Tell your annoying/funny moments dealing with unfit/fat coworkers

>>38407270
Sure, I'll give you some stories
>Working at a supermarket
>the only men there are me, 4~5 butchers and 4-5 cashiers, so there's around 40 women there
>I was the only man that would eat at the dinning hall out of us all, so I'd have my meal with the women every day
>Every day during the summers their daily conversation was how the doctors had put them on diet and they couldn't eat XYZ

Now this is where it gets funny
>4'11 (150cm) store manager, 150 pounds (70kg)
>kinda cute but annoying as fuck
>always giving me shit for eating tuna or chicken and the whey shake instead of (((soft-drinks)))
>ignore her
>she starts crying to a coworker how she's on a diet now that doesn't allow her to eat anything
>pulls out a massive tupperware with a massive piece of Salmon, 2 eggs, 2 broccoli and proceeds to drizzle the shit out of it with olive oil
>So much olive oil that the fish could very well be evolving into breathing olive oil like that 2001 movie Evolution
>I say "You understand that olive oil is super caloric and it will throw you off your caloric intake for the whole day, right?"
>She says "No it's fine it's fine, Olive oil has healthy fats and omegas and my doctor said it's fine to have some"
>I give her a lite explanation of how calories work, calories in-out, her issue with her height and shit, she just refuses every advice
>finishes her meal
>says how she's still hungry
>goes to the store and buys an ice-cream
>did this every day where it came to a point where she was gaining weight while eating "healthy" and the doctor told her to start skipping meals
>starts taking diet pills and drinking detox shit just to maintain her weight

Dumb women, this is just one of them, truth is I had a lot more at work

>>38407453
You made me cringe all over the keyboard

>coworker wants to lose weight
>tell him to stop drinking soda, it is literal poison
>next day
>at lunch
>go to the break room
>he bought subway, and has a fountian fruit punch in his hand
>tell him dude HiC fruit punch is soda that shits bad for you
>his response, "well, it has vitamin C"
Da fuck

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Fat co worker comments that it is weird that I am eating chicken and vegetables at 10.30am in the morning and how she would never eat that.
She sits down and starts eating a sausage roll

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>doing Intermittent Fasting, dinner only edition
>Private Security job, during massive heat wave and under direct sunlight
>everyone asks me why they never see me eat
>I explain
>dude shit, that's bad for you, your body goes into starvation mode and you'll pass out
>tell them it's fine, since I'm keeping myself hydrated
>Comm on walkie-talkies saying how there's a coworker passed out at the entrance of the festival
>it was the same person who was advising me

There's other things people will do too
>throw me food like chocolates, muesli bars, juice
>order me to go eat despite me not wanting
>tell others that I'm not eating
>tell me that I'm starting to vanish (my cheeks disappear during cuts), etc

I find it cute, but after the 20th time telling them it gets annoying as fuck.

>>38407453
>breathing, living olive oil
Sides lost

>>38407270
>I jump over her and continue to my destination
>everyone else jumps over her too,


FUCKING KEK, IS THIS A JOKE?
sounds like a bad movie.

>>38407270
>fracturing her femur
If you're going to lie you should make it funny.

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>>38407270
She's uggo af now btw

>Work a desk job
>Put on around 40 lbs over 2 years due to it
>Finally get shit back together
>Lost 80 now by eating right, exercising
>Dude who gained 80 lbs in the same amount of time just got lunch
>Just made my own
>"Dude, I dunno how you did it. Losing all that weight working a job like this."
>"I just stopped ordering out and started cooking here, man. That was about 90% of it."
>"Couldn't do it," he says, dumping an order of fried mushrooms between two slices of pizza
>"Well steak is just as good as that, man. It's pretty nice to eat like this at work of all places."
>"Who's got the time, y'know?"
>We do the same job
>We have the same breaks and lunches
>Just turn back around and go back to working/eating

Don't feel like greentexting but fat/elderly employees are abundant in my field (corrections officer). They constantly go on light duty for health related reasons, show up to work eating fast food, and are the laziest fucks I've ever had to work with. They got grandfathered in but the department is slowly changing in requirements for hiring newer fit ppl.

>>38408871
would still cuddle

>>38408757
heh

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>>38408891
>hiring newer fit ppl
Maybe they should higher some newer PHUL too.

>>38408871

That's not her right? If so then you blind senpai

>>38408871

I hate you now

>>38408871
NICE GYNO FAG

>>38408801
No lie, distal femur fracture

>>38408984
>>38408978
>>38408955
>>38408921
Yeah, dissapointing af
http://www.espn.com/blog/playbook/fandom/post/_/id/19333/reddits-stop-girl-discusses-internet-fame

>>38409011
disappointing*

>working desk job
>direct supervisor is stick-thin woman straight out of 1920's anti-suffragette illustrations
>her supervisor is mid-level fat
>her supervisor is boss-level fat
>tfw you've got three female supervisors in same small working space as early 20s white male
>"oh please change this light fixture, we'd do it but we're fat lazy cunts"
>prepare yummy salmon for lunch
>microwave it
>"OMG what is that smell, it smells like cat food"
>it's fucking fish you mystery-pasta eating cunts
>eventually quit job, go entrepreneur
>swimmin upstream now, like the salmon whose power I stole

I also baked a cake for these cunts for some sort of "dessert day" and none of them touched it. It's amazing that it took me so many years to get fully redpilled on women.

Woman I work with says she lifts in her garage and likes to drink those herbal life shakes. She actually looks ok but i see her eating garbage at work sometimes and she also likes drinking wine.

I dont know how to tell her she would be hot as fuck if she was a little more serious about her diet

>>38408472
laughed out loud

>>38409193
>>swimmin upstream now, like the salmon whose power I stole

nice

>>38408890
baka, some people don't want to improve

>>38409499
A lot of people want to improve. They simply don't want to it to take any effort on their part.

>>38408568
Dude you NEVER talk to normies about eating, don't ever mention IF or that you count macros/cals, anything. They just don't inderstand and are usually more than willing to shit on you for it

I just watched some whale shovel cheesy crunchy twists and take a Coke like she was taking a cock. It was as if her existence depended on it. I am disgusted.

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>>38408953

>>38408890
>Desk job
>Gain a ton of weight
Same here senpai. I was working in a warehouse and kept a good weight,but got a desk job and in 2-3 years I had gained 70lbs.

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>>38410069
Pic related

>>38410024
this

>>38410140
Ewww

My work is doing a biggest looser, one woman changes her diet every fucking week.
>Complains shes ot loosing any weight.
>Last thing she did was keto
>"Anon i can eat a whole wheel of brie if i want wrappes in ham because there arent any carbs."
>try to explain calories in caloties out
>"no its ok ketosis will help me"
Fucking normies

>>38408432
Fat woman detected.

>>38410140
Dem titties on the right girl tho

>>38410138
Yep, worked a warehouse before that and was fat/fit. Then hit the desk and boom, all down hill.

But now I'm in the best shape of my life so... yay, willpower.

>>38408871
if thats uggo to you then I dont even want to see what your 10/10 looks like, probably a caked up blonde bitch

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>fat dude in class
>smells like a wet dog
>if you stand close enough you can smell a faint hint of feces

People who get so fat they aren't able to clean themselves should automatically be placed on some type of government intervention, it would save so much more taking care of their issues before they become bigger issues

>>38408432
Fatty leave

>>38408472
Do fat people just not understand food???

