>new gym policy of no single members >they put me together

>>38866404
>new gym policy of no single members
what the fuck
where the fuck do you go to the gym

>>38866404
>new gym policy of no single members
>things that never happened

>>38866411
> that's the part of the story you have a problem with

OP gets raped and /fit/ concerned about where his gym is located

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>>38866411
>>38866417
summer's over, kids

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>>38866404
>my gym adopted no single policy last month
>tried getting a partner but everyone's declined so far, most of them looked visibly disgusted when I asked them
>have until end of the month or I'll get kicked out
I already paid for the rest of the year in advance, what the fuck do I do?

>new gym
>didn't book a squat rack in advance
>next available booking is 2 weeks away

Advice to stop my gains melting away?

>My Gym adopted a deep Butt Plug policy for all workouts.
>I only use a small metal butt plug for the squats.

Advice anons, this is a very good gym, i don't want to be kicked out!

>>38866411
Is this like a double meta troll, I dont understand

>>38866815

if it's a very good gym you should hear them

>Gym has poz policy
>am kissless virgin so no stds
>draw scabs on my dick with marker to pass penis inspection when I check in
>after every workout the marker runs off my dick from all the sweat
>rumors that they're going to implement shower policy
I'm fucked guys

>waiter brings me my plate for squats after waiting for almost 45 hours
>plate is cold, bland and octagonal
>at least bar tender is kind enough to gve me a nice olympic bar

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>>38867043
kek'd

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>gym has no b.o. policy
>fat fuck and sweaty after a couple pushups
>shower after every rep
Help guys this is a great gym but I'm spending way too much on water bills

>>38866404
>>38867010
>Newest guy in gym is usually bound and used as a cumslut in the showers
>tfw not the newest guy anymore

>>38866461

partner up with a bro
if they don't accept this sue them for discrimination and make mad bank

>>38867120
This is why I take the weights and do my lifts in the handicapped shower

>>38867153

>not jumping from gym to gym

it's like you don't want those protons

>2x1 plates promo in the minisuper
>buy 2
>arrive at house
>soak the plates 2 hours
>they don't grow
>maybe they are the microwave ones
>microwave them
>microwave blows up

fucking Chinese products, I swear

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>miscalculated and didn't insert enough coins into the bench press machine
>the machine locks in the bottom position
>I'm stuck there until the qt working at the counter frees me 10 minutes later
>people kept walking by and laughing

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>guy that bench more pl8s becomes the shower cumslut
>everybody benching 2, 3, 4 pl8s
>I'm stalled at 1pl8

>>38867290

use the bumper plates to fake a huge bench

d e v i l i s h

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>miscalculated and inserted extra coins in the treadmill
>tired as fuck, I could not get down, the machine kept going
>ejected at 30 km/h into a mirror
>everybody laughed at me, owner was mad as fuck
>I had to pay a new mirror

>at the gym
>flexing in mirror
>looking hella juicy
>legs look kinda small though
>tip mirror
>start deadlifting
>lunk alarm goes off
>employee comes over to chastise me
>forget to tip employee
> banned from gym

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>3x10 in the neck rope
>trip on bench
>hang myself
>everybody thinks I'm suicidal
>have to expend 120 hours in the mental clinic or I lose my membership

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>>38867461

>>3x10 in the neck rope

>show up at the gym
>squat day nice, ready to hit some PRs
>crossfit-tier receptionist frowns at me when I enter
>"whoa there buddy, where's your falcon?"
>shit forgot the gym added a falconry
>membership expires in 60 days if I don't get an approved lifting falcon

Can anyone recommend some decent falconries? I need a good lifting bird ASAP. I've been at my gym for 6 years.

>>38867210
That would be gay

>>38867576

not if you say no homo

>>38867603
What if they keep me gagged and drooling?

>open gym
>it's Thursday, that means that I'm in charge of the fatty cage for the day
>fatties starts to show up
>soon the fatty cage is full
>have to round them in a corner with a pressure hose
>partner go inside and enable the machines inside the cage
>fatties doesn't want to lift
>release the dogs
>one cornered fatty sharts himself
>fatties start to lift
>shit and sweat everywhere
>day ends
>release the fatties
>half of them never shows up again
>wash the fatty cage

I really hate fatty cage day

>gym starts a must have gf policy
>tfw

>>38867682
>tfw graduated from fattycage to cuckcage
am i gonna make it brahs?

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>>38867682

the fuck

>>38867671

say it when you get home

>>38867207
kek

>>38866411
newfags get out

>>38867701

everybody is going to make it brah, just keep your wife's black bull happy

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>new lift with your wife's son policy
>I'm already covered

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>the only gym in my backwater town doesn't allow falcons, but I can't leave Copernicus home, because it gets stressed being alone

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>the lazy ass stoker didn't shovel coal fast enough, and the gym went dark in middle of my tricep pushdown 4RM attempt

>bring your own pl8 policy enforced
>can't afford plates so just do bodyweight exercises till my membership runs out

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>new horse only gym policy
>now me and my gymbro get in for half price

>>38866629
Stop going to a shit gym

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>my gym adopted a retarded policy
>now I'm writing a greentext story
>of something that never happened
>I also uploaded a picture of pepe

>>38868636
ahahahaha je bent zo grappig

>>38866404
How did Pepe get a girl to have sex with him? I though him and Wojack were social retards.

