Anybody else have something they regret a lot. Like a defining

Holy fuck, shut the hell up.
You were a goofy fucking teenager - most of us were. We all fucked up and acted goofy cause being a teenager is so fucking strange as it is without all the hormones and testosterone changing us.

MOVE ON from it you sperg, go to college and learn to not be a fucking tardo

>>39998735
Yep.
>Growing up, become distant from family at around age 11-12
>Repressed homosexuality, was a loser on the computer all day
>Was expelled at 13, got bullied to the point I made a list of people I wanted to go away, school did some illegal shit and in a nutshell I'm booted out
>Become ever more distant, engrossed in the computer at this point
>Constant arguments with family, up until I'm 19 and already in college
>Oh anon, your dad collapsed at the gas station, we're taking him to the hospital tomorrow
>Okay, he works a lot, shouldn't be that bad probably just stress
>Stage 4 lung and brain, incurable, know he will die but wish for the best
>As he wasted away from chemo and the cancer, slowly losing his memory of how to even type on his blackberry he always had with him, he never forgot about my mother, my brother, or even my shitty fucking self
>I visit him in the hospital with my mom, brother works and studies and I just study so I had more times to visit
>They discharge him and he comes home, hospital gave up at that point
>He comes home and I interact like I usually do, mainly not giving him much attention despite him fucking dying
>My avoiding him has been so conditioned into me I avoid my dying father until he dies
>He goes into shock while on the computer updstairs, mom calls me down, hold his hand while he's groaning from pain and is disconnected from everything
>Stay with him until 12:12 or something like that, until he dies
>Mother goes hysterical, I just kind of calm her down and only cry because she's crying despite me missing him heavily
>Says to me the last thing he said to her was "you're so wonderful, I don't know how you've dealt with this" or something along those lines

>>39998735
>smile and look to my friends then look back and say no
Wtf. Why?

>>39999072
In short, I regret not being a good fucking son like I wish I had been.
I regret not being there for my father for all those years I avoided him and sank deeper into depression and computer usage.
I regret being a little shit who constantly got into arguments with my parents and absolutely let them down, and it was the gay thing either, they wouldn't of given a single shit, they just wanted me to have a future filled with happy memories.
And what hurts the most? I had a dream of my father rather recently and he said to me in my dream "I'm so proud of you."
Something he never said to me when he was alive, and I hear it when he's dead.
God damn it /fit/ I just miss him so much, why did he have to go. I just want him back, even for a second, just to hear him comment on some chicks tits.
God damn it it hurts.

>>39999091
You should have spent time with him

>>39998735
Life changing, moment of truth, definition of my legacy "Defining moment that could of changed everything"

>was a beta bitch and didnt get herpes from latina slut my sophomore year of highschool

Either you are now in your Junior year of highschool or you have accomplished nothing in your shitty life. Either way, still sounds like you are the same beta.

>>39999091
Why not assume that he did come back to you to let you know how proud he is of you? Anon, I'm proud of you. It sounds like you had the insight to know what you didn't like about your habits then and you have changed them. I'll say this, you will never feel like you spent enough time with him, even if you spent every single second with him. The hole that's left by losing a loved one is torturous, and you're life will be filled by what-ifs. Remember, you are the legacy you're father left. You can carry on his greatness by being great yourself. I sincerely hope you find peace anon, we all do. And you might find peace by accepting how shitty you think you acted. Or thinking about how you can use what you've experienced to help others or yourself.

I love hearing stories like this. I love it when you spaghetti-ing autismos fuck up chances with hot girls.

>>39999072
right in the feels

>>39999229
Thanks a lot anon, that really cheers me up reading that. I need to save that whenever I feel down about it.
You're right, I just need to make the best of it and keep progressing towards my goals and being a better person.
Thank you anon, really. I'd hug you if I could.

moved to Ohio. I've fought the urge to kill myself everyday for the last six years