/efg/ - Erotic Fiction General

I wonder if any anon would actually be able to help me. I remember in the past finding a story in actually published book about a dude who drinks a potion that makes every woman crazy about him. As much comedy as erotica given that not every woman he meets is up to guy's taste and it disrupts his daily life quite much.

If any anon could drop that story or similar ones about the guy being sought by whole hordes of lust-crazed women, it'd be great. Beside that comic about gypsy blessing/cursing a guy, I know that one already.

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D's Girlfriends 4Ever Fanfiction: Part 2
http://pastebin.com/JG5yzfXc
>tags: all futa, huge cocks, cock growth, cock shrinking, dildos, repeated orgasms, public nudity, exhibitionism, come eating, condom play, more futa sex than you can believe

Don't miss Part 1:
http://pastebin.com/qLFH6E2x
>tags: women being turned into futa, lots and lots of futa sex, public nudity, same as the above, but no dildos

I need to save my tags somewhere. I keep forgetting what I need to tag.

>>7105401
>come eating
this tag just made me imagine someone who fetishises inviting/being invited out for a meal with people

Originally written for /short/, here's a 2-chapter story (so far) about a short dragon monstergirl and a guy named Anon. The first chapter is fairly vanilla, dragon monstergirl aside. The second chapter is less so, but has tags at the top.

http://pastebin.com/TFCn8Tmk

The jokes get less intense once it gets to the meat of the story I swear.

>>7105493
>/short/

what is that?

>>7105503
>>>/aco/952951

How is everyone's fics going?

Only 2 weeks until Sun and Moon come out

>>7105514
been feeling a bit of writers block, but hopefully I'll get some progress on love coils in the next few days

>>7105514
I can't sleep since my neighbor is playing rap so I'm finally starting seriously on a fic idea that I had back when this was /wst/.

Girl moves out to a quiet old country house with her family. The house is home to a young bogeyman-like monster that is very startled to see a family, and a cute girl, now unknowingly living with him. He's attracted, but he can't be looked at or he'll vanish clean away until the next night.

I mostly know how their meetings will go but I've failed to write something for it because I'm godaweful at writing anything at length; I can't fill a page even when I know what I'm doing because I just condense the words to uselessness.
It also didn't help that Belganon wrote something very much like the first draft (Underbed on the List, loved it).
I'm flunking NaNoWriMo right now so I might as well see about banging out some mediocre smut as my first real story.

I know this is a stretch, but does anyone remember an erotic story about a college-aged Lilo (through some happenstance) slowly transforming into an alien?

>>7105568
man the harpoons

>>7105568
>>7105698
>Ursi chased Dennis around to lose weight

>>7105401

Yes update! Now I got plenty to read.

>>7105570
>I might as well see about banging out some mediocre smut as my first real story

Good luck, I did the same.
Try telling the whole story in 500-1500 words.
Only pick the best parts, imply the rest.
That helped me write a novel.

Alright you smutlords, I just want everyone in here to know that even if I don't always get around to posting feedback I definitely enjoy reading your stories.

Keep up the good work anons.

>>7105514
I'm working on a story about a dragon kidnapping a princess and doing what you'd expect from a smut fic.
The idea's been rattling around in my head for a while so I thought I might as well try getting it out.

>>7105568


God damn. This is Ursi after the initial weight gain though, correct? Her breasts are way too small to be what you were describing towards the end.

>>7105823
They are still about the size of her own head, but that does just make her head seem way too small anyways.
Though my problem with these images is more how thrown off I am by the faces; I'd expected something closer to Guild Wars Charr or just real alien cats, and instead it's more generic furry. my mistake I guess.

>>7105401

Just finished chapter 18-19, I liked how Tara started to question herself, or how you word it. And the part after Sabrina got cuffed.

I found one spelling error, I assume, the part with Cup C, it says "Anna checked which cup ..." I assume this is supposed to be "Tara checked ..."?

I've dissapeared for awhile, is snek guy still around?

>>7105982
>I found one spelling error, I assume, the part with Cup C, it says "Anna checked which cup ..." I assume this is supposed to be "Tara checked ..."?

Whoops. Fixed.

>>7106005
Snekguy was squeezed to death by his snekky girlfriend and his snekky mistress. It what he would have wanted.

RIP Snekguy
1933-2016

(yes, he's still around and remarkably active)

>>7105568
>>7106005
Not even 15 posts above your own...

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Need more Ork snu-snu.

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>>7106031
Good choice.

>>7106031
It is one of the earlier pieces of erotica that I wrote. I've been writing for a long time before I finally cracked and started writing actual smut.

Nevertheless, thank you very much for the compliment. Even though I'm not into the snekky babes, I think your work is very nicely written as well. It wouldn't surprise me if you could parlay this into a career as a writer, or if you already have.

>>7106041
We have plenty of it, did you even look at the list?

Question: If I want to use the possessive of Moralez, like if I want to refer to his troops or something he owns would it be:
Moralez'
or
Moralez's?

>>7106121
the former is grammatically correct

>>7106124
Alright thanks.

>>7106045
Thanks! I'd love to do that one day, though it probably isn't realistic. I keep saying I'll give Amazon a try but I never do. Still fairly unclear as to what the requirements and rules are, I should probably research it now that I have a fair amount of work to put up.

>>7106031

Did the artist fuck Ursi up, or did you intentionally ask for her breasts to be drawn so small compared to hiw you wrote them?

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https://chyoa.com/story/Mind-Wars.10240

I wrote this, I still have to reread and edit a bit more because I've been too busy writing more of it. I figured out the plot stuff, you can skip that, there's a lot of plot to enhance the sex and mind control parts.
Not sure what I'm missing here. I read someone say something about removing pronouns to make it better but I can't find anything like that on the net.

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>>7106187
Keep in mind dude she's nine feet tall.
Each of those tits is far bigger than a human head.

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>>7106199
Big fat cat tats to human head comparison.

>>7106221

I get that they're huge to a human life, it's just that the way you wrote them made them sound massive even by Borealan standards post-cheeseburgers

>>7106251

*to a human

Derp

>>7106251
>>7106254
The drawings of Ursi don't have her next to a human or equatorial Borealen for comparison so that actual size is harder to judge

>>7106251
I mean, they're pretty damned big. In the second picture they're bigger than her own head, compounded by her exaggerated height they're absolutely huge and each one probably weighs at least 80lb.
You can't get much bigger than that without it becoming a caricature.

>>7106278

>You can't get much bigger than that without it becoming a caricature.

Oh my sweet summer child

>>7106302
Yeah but I don't want it to be a caricature, she already has breasts far larger and more exaggerated than any human could possibly carry, while not looking unrealistic or overly fetishized. It's still appropriate for her stature.
Why make breasts that are already four or five times bigger than the biggest human cup even larger if they would look ridiculous on her?

I wrote a smut, and I figure here'd be the place to put it.
http://www.fembotcentral.net/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=13483
>tags: femsolo, exhibitionism, public nudity, robot girl, bomb play, bomb girl, seriously this all ends in an explosion and i love it

Is "yuri" an anime-specific tag or generally applicable to everything with girls lewding each other?

>>7106100
But we need more!

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>>7106333
I think Yuri specifically implies girl love and romance, not necessarily lesbian scenes. I tag my lesbian scenes as 'girl-on-girl'.

>>7106327
>bomb play
Ok, well now I have to read this.


3000 word update, new content at "This can't have happened long ago"

Purple Heart:
http://pastebin.com/mCZ1pZkK
>no tags yet
Fair warning, this has Starship Troopers tier violence and dismemberment.

>>7106333
So long as there are no men in the sex scenes I doubt people will mind.

