you in the Village People

>>40369093
You could always use one from the rental bin. They're smelly but it'll save time.

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>tip toe into the gym
>realize I forgot my tokens for the plate dispenser
>mfw

>show up late
>obstacle course is closed
>have to duel the vending machine instead

>>40369093
>stay up all night
> go to gym at 5:00am for some sweet sleepy reps
>MFW I forget to yawn between sets

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>His gym doesn't provide free elbow pads

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>get into gym
>someone left preacher curl bench with some time on it
>curl for 2 minutes until machine locks
>free bicep work out

>arrive at the gym
>goto the locker room
>fail penis inspection upon entry because chad fucked the twink last and he could barely feel me inside him

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>get to gym
>all barbells have been replaced with communal barbells so multiple people can workout together
>im paired up with some ss freak who squats 5pl8
>i only squat 2, so we have to load the barbell with lmao7pl8
>oh boy here we go, we both get under the bar
>way to fucking heavy for me, i collapse
>gymbro gets angry at me i almost injured him and reports me to staff

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>>40369093
>park my excavator in the gym parking lot
>put on my hard hat, goggles, gloves and work boots
>whistle goes off as i walk into gym, whew, just made it
>punch my time card
>tip the desk clerk
>she stops me
>forgot my safety vest
>FUCK
>get back in my Cat 335L
>start digging my way home
>get to the upper mantle highway
>weigh station says my excavator has exceeded tonnage limit
>mfw i forgot to fast the night before

>>40369602
breh, the fuck kinda gym is that? training the inner jew

>>40369745
its a joke

>>40369564
you have to stay up until at least 6 to get yawn gains dude

>Go to gym
>Someone didn't reset the treadmill
>It's now 10 miles away

>>40369785
Shoulda read the sticky :(

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>gym implemented new rules where to get plate dispenser tokens you have to do cardio
>run for 45 minutes to get enough tokens for my 3pl8 squat
>legs are too tired to squat at that point
What the fuck is this bullshit

>>40370581
Shit you gotta find a new gym, brah. it should only take 20 minutes of cardio tops for a 315 squat. You're getting robbed

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>>40369093
>Gym closed for maintenance
>reopened today
>replaced all the anabolic light bulbs with black lights
>Gains are fucked
>didn't bring a flashlight
>MFW

>>40369745
yeah it's just a joke
surely no one would ever steal another man's preacher curl time

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>do preacher curls
>never received my MDiv from an accredited seminary in my denomination

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>go to gym
>make your own barbell day

>>40371900
>>40371915
>>40369602

All my Gym's preachers were replaced with Rabbis.

Am I gonna make it, brehs?

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>go to gym
>forget to microwave my popcorn before arrival
>gym pigeons end up pecking at my gains since they don't like unpopped kernels

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> register online for 20-min curl rack session
> arrive to find several young urban americans loitering in my rack
> pretend not to notice and hang out in the shower for the afternoon

>>40371931
This happened at my gym just do 3/16 curls tomorrow for John 3:16, should go back to normal

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>>40371993
Hmmm, I'm not sure if I have authorization from the Gospel According To Mark, though. I don't want to lose all my Gentile gains.

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>>40369093
>Go to sip from water fountain
>Fountain replaced with chicken nugget sample platter
>On a cut

Fuck.

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MFW all the barbells, dumbbells, and other lifters in my entire gym get replaced with Smith Machines

>forgot it was curl day
>literally everyone in the gym standing in a huge circle curling
>I show up in my deadlift britches, forgot my curl gloves
>personal trainer holds me down and spanks me
>call mom to come bring my curl shorts and gloves
>work out with the gym family after fixing attire

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>gym implements no-singles policy
>get easy dubs on /his/, present my smart phone to the front desk clerk for verification
>mfw I forget mondays the gym has a cleric instead of a clerk at the desk
>my post on /his/ was an inaccurate shitpost about medieval clergymen
>mfw I'm forced to do 3x15 preacher curls and 3x15 tricep flagellations as penance for my indiscretion

> drive 45 minutes to gym
> forgot my gains license
> docked 20 fitpoints
> have to stay after class to make them up

>>40369705
Audible kek

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>>40369705

>>40369109
>sneak in to the gym
>realised I've left my pl8's at home
>must now wait the the dispenser
>still no gains

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>>40369093
>gym doesnt have any 0.0001 lb pl8s
How the fuck am I supposed to progress like this?

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>>40372332
lmaoing @ your life famalam. In what shithole do you live where your gym doesn't even have 0.0001 lb pl8s?

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>>40372332
>all 45 lb plates in use
>have to use 44.999... lb plates instead

really threw off my programming

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>>40369884

>gym removed leg extensions
>Will no longer grow

I'll forever be a manlet :(

>>40369093

The fuck? Can't you borrow one from your super? Surely they have spares on hand for when the suits visit on site.

