FUCK /fit/ I'm constipated as fuck. Nothing is coming out

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>>39749412
F I B E R
I
B
E
R

Drink coffee

Eat food with lots of fiber. If you have nothing on hand, go buy some crappy no-name fiber cereal. Tastes like garbage, but a big bowl will get the job done.

I'll go ahead and assume that you eat a lot of protein. Protein without a healthy amount of fiber is famous for making it impossible to shit. You're gunna make it buddy

>>39749412
Oh for fuck's sake.. you went too crazy with the protein powder didn't you? Or was it eggs?

Get some mineral oil. If that doesn't work then get some magnesium sulfate. Just don't take too much or you'll want to kill yourself from shitting your guts out for days.

>>39749412
Go out and get some dirty street food. If you regularly keep a clean diet it will clear you out.

>>39749497
>eggs
>protein powder
oh fuck is that why my shits have been so painful?

>>39749611
YES, you big dummy!

Don't you see how whey sticks to everything when you mix it? What do you think it does in your gut if you use a lot of it? Eggs too. That's why you have to keep track of the fiber you're eating every day so you're sure you get enough.

>>39749412
drink a bunch of black coffee, go buy some fiber powder and add it to your proton shakes. Eat some celery and drink water. do a valsalva manuever when on toilet

>>39749655
I've literally been holding in my shit for days at this point because it's so painful. Almost like an impacted stool every time.

Fuck. Thank you anon. Gonna mash down some fiber now.

Go buy some laxatives and follow the directions.

For the future, buy some psyllium husk caps off the internet. Take them as prescribed at least 2 hours after/before eating or taking supps...

A few days of these bad boys and you'll be taking the smoothest shits of your life. I'd forgotten just how great it feels to take a massive, bowel cleansing dump, have a single wipe to clean up and then feel totally empty assed all day long.

Before I got on them I'd take horrific runny shits every morning after my coffee and then spend the whole day needing more runny shits and having gas and just a general feeling of discomfort in my guts and ass.

Now I just sit down, relax and it all just comes out in one go. It makes a surprising difference to your day.

>>39749412
Camomile tea my nigga.

Eat some oats and a fiber bar shit will be beefy and relieving

third day on keto and i haven't pooped once.

starting to get concerned too.

am i going to ass-plode at work one day?

Drink a glass of hot water. After 30 minutes sit on the toilet and try to push something out.

>>39749675
Psyllium husk is probably the easiest way to get lots of it in but it tastes fucking disgusting and absorbs liquid really fast so you basically have you chase it.

Magnesium cured my poop troubles. Try that.

>>39749464
this

My own recipe for cleaning out my bowels however is eating lots of jam or jelly or whatever you Murricans call it and drink milk on it. Instant diarrhoea for a whole day

>>39749675
1. Plenty of water
2. Soluble fibre although insoluble helps a bit too

Get prune juice anon, theres a reason old people have em somewhat regularly

>>39749675
>>39750961
Forgot to add first point is important, having fibre with no water will likely impact your gut even more so drink up

>>39749674
Do NOT do a valsalva maneuver on the toilet! I repeat: do NOT fucking do that! That shit can land you in the fucking ER or the damn cemetery. Go take a stroll on google and see how many fucking people have died on the shitter. If you commonly have to bear down and push with all your might to poop, then you're at a high risk of an aneurysm. Calm the fuck down, and try rocking back and forth to relax and stretch your sphincter.

>>39749412
That sucks to hear anon. Constipation really fucking hurts. The solution depends on what caused it, and what kind of blockage you're dealing with. If it's a compacted mass, then you could make matters worse with laxatives. Go to a pharmacy and pick up some enemas. They've got laxative enemas and mineral oil enemas. Mineral Oil enemas are not only laxative, but will also lubricate your pooper to help matters along. The tips are small, so it's not like taking a dildo up the butt or anything; so man up and shove it up your ass. N-no homo.

>>39750896
... I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure you're talking about Jell-O, or gelatin. Jams and jellies here are like preserves or fruit paste for lack of a better term.

>>39750601
If you're lucky. If not, then you might be in the hospital trying not to make eye contact with the long fingered nurse.

>>39749412
Get your boyfriend to suck your shit right out

Get your boyfriend to squirt some liquids up your ass to loosen the stools.

>>39750601
>only 3 days
My record is 2 weeks poopless on keto, get on my level.

Also prepare to be pissing out of your ass; remember to take lots of fiber next time.

I'll post this for the 40th time:
>day 1:3 servings miralax
>day 2: 2 servings
>day 3-7: 1 serving
>rest of life: eat fibrous veggies

>>39749412
Epsom salt man, it tastes like satan's butthole but drink it quickly and also drink something to neutralize the taste so you don't vomit. the results are there mang.

>>39749412
i donno if it's been said already, but take probiotics

>>39749412
You know what to do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9avf_U8h3_M

Magnesium citrate. $2 at the pharmacy with no prescription. Chug the bottle and it should get you going in a matter of hours (if that)

Had the same problem about 2 months ago.
Living at uni with a meal plan and the dining hall isn't exactly the best with fibrous foods.

>1/2 cup magnesium citrate
>1/2 cup molasses

Had to scoop some shit out with tp to get the plug out.

Then it was like TNT to a damn.

Still fucked my asshole up and now I bleed quite a bit if don't take my shits slow.

>inb4 stop taking it in the ass
never

>>39749497
>eat 5 eggs, 2 protein scoop a day and handful of spinach

Good to go. Never had painful shits from eggs/protein

>>39749412
Eat raspberries friend, about 2 punnets 200g should be enough to to let you go the next day, also add a tea spoon of olive oil.
It's gonna hurt. Good luck.