holy fuck im going to have a heart attack i just got in my first

>>38069038
feels good huh???

learn sambo m8

>>38069038
learn krav maga and bust his ass

>>38069079
ivan shit > jew shit

>>38069067
>>38069079

i watched a video on wing chun and tried to him him while directing my energy into it or whatever the fuck you are supposed to do but i ended just punching him while stomping on the ground and it popped my big toe

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>>38069038

Fuck You

>>38069093
dont think while fighting just act.

Think while training.

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>drive home smacking the steerign wheel and yelling "you got fucked up bitch" while driving

This gave me a funny image in my head

Learn brazilian capoeira and fuck him

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keked
next time fight him for real faggot

probably he'll stab you

>>38069104
That shit is gay and bad.

Its nigger dancing with some fighting, super lame

>>38069038

Sounds like a gay high school fight where both of you were just rolling around yelling like idiots and slapping each other.

>>38069091
>>38069093
>>38069097
krav maga has realistic fight training
OP could have used it to take down the mexican

>>38069135
shit man what the fuck do you want after an hour at the gym with no training i'm tired

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>>38069038
>remember playing mount and blade and doing directional attacks, try to smack the side of his head

well, this finally settles it. /fit/ IS autistic.

>>38069102

That's literally just the end of season 1 episode 6 of Breaking Bad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUfsH-9Z0CQ

>>38069124
What the fuck did you just falou ae sobre minha capoeira, fiel? Tá maluco? Eu sou terceiro cordel preto na capoeira tipicamente baiana, meu parceirinho. Treinei com o mestre boca, mestre preto, sou treinado em mais de 35 tipos de estilos quilombolas, meu velho. Eu te destruo. No primeiro rabo de arraia tu já era.
Fool. baka

why the fuck do people use a bunch of little weights when a big one will do? work up to a 45, then add the 10, 25, 35 or another 45. it's just like a number system. but no. i see tards with two 25lb plates on each side or some shit. or a bunch of 10s when a couple of 45s will do. fucking shit man.

>>38069135
> rolling around yelling like idiots and slapping each other.

That's 90%of all fights. People can't fight for shit.

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>>38069156
time to go deadlift bye bye anon-kun :3

>>38069145
It's all about practicing Functional Autism.

>>38069038
Why didn't you just wait a few minutes you dumb shit. God this really is the lowest IQ board. You deserved tp get your shit wrecked.

I've been punched by a nigger on xanax and alcohol. It was only scary because i was rolling really hard and couldn't see in a dark strobe light rave club so my heart rate went nuts. Funny thing was it was the weakest punch in history and i was so faded i couldn't even tell i got punched. All i know is he's lucky he was hard where there was security to arrest him for assault right after and not in a place where i could have ripped him to shreds. I know tkd/mt/sambo/mma. If you push me to fight you'll be injured so that you can't chase me.

I work out in my basement gym and sometimes my girlfriend comes down to tell me how good I am doing and gives me kisses.

>>38069038

>grab gym bag and drive home smacking the steerign wheel and yelling "you got fucked up bitch" while driving
>tfw undefeated

You sure champ, because a park bench lawyer might hear
>be me
>be Mexican
>guy at gym beat me up in the locker room cus I was fat and a Mexican
>said "make america great again" as he beat me
>so racis!

Should have called the cops and threatened to press charges.

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"You got fucked up bitch"
"No fuck you!"
Ohgod I can't stop laughing

>>38069038
You gotta be careful with the mexicans bro. Everyone here jokes about fucking in the showers, but mexican dudes will rape you. Can't wait to build the wall

>>38069038
Kek

Real fights between noobs r so sloppy

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>>38069229

>>38069208
i had already waited half a fucking hour

he was camping the rack with all the fucking 10lbs plates, literally every single 10lb plate was on his rack so he could inch his way up

>>38069260
>he beat me up
>no nobody else see no
>no he racis holmes
im shaking in my boots

>>38069338
>im shaking in my boots
Just saying dude it can happen, 9 out of 10 times the pavement ape you beat up isn't smart enough to go fuck with a lawyer, but it can happen.

OP, next time throw a solid jab to his nose. This will stun him for a moment, allowing you to drive his head into your knee several times.

Alternatively, walk up, kick him in the balls, and hit him in the side of the jaw right under where it connects to the cheekbone when he bends over from pain.

Coupla things, OP. If indeed this actually happened, the Mexican can very well have you arrested for assault. If he's a bitch, he'll at the least inform club management, and you will most likely lose your club membership.