Probably.

>>7106348
bomb girl anon here, let me know what you think when you read it, please, it's pretty short.

>>7106395
Very good descriptive writing, formatting is good for the size of the story, hilarious and unusual premise, albeit a little morbid.
I feel like it's a little too short for anyone to really have time to get off to it, but it seems to be more about the premise.

>>7106398
Actually, I (and my primary roleplay partner, she's really cool) got off to it, but *shrug*

>>7106327
I'm a little embarassed to admit I remember when you first posted that on the forum you linked. Never got around to submitting any feedback til now, though.

As Snekguy said, it's short but well-done, and it handles the premise quite well.

Most people don't really find explosions and being near them erotic, but quite frankly nobody's in a position to call a given fetish odd over here.

>>7106348
After reading that I'm waiting for a "the enemy cannot press a button if you disable his hand" reference at this point

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>>7106124
>>7106121
>fucking up the LITERAL NUMBER ONE rule from The Elements of Style
It. Is. Always. -> 's <-. No exceptions save for "ancient proper names ending in -es and -is," and a few other exceptions that don't apply to the name you're asking about.

>>7106199
>>7106221
Hubba hubba this is some good shit Snek. Size difference is my main fetish.

There's a whole lot of woman to love there.

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>>7106327
>bomb play, bomb girl, seriously this all ends in an explosion and i love it

Kojima does it again!

>>7106441
Heehee. I like to think that my writing is better than that of Ground Zero's.

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I've been wanting to commission someone to do a fic based on this one pic InCase did. I'm thinking F Goblin Rouge x M Human Paladin. Make it mostly vanilla, romance, and happy sex with a lot of hot but ridiculous positions. Throw in some Impreg and Pregsex, too, I suppose. Maybe even some persecution against the couple because it's taboo or whatever. Could also have a “Pretty Woman” vibe to it. So anyway, this Paladin is a hothead or something and the Goblin has to teach him to be more deft or flexible in order to be an effective fighter.

>>7106419
That just doesn't sound right.
I was under the impression if the name ended with an S you used ', as 'Dennis's' looks stupid.
Reading 'Moralez's' aloud sounds and looks wrong, because it's pronounced like an S.

First time writing, criticism welcome.

TF/TG, MtF, cat girl, handjob
http://pastebin.com/8dN8QaSU

>>7106348
The only good bug is a dead bug

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>got called an hour ago to confirm a job interview
>nervous as fuck

At least I got smut to calm me down.

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>>7106348
So where does he originally hail from?

>>7106623
>http://pastebin.com/8dN8QaSU
Decent! DECENT!
https://prowritingaid.com
Take this. Otherwise, the only problems I had were with the concept. You've got talent, keep writing, kid.

Cuteanon just finished his new tumblr. Check it out when you get the chance.

http://ww.tenebrascastle.tumblr.com/

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>>7106555
Weird that they have digital clocks and photographs though...

But yeah, gobbo/human vanilla romance is so GOOD.

pic unrelated, but still cute

>>7106024

Completed up to chapter 21, and it just keeps getting better and better.

One small mistake,
"A she did, she called out, “You fucking... whore!”"
I assume it's supposed to be "As she ..."

I really hope you don't mind me correcting some minor errors, just want to help out.

If you don't mind would you rather have the errors in larger batches or more along as I find them?

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http://pastebin.com/SrjAn9Cd
http://pastebin.com/qDXeVS7k
http://pastebin.com/MUJtGWPX
I don't know who made any of these but I thought you guys might like it.
The /aco/ nightmare thread has been churning out some stories involving resident evil monsters.
Enjoy.

>>7106732
Hey thanks I really appreciate that! I'll definitely make use of the website, I will definitely try and see if I can continue writing.

>>7106933
Never feel bad about pointing out errors. When going through 20K words at once, I can't really focus and nail down all the errors. They're way more apparent to someone who hasn't read them over and over. Point them out whenever you find them.

Thank you very much for reading.

I commissioned a guy for a vore story on eka's

Guy kind of did his own thing on the second part and when I asked about some changes he kind of apologized and disappeared for 2 weeks. I message him about it, if he was interested etc and he said no.

Here's his reply a week later:

wanted to contact you to let you know im going to be trying to work on another update. i find myself yet again really wanting some fast cash, but i wont let that afect quality.
Since there has been things going amiss with past updates, i would like to know if there is anything specific you wish to see in the next chapter, such as a major event or a vore. please tell me so i can produce something worth the money for you.

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I#'ve never written before, but I wrote this in the Forced Fem thread. Please tell e what you think, I'm aware there's spelling and grammar errors, this is just the first draft.

Forced fem, sph, chastity, forced bi
http://pastebin.com/0SXeeE9y

>>7107301
Oh, and please tell me what you think!

Does anyone know if Eldar are canonically vegetarians?

I was thinking about it and initially it seemed like they would be, because it's more efficient to farm plants than animals. But they're so haughty that I can't imagine them having any reservations about killing "lower" creatures as a food source.

Are there even farms on Craftworlds?

>>7107457
Probably omnivorous. They seem like they're based on cats, so they might be more-disposed to eating meat, actually.

How are you guys with OCs based off of characters in an established setting? I have some stories made, but the protagonists are the children of established characters in the world. Should I just keep the general idea, but make the setting into something different?

>>7107457
This is a major pet peeve of mine with 40k. We get so few descriptions of civilian life on non-Imperial worlds. I'm sure those questions have been answered at some point, but this is a basic biology question about one of the setting's main races. It should not have to take much digging to come up with an answer. One of the biggest for me is that I've never come across any description, no matter how brief or incomplete, of life on a non-daemon Chaos world.

Fuck it, I'm going to go complain about this on teej
>>7107528
Writing a story about established characters kids is fine. If it's good it's good, if it sucks it would have sucked whether you pretended it was something else

>>7107516
>[Eldar] seem like they're based on cats

What are you smoking and where can I get some?

Also I hope Eldar/Dark Eldar lewds aren't too much of a cliche.

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>>7107534
>I've never come across any description, no matter how brief or incomplete, of life on a non-daemon Chaos world.

It's not much but I have this pic anon.

>>7107534
Mmm. That's cool. I want to post it, but the stories I wrote assume you already know some key points about the setting, which is why I asked. Not to mention it's a bizzare franchise to take place in.

>>7107539
There's some are out there with an Eldar and a gyrynx (eldar space-cats). They look somewhat similar.

It would also fit the way that the Fey act.

>>7107550
More content>Less content. Always.

>>7107561

I don't know, I think a lot of people come here just to read the stuff from the established writefriends.

>>7107584
No, they want content and don't care where it comes from as long as they get it. You don't need to be famous here to get people to read your fics.

>>7106842

Know anybody willing to do my request?

>>7107457
>Are there even farms on Craftworlds?

Yep, and animals are raised as well. A Craftworld's habitation domes contain what is to all intents and purposes a complete functioning ecosystem. While we don't get particularly in-depth looks at these sorts of things, the five Eldar novels released over the past years give little hints and suggestions. My impression is that Eldar livestock is largely free-range, left to wander through the Craftworld's grassy areas and slaughtered as necessary. Craftworlds also trade with Exodites for meat and other foodstuffs they can't produce themselves, in exchange for protecting the Exodites against invaders. As for the haughtiness issue, that attitude seems reserved for other sapient races, like mankind or orks. Eldar have a great appreciation for beauty, and while the practicalities of feeding a Craftworld's populace come first, they have a lot of respect for the natural aesthetics of plant and animal life. Part of that might just be lingering connections to their Fantasy-Elf origins though.

