So my parents are away on a trip and I took the opportunity to

>>1101121
What did the penis pump do? Is the window accessible? If the latch is sloped so the door can close when simply pushed, you could try bending some <12 gauge wire into a square missing a side, with side length being about twice the thickness of the door. Rotate one end of the wire in the gap between the door and the frame to hook it around the latch, and pull both ends away from the door. If it contacts the slope of the latch, then it might push the latch back into the door and allow the door to open if you pull on the door handle at the same time. May require three hands. If your door opens away from you, then I'd suggest spending the rest of the week watching youtube lock picking videos and practicing on a padlock or other door.
Best of luck!

>>1095506

>>1101121
get wagecuck job and start saving for apartment

>>1101121
>Friday
plenty of time, either learn to pick the lock or have someone do it for you

>>1101121

No window?

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>>1101121
Thanks for the laugh OP

>>1101121
>secretly using your Dad's penis pump in their bathroom

You deserve this.

Also a pic of the door might help.

Rate the pump on a scale from 1 to 10 I thought about getting one

>>1101121
B U M P K E Y
U
M
P

K
E
Y

About the hinges, is it just the screw plates not visible or the whole hinge? If you can see the hinging mechanism part, just cut it apart and put new hinges on.

Or just learn some basic lockpicking.

>>1101186
lol @ cut it apart

you know you can just use a punch and remove the pins in the hinge right. but if the door swings into the bathroom it won't work as it won;t be accessible.

Well it kinda depends on what your dignity is worth, doesn't it OP?

I think you could learn to pick the lock in time, as it's not that hard.

Otherwise you gotta go in via the least damaging method.

Personally, I would think you could wait for them to show up, then, when they're unlocking the door, act like you're busting for a shit and have been waiting for them to get back, then run in for the toilet first and grab it.

>>1101121
Your only option is to bust open the door

Then when they get home and start screaming tell them
>"Well I asked where the key was but you never responded so I decided to bust open the door instead of letting the toilet flood the house."

>>1101203
Bonus points for

*laundering and drying a bunch of towels and leaving them in the dryer
*leaving a couple fans in the room running
*flushing the toilet and shutting off the water right away so the tank is empty

>>1101121
Only on 4chan.

Just smash the door down and make up some bullshit excuse for why you had to, you though you left a pet in there, you left the tap on, you really needed to pee and then offer to pay the damages but never do it.

>>1101196
Some hinges you can, others not so much. Some have those ball ends.

>>1101204
Not a bad idea. Although I'd smell something weird since this is likely the only time this has ever happened.

OK, it's morning now and I'm going to attempt to get through the window. Wish me luck. If I don't make it back, I probably fell and ended up a paraplegic.

Also for people suggesting credit cards, hinges, popping off the knob, etc., I covered all that in the OP. I tried or considered all the easy stuff first and it simply won't work.

>>1101204
>those details
you have stolen your dads wiener pump before, havent you?

>>1101121
Go buy a key blank and file.. And download a bunp key template. Make a bump key.


It will take maybe 30min. And will have the door open in 5 min.

what is a bathmate?

No luck with the window.

The screen is an old metal screen that's held in place with a metal strip on one side fastened with two screws. I got the bottom screw out but the window's awning blocks easy access to the second screw. I can get the screwdriver in but at that angle there's no way I can generate enough torque to unscrew it, no matter how little the screwdriver is or if I use a wrench.

Any ideas? For the window or the door or anything else.

I can't take pics up on the ladder.

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>>1101284
A dickpump, learn to read

>>1101233
No. But I'm a pathological liar with narcissistic and sociopathic tendancies.

>>1101284
Its something that causes tissue damage and scarring on the inside of your cock, causing erectile dysfunction to otherwise normal people .

Get 3/8 bit and drill the key way out, jamb in a screwdriver and turn. Tell folks you locked cell or whatever in and here is a new $26 lockset from lowes.

Next time use your hand, easier cleanup. Leave the fancy toys in the story :)

>>1101301

Take screen out of its frame and replace. You can get metal screen at home depot. It's not expensive.

>>1101301
can we get a picture of the door?
second hinges as best option, even if you fuck them up, hinges are like $2-3.

Go in the sealing and try and extract it via the exhaust fan hole.

>>1101348
Exactly this. You left the key to the house or something retarded in the bathroom and you needed and couldn't go without in there. Afterwards just do what you gotta do to get it open.

>>1101348
>Next time use your hand, easier cleanup. Leave the fancy toys in the story :)
fucking this, fuck toys, too much work for not a lot of increase in pleasure and a lot of work in return

>>1101348
>>1101387
>dick pump
>pleasurable

>>1101314
You're on 4chan, antisocial tendencies are par for the course. Quit trying to act special.

