Are there any tricks how i can poop as fast as possible after

Kind of impractical and not good advice but weed makes you have to go for some reason, especially in the morning. I don't recommend taking it though.

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>>36530347
cocaine

you get the two bump dump a nice high to start your day

Heroin

>>36530357
nah thats no option but thanks anyway

Fage yogurt + bran cereal + coffee = grandmaster poopoo

>>36530347
eating a biggish breakfast as soon as you wake up. the peristalsis of eating triggers a bowel movement. a more guaranteed thing is to take a fiber supplement like psyllium before you go to bed

>>36530347
Magnesium before bed, but it won't come out in the cleanest fashion.
ZMA made my ass explode every morning, I think it had 800mg magnesium. Might have been the brand too, I dunno.

>>36530383
works the opposite way

Monster Lo-Carb. Not sure about others, but every single time.

>>36530347
You basically need to think of it like working out. Instead of progressive overload and adding weight as often as you can, you basically need to overload your bowels by holding your poop for a little longer each day, until you reach about the morning time when you want to poop. Then, it's just a matter of drinking some water and moving your body around for a few minutes after you wake up, and you'll poop fine.

Eat a banana, drink a cup of coffee, rip a cig

You'll have to poop unless you ate cement

>>36530399
>mfw face yogurt + brain cereal + coffee