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>>40369705

>gym removed squat rack
>now have to stand and put all the weights on the ground.

>>40371931
I remember when my gym replaced the Preacher Curl machine with Rabbi Curl machines. Took everyone forever to realize they were getting $1 charged to their credit card every rep.

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>>40371931
>tfw my gym just removed all its rabbis
>tfw gym showers are still stained blue

>never gone to the gym a day in my life
>do alot of drugs and drink alot
>realize your all faggots

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>break into gym zoo
>find barnyard cow
>suckle it's milkers like a baby for free gains
>leave after draining her like a caprisun and masturbating for a bit
>go home
>start to feel like absolute shit
>head to er after pain gets overwhelming
>doctor returns with diagnosis
>infected with gomad cow disease

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>go to gym
>square pizza day
>no mushy peas, crunchy corn special
>vanilla pudding dessert square
>chocolate milk carton

>go to gym
>do some light warm up sets
>get call from bank
>account frozen due to suspicious plate purchases
>gains put on hold until I can call them

>>40372075
praise will the lord of gains

we wait for the holy revival of his son, jayden

>>40372290
my gainz liscence is almost expired but because of work i dont have time anymore to pass the renewal test. anybody know a good bootlegger until work calms down and i can get a legit one?

>>40372330
honestly why would you buy plates, just lift the whole dispenser. its got all the same stuff in it anyway

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>finally get gym membership
>can't even lift anyone there

>>40372920
Using plates other people have touched, it's as if your desperate to catch the gay

holy shit when did /fit/'s gyms become so new-age and existential?

this is the funniest thread ive read in a while. thanks /fit/bros

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>>40369884
Underrated

>>40372936
welcome reddit

>>40369705
GOBBUNISM!
spurdoface

>>40372936

REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT

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>getting ready to go to the gym
>put on my elevator shoes
>walk into gym
>start sweating profusely as I approach the "you must be this tall to enter sign"
>almost make it past the gaurd
>get pulled aside for a random inspection
>panic and start to scream that they're racist
>they don't buy it and assure me that it's completely random
>they find my shoes and force them off me, revealing my true height
>get laughed out of the gym and get milk thrown at me as i try to run away

>>40369745
Newfag

>>40372936
new

>>40372808
Kek

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>>40369093
>go to gym
>it's bounce day
>gym's only bouncy castle is punctured and away for repairs

>>40369745
planet libertarian fitness

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I'm giving in and asking. How did this meme start?

>arrive at gym
>it's stale meme day

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>>40372808
>gomad cow disease

molto bene

I went to my gym at 4:30am once and some guy was stealing 100lb plates

>at the gym late at night
>barbell hip thrusts, nearly done
>gym guard walks in
>"What are you doing"
>try to explain but he locks my jaw gains
>Falim gum falls out
>not allowed back until they test the barbell for semen

>>40369745
>training the inner jew

Underrated kek

>>40369884
severely, severely underrated.

>>40377467
kek

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>go to gym recently
>it's service animal companion Sunday
>all the doggos and pigs are checked out
>I get stuck with the parrot
>it keeps squawking "lower faggot" during my squats
>being a bird it's physically incapable of spotting me on my bench press
>then it has the nerve to ask for 4 scoops of birdseed after my workout and keeps saying "C'MON" for some reason

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> Be britbong
>Get stopped at gym entrance by Abdul
>Mfw Sharia police come in and confiscate my gains for eating pork for protein

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>cardio day
>Chad didn't rewind the treadmill after using it
>have to 2x5k backwards runs before I can even start my routine
>mfw pizza grease on fingerprint log in

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>>40369093
>Forgot to submit my Capital Gains Tax on time

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>go to gym
>it's chest day but spin the wheel of workouts
>lands on Ab-roller Derby

>>40377803
>not trading your protein pass for a second spin

Do you even want gains

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>guy gets off treadmill after a full hour
>leaves without rewinding it back 00:00

>>40377775
Kek

>baka
>gotogym
>beme
>suck dick for money
>see chad and stacy
>i do a 360 and he mires HARD
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>fuck stacy marry chad kill nerd
>what

>>40369884
lel

>>40372808
Creative

>>40378315
just gave me a brilliant idea; manual treadmill with big cranks on either side to work your arms at the same time, and give better speed control.

I'm gonna be rich /fit/

>>40369093
>after months of training, finally do enough squats that I can advance to the second floor of the gym
>legs are too tired from squatting to walk up the stairs
>have to awkwardly crawl
its a bad feel man

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>>40372075
>tfw ankles too fat to fit the built in straps on the treadsmith machine

I-I guess I'll just keep lifting then

>>40372548
>using extensions
does your gym not even have a study hall?