Another poster hit on this aspect earlier, but watch your back. Even though you think it's over, these "tough" types never let shit go, so he may be waiting for the right time to attack you, whether it's in the locker room, or "accidentally " dropping a weight on you while you're in mid-lift. You may wanna lay low for a week or two, and then tread lightly upon your return to the gym and make sure you don't see this Mexican guy.

>>38069229
This is me but replace gf with mom and a fresh plate of tendies

>>38069038
I believe this 100% because of how supremely uncool you seem in this retelling of your brawl.

Holy shit dude I am laughing so hard

Just be cautious next time, maybe switch gyms

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>>38069038
>>remember playing mount and blade and doing directional attacks, try to smack the side of his head

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>he keeps grabbing my arm so i just keep pressing on his dick with my thigh since i couldnt hit him from that angle

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>>38069038
>menacing guy comes up to you
>you throw the first hit

Enjoy your felony

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>>38069424
>Directional attacks

>>38069394

Faggot you have no idea what the fuck assault actually is or what state he's from. Don't post advice kid you got nothing. Look up simple assault

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video of OPs fight

>>38069428

>Thinking you have to get hit first to have self-defense

Next time wait until you get jumped in the corner of a locker room before you protect yourself see how that goes because "muh felony" learn your rights chump

>>38069038
>remember playing mount and blade

Fucking keked

>>38069214
Whats a good form of self defence? Im interested in taking some classes.

>>38069459
I don't know of any state that doesn't have some kind of statute where hitting someone isn't considered some form of assault.

But please, correct me if I'm wrong.

And for the record, I'm not buying this story completely.

>>38069038
You did the right thing. People who don't know how to increase weight with other plates don't deserve to use them. I'm surprised this guy knows how to breath.

>>38069640

Hitting someone is usually described legally as "battery." Assault generally does not require physical contact, but rather the reasonable threat thereof. In my state it's something like "threatening violence with the apparent ability to carry it out." So getting in someone's face and saying "fuck you!" really aggressively can count as assault depending on the context. In my state a person who feels threatened can strike first in self defense and be perfectly within the law.

Because really, if you wait until someone cranks you in the head before you defend yourself, you may not even get the chance to defend yourself. Most fights are decided by whoever gets the first good hit in, so it does not make sense to wait your turn if you really believe someone is going to hit you.

>>38069038
>>he gets close and i tackle him

So you escalated it and threw the first punch?

>>38070397
in most places you can claim self defence if you can reasonably claim that you feared for your life

>guy pulls a gun on you
>have to just stand there
>"haha i havent actually shot you yet so if you punch me you go to jail!"

if you get in a fight, say that you were attacked, wait for the police, and tell them "lawyer". no more than that single word, "lawyer"

>>38069038

WTF is the story behind this gif anyway? Is it a shoop? Is this dude dying and his eyes are really bugging out?

>>38069079
he said fat Mexican not starving Palestinian

>>38069099

Words of wisdom. This actually changed my perception.

>>38069538
Not him but i was boxer amateur boxing was really good training since i was like 11 but when i got my teen years people would always to fight me i would win almost all of them n some of thm knew mma all tht other bs but i would still win only thkng you got to wacth out for is w
restlers if thy get u to ground ur donezo but if thy throw u down remember u can use ur elbows n their sheer force will cause ur elbow to cut threw their head

>>38069156
What is this, Spanish spoken by a deaf guy?

>>38069483
From a legal perspective you do

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>>38069483
how is it self defense then?

>he was speaking to me in spanish and i felt threatened

>go in to change, he come sin a minute later
>starts speaking to me in spanish
>go in to change, he come sin a minute later
>starts speaking to me in spanish,
> i tackle him

Pretty sure you just assaulted a guy because you are to autistic to handle a social conflict.

I'd go to a new gym for a month or 2.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMvBx6phaFw

>>38069038
Mount and blade is my fucking jam

>>38069097
Topkek

>>38069079
It's much better to learn judo

>>38069038
>he keeps grabbing my arm so i just keep pressing on his dick with my thigh since i couldnt hit him from that angle

>Forgot no homo

You cant hide your sexuality from /fit/

>>38069136
Krabby magoo has no training.

>>38069538
boxing, muay thai, judo, wrestling, bjj (up the blue belt), kyokushin.

If you want to get a bit more exotic: savate, daido juku, combat sambo

>>38069038
>mfw this wasn't supposed to be a ylyl thread

>>38071049
portuguese, you fucking idiot. jesus. to be fair, i speak spanish and understood almost all of what i read.