>>7107534
>I've never come across any description, no matter how brief or incomplete, of life on a non-daemon Chaos world.

There's a very old 40k novel (like, 15 years or so now) which I *think* is set on such a planet. Pawns of Chaos, IIRC.

>>7107561
Okay, I'll chance it then. Here's a link to the story: http://pastebin.com/dRtfEvrB

It's a little under 5k words, and is more set up than anything, but I plan on writing an inbetween chapter and revising on the further ones to flesh out the overall story. I don't know what tags are right to use, but it features half dragon twins, light sparring, a human and dragon couple, and incestuous suggestions between adolescents.

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2500 word update, new content at "The only path to take now was further into this nightmare"

Purple Heart:
http://pastebin.com/mCZ1pZkK
New tags:
>muscle, sweat

>>7107680
Any sexual healing yet?

>>7107686
No, first must come the sexual injuring.

>>7107242

Phew, I just didn't want to seem like a dick.

Completed it all just now, and all I can say Amazing!

Will we see something with Wanda in the future? That party could be pretty awesome. Personally I do not wish for futas in the story, so for me it would be better to just let them enjoy Sabrinas cock.


I found some very minor mistakes, I assume.


"acting as if it was touch to take all that cock."
Should be "if it was tough".

"so they thanks the ladies for a grand evening"
Should be "so they thanked" I assume?

"She looked back to Sayako had seen that. "
When Gabriella bends over shouldn't it be"to see if Sayako" or similar?

"the biggest cucumber much smaller than her member."
Change to "was much smaller"

"Tara just led it there"
I think this is how it should be, but english is not my native so "let it be there".


And please do keep up the writing. :)

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>>7107689
Will it hurt?

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>>7107692

>>7107691
>"the biggest cucumber much smaller than her member."
>Change to "was much smaller"

Well, in that context, I think it was grammatically correct. The sentence was, "She found the biggest cucumber they had, let her coat fall open and placed it alongside her hard cock, even the biggest cucumber much smaller than her member."

I just broke the last clause off into a new sentence and added the verb 'was.' I think it's clearer.

I'm very happy you enjoyed it. As far as the party with Wanda... I thought about having the party with Sabrina basically getting dragged along and continually moved on by Wanda. Then again, there is a non-canon entry that takes place during a Halloween party where Wanda gets involved, but that will be posted after the final Part 3 in a section I'm calling "Apocrypha," for either incomplete or non-canon chunks of story.

I might add a section to Part 3 to make that story happen.

>>7107694
I hope this doesn't end with him being an amputee. That's seems far to extreme.

I keep trying to find stuff like hyper or unrealistic huge sizes in erotic fiction, I usually use literotica, but is there any other places that are like...GOLD MINES for that sort of stuff?

>>7107763
That's a fetish that doesn't do too well in a written medium and obviously not done very often.

>>7107782
Well... you could use Caps Lock. And big font sizes.

"Her ass was THIS BIG

and her titties were THIIIIIS BIG"

>>7107763

Furaffinity.

>>7107680

>muscle, sweat

Hello darkness, my old friend

>>7107561
Does that mean drawings too?

>>7107880
More content>Less content

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>>7107680
Snek, as a suggestion, don't have him fugg this one. Its too predictable when every female borelean gets the D

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>>7107912
But I promised the people washboard abs!
I won't have a chance to fit in another Equatorial scene before he meets the Polar because he's not gonna have limbs for much longer.

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>>7107917
so something like this will happen but with a human guy and polar Borealen?

>>7107921
Well people asked for more vulnerability, so I figure maybe the Polar medic handling his rehabilitation can turn off his prosthetics at will.

>>7107917
Is the Equatorial gonna get mangled up into catgirl guts from whatever wrecks the guys limbs?

Anybody know the link to the story about the ghost girl that possessed a man and stole his dick.
http://pastebin.com/vXLCayir

>>7107927
The general consensus seems to be that people don't like to see major characters die horribly, so probably not.

>>7107933
The general consensus hasn't paid much attention to Game of Thrones's popularity, I guess

>>7107941
In this thread, ofc.
Unless you guys are jacking it to GoT fanfictions.
Each to his own.

>>7107921
Reminds me that idea I had for a guy who finds out his inventor girlfriend is a cyborg Quad-amputee who's keeping it a secret.

Specifically liking the notion of being able to change limb chassis for lewd purposes (builds a naga chassis as a surprise for him.)

>>7107964
That could be interesting.

>>7107941
Game of Thrones is garbage, though.

>>7107966
Maybe they start off as classmates in college, and when she doesn't show up to class one day, he's sent to her house to drop off work for a project.

He ends up in her apartment where she's trapped in bed due to a hydraulics stall, having called her father/mother to come and make repairs on her inert legs the following morning, and accidentally discovers the nature of her "bedridden" status. After initial shock and explanation, he could help her disconnect from her legs, and get food/a new set of clothes. Basically, spending a night getting to know her, with a slow drip of backstory as she gets more comfortable with his knowledge of her secret.

Lewdity could be saved for future installments/chapters, as the protagonist is available as a faster alternative source to help her in situations where her limbs malfunction.
Later on, she ends up faking it, just so they can hang out.

>>7107917
Promises can be broken. They'll understand.

>>7107921
>>7107924
Holy shit I didn't think You were going to make him that amputated.

>>7107997


Cmon Snek. You put in WAY too much sex into your stories, I know you want to write fapfics, but you make your sex scenes super repetitive because of how often you do them.

>>7108116
True. You have to make the smut fit the story, not the other way around. I get the feeling Snek's got it backwards.

>>7108118

Fineprint was a big example. It started off and stayed strong for a while, but by the end it was more like "jesus, ANOTHER one?"

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>>7107917
Snek have him bang the medic at least once, ignore the plebs not wanting it.

>>7107888
Oh, okay, cool. Here's some of the art of the two siblings then if you want a look-see, though I didn't draw the last four. I'll try and have art of the mother in a while.
http://m.imgur.com/a/XBPKA

>>7108121
Indeed.

I get the impression he just wants to describe one sex scene after another, and to be honest borealeans are getting boring now.

>>7108122
This.

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>>7108116
>>7108118
>>7108121
>>7108122
>>7108124
>>7108129
I only have two sex scenes planned for Purple Heart, I think it will be fine.

The Equatorial sex scene is an important plot element that will color his interactions with the Polar later on, it's not sex for the sake of sex.

>>7108136

Alright snek, you win this time but you better not lie to us!

>>7108136
I should hope so. You really have been overdoing it a lot lately, and it's done nothing but hold your work back.

>>7108141
I don't really feel like that's the case.
Of the recent stuff I've done, Warband had one sex scene, Fineprint had four, but it was 70k words and they were pretty spaced out, and then Fineprint 2 had three, and while they weren't perhaps as well paced, it was basically Ursi fanservice.
Or was it four in F2? Fuck I can't even remember.

>>7108140
I'm attempting to tell a bit more of a mature story in this one, (emphasis on 'attempting') and I'm going to explore the abstract and frankly ludicrous concept that some people might not enjoy being violently raped, so suspend your disbelief.

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>>7108167
No wait Fineprint had five.
Is that a lot for the length?

>>7108123
What am I looking at?

>>7107732

To me it looks of, but then again I'm not native english speaking.

I really looking forward to that, and I guess the halloween story is a late halloween themed story, as in it was supposed to release during halloween?

Have you thought more about doing a pastebin that contains the links to all your stories? I don't want to miss anything, but unfortunately my ability to come here is sometimes limited.

>>7107917
Snek, write what you enjoy. If that's more Equatorial x human, then do so. Don't get shackled to us. Look to us for ideas, but only that.