>>38410899
No.

Not really work but it's still kinda interesting

>Show up for a mandatory dorm meeting
>Trying to ignore our annoying RA
>Just looking around, glance to my left
>Land whale brought an entire fucking bowl of mac n cheese to the outdoors meeting
>She's practically licking the bowl clean and when I say bowl I mean like family size; what you'd serve portions out of.

Seriously what the fuck, do fatties just eat constantly?

>>38410816
Anon, they are the bigger issues :^)

>>38411012
>do fatties just eat constantly?
Yes

>everyone is on this Whole 30 diet
>cheat constantly, ice cream, sodas, candy every day
>everyone planks for 1 minute each day thinking thatll help
>no other exercise to speak of

fuck this place

>>38411080
kek

>>38410024
very this. my go to for IF is
>oh, no thanks i just ate
much less awkward than
>uh no this is outside my feeding window

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>>38410140
uuuuuggghhhh
THICCCCCCC

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>>38410140
Tbh senpai, when I eat Cheetos I suck the Cheetos dust off cuz it's easier than washing my hands after every Cheetos I eat.
What else are you supposed to do? Wash hands after every Cheetos?

I'm a firefighter, so theirs a split between fit and fat guys.

>New guy to the station from being a contractor in Afghanistan
>Nothing to do their but steroids and lift in downtime
>Comes back to the USA and gets hired at my fire department
>Slowly starts devolving into a fat mess
>Worst part is he talks so much shit about my natty bodybuilding
>I guess one day he realizes I know what the fuck I'm doing, and is tired of getting fat
>Asks me to write him a meal plan
>Tell him I'll do it
>I know he'll cheat like a mother fucker, and has no will power
>So to prove this I told him he needs to text me his stats
>It's been over a month, and no text
>Everyday shift when I go home he's coming in to relieve my shift
>"Hey man, when are you going to send me that meal plan?"
>"Whenever you decide to text me your stats."
>"I don't have your number."
>All of the our numbers are stored in our dispatch computer in case we need to recall people during a disaster

Fat fuck won't even look up my number and text me his stats. That's how I know he won't do shit with a meal plan I give him. Besides, meal plan?! Learn to count macros and calories you fat fuck.

>>38411526
>There
>They're
>Their
Perfect example of how my brain works being 3 weeks out, and no carbs.

>>38409298
How about you mind your own business m8? I'm against in-denial fatties as well but there are actually people who couldn't care less about having a model-tier body and like eating shit from time to time. That's their right.

>>38410140
don't post creep shots man, youre better than this

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>>38411481
You idiot, eat your serving of cheetos then wash your hands once. Don't get that shit on my controllers/buttons/car/whatever. Licking your fingers is unsanitary as well. Great way to catch or spread a virus.

>>38408890
>when you dont have time to eat less
man i just hate when that happens.
almost as bad as that one time i did some curls and i suddenly got like wayyyy to muscular.

>>38408953
Carlos!!?

>>38411563
I should have added she wants to get thin and was at one point in really good shape

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>>38411667
>licking <your> fingers is unsanitary and a great way to catch or spread hepatitis A

My hands are clean nigguh, I also eat sushi with my hands, also use my hands to eat cashews, and I'll lick the salt or specs of rice off my hands instead of being a retard that sits with a soiled hand or get up to wash my hands when specs of cheeto dust is on them.

>this nigga

>>38408475
To be fair, I would eat a sausage roll literally any time of day

>>38411571
Did you forget where you are m8

>>38411667
I hope you mean it's a great way to boost your immune system.
But really wash them after, that shots gross.

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>>38411897
Hey bb

>>38411889
>>38411889

I eat french fries with my hands. I also use my shirt to open door knobs and touch elevator buttons. I also consider the likelihood of germs transfering from my fingers to my mouth be much less when eating fries as opposed to licking my fucking fingers. I know, I'm autistic.

Sorry if I don't see some dude licking cheeto dust off his fingers as very intelligent. Maybe if you're by yourself at home or something. Similar to picking your nose

>>38410240
>yfw some black dude named Ketosis is actually a former marine drill instructor who's whipping her back into shape and she whoops all your asses

>>38411977
>I know, I'm autistic.
Yup

>>38407270
I work at a pharmacy.

Pharmacists and nurses.
All the females of these are over weight.

How can you be a medical professional and still be overweight?

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>>38411148
>I just ate
>stomach sound like a tyrannosaurus

>>38411481
use a fork?

>>38412448
Who the fuck eats cheetos with a fork

>>38409193
>not eating whole packagings of smoked salmon at once
get on my level

>>38411977
>use shirt to open door and push elevator buttons
Goddamit guys this is problem with modern "men". You act like a little girl, man the fuck the fucking up you fucking nu-male cuckold beta king of twinky boypuccy losers. I grew on a farm a I sholeved fucking SHIT and washed my hand in a bucket of dirty gold water then fucked my neighbor and ate fatty meat and hell load of greens. Is this fucking real??? Is modern society really like this. Really?? Use shirt to open doors what the fuck bro. If I see you doing that irl I will fuck your kids.

>>38412472
People who doesnt want to get their hands messy?

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>>38412472

>Not using chopsticks like a true gentleman.

I'll contribute

>working usher at a somewhat fancy movie theatre
>notice obease man in a tye-dye dog shirt going into multiple theatres
>notices that he takes a fucking futon into his movie from a different theatre
>tell managers and they tell me to take it from the obese as fuck couple since its a fire hazard
>go in to tell them and they instantly lose their shit and say "well that pregent woman has one"
>tell them sorry it's a fire hazard and I have to take it from them they ask for my manager who fucking pussies out of telling them they, can't have it
>says bye when they're leaving the movie
>his fat bitch wife turns to me and says "guess you we're wrong"
>never been more salty in my life

>>38411977
how about you stupid fucks just not eat cheetos

>>38412595
Fuck greentexting on my phone

>>38412504
>i will fuck your kids.
LMAO

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>>38407270
This gif makes me want to kill myself.