OP, get a bumpkey you dolt, you have more than enough time.

>>1101121
Just break the door and say a friend was over and was drunk and was being an asshole. Problem solved. It's better than being caught with a dick pump. I would hang myself instead of having my parents find some gay cock pump.

I would rather they find a dildo.

>>1101387
ikr? I bought a fleshlight years ago, but rarely use it, since it's more hassle to clean it up after than just spitting on my hand and calling it good. It honestly doesn't even feel that much better.

>>1101121
Cut/break hole in door, buy and install replacement.

I've had to do this before, but with windows.

>>1101128

l m a o

Why the fuck do you have a toilet with a latch lock?

>>1101813
op lives in a gas station?

>>1101813
makes you wonder what kind of pervy things OP's parents are into, or the pervy things OP has done in the past.

>>1101121
magnets! if the lock is anything of quality its probably made of some type of ferrous material.

just put a ceramic iron ferrite magnet (not NIB, the field is not large enough) so that the north/south boundary is over the key hole and rotate it in the same direction as to unlock the door from the inside (if the door lock counter clockwise turn the magnet counter clockwise because your on the other side).

>>1101838
yeah i messed that up

>*(if the door lock is clockwise turn the magnet counter clockwise because your on the other side)

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use a large pair of channel lock pliers to turn the doorknob. it will break the internal parts of the lock

just drill it and dont fix/explain it

how many fucking parents lock the bathroom from the outside anyways?

or
just leave it

it will let your dad know who the man of the house really is

Do your parents have a junk drawer somewhere that things just collect? There's probably a spare key if they have one. My parents junk drawer is in the kitchen. Don't forget checking the junk drawers in the garbage, ie every drawer in a tool chest.

is op even alive

>>1102001
Op fell off a ladder

You idiot. You should've just rammed it open and told them you tripped and fell into the door and broke the lock.

>>1101838
>just put a ceramic iron ferrite magnet (not NIB, the field is not large enough) so that the north/south boundary is over the key hole and rotate it in the same direction as to unlock the door from the inside

Are you autistic?

1.) Magnetic fields don't work that way.
2.) If that worked, it'd be a shit lock, not "anything of quality".

>>1101838
>not NIB, the field is not large enough

Magnet composition is irrelevant. Field density at a given distance ("size") is dependent on both the magnetic strength of a material and the volume it occupies. That is to say, a neodymium magnet of the same size/shape as a ceramic/steel magnet will have a larger useful magnetic field.

>>1101121

Of all the boards on 4chan I never thought I would find "I stole my dads pens pump then locked in in moms bathroom" on this one.

That said, if I had to solve this, I would go through the window. Screen is cheap as fuck, and it takes all of 10 minuets to redo it.

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>>1101121
You sure it didn't look more like this OP?

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>>1102076
Imagine coming home to find your disappointment of an autistic son (pic related) stole your cock pump you use to ravage his mom's ass with as he's autisticly trying to open a lock with a magnet.

>>1102110
Holy fuck.

I need to better hide my fleshlight.

>how do i pick a lock the easy way
no.

but here is a solution to your problem. take a picture of the door knob. go to the hardware store and buy a new doorknob. if it's an old type of classic doorknob, just replace it with a cheap basic one with the same features. claim the toilet got blocked and you needed to piss so you used their toilet. now take a hammer and just bash on the top of the doorknob until it falls off. use pliers to turn the mechanism. replace the door handle. pretend you were being a good son by fixing it. or if you can find the same model of the doorknob then just replace it. bonus stealth points for taking it to a locksmith first to have the lock cylinders swapped or doing it yourself.

>>1101121
This is a simple equation. Which is worse: (A) parents return and find out you've been using your dad's cock-pump, or (2) parents return to find bathroom door busted in.

If there was a simple way, you'd have found it by now. Kick the door close to the lock, put some weight behind it.

>>1101121
i rate this thread up there with the crabmeat guy and scrotum warmer guy.

>>1102184
The only funnier thread that I can remember that I personally saw was this guy who was on /o/ asking about how to remove blood and shit out of fabric upholstery that got all over the backseat of his mom's car after an anal mishap with his gf.

So is it safe to assume that OPs parents beat him to death for either stealing his dad's dick pump or breaking the door furniture?

>>1101121
>the bathroom door has a key lock and is intruder proof
>you need a fucking key to enter the bathroom

never in my entire life have i heard such bullshit

>>1101121
If they don't answer, break it down, then fix it or promise to fix it. Say you left something important in there, but not a penis pump.

tell them your whack off toy is in the bathroom and you need the key...man up loser

>>1101121
It's just a dick enlarger. Your parents gave you baths when you were little, they already know you have a small dick OP.