>not bertstaring him and just saying 'nah'
you're a faggot op

>>38069099
THIS

>>38069038
You should learn Judo. Toss his ass to the floor.

>>38069099

I always wonder how people do this. How can they think while adrenaline rushs thorugh their body? It's a state of pure instinct.

>>38069038
really? you call that a fight? oh boy, i hope you dont get too cocky now, some people dont like to wrestle on the ground like 12yos and prefer to just knock you out cold and move on like nothing happened...

>>38069038

start by reporting him to the police for assaulting you

actually you should've alerted the gym and done that on the spot when you left the changing rooms

>>38070957
t. Mohammed al Dyelibi

Israel are the good guys

>>38071494
>he came at me

that's it. that's all you have to say.

>>38069038
>drive home smacking the steerign wheel and yelling "you got fucked up bitch" while driving
ANON HAHA

Mexican has a high chance of winning an A and B charge against OP.

OP gonna get taken to the cleaners lel

>>38071879
Nope. OP's act of tackling fat Mexican was not a proportionate response. He should have at least waited for some physical contact. The fact that OP kept hitting the Mexican while he was down does not help OP's case.

I hope you like prison food, OP. And penis.

>>38069097
Fuck you, Leatherhead

>>38069136
Krav maga is only realistic if you're holding an automatic weapon, and have some other buddies also holding automatic weapons. If not, fuck off.

>>38072004
oh god you're retarded. I'm a security guard and I need to perform citizen's arrests all the time, so I know the law very well. I have to do everything legally and have no badge to hide behind.

You don't even know the basic definition of assault, faggot. Someone hitting you is battery. Assault is when someone threatens to batter you, as in they do something where a reasonable person would expect it to lead to a battery - for example raising their fist to hit you, or shouting at you and charging towards you.

TLDR - you're wrong, I know you'll argue against this, but you're wrong.

>>38069462
you can't defend yourself against that desu. it's kinda like aokis look away move

>>38069038
>remember playing mount and blade and doing directional attacks, try to smack the side of his head
Absolutely fucking killed me, I love m&b

>>38072055
You know enough not to get in trouble while doing citizen's arrests. Even if OP successfully argued that the act by the victim of getting near him was enough to constitute a reasonable apprehension of immediate bodily harm, the fact that OP wailed on him AFTER he crawled away takes OP's act outside self defense.

>>38070465
Yeah. Of course. Talking in an angered tone == pulling out a gun.
OP, are you 13 or just trailer trash? Fights aren't perfectly reasonable ways to solve issues. Keep your hands to yourself, remember? Or did your special education teacher not teach you that shit?
>I'm just going to escalate the situation hehe can't wait to tell my r/b/ros ;) I'm such an alpha
Anyway, my high school wrestling coach always had us do lengthy pyramid sets until we wanted to die. Of course at the time there weren't many others lifting but still. It isn't unreasonable for people to pick up bad training habits and then not realize the inconvenience they've created. There are always two sides to a story, you don't have to be a violent downy

>>38072055
>I know the law very well
The way that you're so sure that OP will get away just by saying the beaner came at him tells me that you really don't.

>>38069038
well done on beating his ass, now inform the authorities that you had to defend urself in such a manner and get his ass deported, assholes like these who are beaten typically resort to using weapons or getting extra help

>>38069156
>Fool. Baka.
Kek meu amiginho

>>38070947
It's a shoop. It's clearly The Rock.

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Watch Bruce Lee's movie The Big Boss. It's my Bible for learning fighting moves and the best movie ever. Bruce Lee kicks a number of guys in the nuts so hard they just die.

>>38072055
Lawyerfag here. Confirming what this guy said.

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>>38071879

Thanks for the advice

>>38071630

wow someone on fit who actually knows what fighting styles work... protip BJJ will almost always win street/party fights and nothing literally nothing will make you beat multiple people so dont ever think it will.

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>Was at gym working out with 20lb dumbbells
>Big black guy walks up and says "Hey niqqa can I use those"
>I say "In a minute, Im almost done with my reps"
>Big black guy grabs ahold of one dumbbell in my left hand and yanks hard as fuck and says "Im not waiting for your bitchass"
> I slam dumbbell in other hand into his kneecap
>Big black guy falls down, I start punching him in the side of his big ass head
>He starts to stiffen up his body so I thought he was spazzing out
>He starts having massive seizure
>I awkwardly walk away

>>38072055
>I know the law
So why aren't you a real cop? Too autistic?