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>>38412504
you can thank mothers caring for their kids and media brainwashing for that


my story
>work in fish company, cutting fish in pieces and shit not, physical dirty and smelly job in general
>lately get /fit/, start running 5k's, eating better, dropped 13 kgs in year or something, still trying to convince myself to go to gym and start working on my strength
>im really fighting with my own lazy self
>i drive whale girl to workplace
>she has bad case of pig face and with her physique its really fittign desu
>but she would look ok if she lost like 30 kg's
>sometimes talk about different shit with her
>shes saying "you look fine, you dont like your own looks ?"
>im fucking ugly, and skinnyfat what did she mean by this
>"no i dont look fine and i try hard to change myself"
>she got probably offended by that as in i was trying to insult her or shit
>"i used every single diet and it doesnt work for me"
>literally while eating chocolate bar
dumb cunt thought it was also SUPER EASY for me to stop drinking, get out of suicidal depression, stop taking drugs all on my own without no ones help or advice

fuck i hate people

>>38410754
That is objectively a 6.5 AT BEST

https://youtu.be/sGqFlV_8R-c

>>38411889

why don't you eat sushi with the chopsticks??

are you retarded

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>>38412629
I just love it when fat people try to project their own mental gymnastics on others.
>you already lost 30 kilos anon
>thats the most important thing
>you can start eating normally again
>its like they all forgot my horrible eating habits
>tfw i did gomad with cappucino powder before i even visited /fit/

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> I'm a struggling fatass motivating myself with the memories of then I dropped 70lbs & kept it off for years
> working outdoors, a lot of Mexicans who of course are all fat
> training one guy and have to find a place for him to eat, don't have that issue since I bring my own food
> fat Mexibro is really picky
> "Let's go to the Chipotle three fucking miles away. They serve healthy food."
> moron I am think "Cool! Healthy food! I might try this place tomorrow! I might have found a kindred spirit in this gaggle walking heart attacks."
> So we drive out of town to what I now know is a fast food joint, and I spend my lunch break watching a fat mexican destroy a burrito the size of a fucking infant
> healthy food

>>38412595
Holy fuck I would've back slapped the life out of your manager

>>38413074

never heard of chipotle? where the fuck do you live?

>>38412314

I had a health teacher in middle school who was somewhere between 300 and 400 pounds. This was the guy who was supposed to teach us about carbs, calories, smoking, etc.

>>38413369
Sounds like he knows about all three.

>>38410899
The sad part is they do, they just come up with excuses to be able to eat unhealthy and still feel good about themselves.

>>38412249
"Ketosis is really making me fatigued! Can you smell Ketosis on my breath yet?"

>work in a place where people are young, healthy and mostly good looking girls
Its paradise in comparison to what i read here

>>38407270
>anon you've been going to the gym for six months now, why haven't you got building muscles yet?
Unironically ask me this.

>>38412595
Damn son. Made me angry second hand

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>>38412504
>shovel shit with hands all day
>wash hands after
>don't get sick

>touch door handle on the way into pizza place
>eat pizza like a normal person
>get sick

Yeah bro I use my shirt. I don't enjoy getting common cold all the time, my immune system is fine.

>>38413351

SoCal. I never eat out, dudes at work give me directions to find a place using resturants as landmarks. I have no idea what they are talking about ever.

>>38407270
>Be me, police lieutenant
>Go on patrol due to squad member being sick
>Buddy on patrol is fat fuck
>End up chasing thief
>Start to sprint, tackle suspect, brawl ensues
>By the time I have suspect under control, fat fuck colleague shows up
>That fat tub of lard can hardly breath and vomits next to the suspect
>On the way to the station, suspect keeps cracking jokes at colleague
>"Must have been those French Fries you fat fuck"
>"If all police officers were as fat as you, no one would catch us, and crime would be legal!"
>Chuckle inside and somehow have more respect for suspect than coworker....

>>38413351
Apparently hell

Chipotle is life desu

>>38413678
Where in socal?

>>38408475
Britt detected

>>38412314
Stress seem to make people give up about weight

>>38412744
Not him, but sushi was originally street food eaten with your hands to begin with.
Eating sushi with your hands is the original way, eating it with chopsticks happened after the better castes adopted sushi and decided to eat it all proper like.

Every fat woman I know is addicted to cheese

>>38411481
Chopsticks for Cheetos and Doritos is GOAT.

>>38413756
>Chipotle is life desu
It's shit you fucking nigger

>>38414038
i fucking love cheddar, emmetal and parmesan.

i could eat them until i die.

self control is hard

>>38412314
I've noticed that everyone I work with at a pharmacy buys garbage food that we sell in the store or gets take-out instead of bringing their own meals. We had one traveling pharmacist that was in good shape and she'd always bring a big lunchbag filled with measured containers of food.

The stress factor is real too though, pharmacy customers can be huge cunts.

>>38407453
>work at financial aid office with 30 yo, 5'1" mexican girl who was doublemajoring in two useless subjects
>midget spic sees me losing weight and starts to casually feel me up during work
>very uncomfortable
>everyone at work telling me I should ask her out
>"fuckno.jpg"
>everyone keeps making fun of my chicken and rice and veggies
>mexican chick tries asking me out
>quit shitty work-study job to get the hell out of there.

>>38409193
>microwaving fish at work
what a faggot

>>38413489
Itll be 3 months in 4 days.

I honestly thought after a quarter of a year id be able to look in a mirror and say, "yeah, youre getting there."

I CAN do this...but only if im naked

>>38413888
Yes but someone who works as a medical professional KNOWS better

>38413719
>"If all police officers were as fat as you, no one would catch us, and crime would be legal!"

I lost

>>38410816
It's likely they may clean themselves just as much as a normal sized person, but they have such bad intestinal issues from their diet that they're constantly farting and shitting throughout the day.

When I was fat I would fart all day and go shit at least once a day.

>>38413719
Do you think there should be mandatory fitness test for officers every now and then?

>>38414179
>what is subjectivity

>>38415828
Not the poster, but yes. Even if a cop is overweight they need to be able to run relatively short distances very quickly to catch up to nigs. That and occasionally wrestle a perp or hop a fence.

>>38415828
I've always been amazed that police officers can get fat. Where I live the police has pretty strict physical requirements, and a yearly test they need to pass if they want to keep working as a police officer.

>>38414604

Odd. I just don't like the taste of cheese unless it's on pizza.

>>38410899
no

think of all the shit you've learned about food and realize most of it is because you've spent your formative years shitposting on the internet

fat normies don't know how to use the computer well enough to learn anything

>>38415547
>shit at least once a day.
>too often
Mate get some fiber.

>>38411526
Tbf I suppose it's technically illegal for him to get your number from that list for that reason.

>>38415828
there is, it's normally just laughably easy to pass

>>38409710
This

>>38413385

Well, I don't think he smoked, but no way was he healthy.

>>38413385
Underrated

>>38414705

Shit, are you me? All the other techs buy shit while telling me I eat like a bird....because I bring in cut up veggies and whey shakes.

>>38412314
How tf are the pharmacists fat? Ours are always running around, and we don't ever have time to eat.

>>38412595
Even I'm mad about this there's nothing more fucked up then when the authority figure is too pussy to do his job

>>38415828
I believe all police should have to pass a yearly exam and if they fail they're just fired and the next year they can try out again but they start at the bottom of the ranks fuck fat ppl and being an out of shape cop makes the city more dangerous

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>>38412530

>>38408757
if you were running towards a dying person in a desperate attempt to save their life would you stop to help a worthless landwhale or would you continue on to your destination in order to keep that person alive?

>>38408891
This made me feel man. I lost a nice job two years ago because they would only hire fit people, and now my country is going through its worst recession ever. /fit/ is saving my health, but i wouldn't mind being employed now

>>38411012
>going to dorm meeting
what are you a freshman?

>>38415482
Same

But is is going in the right direction

>>38413756
Visited the US last year and ate at chipotle, one of the best fast foods I've ever had.