>>7108167
"I'm going to explore the abstract and frankly ludicrous concept that some people might not enjoy being violently raped"
If you are truly going for this I hope he doesn't get rehabilitated by another rape/femdom. Rape caused trauma that's fixed by more rape(femdom or not) is... hm what's the word...

>>7108275
Then again it's porn. There are no laws here. I mean there's a series of incestuos futas, and that one with the croc chick and dank puns.

>>7108289
wah hah hah
>>7108189

Well, should I bother with that? Most of it's on the master list.

Ah, whatever. I'll start making up a personal collection pastebin that anyone can access.

Should I start posting the tags for stories at the top of the pastebins? Or is that not necessary? They certainly won't fit in the titles.

>>7108388
this was meant to respond to >>7108186

Oops.

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>>7108167
Is it weird that I'd like to see more of the type of stuff Razz did. She wasn't a total pyscho like every other Borealen that we've seen. Just seems to distract from the fun we could have.

Its either.

>Super rape
>Polar Borealen

Just something I'd notice you might address in your future stuff. I hate to keep suggesting stories that revolve around polar borealens but, they can be tossed into many more scenarios.

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>>7108275
>Rape caused trauma that's fixed by more rape(femdom or not) is... hm what's the word...

Heaven

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Will there ever be more Snek?

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>>7107680
>carries a 1911
>650 years into the future .45 is still stronk

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>>7108513
Not in the slightest. You are getting nothing but cat furries in several slightly different flavors and you are going to like them, whether you want to or not.

Not that they're all that good either. Honestly, they're overdone now and Snekguy should consider using new characters in a new universe instead of doing the same thing endlessly. It was good the first couple of times, but it's gotten old from overuse.

Semi-related, I'm positive that they started at a 35% but have steadily crept further down the scale more and more.

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>>7108611
If I've done more Polars lately it's because of overwhelming demand and people literally paying me.
Fineprint 2 was a commission and Purple Heart is made up of several requests. If people keep asking for them I'll keep doing them.
Nobody is forcing you to read the Polar stories, they're clearly tagged as furry if you want to avoid them.

Saying I only do Pinwheel stuff is just not correct, between Fineprint and Fineprint 2 I did Wraith and Warband, neither of which had anything to do with that setting.

>>7108456
That's a really good suggestion and an oversight on my part, I'll take that into account.

>>7108275
I have a plan, I don't want to give too much away. Of course this is all very experimental for me so there's a good possibility I'll get it wrong.

>>7108513
Yeah I'll do more Snek in the future.
I can't promise Snek 4 unless I can figure something out for the plot, but definitely more Viper fics.

>>7108633
I suppose so, it's just that it's typecasting you and allowing yourself to sell yourself short.

How do you improve when it's just minor variations on the same basic story and sex scenes every time? I can't imagine how it wouldn't cause you to stagnate.

>they're clearly tagged as furry if you want to avoid them

Except that they weren't. I had to go back and add the tags myself.

>>7108611
Here's an idea, create your own smut!

>>7108643
I have, but not everyone can mass produce it like Snek can, and I sure as shit can't write as fast as he can. In fact, I can't remember a single writer who produces fics at his speed.

I was wondering if anyone read this from the last thread?

http://pastebin.com/vMi9uf8w

(The smut-off thing)

Got no replies and I'm trying to work out where I'm going wrong, whether it's that the content itself is unappealing, or the writing quality is low?

More comprehensive tag list: F/M, humiliation (of male), oral, femdom, hard punch to the testicles

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>>7108651
Sounds like you need to gid gud.

>>7108653
The testicle punching not initially being tagged was probably your biggest mistake, and even now that's fixed it's still going to be a big turn-off for most people.

>>7108654
You make it sound so easy when it's really not. Tell us how to do it then, O master of lightning quick writing that doesn't come off looking like horribly rushed shit. What's the secret? Because setting word count quotas doesn't do dick for me.

>>7108659
Less whining more writing. You have no right to complain about free content that you can easily ignore. Dropping little digs at Snekguy isn't doing you any favors. It's stupid victim shit. Pull yourself together.

>>7108638
I tagged them as furry when I posted them here, and when I put them on FA.
If someone uploaded them somewhere else without my knowledge and didn't tag them properly, that's out of my control.

>it's typecasting you

Sequels will be similar, that's a given, recurring characters are going to behave the same way.
I feel like you're ignoring Warband and Wraith which were very different from the Fineprint stuff. Warband especially was the first fantasy story I ever did.

I've put hundreds of hours of work into my Pinwheel stuff and as long as it continues to be well received I'm going to keep writing them.

>>7108651
>>7108659
Oh God is it you again?

Listen dude I've run out of olive branches, I offered to write /tg/ fics for you and you snubbed me, I wrote a fantasy story mostly based on your criticisms and you're not even acknowledging it, I keep trying to be friends with you after your meltdowns and it doesn't seem to stick.
I've been wracking my brain trying to find a way to incorporate your feedback and now I can't even be sure if it's genuine or if you're just screwing with me, you're wasting my time as well as your own now.

Nobody else equates fast writing with quality, only you, so if you're not happy with the rate at which you produce content, that's your problem, not ours.

If you have time to bitch you have time to write.

>tfw not a single (you) to your story

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>>7108697
Just keep doing what you're doing snek, he's just a jealous faggot.

>>7108699
What's the story?

>>7108708
>>7107301
probs cause I'm a shitty writer and have never written before, but hey, I wrote it while jacking off.

>>7108699

I think getting replies that say "it's shit becase xyz" is better than nothing at all.

>>7108717
same. it's nice to feel noticed.

>>7108611
Did Odile count as "furry," then? I never really thought about it that way.

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>>7108651

>>7108699
Welcome to /efg/, hope you enjoy your stay.

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>>7108697
He's just butthurt he can't go fast like you.

dunno how many vorefags are here. I've recently developed SPH/cuckolding/hyper-FutaXMale fetishes.

really into size theft or docking/mpreg/vore sometimes

this is so niche that I have nowhere to turn, but if any of you guys remember a story like it... Id appreciate it. I'm going to try and write something but it may be so bad :(

>>7108697
Yes, it is me. Putting my name on for just this post just to make it clear.

Let me clear the air here. I've had a royally shitty day, and upon retrospect it's not fair of me to take it out on you. Nor is it fair for me to keep letting my tastes color my judgment of you.

Warband was good, and I'd like to see more like it. I'm sorry for snubbing it. It's not my cup of tea since I'm not much for orcs, but stylistically it's good- I could not find a single flaw with it. Ultimately, at this point my only complaint now is the content of your work, and since that is entirely subjectiveI feel like shit now that I've written this down and realized it.


>>7108742 and >>7108705 are both true, I am jealous. I can't deny that any more. I try as hard as I can to speed up my work, and I just end up feeling even more inferior because I struggle just to get a couple of sentences done in a day. Nobody ever requested anything at all from me, and I can't help but keep comparing myself to you and finding it all wanting.

Do you think you can forgive me we can start over on the right foot? I feel terrible about all this now, and I don't want to feel like I've written more to grumble about you than to make anything myself.

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>>7108887
I think you should hug it out.

>>7108887


How the fuck do you even write several sentences and call it a day. I'm not a writer, but the few times I've written anything all ended in me not stopping until I got everything in my head into paper, usually totaling all the several thousand words.

How does anyone write roughly 30 seconds of typing and call it quits? That just blows my god damn mind.

>>7108899
I really would if it was possible for me to do it through this screen.

>>7108913
I don't know. I wasn't always like that, which worries me the most.

