So I don't really believe in irredeemable people because

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So I don't really believe in irredeemable people because I think it's not my place to make that call but I think I'm the exception to that rule. I am irredeemable, and bad things should and need to happen to me.

I was at the gym earlier and I noticed a guy who was sitting down. He seemed a little shaky and especially sweaty. He had a bottle of pills next to him, and I was like 'what if that's aspirin? Maybe something's wrong.' But I'm a worthless piece of shit and so I didn't do anything except keep an eye on him. He moved around a little, so I was like 'maybe he's okay.' I kept glancing over but didn't fucking do anything because I'm worthless and I kept thinking 'if he's okay he'll be embarrassed that I caused a scene by asking if he's okay'. And I thought about asking the staff to see if he's okay but I'm so terrible I was scared to because I thought they'd be angry at me and point out that I should do this myself and that I was an awful human being because I guess on some level I'm aware that I'm unworthy of everything.

Well, a few minutes later the guy gestured to a man who got on the treadmill near him. The man went over, then left and got a member of the staff like I should've if I had a heart and a soul like a normal fucking human being. Long story short, and ambulance was called.

The guy left on a stretcher.

This is my fault. I made this happen I did this I'm so bad I didn't mean to I didn't want to hurt anyone but I did anyway because that's the kind of person I am and I should have something bad happen to me, something really really bad, I kept hoping a semitruck would hit me on the way home so that the driver wouldn't be hurt but I would because I deserve it and this has to happen because of what I did, I hurt someone and I'm so, so sorry. I don't know who I'm apologizing to but I'm sorry.