>>38413669
>Yeah bro I use my shirt. I don't enjoy getting common cold all the time, my immune system is fine.
If you are getting sick from opening doorknobs you are definitely not fine, you have the immune system of someone with aids. Just stop being a fag

>>38413678
>never heard of chipotle
>lives in socal
You're a fucking liar

>>38415828
thats why they carry guns

>>38414705
>pharmacy customers can be huge cunts
can you blame them though? they are literally giving you their kids college fund for no reason. big pharma is fucking disgusting

>>38410024
This. Talking about /fit/ related to normies always start a shitstorm for me

the rule irl is: no one fucking cares
You're fit? No one cares
Gym+diet work like magic? No one cares
He's fat? No one cares
In the end if you want to address anything a bit more than job related, you will be hated on. You can talk about those with friends that you care about. But never with coworkers or some other not important strangers.

>>38415547
>shit at least once a day
>sound like unusual
wat?

>>38408568
IF is a meme. It's better to have discipline and eat the same calories over the course of many meals.

>>38417086
Multiple meals is a meme. Number of cals in 24hr is all that matters

>>38413678
Dude holy shit. What part of so cal? I'm an /elsinorefag/

>>38417254
>the mutiny of the elsinore

>>38408871
She's cute.

>>38409011
>cute, 7/10 without makeup brunette with nice boobs and great smile
>disappointing

This is why you'll die a kissless virgin.

>>38407453
>So much olive oil that the fish could very well be evolving into breathing olive oil like that 2001 movie Evolution
Fucking kek

>have a fat coworker
>let's call her Josefine
>because her name is Josefine
>she is super fat
>one day finds out she's 7 months pregnant
>couldn't tell because she was so fat
>all my wut that someone fucked her

also

>it's christmas
>boss puts a bowl of sweets in the staff room
>people have 1 or 2
>josefine goes to lunch
>she empties the whole bowl into her handbag

Ultimately she got fired for stealing.

kek

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>>38416861
lol, I get sick very rarely which is how I like it.

>twice every 3-4 years or so
>content with autism

stay jelly

>>38411897
Same tobequitehonestfamalamborghini

>>38418675
I use to get sick a couple of times a year. Started getting the flu shot 3 years ago. Haven't even had a runny nose since.

Literally haven't changed anything else of note 2bh, flu shot OP

>>38417010
>being this poor

>>38417086
>implying you know anything about the hormonal effects of IF

>>38418550
the thing i understand least about the fat pregnancy shit you always hear about, is why do they not wonder why they havnt gotten a period in x months?

>>38418792
the flu shot only works on 1 strain of the flu, whichever they think will be a major strain that year, and nothing else. you not getting sick is incidental

>>38419562
If they're fat enough it can fuck with their hormone cycle and give them irregular periods anyway. Or, the grosser option is that they're the gross fat person that's shit at cleaning themselves and don't really notice or deal with their period in the first place.

> business trip w 2 ham planet 26 yr old females
> they criticize my eating the entire time, getting especially upset that I drink Diet Coke on occasion
> it's sooo much worse for you anon
> I'm just concerned about calories right now actually
> yeah but it's just as bad for you
> I just change the subject

the fuck is wrong with these fat fucks? they love to pretend they're nutrition experts.

>>38412314
I'm a pharmacist. I'm about 10kg overweight still. The thing is, this job is so fucking stressful that you literally stop caring- having to see sick people day in day out coming to you for help, it's not a job where you can slip up because something as simple as giving patients capsules when their prescription is tablets can fuck up your career or the patient's health. You have too many other people on your mind to focus 100% on yourself.

And the hours are ridiculous, I do 7-7 shifts 4 days a week and then 8-6 on Saturdays. I still try and use my time to work out whenever I can, but on a 12 hour shift where I only get 30 minutes worth of break time if I want a bar of chocolate I will eat one and I don't blame other pharmacists or doctors etc who do either.

Don't get me wrong I've replaced the chocolate for a protein shake, started cycling to work etc, but that's just some insight

>>38412314
I lost weight working at a pharmacy because you never get time to sit down, constantly on your feet!! And no time for food at all

>>38417010
Tfw NHS. Most of the time I'm paying for these twats to come into my pharmacy and treat me like shit.

>>38410140
>that wobbly thigh
Lmao you're no better retard

>>38415828
Now that I think about it, I haven't seen a fat cop in Finland. They are pretty buff if anything, probably because we don't really use guns here so they just wrestle people down.

Checked out the entry fitness test and it's pretty solid. Here's what you need to do for 3 points on a scale 0-5 per test, result that might not be enough to get you in but won't fail you
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=UUahIp47-ZKWStjpVIXentLQ&v=P65GoOGk5ZE this in 30s
>6min mile
>10-12 pull ups (strict form)
>Bench with 65kg (143lbs) 10-14 reps

Does United States not have fitness test even at entry? Is it just a kneel down to shoot and get up kind of test?

>>38413019
>You can start eating normally again
>"now that you're not fat anymore, go back to the eating habits that made you fat"

Fucking wot.

>>38413808
Straya forever

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story from my work that happened a few months ago with my fat lazy boss
>work at grocery store
>do shopping for customers too lazy to shop for themselves
>some get it delivered others pick it up at the store
>its a friday night and we have loads of orders being picked up at store
>do 5 or 6 orders myself at about 4-6 crates high stacked up on pic related.


>finish those orders as another comes in
>about $600 worth of groceries
>atleast 9 crates all up
>load up as much of them as I can
>manager says I shouldnt take them all and to do multiple trips
>ask for help since one trip would be way faster for the customer
>load 3 onto the other dolly
>6 on mine and 3 on the managers
>there are different groceries in the crates
>mine is mostly general groceries and heavy things like milk
>manager has bakery and some other stuff
>she sighs audibly
>wheel it out and deliver to customer
>my manager isnt even halfway to the customer by the time im done loading
>walk passed manager
>already red in the face
>unload crates and get ready for the next customer to show up
>manager shows up in room a minute
>panting
>red in face
>hands on her hips leaning foward.
>asks me to get her dolly up the stairs.
>dolly has 3 empty crates on it
>weighs less than 5kg now
>she goes home early from an "injury"


I found out later she went over my head to the store manager for making her do that but was surprised to find out it was her job.

>>38408568

I've been fasting now for a couple months. Some weeks do only dinner and other weeks I'll do a 16-8. The worst part is explaining it to everybody and their mother. Then the next day explaining it again because "I have always been told if you don't eat throughout the day you go into starvation mode and hold onto your fat".

>Not eat at lunch breaks
>Coworker says I'm weird for not eating
>Bring book that explains how it works
>Now he is also fasting

I guess showing people facts sometimes works

>>38412664
>that's objectively my opinion
I don't think you know what that word means.

>>38417254
San Clemente reporting in

>>38419546

>Hormones are magic
>Like magnets

>>38419749

Maybe because you are drinking diet soda...like a fat fuck

>>38420119

Depends on where in the u.s. I live in California and am in the hiring process right now for a sheriff's department. They have a physical portion you have to pass but it definitely is not difficult if you do any sort of regular exercise. Ive heard the academy is brutal though.

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>>38420558
No point in doing it with my coworkers though.
I could just explain how great it makes me feel and call it a day, but everyone sees fasting as something loony.