I guess part of it is that I haven't been completely able to define what's in my head on paper, so I end up doing nothing but staring at what I've already written in the vain hope that it'll somehow fix itself.

Seeing Electric Sleep being mentioned over on /aco/'s robot thread without prompting from me has gotten me encouraged again, though. I'd forgotten how encouraging it is to know that people do in fact care about your work and want to see more of it, even when you feel like you're fighting a battle against writer's block from hell.

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>>7108887
>I've had a royally shitty day

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>>7108937
If that's a reference to the election, I can't say that wasn't a big part of it. I'll leave it at that.

But in all seriousness, I'd rather not ruminate on the reasons for my foul moods. I'll just post whatever I have within a couple of hours for everyone here to look over. It's the least I can do now to make things up for everyone. Until then, have a robutt.

>>7105401
"come" is not sexy. "cum" is sexy.

>>7106199
2tall4me

Also, it looks like she's going to fall on her back with her knees all the way out there.

>>7106419
Strunk and White are prescriptivist shitheads. git gud.

>>7107048
Is that Zoidburg's mom?

>>7108992

Tell that to snekguy

>>7108992
>>7109002
I was pretty sure "cum" wasn't a real word, just a slang term. I may be wrong.

>>7108887
Mate we've had this conversation like four times now, and each time we make up, you come back two threads later and repeat the angst-ridden meltdown, along with the same apology.

I'd just like you to leave me alone to be honest, I've done everything I can think of to try and encourage you and appease you, but whatever your problem is I'm clearly not in a position to help.

>>7109023
It's a word, but a rather new one. You might not find it in old or prescriptivist dictionaries. "Come" feels stilted in modern parlance. In any case, "come" shouldn't be used as a noun. That's informal in and of itself, so you might as well be consistent and use "cum".

>>7109023
That's true as well, and I'm ashamed I keep falling back into this; that's why I want to make this the last time we fall into bickering with one another like this.

Would you mind dropping in on our IRC so we can talk? There's some things I want to say to you, but don't feel comfortable saying them on the thread itself- it's personal matters I feel you should know, and I think it'll help us both prevent this shit from happening again. I know it's a strange request, but it'll be easier for me to explain myself there than on here. At the very least, just don't think badly of my work when I post it.

The channel is #/wst/ on Rizon. Anyone else who wants to listen into it or talk is free to do so.

>>7109059
No, I'm not interested in drama and I'm not joining an IRC channel. This isn't mutual bickering, I don't have a problem with you and I have praised your work in the past, this is entirely one-sided, it's weird and I'm done engaging with you on the subject.
I don't want to know about your personal problems dude, I'm not here for that. I don't know what you want from me that I've not already attempted to give you.
I'm already like two hours behind schedule as it is.

>>7109097
Came for the smut. Stayed for the bantz.

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>>7108992
I'm sorry, I can't STAND spelling it 'cum.' The word itself is unpleasant. Maybe that's the feature that makes it sexy to some. Even if I wrote it out that way, I would almost certainly never use "cumming" or "I'm gonna cum" to mean having an orgasm.

I even joke about it in the first part of Part 2 because I figured it might be a sticking point for some people. But it is what it is. We all have our writing idiosyncrasies.

>>7109097
Then don't worry about giving me anything beyond the critique that you give to any other writer. I'm sorry for wasting your time so often, and I shall focus all my critique from here on out on the things that go beyond " I don't like the subject matter". In return, I ask now only that we be friends, and if I can't even do that I'll just filter you so neither of us will be bothered by the other again.

To make this not a complete waste, here's what I've written thus far. Can you at least let me know what you think of it?

New content starts after "“I know that look. What’s on your mind?”

Electric Awakening, Part 3
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rvGTxwmGcj_odO6wApHyBqInkBBREeOpNad2L9Djk10/edit

Tags: N/A

>>7109103
The word is pronounced the same way. It's just outdated to use "come" in reference to orgasming or semen.

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>>7109106
I'm no prescriptivist, but dictionary.com says 'come' is acceptable to mean 'semen,' so... I'm sticking with it. I'll replace every instance of 'come' with 'splooge' before I use 'cum.'

>>7109122

Personally, the word spooge/splooge translates to "semen that's too thick and heavy to be defined as cum", and I'm ok with that.

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>>7109175
Let's try and find the least erotic euphemism for semen possible. I use "ejaculate" a lot, which isn't much better than 'come."

"Sperm" isn't really accurate, since sperm is contained IN semen, but I'll admit I've used that one before.

Is "jizz" erotic? I sort of doubt it.

How about "gunk?"

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>>7109175
>>7109197
I find its better to just describe it.
>thick, heavy globs of viscous ejaculate
>a cloudy, gelatinous flood of warm come

>>7109221
I always thought if I searched for that I'd find my picture as the first result.

Also, try

>a warm, strong jet of semen
>liquid heat welling up inside her

>>7109106
>It's just outdated to use "come" in reference to orgasming or semen.

I'm gonna second what D. said. Outdated or not, "cum" feels like a terribly vulgar and childish term to me. And while it might just be regional, I wouldn't pronounce the two words the same way either. Spooge manages to be even worse, because it's silly, and silly is almost the last thing I want in a piece of erotic fiction.

Come, seed, and ejaculate are the words I tend to use.

>>7109233
I never used "come"; it gets me confused too easily. Instead, I use "seed", "sperm", or just "semen" as needed, and only use the really dirty slang when the context would have it make sense.

>>7109244
I think it's fine to use the vulgar terms as long as the character is intending to be vulgar or shocking, but I'd never have the narrator use them.

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>>7109249
Well, there was that story about mermaids or something, where he eventually dropped 'cunt,' as a means of showing how much progressively dirtier the sex was getting.

I understand that, but I never use the C word in that context, ever. Cock is totally fine. In fact, it was a challenge to me to not use the word 'cock' in Slime of Your Life, because I feel like I'm overusing it.

>>7109197
There's semen, cum, load, seed, wad, baby batter, jism, jizz, cream, wad. "Come" just seems stilted, as I said before. People talk dirty all the time. It's probably one of the most vanilla and most common fetishes out there.

>>7109233
"Cum" is pronounced exactly the same way as "come". It's not pronounced "koom". Have you never been on regular porn sites? Titles tend to use "cum" and almost never "come", yet they still pronounce it the same way.

>childish
Are you geriatric or something?

>>7109244
While seed and semen are perfectly good words to use, "sperm" is just plain wrong in most cases. Sperm are a very small component of semen. One may give sperm, but one can't taste or feel sperm.

>>7109261
i've seen it described as "nut butter" once, i couldn't stop laughing

>>7109264
I almost put that in the list, but decided not to. It gets me too.

>>7109260
And sometimes there's just no better options that don't go to the opposite extreme and come off as being overly clinical instead. It's sex after all, not a gynecological exam.

(I think I'll just keep my name on from here on out. It helps me keep myself under control so I don't lash out at people or say shit I end up regretting. That's fine, right?)

>>7109264
Don't forget shit like "baby batter".

>>7109260
Yeah over time I eventually used cock more and more, it feels like an appropriate word.
I struggle a lot with the female anatomy though, because there's no middle ground, its either cold, anatomical terms like vulva or labia, or gross, offensive terms like cunt or snatch.

>>7109261
I feel like just using a single word or term to describe it is a missed opportunity. You want to be as descriptive as possible.

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>>7109261

What difference does the pronunciation make? It's probably seeing it on porn sites that made me not like 'cum' as a word. It's simply an aesthetic thing, seeing it written out as C-U-M. It's like a word a dumb person would make up.

