*SHOOOOP!* *BADOOMPH* *BADOOMPH* *BOOMPH* This is all it takes

>>39776834
Heh, nice try

Prepare thee for I have

*dashes behind you*
*wraps wrist*
NATTY FUNCTIONAL STRENGTH

nothin personnel, roido

>>39776834
*teleports behind him*
*replaces ski mask with son's dirty diaper*
>Robber: Ahh mmpppphhhh uurrrgghhh there's shit in this diaper!
*pull jar full of marbles out of prank bag and dumps it on the floor near robber*
*robber slips and falls from marbles and lays on floor moaning in pain*
>Me: Heh heh don't be such a shithead, nothing personnel kid.

>>39776834
Just saw this on /k/, how many other boards did you post this?

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I just throw two of these at him and while he's doing 8 hour arms I sneak away.

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All it takes is foe a stupid motherfucker to lose control of his vehicle and get you killed, despite your own proper technique.

Why do you even get on the road?

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>>39776834
>have a digital front door that unhinges itself automatically on a timer while i sleep
>so if door is kicked in it just falls flat on ground
>if this happens a hidden steel pocket door comes straight down creating an impenetrable wall behind it
>back door is a few feet directly behind front door
>coat inside of front door in super slippery material
>if front door contacts ground with momentum it slides straight back immediately
>rig up back door to automatically close and shut from inside only
>thief kicks down door and begins to slide straight outside thanks to automatic back door
>back door is also made from impenetrable steel
>back door is also on a sleep timer
>rig up backyard with a trap door spike pit just behind the back door, also on a sleep timer
>if the automatic back door opens from the inside while i'm sleeping then the spike pit trap door also opens
>there's a little lip on the spike pit to catch the sliding front door, thus ejecting the thief into the spike pit
>the spike pit automatically mulches the victim for my garden
>mfw i'm sipping wine right now made from the grapes produced by the compost of your boogey man

>>39776834
I Photoshop him back to normal

With my gun

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>>39776834

white crane style kung fu that I learned in a shaolin temple on wudang mountain from a 500 year old master

>>39776973
Kek

>>39776834
I go full Giantdad on his ass.

>>39776834
Consume 12 scoops.
Only a mutant can fight a mutant.

>>39776834
I just stay cool and remember that I live in a first world country and that doesn't happen.

I have a secret stash of creatine taped under my bed. For emergencies

>>39776834

my door opens outwards.

>>39778290
>motion detectors inside house
>front and back doors aren't complete shit
>shotgun by my side

This is mild compared to what I would actually want for myself but it's what standard normies will prefer. You can literally just shoot and kill anything with the kind of guns you can purchase nowadays.

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>>39776834
>hear door get kicked in
>immediately run to the kitchen and eat six raw eggs, shells and all
>cram and handful of instant coffee in my mouth
>wash it down with an energy drink
>stab myself in each thigh with an epi-pens
>commence fisticuffs and try not to die from cardiac arrest

>>39779420
xD

>>39776834
Piss on him until he runs away. If he doesn't get scared by that, at least it will buy me time to get hard and start ejaculating in his gun hoping it will jam it.

>>39779420
nice

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bring him down with my assault hanger

I have a solid steel safety door that can't be kicked in and it's the only way in (apartment).

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>>39776973

>>39776973
TOP KEK
O
P

K
E
K

>>39776834
Glock 21-SF with crimson laser

>>39776834
Use my katana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAkCLpMtjlM

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>>39776973
lmao

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Good thing I always have a few guns around the house.

>>39776834

Pipebomb

>>39776973
>dont be such a shithead
>says it after putting dirty diaper on villains head
god-tier one liner

>>39781833
Whats with white people and their bombs. lol like why can't you use your hands and fight like a man?

>>39781896

If the motherfucker rang the doorbell like a sane person and respectfully challenged me to fisticuffs, sure.

He broke in with a gun, he gets a pipebomb

>>39781907
>I need weapons to win a fight\


lol no wonder your whole race gets KEKED by evey other race.

>>39781896
No. Blacks and Mexicans fight in tribes, so it's only fair to level out the playing ground with a gun.

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>>39776834
>How would you protect yourself?
t. double-tap

>>39776834
With a gun

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With all these guns

>burgerland and their cardboard houses and doors

Nigga, muscles don't stop 70gr of copper.

>>39776834

I guess use any weapons readily available. (guns illegal here) Until then getting stronger will shifts the odds better in my favour so I'll keep lifting.

>>39779375
No it doesn't

All residential doors swing inwards by code

For fire/police entry in emergency

Just like all public door swing outwards for emergency evacuation so nobody gets crushed from behind

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Take the 5th scoop

>>39782746
the building i live in is not zoned for residential use

>>39780843
>implying a weeb with a katana isn't dangerous
Just search "man uses katana home invasion". Anyone with a sharp long object who has some basic motor skills and strength can cause a lot of damage to multiple people.

>>39781913
No wonder we conquered the whole world when we gave a shit about it.

dEAR eARTHLING,
We Do Not Ask You,
Fow We Know.
>Bit Back Bit Back,
>Bit Back Little Back,
>Bit Back Bit Back,
>Bit Back Little Back,
>Bit Back Bit Back,
>Bit Back Little Back,
>Bit Back Bit Back.
>$$$
>???
>:::
>---
>???
>:))
[...]
I Did It
For The
Jokers
[...]

>>39777079
this is one of the biggest reasons I would not want to drive a car even if I had one, I dont trust 99% of people to do anything even remotely well, why would I entrust my life into some idiots hands who steers a fucking motorized wrecking ball right next to me

>>39783666
I've seen those pics. I almost feel bad for the guys he chopped up. But then I remember they invaded his house so fuck them.

>>39776834
I make enough money to live in a nice neighborhood that has no niggers.

>>39776973
>prank bag

Gg merry xmas bro

>>39776973
> prank bag

happy xmas, Big P.