>Had to take a course for 2 months
>it landed exactly during Lent (no sugars, alcohol, meat, only one meal)
>for 40 days everyone would give me shit and I do mean everyone because I didn't eat, to a point where it became an inside meme,
>meanwhile I was doing fine as fuck being basically vegetarian and lost 15kg, 10 in the first 10 days
>2 bodybuilders at my course and even though they joked about it, they recognized my ironwill

Then Lent ended
>course ends exactly when Lent ended
>we all go to a restaurant to commemorate
>I eat the entire steakhouse and drink 2L of wine by myself
>we go for a walk and I call my mom to give me a ride home
>she picks me up and then has the brilliant idea to go shopping
>end up puking in the parking lot, nosebleeding from how hard I was puking and fell asleep again inside the car

And that's how I spent 3 more months fasting and being honestly repulsed by food and I haven't drank alcohol ever since

>>38420656

I just got to the point where I liked eating g one giant ass meal at the end of the day instead if 3-4 normal sized meals. Felt more satisfying. But your right, not many people are willing to build their willpower to do IF.

>Mom realizes I don't eat breakfast anymore
>Breakfast is sacred to her
>Like cows to street shutters
>Explain to her that I still eat as much as I should just at s different time
>Nope, I'm wrong because mom logic and thus must be told everyday how i need breakfast
>Gets to the point where she purposely cooks bacon in the mornings to wake me up
>My mother is a gains goblin

>>38420623
I drive there for work often. This is an odd question, but do you ever see this old well dressed man covered in what is either burn scars or horrible acne walking around town? I swear I see that guy all the time and not always in the same area.

>>38420686
My meal sizes don't increase too much when I'm fasting, I do make more food because I reach the end of the day basically starving, but sometimes I end up just eating half of what I cook.

Yesterday I was going to have some cod and greens and I ended up just eating 3 eggs with greens because I had just come home from running. Had to fill the rest of my protein intake with protein and casein.

IF makes me think that I'm wasting potencial recovery though,
I wonder how much of that "only30g of protein gets absorbed per meal" is really true

>>38413808
Nah sounds aussie as fuck aye

>>38411563
You seem very upset that the person you've never met before and never will made a lighthearted observation about another person you've never met before and never will and might not even exist.

>>38420558
>>38420656

>how intermittent fasting works

It makes it very difficult to shove your maintenance calories down your throat and into your average 1 litre stomach unless you have 8 free hours to eat as much as you want. That's all. It's been disproved by studies countless times. Your diets are just as meme-tier as the fats eating only salads.

>>38417233
The difference between the most hungry you feel and the least hungry you feel is smaller within the 24 hour period, but you are in essence correct.

>>38420508
what a cunt

>>38420762
i just found out about this.. decided to split my 320grams of chicken into two portions one at lunch and one after i workout later in the day.... dont feel as sore anymore but its barely been a week might be placebo affect will post about it again in a month

>>38409193
you are a bit of a faggot mate, fish reeks

>>38415547
lol, Im 182 or something and I shit 3 times a day

>>38419988
inpatient pharmacist here,
you gotta quit your job working outpatient and come to the cush life

>>38420508
kek, keep working her anon - you're doing gods work

>>38421175
This. Fish is a dish best served at home.

>>38421109
It's not true. Nobody eats sub 30 grams of protein a meal. A 180lb male would have to eat 5 meals just to hit their protein intake. Most people don't do that.

>>38420119
>10-12 pull ups (strict form)
This is seriously hard.

>>38421289
That's the easiest one out of all of those tbqh.

>>38421289
>>38421302
I'd say for a normal guy the bench is the easiest. the mile is 16 kmh for 6 minutes, that's running speed. 10 pullups with strict form is the easiest to train for

>>38421342
I could never run a mile period. I'm an awful distance runner, in high school I ran 10 minute miles and walked 14 minute miles and I was one of the skinniest kids in my class.

The bench vs pull ups depends on how much you weigh, but obviously you can't just bulk up hard for the bench, so I'd say the pull ups are easiest to reach from a zero experience level.

>>38421188
>Im 182 or something
Lol manlets when will they learn. Even women are over 6 foot tall now. You are literally inferior to a woman.

>>38409193
>mystery-pasta eating cunts

i lel'd on the train home anon
I used to work in primary (elementary) education and jesus fuck the staff room full of 50-something year old women hitting the menopause and eating prepackaged shit was horrifying.

Have also gone entrepreneur, godspeed son.

>>38420686

It has nothing to do with willpower, I just think it's retarded and I'm not going to torture myself when I can get the same result by cutting.

>>38421289
I'm 6'5 and 200lbs and stalling at 7-8 strict form pullups for months now.

>>38419562
Not unusual for fatties to go months without a period because they've destroyed they're hormonal systems.

>>38420119
>65kg bench press for 12-14 reps
Shit man, I started hitting the gym 9 months ago and I can barely do 7 reps with that weight if someone's spotting me. Granted I was (and still am I guess) a fucking wimp but that's pretty demanding.

>>38417233
>Number of cals in 24hr is all that matters
so why the fuck would you go through the hardest and most uncomfortable route that also fucks up your blood sugar levels?

it's true that weight loss is all about calories in/calories out but that's no reasoning for doing things the most retarded and difficult way that also affects your ability to function

>>38421565
Same, rocketing out of auswitz mode here, 6"3 skelly.

7-8 months in, 5 days a week, my bench started out as the bar, couldnt finish sets. Now im at 60kg 1rm, 40-45 for reps. 12-14 reps at 65 seems fucking far away man, but we're all gonna make it.

>tfw at least my deadlift is 145kg 1rm, 100kg 3x10

Pretty uninteresting story but

>Work full time shift manager position at Burger King while attending university
>I get a free meal every day I work
>Almost always just eat custom salads and apples or just bring lunch from home because tryna be healthy
>Today I'm craving french fries hardcore, so I grab a small order of fries for my meal
>Eatin in the manager's office when fat midshift manager comes in
>"I WISH I COULD EAT LIKE YOU AND STAY YOUR WEIGHT"
>Whatever, tell her that I run a lot
>"MUST BE NICE TO HAVE ALL THE FREE TIME"
>Bitch I'm in an engineering program and work 40 hours a week and I still found the time to get off my ass, fuck off.

A different shift manager (also fat - hell, they all were) in a different discussion complained that she was too busy to eat healthy, and how she wish she had my metabolism. Oh fuck off.

>>38416069

>>38421573
>>38421573

>>38421058
Famm, I'm perfectly aware of the stomach capacity, that's exactly why I do it. It also keeps me in check not to be constantly eating, that's why I only do one meal per day.

>>38421565
It's not demanding at all for anyone that's in that type of work. No offence bro.

>>38421736
you dont run a lot

Am a teacher. I have a few stories but they're about kids so I feel conflicted. Here's one.
>high school lunch
>Pull lunch duty
>Every day I'm out here I see this piglet going around, think he's just social
>Nope, turns out he's bringing cash and literally buying lunch from people since he will only get served once from the line
>Now every day I see him guzzle down at least 1500 calories

The food they serve is fucking embarrassing though. You want to know why so many kids are fat, look at the companies who supply the food to schools and prisons.

>>38420656
If you lose 10kg in 10 days, you're doing something wrong, because that shit isn't healthy.

>>38421833
You're right.