"How do you spell 'whistle?'"
"W-I-S-L."
"Why do I ask you?"
"Hey, while you're there spelling out some seven letter word, I just fucked your mom with all the time I saved."
"Well, that's good. I'm glad my mom can finally find love again."

what the hell is wrong with me

>>7109221
Yeah, description rather than labeling helps a lot with avoiding repetition, though smut scenes are always a fine line to be good and evocative without getting overwrought.
>>7109231
>liquid heat welling up inside her
Describing the sensation rather than the substance can be pretty effective. It's easier to blur into emotional subtext as well, through stuff like choice of "heat" versus "warmth".
>>7109249
That's a decent rule of thumb. Using shit like "titties" "spooge" or adjectives like "jiggly" and so on in narration is going to be offputting, but just about anything might work from a character given suitable context. Humor is an important part of relationships and that playfulness can add a lot of depth to characters, but while the term >>7109264 "nut butter" might be perfect as part of silly interactions while cuddling in the afterglow, it's inevitably going to be a horrible clanger if a character uses it in the throes of passion.

>>7109269
>Yeah over time I eventually used cock more and more, it feels like an appropriate word.
In smut it's a fairly functional word; trying too hard use synonyms comes across as another form of said-bookism.

>>7109264
How about a watersports story with some pee nut butter?

I'll see myself out.

>>7109271
It's slang that came from people typing on the internet. There are tons of words that have come about because of the internet. Since the internet is for porn, this particular word is rather important and widespread.

>>7109276
I'm definitely guilty of using a thesaurus and just interchanging words, I need to work on making my scenes less repetitive.

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>>7109271
Actually, I thought that was clever. You should do it more.

In all seriousness, I think it started being spelled that way because otherwise it could be mixed up with "come" as in "move towards" or "happen". Eiter that, or I'm being literal again.

>>7109277
pic related

>>7109281
Me too. I had to go back and edit several of my fics not too long ago after I noticed I used some phrases too much. Like, the exact same wording every time. Makes me feel like a real hypocrite looking back what I said earlier, to be honest.

(I forgot to mention this earlier, Snek- I wanted to become a patron of yours, but for circumstances beyond my control I can't pay you through Patreon. Do you accept donations via other methods? I can do so via Steam games if you'd like.)

>>7109105
Hopefully I'll be able to give that a look at the weekend in between Dishonored. I've never really been able to give much feedback or criticism since the move from /tg/ since work has been fucking murder.

>>7109281
Try copying turns of phrase you see elsewhere, if not in finished stuff in practice scenes or something. Actually trying to integrate things you like into your own prose is better at getting you thinking about new ways to describe old stuff than just passive reading. Using short segments of other people's sex scenes can also be useful for breaking out of patterns.

>>7109302
And I'll keep adding to it. I'm also trying to start a first-person fic involving angel sex- I think I mentioned it a while back, but I couldn't quite get it started.

It's amazing, I go from barely getting out a few sentences a day to whole paragraphs. Now if only I knew what the fuck causes that transition because if I can make it happen on my own, I'll never worry about writing too slow again.

2000 word update, new content at “Well, let's have a think about this,”

Purple Heart:
http://pastebin.com/mCZ1pZkK
New tags:
>hair pulling

>>7109288
I appreciate the gesture, but I'd feel kind of uncomfortable taking money from you right now.

>>7109307
Might be a dumb question, but do you actually enjoy what you're writing about, are you invested in telling that story? Maybe that's the problem. When I'm writing a story I'm invested in, I really enjoy it, and it's more fun than any recreational activities or distractions that might otherwise get in the way.

I won't have time to read your story tonight, (it's 6AM here) but I probably will tomorrow.

>>7109373
>I appreciate the gesture, but I'd feel kind of uncomfortable taking money from you right now.

I understand. I couldn't think of a better gesture to show that I genuinely do like your work in spite of my dislike of some of the subject matter when I posted it. Instead, I'll just promise that when Purple Heart is all done, I'll review it in full and keep my biases out of it. Until then, I'll just work harder to keep my mood swings under control.

>Might be a dumb question, but do you actually enjoy what you're writing about, are you invested in telling that story? Maybe that's the problem.

I do enjoy what I write; if I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't have even bothered starting it in the first place - really, if I did just give up on what I'm writing about now, I'd just feel miserable.

It could be more precise to say it's the process of writing that trips me up- more than once I get stuck on a specific scene but feel too compelled to see it done to skip it or even think of an alternative that wouldn't be as difficult for me. Openings are the worst in that respect; it feels like no matter what I do the end result never seems right.

Has that happened to anyone else, or is it just me?

>>7109373
Man, I'm always like this with your stories. I end up wanting the girl to get her just deserts. I mean I get its all fantasy and all but she's being a real asshole.

Every other time you managed to prove me wrong though.

Is it strange for how ever super duper op you've made the Borealans. I don't think they could handle a real war with another sentient race very well. They are very predictable. Like if the Krull and Humans weren't there. The bugs might be able to exploit their power structure. Which reminds me why korean air lines used to crash all the time way back. I better stop now I'm just ranting about stupid shit. Keep up the good work dude.

>>7109489
Every time I meant. Man holy shit I'm out of it. I need to work on my feed back.

>>7109373
I have high hopes for this. Don't take the porn road out snek. Don't do it.

>>7109652
Does that mean you want porn or you don't want porn?

>>7108388

I would not mind a personal list since its more convenient for me.

If its not to much of a hassle it would be nice to have the tags in the beginning of the stories.

requesting a story about unicorn x shota
>shota is lost in some sort of a magical forest, wounded, on the verge of dying
>an image of a unicorn monstergirl flashes before his eyes just as he faints
>a fulfilling light of pleasure surges through his body like magic
>the boy wakes up and sees a unicorn woman beside him, the most beautiful creature he has ever seen
>still affected by the magical trance, the boy utters to the unicorn the very first thing that comes to his mind, "marry me"
>the unicorn is taken by surprise over the young boy's request and blushes since this is her dream come true, finding a pure husband to have sweet pleasure with
>they marry and on their wedding night the unicorn seduces the shota who has never even heard of the act of sex
>she offers the unknowing boy to make love to her pure, thight, wet, horse pussy

>>7109965
>>requesting a story about unicorn x shota
>Thought it'd be about a shota traipsing into the woods on the hunt for an actual unicorn
>He gets easily overpowered and fucked by the girthy beast
>It's actually monstergirl stuff
I'm kind of disappointing

>>7109965
>>7109976
Usually you'd put the penetrating partner first, so it was misleading.

>>7109654
Would like porn with substance, plot heavy porn.

>>7110013
I prefer porn-heavy plot.

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>>7109965
Um.

>>7110011
sorry, I had no idea

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>>7110013
>>7110014
I'll delay writing the next scene for an hour while I eat my dinner.
Seen as this story is made up of several requests, vote on what you want to happen, and it shall be done.

http://www.strawpoll.me/11618901

>>7110021
I come here to masturbate. We better fuck those abs. Or I'm going to be so disappointed.

>>7110021
Stab stab stab stab stab stab

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>>7110024
>>7110076
The votes are in and I gotta get started on the next scene.

Fuck her wins 4-3.

>>7110082
Goddamn it

What happened to that smut-off from a couple threads ago? Having only two people fill it is just pathetically bad.

>>7110082

Oh come on. Instead of actual interesting plot, now we have to sit through more flowchart borealan sex. Fuck everyone who voted for more boring shit we've seen 20 times by now, you guys are the reason snek has been copy pasting his sex scenes over and over.