>>38069038
>grab gym bag and drive home smacking the steerign wheel and yelling "you got fucked up bitch" while driving
hahahahhaha

>>38074075

if this is real, good job anon

>>38072004

>deliberately giving bad advice while quoting a cop comedy

don't worry bro, I appreciated it. sorry it went over the heads of all these minimum wage mall """""cops"""""" trying to puff themselves up while bored playing on their tablets in their tiny, unairconditioned rooms

>>38074075
>Was at gym working out with 20lb dumbbells
>Big black guy walks up and says "Hey niqqa can I use those"
>I say "In a minute, Im almost done with my reps"
>Big black guy grabs ahold of one dumbbell in my left hand and yanks hard as fuck and says "Im not waiting for your bitchass"
>I stutter out "H-here you n-need both h-heheh"

>>38074264
Oh dont worry I was jumped by him and his buddies a few days later.

>>38069038

i kept waiting for this to end like another "going to the gym on datura" story where homegymmasterraceanon started shit with his mom washing dishes and ended up fighting her in the shower

>>38069038
>I try to squeeze his wrists with my thumb and finger and rake them back and forth
Dude, what? You got in a fight and the best thing you could do is mess with someone's wrist?

>>38073677
OP was the aggressor in the latter part of the story. What jurisdiction are you admitted in?

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>>38072074

>>38069038
>Get into fight on st Pat's
>Both trying to grab each other's arms
>Somehow end up on top
>Have a long thumbnail (guitar)
> Start pressing it into the guys wrist
> He's bleeding like fucking crazy
>Spend an hour in a paddy wagon

To be fair I started it by being autistic. He bumped into me and I said you're sorry

>>38074770
thats alpha as fuck not autistic

>>38073675
>Watch Bruce Lee's movie The Big Boss. It's my Bible for learning fighting moves
Or actually go properly learn from a gym or dojo like the actors in martial arts movies and every other martial artist does instead of relying on watching things others have trained to do but you're too lazy to learn

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>>38069038
>grab gym bag and drive home smacking the steerign wheel and yelling "you got fucked up bitch" while driving

Hahaha OP you babe, I don't like fighting but that post scrap euphoria is unbeatable, would rep irl.

>>38069038
>crawl like a gorilla a few steps away, he is trying to get up
>kick him as hard as i can, justs hits his arm and he says "fuck you"
OP you retard you should have stopped when he was crawling away. Enjoy conviction for misdemeanor battery, and aggravated (felony) if he got fucked good. Your right to self defense stopped when you stopped your aggressor. Fat Mexican was clearly trying to retreat.

>>38074930
>>38069260
>>38069394
>>38071803

All these blatant yank melts thinking a 30 second grapple should result in some kind of legal action.

Goddamn you really are the cancer of the earth, you've actually turned physical confrontation into a money making legal procedure.

And you wonder why men are such pussies these days...

>>38069038
Knuckles... that's it.

You don't need any shitty, trendy fighting sessions, as pure, unbridled power and unwavering will is more devastating than some high kicking dance moves or jazz hands.

Bone will fucking knock the fight out of someone fast. As long as you're not riddles with osteoporosis or anything of the like.

>>38074968
You are retarded. These laws were meant to discourage shit like these. Unlike in wherever shithole you came from, laws in real nations are more preventive than punitive.

>>38069394
It's Battery brah, but OP did it. He is fucked, he blew his self-defense justification because the force he used was more than what was required to neutralize the attacker. He applied unlawful touching (kek) when the mexican was down and was trying to get away from him. He's gonna get some more unlawful touching in prison if you know what I mean.

>>38072055
Dear Paul,
While you are correct in your definition of assault and battery, you fail to acknowledge that OP himself committed battery. His act of kicking the other guy after the other guy tried to retreat took his act of kicking outside the ambit of self-defense. Basically >>38072146

>>38075056
Shaddup my name is Paul and I'm not related this this poster

>>38075088
blart pls

>>38069038
lol I got one that's pretty stupid too.