>>38420762
>I wonder how much of that "only30g of protein gets absorbed per meal" is really true
None of it, it's complete broscience.
https://examine.com/nutrition/how-much-protein-can-i-eat-in-one-sitting/

>>38421938
"how-much-protein-can-i-eat-in-one-sitting"

can i eat? i recon i could get through 1kg thats only 40 scoops ive done 12 b4

>>38421729
How can your DL be 145kg for 1 rep, when your bench is only 60kg? Do you DL three times a week or something?

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>>38421938
Yeah, there are way too many contradicting sources in fitness, broscience fucks everything up.

GOTTA CONFUSE THE BRAIN FOR THEM NEURON GAINS, BREH

>>38420119
most places it's like you do it at the beginning and then never have to do it again

so cops start out fit or at the very least fit enough to pass the test, then they get fatter (well some do)

>>38411526
can you really be fat and be a firefighter?our firefighters have to run 2 miles under 13/5 minutes.and they test it every odd month

My boss wants me to go to the gym with him but I don't want to because I know he's gonna want to try to teach me meme exercises. When I told him about my first day of doing squats he said he doesn't give a fuck about squats or legs. He also doesn't wanna get too ripped like one of those crazy people on the magazine covers so he takes it a little easy.

>>38422708
Your boss invites you to workout....
Breh sometimes it's good to bite the bullet and just put up with that nonsense, when it comes time for evaluations or letters of recommendations, he will reflect on that time he lifted weights with a fellow bro

>>38421938
Protein is an amino acid, the body can't store it so anything it can't use is either converted into glucose or is just waste which is pissed/shitted out.

>>38422708

This -> >>38422732
Ever heard of some weird musing called networking? Some say it helps when it comes to success in life ...

Seriously; just go to the gym with him, have fun, let him show you his routine and do yours.

>>38419562
Periods can be out of whack if in poor health

>>38421791
No worries man, I can't expect catching up to someone that's been doing physical activity his entire life to be easy.
>>38421729
Keep going bro, we're gonna make it.

>>38421918
>for schools and prisons
there's a first sign the priorities might be a little low

>>38409193
>like the salmon whose power I stole
kek
but microwaving fish at work is not very nice

>>38412744
>it's a retard calling someone else a retard post

>>38410024
This

>>38423949
>Look, a retard calling someone else a retard for calling out a retarded post

>>38410886
>>38410332
samefag, he cringed because he's imagining such a stupid person as described in the story.

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Hey guys I've recently been thinking of trying to get into good health . I'm not fat or anything I just don't have a good lifestyle but recently my friends have been talking about fitness and it sort got me in the mood to do my self so I was wondering any tips . I want sort get muscle or just toned . I sort would like Brad Pitt physique from fight club . Any tips would be healthful e.g what to eat , work outs anything would be great

STOP!

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>>38407270
>work at mcds during the summer for easy money
>most of the part time women are skinny and the full time ones are fat as fuck
>like, having to order in special pants fat
>one woman is so unsociable and bad with people she is always put in drive through window so she is as far away from everyone as possible
>drive through window is near the waste lift
>one night theres a huge coffee puddle near the waste lift
>all she does all night is complain about it
>with the fucking dry mop and mop right near her

She has severe breathing issues and i have no idea what her age is because she acts like a child but looks like shes 30

>>38407270
i work graveyard shift alone in retail 6 days a week with a married 36 year old fuck hog. she used to be really snarky about my body cause jealous but now I fuck her cunt and throat almost every night.

>>38421976
I spat a mouthful of water at my screen.

God damn, anon, well fucking meme'd.

>>38411148
My mom lost like 30lbs doing that whole 30 thing, and my morbidly obese aunt lost like 50. They didn't cheat far as I know though, and the weight loss has kind of stagnated now, but it did seem to help teach them some better eating habits.

>>38420119
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKiTA48agFo

>>38424498
eat less and ohp

>>38408568
Did you work Hard Summer this year?

>>38413074
Chipotle is pretty much the healthiest you're gonna get when it comes to restaurants. The ingredients they use aren't shit. That being said, calories in, calories out

Former fatty here. Is it possible to lose weight but keep body fat? I'm down to 117lbs (5'4), but I still have a lot of flab.

>>38425665
Nah senpai, I'm from Portugal, did some events and festivals here during 40ºC weather and some forest fires.


>>38425684
Yes, by maintaining calories and losing only water weight

>>38408953
kek

>>38425711
I lost 22lbs by eating at a caloric deficit + IF, though.

>>38425757
Could just be loose skin, I've been at 81kg for 2 weeks while training to get in the military doing IF at caloric deficit, so yeah. Might be getting muscle since my strenght and endurance are going up, but I don't know.

>>38425684
Yes, eating no protein

>>38419988

You workin at CVS or Walgreens senpai?

>>38419749
Diet coke IS worse for you you shit.

>>38419749
They are right about the diet coke tho lol who's pretending now?

>>38421359
>mile
>distance runner

Wooooo boy

Not a terribly fascinating story, but at least it's true

The past couple of months I've finally managed to cut down my diet, I was doing pretty badly with binge eating and buying junk food, but I somehow managed to cut down and now my diet is a lot better

So anyways, I'm losing a lot of weight, at least 25 pounds, and everyone is congratulating me and saying it's a huge difference, but the thing is everybody assumes that I'm working out all of the time, I'm still barely working out at all, I'm just eating a lot less

I've had at least one person tell me "oh, of course you work out, you're just being modest," people seem to want to make things more complicated than it really is

sometimes i sense a little bit of frustration when people want to know my "secret" workout and I tell them there's nothing to it, I'm just eating less

although I've never had to deal with the excessive passive-aggression or flat out rudeness that the other posters here claim, so either I'm just lucky to be around decent people or most of these stories are exaggerated

>>38410816
that reminds me of the first time I went to physical therapy for my wrist, there was a very fat guy on the bed in front of me, when he sat down, jesus christ his shirt rode up and a good 6 inches, literally 6 inches of asscrack was visible

everyone was very good about pretending not to notice, especially when the pt pulled his shirt up to look at some scar or something, but jesus christ man, it was very awkward, I couldn't look to my right at all because I didn't want to be caught looking at the fucking mariana trench on this guy

he didn't notice or just didn't give a single fuck

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Hospital housekeeper reporting in with two shitty stories.
>At work pretending to be busy
>Around noon, lunch was just recently passed out to everybody
>See an overweight, one legged patient in a wheelchair appear from behind the nurses station
>The fuck is he doing
>He's going towards a room that was recently discharged
>Look around, I'm the only staff in the area
>See the untouched tray sitting in the room, realize what's about to happen
>Watch him casually go in the room, grab a slice of cake off of the tray, hide it by his leg and go back to his room
>thisnigga.jpg
>Go find his PCT and tell them so they can log the food

>A few weeks back
>Notice the fat seat from the lobby is missing (pic related, only one I have of it)
>Think some fatty broke it, rearrange the chairs and move on
>Later
>Walk into a room
>HOLY FUCK THAT DUDE IS FAT
>At least 600 pounds, has the special fat bed, laying on his stomach and covered in blankets
>See the lobby chair in the room
>Who the fuck stole this chair for him when we have special hospital chairs for this shit
>Pissed because I'll be the one dragging that thing out
>Go through the motions, clean shit and get out
>Next day
>Dude is in the chair
>Legs uncovered, they're the size of my body
>Remember the picture of that foot surrounded by puddles of leg fat? Basically that.
>[screams internally]
>Every day he's there, has a friend/brother bring him fast food on top of the hospital food
>Trash can is full of shitty food, room smells like literal ass
>Ask nurse about the dude, says he's 650lbs
>Guy discharges near the shift change so I didn't have to clean it, second shift housekeeper helped me with the chair before I left
Cont.