>>7110155
>implying he can do anything else

the thread is just one big circle jerk now that drives off everyone who doesn't kiss his ass, and ignores anybody who creates content without his name on it

the abysmal turnout of the smut off should have been a warning. we could once have gotten way more than 2 fucking stories out of it. we're better off without him and his mass bumping patreon shilling ass, he's got a big enough following to do just fine without us.

>>7110167

Slow down there partner, I still appreciate Snek and want him to stick around, I'm just tired of him cramming so many sex scenes into his writing.

>>7110202
he won't stop. he does what his circle jerk and his patrons want, and to hell with everyone else. they demand more gratuitous sex, and so they will get more.
he used to be such a good guy, but that patreon changed him. and besides, its only a matter of time before the patreon links trigger a janitor or he gets a real job and leaves us with nothing at all.

i tried hiding all posts from and linking to him, and 3/4 of the thread vanished. think about that. efg can't put all its eggs in one basket like that

>>7110223

You know he makes like less than > $10 a month off his Patreon right? I assure you, if he changed it wasn't because his 8 dollars he gets assure month.

>>7110239

*a month

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>>7110167
Except all my shit is free, including art and ebooks, and is available on like four different websites besides Patreon.
When I start putting up patron-only paywalls and start selling ebooks for money, then you can bitch.

What you're better off with is writing your own stories, nobody has a right to complain about a lack of content unless you lost both your hands in a freak shitposting accident.

>>7110223
>he does what his circle jerk and his patrons want
Yeah it's called taking requests and responding to feedback.
>they demand more gratuitous sex
In the Erotic Fiction General on a Hentai board, God forbid!
>but that patreon changed him
You hit the nail on the head, I sold out for $9 a month. In about 10,000 years I'll be able to retire.
I've only been in the general for two months mate, I've not had time to develop a reputation, and then change it. Literally the first thing I ever posted here was 7000 words of poorly formatted, gratuitous snake porn.

Now why don't you get off my dick and stop derailing the thread?

>>7110247
3/4 of the thread is about you, you really think nothing is wrong with that?

THREE
FOURTHS

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>>7110251
Why don't you try writing stories people care about, then maybe someone will bother posting about you. Crab mentality. I swear to god.

>>7110251
You do realize that's not his fault but because multiple people in this general like his stuff. There's nothing stopping people from talking about other stories or other writefags from talking to people.

>>7110251
Then let's make it about something else, then. Post something. I haven't really been inspired to write that much smut lately, so I can't. But if you want this to not be so much of a circle-jerk, post something else. Even a request would be fine.

>>7110251
That's not within my control, nor is the amount of content produced by others, which I don't see that there's any serious lack of, we have lots of active writers and you could be reading and discussing their work right now rather than bitching about mine.

>>7110256
Not him, but it's hard to do that when there's no evidence anyone gives a shit about them.

It's a veritable running joke if >>7108735
is any indication, and it's antithetical to anything resembling encouragement for new writers. If you want people to make more content, encourage them to do so for once.

>>7110257
Then why doesn't it happen?

Why haven't you been discussing those stories?

>>7110263
Getting feedback from people has been a bitch since /wst/ was made. Also, you can;t expect people to read or talk about stories containing fetishes they don't like.
>>7110264
I don't like the fetishes/content in the other stories like I said up above.

With all this talk about discussing other fics, I'm still waiting for that promised feedback on mine.

>>7109105

>>7110262

Speaking of batching, I'd like to continue to remind you to please stop writing so much sex. Your plot is so interesting, slamming a sex scene into the middle of it is like eating at a fancy Italian restaurant and then someone walks over to your table, flips your plate over into your lap, and slams a cheeseburger down in front of you while screaming "WELL EVERYONE ELSE LOVES THESE SO YOU SHOULD TOO"

>>7110272
He's right. I've noticed that happening more and more since Fineprint and it's really dragging the fics down. Too much of a good thing, etc.

>>7110271
I gotta get this update out by tonight but I'll have time to read it afterwards, AA.

>>7110272
I do respect your opinion, and took it into consideration, but I think a vote was a fair way to decide this particular scene.
Either way could have worked really, this is just a vehicle to give him prejudice to overcome later on. If he fucks her or fights her, the outcome is the same.

>>7110279

Wait, why not both? He fights back and stabs her, but after she recovers he discovers it only turns her on EVEN MORE to see a fragile little human fighting back?

>>7110283
Good idea, I'll do it.

Quick question for anyone that's taken a look at my story so far (Love coils). Is the amount of sweet/sappy dialogue/moments coming off as obnoxious at all? I mean, the story will have a fair bit, romantic stuff is my bread and butter, but is there too much of it?

>>7110288
I can't seem to find it; can you repost the links?

>>7110290
sorry, I haven't updated since the last thread, so it makes sense it's not in this current thread

http://pastebin.com/M1By6hW8

>>7110290
I mean, from the beginning it's established as a sweet story, but I'm just worried readers might get sick of it if the sappy stuff crosses a certain threshold

>>7110297
Nah, don't be afraid to establish your own style. I really like the romantic elements and it's one of the things that makes your work stand out.
I do concede some of the pet names and sappy scenes are a bit saccharine, but it's completely believable and works for the characters, which is the important thing.

>>7110291
>>7110297
Alright, here are my thoughts.

Prologue sets the stage pretty well. A couple of missing periods here and there (lines 93 and 106), but otherwise the clasic childhood marriage promise trope, for better or worse. It may be cliche, but it wouldn't be cliche if it didn't work.

I'm seeing a few more missing periods as I go through the rest (lines 318, 326, and 352, among others). Remember the punctuation in between quotes.

I guess it could use a bit more friction between them; let the reality of what living together means sink in for them so they can come off stronger for it, as it were. :Line 624 sounds like it could make a good lead for that; perhaps Cecil doesn't want Amber to just let him be put first all the time?

As far as sappiness goes, I'm not bothered by it, but on the other hand I do have a high tolerance for it; getting an extra opinion or two would be wise. Otherwise, so far so good. I eagerly await the finished product.

>>7110314
>>7110301
Thanks for the advice! I'll be sure to keep that stuff in mind

>>7110291
One thing you might want to do is splitting your sentences so that what the characters do is surrounded by what they say. For instance, instead of:
>“Pfft, what kind of weirdo has only a monster for a friend? What’s the matter? Can’t make any real friends so you hang out with a freak?” He sneered as the two halves landed in front of Cecil.

Go with
>“Pfft, what kind of weirdo has only a monster for a friend?” He sneered as the two halves landed in front of Cecil. "What’s the matter? Can’t make any real friends so you hang out with a freak?"

It's all in the perception of things, but it gives the impression whatever is happen does so while the character speaks; and it improves the flow of the story.

>>7110363
I kind of start doing that later, but I've been working on this story for about 2 1/2 months so there might be noticeably better formatting part way through the story

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>>7109965
>unicorn x shota

Sounds interesting.

>>7110383
>unicorns are just giant pervs with a fetish for virgins

>>7110021
>no option for both

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>>7110155
Then stop reading it.

What's a better name for the vagina than 'hole' or 'tunnel'? Need to start changing my word salad up a bit.
Ideally something that isn't too vulgar.

>>7110407
Trench comes to mind.

>>7110407
Flesh cave

>>7110407
I use "flesh gates" for the outward description on ocassion

>>7110407
folds
womanhood
flower

>>7110407
Cunt.

>>7110409
Not bad but it immediately makes me think Death Star.

>>7110412
That's a bit Harlequin for me.

>>7110413
>>7110419
Nah I'm talking about the vaginal canal specifically.

>>7110424
baby cannon

>>7110426
kek

>>7110424
fuckpocket

>>7110424
Chamber.