>>38868735

he only inseminated the eggs

>>38868735
Who said they were his babies?

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>>38867820
>triceps push down 4RM attempt
Kek

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>>38866404
why would you even post this dumb thread you stupid faggot

>gym started new BMI policy
>must be considered overweight to make everyone feel comfortable
>tfw rushing to permabulk till I can find new gym

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>ready for my 3 hour arm workout
>go to the dumbbell claw game and put in a gym token
>aim for the 40lb dumbbell
>claw was too weak to lift it
>have to do my workout with 10lb dumbbells instead

>>38867043
Nice

>>38868835

newfags out

>>38868835

I don't want to be rude but why don't you kys senpai

>>38866404

>gym adopted a policy of "No silent workouts"
>have to deal with roid monsters screaming during their 30 rep burn sets
>can't fucking get into the zone for my 1rms attempts

Help pls.

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>>38867043

500% OVERPUN

>>38867510
My sides

>>38866419
I'd kind of like to go there and get raped myself tbqh famalam.

>>38868636
>Kom golds Gym binnen
>Receptioniste vraagt hoeveel mijn platen wegen
>Vanaf 80 kilo krijg je een gratis barbell
>Heb maar 60 kilo bij me (lievelingsplaat thuis vergeten)
>Zeg dat ik 80 kilo heb
> Receptioniste vertrouwt me niet
> Moet mijn gewichten laten wegen
> Wordt nu aangeklaagd voor oplichting en ben lidmaatschap kwijt

>>38867461
Kek

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>break new bench press PR
>spin the Wheel of Gains on the way out
>it lands on legs

>>38867510
Falcons are expensive as fuck, no point wasting the $ if you don't even like to do it.

Ask if you can replace it with a cardio sparrow. They may object if you spend most of your time doing weights, but if you have actually been working out there for 6 years you should be able to work something out.

>new gym policy of daily penis inspection instead of anually
>they inspect me after some heavy squat sets
>all blood is flowing to the muscles, penis is shriveled to the size of a grape
>they conclude my penis size has receded and now I'm out of the gym's standards, so they revoked my membership

FUCK

>>38868735
C U C K E D
U
C
K
E
D

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>>38866404

>Mfw the gym clown keeps popping balloons during my clean & press

>>38866404
what kind of a fucking backwards ass gym is this?

>>38868961
Lmao

>new Russian gym in town
>male receptionist greets you with 3 kisses, one on the lips
>brake all my PRs

wtf, I hate American gyms now

>>38869011
If your penis isn't at least 5" at its smallest, you have no right to be in a decent gym.

>>38867682
kek. this is good

>>38866419
Men can't be raped shit lord

>my bar privileges expired
>don't want to change gym because i already paid for another 6 months of 45lb pl8 usage

>>38869142

spotted the feminist

>>38868990
>>38867510
i spent my money on a bulking pidgeon and a spoting parrot, but i'm saving for a squat eagle

>>38869142
>tfw want to be raped
>wanting it means its impossible

Fml.

>>38866404
I don't understand this picture. Is pepe sweating because they are girls?

>>38866629
Seriously, this is what LA Fitnees and PF are good for, if you know what you need you can always get the weights and machines

>>38868961

hue hue hue

>enter the gym through the airlock
>take my falcon Hippias to the roost room
>I recognize a couple of the birds there, as they belong to my gym buddies
>walk through the market trying not to draw attention, as I don't want the merchants to start bartering with me
>one of the biggest guys in my gym is waiting for the butcher to slaughter a post-workout goat for him, and I give him a nod as I proceed deeper to the gym
>"You like what you see?" one of the prostitutes says teasingly as I walk past her, but I don't care
>I'm not wasting any precious, protein filled sperm for a harlot; that would ruin my nearly autarkic protein economy
>As I walk down the hallway, I can already hear the commands from the gramophones: "Concentric, eccentric."
>I give my workout plan to the bouncer at the door of the inner sanctum, and he gives it back after inspecting it
>as I have a Platinum Card™, I'm allowed to use all of the equipment and weights
>I see a young lad finishing a set of squats
>he only has a Silver Card™ hanging from his neck, so I would be fully withing my rights to tell him I'm using the rack now
>however, I see too much of my former self in the young boy, so I decide to let him finish his sets without interrupting him
>I know my workout plan says that squats are the first exercise, but the gains police of the gym is a bro-tier fellow, so he wouldn't probably even mind if he found out
>do leg press instead, and hit a new 13 rep PR
>we're all gonna make it

>>38867269
hahahahahah

>>38868636
hahahha

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There's a superstition at my gym that if you use the handicapped stall before a big lift you'll end up handicapped yourself.

Anyone else have these beliefs?