>>38412744
Japanese people eat sushi with their hands. It's perfectly fine. It's stupid Americans who think if it's Asian it must be eaten with chopsticks.

>>38425332
Look at all those fat cops

>>38427936
>About a week later
>Dude from the second story is back
>Has another all-fabric lobby chair in his room, have no idea where they got it
>No one puts a chuck/piss catching pad on the chair before he sits on it, just a sheet
>See blood and shit on the sheet when cleaning the room
>Still eating fast food every day
>Leaves after a few days
>Find ketchup on the walls and on the dresser by where he was sitting
>Tell my supervisor that the chair needs to be thrown out
I work on the cardiac floor and he's been here twice, he'll probably be dead in a few years.

Sorry, I know they aren't very good stories.

>>38407270
are you a nurse OP?

>>38407453
Spaniard here, can confirm. Olive oil is the healthier equivalet of butter or sunflower oil, but it's still has tons of calories.

>>38425964
Oh look, fat millennials.

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>>38428097
Nigga please, I'm Portuguese, caralho. Olive oil pretty much runs in my veins.

>>38424547
huh. well how about that...

>>38407453
>a fish in olive oil doesn't know it's in olive oil

>>38424547
Wut???

>>38408568
I've just stopped telling people about food and tell them I started doing some meth and after the 3rd """random""" drug test they've stopped bugging me.

>>38428381
funny shit bro

>>38407270
>Work as a transporter for funeral homes
>Im the graveyard shit, mostly operating on my own
>One hot summer night get a call from my co-worker
>"Hey we have this guy, family says he weighs about 350lbs. Would you mind coming over here to help us out?
>I agree and drive on over to help my two fat pudgey out of shape co-workers
>Arrive on the scene, dude is obviously pushing 450+
>Cant use normal stretcher to transport him, so we leave it outside and have to get a disaster bag to carry him in.
>Some guy from the family says "My kid doesnt know what going on, can you all try and do this as quietly as possible?"
>NOGUARANTEESSIR.
> After banging around in this fuckers room maneuvering him around trying to fit him into the pouch we start to move.
>Im carrying the bottom half of the bag by myself since im the only one who is actually strong.
>We reach the doorway that leads from the room he was in to the living room and I have a terryfying realization.
>roundpeginsquarehole.jpeg
>I have my two partners gently slam into his sides while I drag this fucker though the doorway.
>We then have to squeeze through a hallway that leads into the lving room which has a doorway leading to a closed in patio with a final door leading to freedom.
>We repeat the gentle slam process to get on to the patio, which is full of random junk because these people are trash.
>Knocking shit over, making a fuckload of noise at this point.
>Give up any pretense of trying to be gentle and quiet, this fuck requires brute force.
>leaving a giant mess behind ourselves.
>Finally drag this fucker onto the stretcher.
>Once again its me on one side, the other two fat fucks opposite.

>>38408871
BUILD

>>38428446
Holy shit man

>>38428446
con't
>I say a quick prayer to rippetoe, get in a low squat and blast off.
> The other two bend at the hip and try and lift all 450+ lbs with their backs.
>They drop their end while I lock mine in.
>Luckily these people are trashgrabage and closed the door after we got outside and were glad this was out problem now.
>I lift their side of the stretcher and lock the wheels and push this fat fuck into the van myself.
>Van visibly drops 3-4in when I drop the stretcher in it.
>Guy who called me originally asks me to go with them to the funeral home to help unload the body.
>I politely decline as that will turn into me doing all the work because theyre uncoordinated and weak
>He asks me to go to his next call instead.
>Decline as Im sweaty as fuck and need to get a new dress shirt to wear.
>Pop off my shirt, throw on cutoff I had in my van and drive off having found a new reason to hate obese people.

>>38408475
>>38411526
The fact he has to rely on someone else to tell him what to eat...

He won't make it.

>>38428051
I enjoyed your stories. Kek the picture of the fat chair is great. Imagine being so fat that you need a special chair.

>>38413385
underrated indeed

>>38413956
This is true, and I still eat sushi with my hands as is proper. But the Japanese were very hygienic and WASHED THEIR GODDAMN HANDS.

>>38416069
kys pedophile

>>38413956
Yup this based Jap bros from kickboxing gym in Japan would eat with hands when we went out drinking I know it's definitely more of a blue collar thing to do or when drunk

>>38428748
no u

>>38413489
Tfw I've been working out for 6 months and I HAVE built a lot of muscle natty.

>>38410140
High test

>>38428578
I'm just surprised at how sturdy the damn thing is. I know they're made for fatties but I thought around 500 would be its limit.

>>38421712
Was going to ask exactly this.
>>38417233

>>38421752
Good god
I actually kind of like REAL quality American cheese every once, but the plastic crap really makes me want to gag. It's not even food.

>>38428530
Fucking fattys. Pretty good story anon.

>>38428530
Damn, good on you for being able to say no. I'm a fucking pushover.

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>>38420119
tfw bear mode, 130 kg 10 reps on bench easy sleepy before bed time but unable to pull off a single pull up even if my life depended on it

>>38412744
Chopsticks are fucking gay you god damn weeb....

The fork is the technical superior to a chunk of wood in every way.
Do you use a kick bike to get around town, a model T, maybe blood letting if you're sick... Put down the stupid backward peasant spears.

>>38428115
>>38428097
>Tfw you Greek and Iberian faggots acting like they know olive oil.

>>38424547
What the actual fuck

>>38414179
You're shit :^)

> worked at GNC
> bunch of idiots working there
> manage is an idiot
> one day, customer comes in, tells me he wants to gain muscle
> i tell him half the shit in this store is useless
> start talking to him about dieting
> tell him to get some whey and take it pwo, in between meals to supplement
> he asks if he should get other supps
> i say no, waste of money
> thanks me for help, buys whey, leaves
> manager comes over
> chastizes me for not upselling him a bunch of bullshit
> fuck you, greedy asshole.
> quit GNC

>>38429025
We do actually, we have the best crops and soil for it to grow in, good extraction techniques and history of doing so, we also use it in everything and we don't cut it with inferior oils like the Mafia did in the states for years.

>>38415828
>>38415890
>>38415894
>>38416221
>>38416481

Not him but also a cop

one word: Unions. It's nice that they get us paid more and protect us from upper management bullshit but they also create situations that are extremely detrimental to us like abolishing physical fitness standards.

If they would spend the energy getting us paid more instead of keeping fat useless fucks in the department we'd have a much better police force.

>>38421369
>what is lbs?

>>38420629
>implying they aren't

>>38420119
>>38420119
http://www.cdcr.ca.gov/career_opportunities/por/docs/Physical_Fitness_Test_Description_Information.pdf

This is my department's fitness test. Holy fuck I would kill for that standard I'd doubt they'd ever be able to hire enough cops our wages would be so much better as a result. That's amazing.