Take some pictures for us op maybe we can help. Theres a ton of different locks out there. A bump key isnt hard but it can totally fuck the lock. Try looking thru the junk drawer if you have one. Misc keys end up there sometimes

Op what you could do depending on your door is to drill a hole on the same horizontal axis as the knob so that you can reach the locking mechanism, then using a screwdriver and hammer try to bash and trigger the parts until it either unlocks or that the door simply can't be unlocked with a key and that should give you a reason to break the door down and replace it. To cover up the drilled hole if your door is covered by a thin layer of wood and is full of polypropylene and expended foam you can just use clear glue and a picture of the texture of your door.

>>1102549
Not to mention parental penis inspection day every month.

>>1102538
It's his dad's whack off toy.

UPDATE: I had resigned myself to breaking the lock but luckily my parents called in time and the key was not behind the door. Crisis averted.

>FAQ
- It isn't my dad's.
- It's not a sex toy.
- There's a key lock on the door instead of a regular privacy lock because my mom bought the knob and didn't see the difference. Also because my parents are serial killers.

>>1102716
All that for nothing

>>1102716
Disappointing

>>1102716
I'll recommend this kind of lock as in the past some relative have to destroy his bath door cos his heart-ill father got deeeeeply slept on the white chair.

Take a fucking picture of the door and the lock op

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>>1101960
This motherfucker understands what is up

>Get back from trip with wife
>for some reason the bathroom door does not work, what ever though happened before
>finally get it back open and take a dump
>notice strange object in the sink
>pick it up and inspect it
>the dots connect in my head as I drop it in disgust
>mfw

>>1101315
It's generally is used to treat ED.
Also, you only get scarring if you go full retard with it and use too strong of a vacuum.

>>1101163
Honestly, you can use a Sun Tea Jar instead for cheaper.
That's what I use.

>>1102716
>It's not a sex toy.
>OP is middle-aged man with ED living at home

Call a locksmith. He doesn't have to see your pump, just unlock the door.

Not every job is /diy/ but maybe it's time you got into lock picking....

/diy/ rarely disappoints.

>>1103264
He already opened it.

Get a lock smith.

Pop the window or break the window perhaps.
You could either replace it or say some kid threw a rock into it at night.

>>1103621
Do none of you read the thread? Even just one or two posts up?

>>1102716
>not a sex toy
sensible_chuckle.gif

kinda disappointed, was expecting either a broken down door or an ass whooping
"""kids""" these days...

>>1101203
>>1101204


This one my guy

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>>1102840
Oh my god, is this /b/?

>>1102716
>Crisis averted.

Nope. Your dad is going to come home, notice that extra 2 inches on your dick, put two and two together and you're busted.

>>1105163
Cross-board banners were a terrible idea.

>>1101121
Can you unscrew the whole handle and lock?

Idk if this has been posted.

LIFT THE DOOR

Some areas require a bathroom door to be lift able out of its hinges so emergency services can gain access ie. Old people falling and not getting up while in the bathroom

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>>1102115
that mental image

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>>1102840
this fucking post

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>>1102682
>tfw you remember there was a kid in school when you were young that said his father could tell if he ate all his vegetables by regularaly checking his penis

>>1106084
That's not funny, and you should have told someone.

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>>1101121

>>1101908
WINNER

>>1106261
He just told all of us

>>1106261
>>1106326
lel
I don't see what the big deal is. His father was just checking to make sure the kid was eating his veggies.

Okay. I'm guessing it's not a deadlock. You need to get a 8 x 5 (or thereabouts) piece of flexible plastic, feed it through between the door and frame and pull it downwards to where the lock is, then use a sawing motion until the plastic prices the lock open. For the plastic you can cut up a coke or pepsi bottle (bigger the better). Bathroom locks generally only lock the knob, not the actual lock. Be patient it'll take a few mins.

>>1106455
Fuck.. I shoulda read the whole thread..

This is hilarious but I don't know why anyone would help OP before saturday

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>>1106261
Yes, over two decades ago when I was 7 years old I should have had the awareness to tell someone. What an irresponsible child.

In case you have autism and are unable to interpret reaction images, the picture displays my laughing at the sarcastic joke made by
>>1102682
And then my shock and disgust at the realization of what had happened when I was a child.

Now through explaining I have sunken to your level of autism.

>>1106326
Kek

Use one rigid metal object (butter knife handle? Pry bar?) to pry the door open as far as you can from the frame, this should create a space where you can pop the lock with another sturdy knife

>>1101301

Cut the screen, bro. Shit's not even a t-shirt strength and screens are not expensive.

>>1107853

fuck shoulda read the thread said Fred