>>40371919
Underrated ta fuck. Ded

>>40372808
geg'd

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>you must be this high to deadlift
>6'2"
off to the manlet pit I go

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>no money for the water fountain
>gym doesn't allow us to bring outside fluids

>>40377670
protip: go back after hours and raid the bin behind the building. most of those gains they just throw out rather than reusing because muh regulations
>britbong
they might have the gain bin locked up though

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>Squatting 3pl8
>Power goes out to the block
>I'm stuck at the bottom of my squat in the dark
>Saftey rails don't engage
>See the gym helpers abandon their stations as the emergency lights flick on

2 hours later the firemen cut the plates off with the jaws of life. I moved to a gym with a generator afrer that

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>Head into the Gym few weeks into January
>All the NYR's have left dumbbells and plates all over the floor unracked
>Bout to start moving them back but get caught by the plate-police
>Plead innocence but they don't buy it
>Sentenced to Crossfit for 7 months no parole
Anyone have any advice? I already know about avoiding Creatine dealers while I'm in there.

>>40372800
this

>>40370581
Save up tokens on off days.
Lift MWF do cardio STD and keep the tokens

>>40371971
I'm fucking dead top kek

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>going for my 16pl8 squat
>forgot to tip my squat plug valet
>feeling a little dry
>go for the rep anyway
>descend and feel colon and large intestine exit my body with plug
>all gains deducted from my account to pay for medical treatment
>mfw i'd rather be dead

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>finish my bench sets
>decide to max out with just the bar
> 25reps later my arms give out and I'm pinned under a pl8less 45lb bar
>do the roll of shame to get out
>gym qt watching the whole time

This actually happen.

>>40377610
Yes

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>>40369093
>Doing clean(ish) bulk
>Lots of chicken and veggies
>Eating well for the last 2 months
>Ate half a pizza, a bag of sweet tart candy, and 8 cookies today

It seems my mask of self control slipped today. Whats the damage gonna be? I easily ingested over 3k in calories today.

Should I off myself?

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I actually did something similar when I asked /fit/ for advice when heading for the gym for the first time over a year ago. They said to wear a hi-vis vest so people/PT know I'm new so that's what I do for over a week.

After a few months I realise how stupid it was so I changed gyms. Still want to die from that.

>>40369884
KEK

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>>40369093
>jog 10 minutes to catch up to local Railgym
>barely climb on caboose before it enters tunnel
>fumble around in the dark for the free weights and accidentally detach the coupler for my cart
>rest of gym speeds off
>stuck with cardio caboose of train until it makes the next loop

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>mail my letter to gym about lending curl machine
>go to gym
>someone is squatting in my curl rack
>aidir?

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>>40369705
>go to Planet Fatness
>it's role reversal day
>the lowest weight they need is 200 pounds, and I'm 165, but they paint a "200" on my chest anyway
>hambeast worker with a "650" on her chest standing next to me tries to stuff me with leftover pizza from various crevices on her body trying to get me up to proper weight
>worst thing I've ever tasted in my life
>they flip the switch
>the gym equipment comes to life and begins their workout
>one qt3.14 abdominal bench with a firm, metallic ass trots over to me and begins lifting
>gets annoyed that the weight is lighter than marked and reports me to manager
>kicked out of the gym for the rest of the year

>>40377487
Yeah, what a clever under appreciated remark.

>>40373097
O fuck my sides just passed Pluto anon

>eat prepared perfectly portioned lunch
>drive to gym drinking preworkout
>stomach churning
>loose butthole is death
>run to squat rack but the plug bin is empty
>quickly dive into used plug bin but everyone sees me
>banned from squatting for 3 months, all other gains docked 15%

>applied to register as a sex offender
>sign up for a gym
>they look me up
>notice im a registered sex offender
>im only aloud to work out next to the fire exit in a square as big as a squat rack with warning tape all around me

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>>40382701
>aloud

>>40369093
>Go into gym
>oh shid I forgot my elbow grease at home
>hop in the sauna to grab some grease
>get the entire gym covered in sweat.
>realize that there's no time to wipe down the equipment with wipes because mommy is making tends
Feels gud

>>40371915
Too cheeky for my breeki

>>40372006
St. Cornelius brought gentile gains to the Christian faith. Partake in the preacher curls as you please, just don't pay too many shekels to the gym rabbi

>>40369742
underrated

>>40372808

>>40377407
If you have to ask, you can't afford it

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>walk up to power rack and insert quarter
>squatting max weight allowed for my size
>weight suddenly dropped and literally folds me in half
>warning siren on the timer didn't even go off
>mfw I realize some faggot tripped on the plug and knocked it out of the socket