>talk shit about kids dad on Facebook for some reason
>he gets angry wants to fight me
>train kickboxing/mma
>kid is fat but says he knows karate (lol)
>drive to his apartment complex this is all happening around midnight.
>park outside the gate, he's here waiting for me.
>get out and throw a roundhouse kick but miss
>he backs up a bit "oh so we're doing this?"
>"hell yeah we're doing this."
>I start throwing haymakers pretty much forget my training in the heat of the moment.
>After taking a few hits he goes to grab me.
>wraps his arms around my waist while he's bent over trying to hold himself up on me.
>starts reaching up and grabbing my throat and starts digging his nails into my vocal cords.
>I panic. Start throwing these really fast and hard punches from the adrenaline on the back of his head.
>he eventually collapses
>I get on the right side of him in half guard and throw a few right knee kicks to his face before he starts yelling to stop.
>I get up seeing he's had enough.
>i tell him that I respect him for not backing out.
>he states "you got a few good hits in."
>I respond "a few? You wanna go again?"
>He quickly rejects my offer with fear and walks away holding his head.
>get a message from him on FB a day or so after the fight saying he had to go to the hospital and get stitches in the back of his head.

I felt bad ass at first, but after the adrenaline wore off, I felt like a dick.

I pretty much bullied someone.

>>38074989

>preventative

And yet you have some of the worst crime statistic of any 1st world country.

>>38075128
It's a big country (for you) and is one which is closely watched. I'm certain other countries have worse stats if they were as big and as closely watched as murca.

>>38075176

I think it has more to do with money grabbing, lawsuits are big deals and people know they can get good money out of something like that, to the point where people now call the police when it's not even necessary, just to get their word in first to stop the other guy doing it.

It goes against everything men should stand for, sorting out your problems your own way, not sitting in a court where a bunch of strangers get to decide whether you did the right thing or not.

>>38075235
>lawsuits are big deals and people know they can get good money out of something like that
Wrong. People are advised to settle amicably before going into court because filing and lawyer fees can eat into the prospective award. It's actually part of the procedure in civil cases.

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>>38072074
Just undress.

>>38075317
I'd fight him

>>38069067
hhh >>38069067.

>>38070996
>restlers if thy get u to ground ur donezo but if thy throw u down remember u can use ur elbows n their sheer force will cause ur elbow to cut threw their head
So that's what taking boxing classes at 11 does to you

>>38069462

This thing is fucking ridiculous.

Their leg stance is more than just awful.

They don't even try to protect their stomach, legs or sides.

Their fast paced, open fingers bullshit probably keeps them from breathing efficiently and has a high chance of breaking something if it hits the forehead.

>>38072154
god damn you're a pussy.

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>>38069038
>>remember playing mount and blade and doing directional attacks, try to smack the side of his head
kekeroni

>>38075494
>implying fighting isn't a last resort
Daily reminder that fightfags are insecure faggots who just HAVE to prove their masculinity to anyone.

>>38069428
>>38071494
>>38072004

>telling the truth
>telling the truth when it could land you in jail

No, officer, he's lying. He came up to me in the gym locker room and started getting physical, was mad that I took some weights he was using, I guess.

Yes, officer, he threw the first punch.

Yes, officer, I'm aware that his story is different than mine.

No, officer, there was no one else in the locker room.

Am I free to go, sir?

>>38069038
>>kick him as hard as i can, justs hits his arm and he says "fuck you"
>>all i could think of was "no fuck YOU"

You should have said "I WILL DRINK FROM YOUR SKULL", lmfao

>>38075451
This post is ridiculous.

He just assumes it's completely serious.

He doesn't even think before posting.

He proceeds to explain the biomechanics of why being blatantly retarded wouldn't work, even though it's painfully obvious even to the uneducated.

>>38075584
If the officer is armed with a warrant, OP will be read your rights and """""invited""""" for custodial interrogation. I'd suggest that OP use those rights.

>>38075661
that's an excellent point, too.

The takeaway from this thread are the following
>try to actively avoid fights
>if forced to fight, just do enough to stop the attack, and cease from attacking once your attacker is no longer a threat
If you go to prison, you will lose gains because buttfucking=cardio

>>38071668
No thats the joke brazilian sounds retarded and as if it is being spoken by someone who is deaf

>>38075127
Alpha male

>>38074822
Thankfully the cop who put me in the partyvan was busy and another copy asked me what I did so I said I couldn't remember and he let me out

It felt really autistic though. I haven't fought since school and all I could think to do was hold the guy down and use my nails.

>>38075495
OP confirmed for sarranid cuck

>>38069338
>asking to take the plates
He knew you were one of the weak ones because of this.

>>38069038
lmao that whole fucking post

>>38075642

Same anon.

That was systema. It is real and they have dojos all over the world.

Get fucked, you pompous cocknugget.

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Ok, i need some sauce on OP's pic

>>38069178
I think it's more about training form since the weight is spread out further