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>reserve and pay for 10 minutes mirror time
>Newfag Chad in the gym shows up and uses it with me
>don't say anything b/c dyel manlet

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>just hit a 3pl8 squat the other day
>it feels different somehow though
>tfw accidentally used bench pl8s instead of squat pl8s
How badly have I fucked up

>>38869209
>he didn't spot the ironic 'shit lord'

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>gym in Russia, having a hard time understanding things
>new gym policy of not bringing friends
>have to sneak in with my friend Pavel
>he says he's not my friend at reception
>hurtfeelings.jpg
>some stupid questionnaire gets handed out
>questions about who hired me to go to the gym with Pavel
>questions about my new altitude mask
>"if I take off that mask, will you lose your gains?"
>it would be extremely painful
>receptionist keeps giving me a look like pic related
>I'm not even a big guy

>>38869475
Best post in this thread.

>tried to follow in some highschool girls to bypass singles policy
>one of them tells the receptionist
>give a nervous laugh and try to play it off
>someone hits the single alarm, and gym security tackles me to the ground
>they forcefully confiscate my squat plug with foreceps and escort me to my car

getting gains is more difficult by the year

>>38866404
I have two (legit) stories
>go to America with my girlfriend
>we drive through a mcdonalds drive thru
>order food
>pay
>when the drive thru lady gives my girlfriend the food, she says "sorry about your weight"
>wtf?

>go to Gold's gym (still in America)
>the pool water is very hazy, not clean at all
>no markings in the pool or on the ceiling, if you swim backstroke or front stroke you'll pretty much hit your head on the wall because of that
>you have to bring your own padlock
>they don't even go in the sauna naked
Wtf America?

>>38868961
Welche Sprache ist das ?

>>38869918

For you

>>38870175
Offensichtlich niederländisch

>>38867043
underrated

>>38869918
Was Pavel getting you caught part of his plan?

>>38869475
What a time to be alive

>>38869475
I lost it at autarkic protein economy.

>tfw no swipe card at my gym
I hate carrying around a sack of coins

>>38866404

I dont believe YOU

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>>38866404
Just a friendly notice: the ADL has officially listed Pepe as an extremist symbol. I would delete your Pepes unless you want to get labeled as a Neonazi.

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>want to lift 130lbs
>have two 45lb plates but missing the -2.5 fractional plates
>see some chick hogging the negative plates to create dip in floor to extend calf raise range

>>38869750
There's a bit of superstition going around at the local gym, people seem to think you can get just as good results lifting little weight for more reps as you would get doing more weight for less reps.
I.e. I'll do 205 kilos for 5, and the adherents of the aforementioned belief might do 12-13 reps of 80 kilos. So far they've yet to see results, but apparently you will achieve as long as you believe. I myself am a bit of a godless heathen, so I just stick to lifting heavy.

Dress her up as a frog for Halloween and then claim she is the 400 pound hacker.

>go to the gym for the first time
>forgot to bring cash
>can't tip the girl at the counter
>she refuses to let me in

God damnit, I hate it when I forget to bring cash.

>>38872682
GTFOof my board /pol/faggot

>tfw failed the bar exam on my 2nd try
>tfw can't legally do any of the fun exercises

>>38869883
Dude squatting with bench pl8s is a federal offense. I hope you're behind a couple proxies right now.

>>38867682
Everything until
>release the dogs
including the final comment is top lel.

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>>38869069
underrated tbqh family

>>38869475
this made my day desu

>>38866461
if you signed a contract for a year they cant just change the conditions of the contract a few moths in.

Have your CC company do a charge back and if that fails thow a few molotov cocktails though the windows when they are closed.

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>go to gym to do some heavy deads
>it's pasta friday
>didn't bring a napkin

What are these threads called?

>>38874837
Good ones

>>38874739

not funny

>>38874932
im very sorry

should have asked about your 1RM

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>>38866824
I've been running into this problem a lot lately. There's an incredibly obvious troll, and some faggot appears to fall for it, but its so fucking obvious that I have to assume that them falling for it is an attempt at trolling in itself, and I can't even tell who's b8ing who anymore.

>>38867671
I said no homo once in the 6th grade. Is this enough?

>>38866815
Are you fucking homosexual?
Throw the butt plug away and buy a lifting plug insted. Increased all my lifts by ~20% except for squatting wich was + 75%.

>>38875087
Lifting plugs are a scam anyway and can increase the risk of stroke when combined with the Valsalva maneuver. Plus you just have to keep buying new ones as your effective plug diameter (EPD) increases by 2.7mm per year of semi-daily usage.

It's a stupid scam, and I wouldn't be surprised if the people mentioning this shit are paid shills.

>>38875118
I've used lifting plugs for around 37 years now, started using them 35 years prior to my lifting career because I didn't want to look new. And I haven't had a single stroke.
Sure the diameter steadily increased a while but after 36 years and a circumfence of 24.7 in. it stoped stretching and my lifts got better.

Increasing risks of stroke is just a media meme.

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>>38867510
>tried to use my cinema falcon to enter the gym
>they recognize that it's not a real lifting falcon
>only let me use half a barbell
>tfw squat day wasn't kino

>>38867043
Ayyyyyy

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>>38867207
But then what do you do when a Manlet wants to use their rightful restroom/shower??