>Hey BOO BOO BEAR >Lets play a game! >You have to

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I have good control over my glutes so I'd probably pluck it out with my ass.

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>tfw you will never have a gf

Inb4 some anon says something like "you will bro don't worry about it, your probably still young bro!!!"

I'm turning 29 soon.

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>>38270806
what the fuck did you just call me?

>go to kiss her neck
>she yells noooo

Easy peezy

I'd touch her with my feet until she let go/ try to knock it out with my feet

I'd induce an anal prolapse then smash her face in with it

>>38270858
>I'm turning 29 soon.

Dude, you're going to become a wizard in a year. Be proud of that.

>>38270873
kek

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>>38270806
My nickname is Donnie Bravo.
You fucking whore.

>>38270806
>Y-you too

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>>38270858
They told me it would better and if I kept my chin up the right girl would come along.
She never did...

>>38270858
>23
>never had a girlfriend
>have a 3 bedroom house to myself
>surrounded by blokes at work, literally no attractive girls in my workplace
>got a 16 yo fuckbuddy for a few months last year
>haven't properly talked to a girl since

Fuck it I'll concentrate on my cars

>>38271128
>>have a 3 bedroom house to myself
what do you use the spare rooms for?

>>38271025
>tfw no qt friendly Aussie pyromancy teacher in Dark Souls

Such a missed opportunity right there

>>38271157
The biggest is where I lift and do automotive stuff when I want to be comfy. I'm building and engine in there at the moment. I use the small one for accessible storage and shooting the fucking rats from the window

>>38270820
kek

Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy ;) nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles

>>38270806
I slept with your mother

>>38270820
heh

>>38270806
I would just eat her ass until she inevitably gasped and moan too hard to keep the pen in. Her pink treasure nestled between those porcelain cheeks would be no match for my tongue assault. Her pleasure would blind her as just before orgasm I snatch up the pen and run way victorious leaving her there to despair from blue flaps before even realizing that I beat her at her own game. That's what you get for challenging an alpha ass eater like me, toots.

>>38271227
This really got my tail wagging.

>>38271411
heh

>>38271205
How are you going to remove an engine from your bedroom after its built?

>>38271508
Move it out the bedroom door nigga. Unless he's building a fucking duramax or cummins he's fine.

>>38270806
No.

>>38270806
>doing what a woman wants
>ever

>>38271508
Through the door.

I measured.

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>>38271491
>>38270945
My thoughts exactly

>>38270806
>Easy.... *takes off socks*
>What?! NO~!

>>38271508

As the other anons said through the door using my FUNCTIONAL STRENGTH. It's 2.2 dohc so without em turbo and im it's breddy small and light

>>38271157
I own a 3 bedroom house too and there is absolutly nothing in any of the rooms. I sleep on an air matress in my living room.

>>38270858
turning 30, never been more excited in my life
this, after all, is the year I finally gain magical powers.

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>>38270858
>tfw finally got a gf and get my dick up

Life is hard m8s.. its as if God wishes for me to be eternally empty inside

>>38270858
did you ever think maybe your defeatist attitude is why

>>38270858
your life literally starts when you're 35 as a man
don't sweat it

>>38271227
Is this real life?

>>38272519
No that's 40 my man.

>>38270806
>unzips dick

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>>38271227
Holy fuck this can not be real

>>38270924
That's not how it works. You have to be a VIRGIN to be a wizard at 30. If you had sex but never had a gf, you don't get anything.

>>38270806
>Unzip dick
>Her jaw naturally falls open, pen drops out
>She then succ me

>>38270820

I wasn't prepared for this

>>38271227
This reminded me of the disgusting child erotica that my ex started writing online after she broke up with me

If you google it you can see it's copypasta

>>38270820
magnificent

post glutes

>>38272508
Buy a camper van and live in it, rent your house out

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>>38271227
Yiff in Hell furfags

>>38273253
did she miss your babby peen?

>>38273527
all the children were female and the men were usually grandfather age (sometimes the grandfather of the girl) or adults who raped, had group sex with, group married, and other messed up stuff

I understand you're trying to lay some bantz, but seriously, the stories were sick

>>38273559
Post em.

>>38273559
Jesus.
Sounds like a fucking mental case.

>>38273576
This

>>38273559
Did she ever mention being raped by her grandfather as a young loli?

>>38270858
Just be yourself.

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>>38273594
She said she neve was raped or molested at all. She had a "mean father" though and never felt accepted by him (he never beat her or anything like that). So after breaking up with me she found a fat broke loser who is balding, never went to college, and works as a security guard who was like 34 (she is 23) and got with him as a way of mentally feeling accepted by a much older man since she never got that from her father. I dunno if she is still with that guy though, it was like 2 months ago or something

She also said she liked her grandfather because he was nice, so I guess that's where those stories come from.

I am not gonna link her stories because I don't want to support the sick filth, and also I don't want her to be raided by 4chan 14 year olds. From what I gathered she is messed up in the head so I don't have any hard feelings, I don't wish any ill will on her. I hope she can work through her mental problems.

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>>38271227
Hahahaha
Made me laugh
Thank you, Anon

>>38273635
>I don't want her to be raided by 4chan 14 year olds.
Totally understandable, these stories intrigue me, but hell with mixing real life with 4chan shit.


Anyway, no one posted how they would use their incredible suction prowess to suck the pen out of her mouth?(catty comment about her questionable blowing skills optional.)
>T;dr: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hrM2biD7g4

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>>38271636
>mfw pettis used to be amazing

>>38270806
Easy, just kick it out of her face.

>ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?