>>38429091
My issue with fat police officers/firemen/EMTs is the safety of other people. I honestly don't care if people are fat - you may do as you please with your own body, but don't expect to be able to keep a job where it is required that you can perform physically, but can't because you're too fat or sick to do it. Especially when the safety of other people is at stake.

>>38428890
It's a "cheese food" product.

If it has to tell you it's food, it's not.

>>38414038
Fucking honestly though. They're also the type that don't eat all they're did when they go to a restaurant and say
>I'm full
Bitch I know you aint

>>38428446

>graveyard shift at a funeral home

Idk why but this made me kek.

>>38412314
people who work in health are either stupid or at best mediocre people who don't give any thought to what they're doing. they learn what medicine dogma says, but medicine needs to care of an entire population not particular cases so knowledge is dilluted. even still they could learn find out the truth about calories and shit and still be fat because they're lazy, delusional and prefer to blame something else other than themselves

>>38429144
My post weighloss dyel ass could do that blindfolded Christ

>>38427936
fat seat? holy shit is this real? are people so fat (in america i presume) that you need to have specialy made chairs?

top fuckin' kek

>>38415525
Fail

>>38413074
3 miles is not that far. And you never heard of chipotle. Yes, you can actually get a good healthy meal at chipotle. I'm guessing you were fat because you never left your basement isn't?

>>38413719
>chasing thiefs
>not shooting them on sight

It's almost like you live in a communist country.

>>38415237
>What is autism?

>>38419584
They actually mix up a few strains, ones which they believe will be prevalent that year

But yeah other than those specific strains it doesn't do shit

>>38415828
I'm from Brazil, and have a few relatives who are cops, and i thought i could share a little. Basically, here both Cops and Firemen are military, and they a have a nice paying job (at least in my state)
This was the entrance exam for firemen in 2011:
>5 pull ups
>run 2.4 km in 12 min
>50 m swimming in under 1 min
Police officers would get a similar exam, but with 35 crunches instead of swimming.
Now, someone reasonably fit can pass this with a few months training easily. The thing is, once inside, they go through hell. One year training, running 20k every other day, 200 pushups, 200 jumping jacks, swimming 10ks once a week, running while carrying coworkers, one whole week of survival training without water or food, and much more
Afterwards they have to get a yearly exam, but it is only a little bit harder than the entrance exam

>>38431402
>I could do all of it except the running

WHY THE FUCK IS DISTANCE RUNNING A FUCKING BASELINE FOR HEALTH MY FUCKING SHINS HURT WHY CAN'T IT BE CYCLING FUCK YOU REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>38431452
Why stop at cycling. Why isn't it driving a car, or better yet riding in a car that's being driven by someone else? It's all the same thing.

>>38431452
>suspect pls stop running and stay there I have to unlock my bicycle

>>38431481
BECAUSE DRIVING A CAR DOES NOT MEASURE CARDIOVASCULAR ABILITY FAGGOT
>>38431490
IN WHAT WORLD DO I HAVE TO RUN FOR SEVERAL MINUTES TO CATCH SOMEONE WHEN I CAN JUST RUN FASTER AND CATCH THEM IN LESS TIME

>>38431517
Bitch have you ever watched police chase videos?

>>38410140
What a shame, it looks like she would be very pretty if she were thin

>>38412595
Thats basically what I came here to post
>Im brought on by a friend for ringside security
>WWE SOLD OUT SHOW
>Great, but money is money
>big ass ex marine security chief makes a big deal of briefing every "team" at different times
>says "No cameras bigger than a cell phone. NO EXECPTIONS."
>great, now I have to be a dick
>be a general douche after warning people twice
>people still try to break the rules
>fat as fuck dad drags his butterball of a daughter to a WWE event
>shes uninterested, hes in heaven
>pulls out huge as fuck camera
>warned twice
>he bitches to ex marine WWE Security chief
>turns out the dudes a pussy and caves
> security chief turns to me and says, "I can get you fired."
>"then do it."
>fat dad makes snotty comments the whole time
>"Im a public figure, Im going to make you famous"
>"youre pissed because I won"
I still dont understand that one
>"are you going to take my daughters iPad away too?"
Youre ringside and shes on a iPad playing some cooking game

WTF is wrong with people

From my current job

>active all day
>workout 3-6 days /week
>eat large breakfast, large dinner, fast food for lunch if nothing premade, plus snacks
>average calorie daily intake 5000+
>women at work bitch I can eat anything I want
>boss convinces our all female sales staff to let me total their intake at work
>each has two calorie laden starbucks per day
>between five of them they need 2 dozen donuts per day
>not unusual for a large tray of cookies to disappear midafternoon
>end up figuring one fat bitch is inhaling about 7000 calories in 9 hours
>fuckall for productivity

>assistant manager at shitty fast fashion retail store
>all coworkers are female except for one really tall fit guy (m-mirin')
>i'm one of two thin girls, rest are overweight to celestial
>store manager is a former beast whose weight fluctuates ±20 pounds
>about biweekly she pulls me aside to tell me i'm too thin and she's worried about me
>coworkers do nothing, never empty hanger bins, never walk to the front of store to do their own fucking price checks, etc
>fit coworker and i always bring in subway cookies for everybody because fuck them

Customers are worse:
>"you need to get plus sizes in stores"
>we actually don't sell enough XXL's for that to be viable
>"don't know if you noticed lady, two other really big guys just walked in"
>congratulations, you three are in the top 1% of fat fucks

And frequently
>(through heavy breathing) "is your manager around"
>it's me bitch

>>38431798

now the previous stuff was meant to be the start of a at-work fitness program. Guess what never got started?

Some months later
>super fat bitch complains about not being able to make it through one walkway they need to use.
>what the fuck, that walkway is wide enough to accomodate a wide handtruck load
>boss flips his shit for a while
>fat bitch wants to make an OSHA complaint
>boss has me dig up some safety specs for the area
>turns out plenty of stuff is max rated at 400lbs
>not one, but two bitches at least 450lbs
>boss looks into dietician through insurance
>dietician is a fucking landwhale, as if that's a surprise
>we end up having to to get two new girls that do nothing but keep our resident fatasses from getting up.
>boss considers firing both super fatasses
>one dies in a traffic accident (lost feeling in foot, hit gas, hit bus), other dies from infection after surgery (post-op complications, never regained consciousness)

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>>38424547
You can't blame him for this one, gents. I've worked several graveyard shift jobs. It...does things to a man.

>>38431994

>lost feeling in foot, hit gas, hit bus

Holy shit I wasn't expecting that...

>>38432153
Neither was she

>>38432153

one of our current fatasses has developed all kinds of "allergies"

AC units got cleaned & sanitized. Her area got disinfected. New fatass chair.

My joke, outside of the workplace, is that her body will start to reject her soon.

>>38428982
Chopstick are pretty good for noodles bro fork suck dick in those situations

>>38428108
Its okay to be embarrassed anon. Just think,now you know better :)

>>38428982
Half-Korean and I can use chopsticks to eat just about anything I could use a fork for. Worst case, it's in a bowl and you just shovel the food into your mouth.

Forks don't give you the control and versatility of chopsticks, you fucking savage.

>>38432592
Which military branch is your dad in?