>>7110424
the forbidden valley

>>7110407
The mouth that doesn't bitch at you

>>7110396

Too late, I already gave him a more fun idea and he's gonna do it. Eat shit either way though

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2000 word update, new content at “I can make you beg"

Purple Heart:
http://pastebin.com/mCZ1pZkK
New tags:
>rape, kissing, biting, scratching, rough, oral, light bondage, blood, femdom

I'll just use 'tunnel' as a placeholder for now, lol.

>>7110407
Slit?

>>7110479

Nethers or nether region is another fun one

>>7110407
Extremely old timey terms ahead:
"chalice"
"nothing"

Shilling my story from the clown thread until I have better ideas.
http://pastebin.com/Sum6NEQJ

I love "natural" intelligence draining. Un-learning, drunkenness, concussions, loss of skills, appearing stupid when you're smart, loss of important memories (in a sexy way, not alzheimers that would be weird), false memories, and the obedience that comes from being not-the-brightest bulb in the box.

Any ideas toward that would be invaluable. I only briefly touched on it in the story, but I wish I had done so much more with it. I feel dirty editing the story now that it's "done", though.

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>>7110286
oh baby

>>7110407
Sarlacc

>>7110492
>BANISHED TO THE NETHER WORLD

>>7109105
I like the creative use of fonts, and the quality of your formatting, dialogue and general technical skill hasn't diminished in any way since I last read one of your stories.
I like the hard scifi setting, reminds me of The Expanse in a lot of ways.
There's not much to comment on really, if I had to absolutely dig for a criticism, I'd say that I think Typhon's vocabulary might be a bit too 'movie villain' and that breaks my immersion a little. I don't really get anger from him, so much as condescension, but that might have been what you were going for.

>>7110494
I feel like your dialogue is spaced oddly and it's a little halting to read. You can include the dialogue in paragraphs without needing to space it out so much, just use breaks to indicate when a new character is talking.

Dick balloons, helium, bike horns, I didn't know this was a fetish but it's basically impossible to read without laughing, and if that was the intention, you succeeded.

I like your sex scenes, but don't be afraid to get more descriptive, for example, rather than simply stating "Daisy ate her out", that could be a whole scene in itself if you wanted to really detail the act.

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>>7110286

>>7110479

Alright Snek, level with me here. What's your explanation for a marine trained in many forms of hand to hand combat somehow having no clue on how to deal with a larger and stronger opponent? That's part of the basics in so many fighting styles it's not even funny.

In fact, how the fuck are these marines not receiving extensive training on dealing with Borealans who start challenging their human "alpha" and the tons of other common situations that come from working with mentally unstable aliens who grow up finding it perfectly acceptable to challenge their leaders to physical combat or rape them the moment they detect weakness?

Hell, how are marines equipped with nothing whatsoever to deal with Borealans who've given in to their base instincts? You're telling me top brass is completely cool with their marines getting constantly injured or raped by allies who turn on them for any number of common reasons?

Help me out here man.

>>7110510
That's part of it, anyway. It'll start to break down and go more completely insane by the end, but I haven't quite gotten there yet. Thanks for the feedback, anyway.

>>7110521
>>7110510
This is actually an interesting question, Snek. How much stronger is a Borelean compared to a human? Generally from what I've read of your stories, they have many times the strength, so even redirecting force could get difficult.

>>7110521
There's also no explanation to why top brass is stupid enough to have their marines working with sexually attractive catgirls in combat.
The increasing attempts to make the borealan thing 'realistic' has detracted from the stories, imho. Because before them you could just handwave it as 'It's just smut'.

I still like them though.

>>7110521
It's not really a constant thing, every Borealan in the military goes through the Pinwheel program and in 99% of situations are totally tame. The problems arise when they're put in very extreme and stressful situations, then they start to revert back to their usual behavior.

Also, rape is endemic in the real armed forces, you just don't hear it discussed much. People tend not to share that kind of thing, out of shame or fear of some kind of reprisal.

Well, fighting larger and stronger opponents is one thing, but Borealans are upwards of eight feet tall and probably weigh as much as a bear, Krav Maga won't help you against a lion or a grizzly.

>>7110532
They are dramatically larger, stronger, tougher and heavier than humans. There's really nothing you could do to even slow them down in hand to hand combat.

>>7110538
Well I want to stress that violent rape isn't an everyday occurrence, but it is of course the focus of most of the stories, because smut.

>>7107301
Ditch second person. You severely limit your audience with it and it encourages bad writing habits. As it is, it's very hard for me to provide measured critique. Keep writing, but please switch to first or third person. Even if you believe it has merit, you will not find this sentiment reflected here, which limits the criticism and advice you will receive.

>>7110521
Being trained in something doesn't mean you'll use it effectively as you think you will. Especially when your opponent is 9 feet tall and has a few hundred pounds on you as well as being more agile than you. I'm trained in CQC and knife-fighting as part of my infantry training, but being trained doesn't mean I'm good at it.

>>7110541
>Well I want to stress that violent rape isn't an everyday occurrence, but it is of course the focus of most of the stories, because smut.

It's not so much that. I guess I'm just wondering what the general human opinion is towards the giant catgirls.
The stylised art is never gonna give a 'real' idea, and the written descriptions can leave general interpretation open.
If every marine saw femBorealan's as hot musclecatgirls it's a pretty bad idea to throw them into close living and combat with each other.
Conversely if femBorealan's are mostly seen as strange furry beasts and not automatically sexy to humans it's not much of an issue.

>>7110552
I'd say 95% of people, even in the military, will never come across one. They serve in a very limited capacity, because they're pretty much only being supplied by Elysia, and they have to complete the integration program on Pinwheel before joining a unit. There probably aren't more than a few thousand of them in service at any given time.

I don't know, it would depend entirely on personal taste, I assume a lot of people wouldn't even consider sex with them as a possibility without being prompted. Most of the hanky panky goes down on Pinwheel, where it's basically become a rite of passage to molest your roommate.
Maybe it's just my own bias, but I don't imagine many guys would complain about that after the initial shock wore off, and perhaps the human recruits are also aware of the situation.

>>7110541

Calling bullshit on this, Snek. Extreme situations are exactly what soldiers are constantly drilled on and prepared for, because that's exactly what their jobs consist of. Any time marines or infantry in general get into actual combat, extreme situations become the norm, not the exception. It's completely retarded to act like traumatic combat events are somehow unexpected and not heavily trained for in any formal military ever.

I've been through actual military basic training, even from the very beginning everyone receives training and psychological conditioning for the common traumatic events the occur during combat. And let me tell you, if something dangerous even has a tiny chance of occurring, you better believe soldiers receive gear and training to deal with it, no matter how stupid and minimal of a chance it is.

And don't get me started on rape. Anytime upper brass even catches a whiff about that having happened, all hell breaks loose. Investigations get launched, the base literally gets placed on lock down, and you better believe people get sent straight to military prison over it. They take that shit very seriously, borealans wouldn't last very long on Pinwheel the moment brass finds out its anything but a rare occur ancestors.

>>7110551

You're trained in those expecting a human opponent. You're basically proving my point, how are these guys not getting training on specifically dealing with are tracking Borealans?

>>7110559
>Maybe it's just my own bias, but I don't imagine many guys would complain about that after the initial shock wore off, and perhaps the human recruits are also aware of the situation.

I was more concerned about the marines complaining due to the hot muscly catgirl they've all developed a crush on ending up hissing in the street after her guts have been ripped out.

But if - as you say - the vast majority don't even see them as sexually attractive, then that's a non-issue.

>>7110559

That's definitely your personal bias Snek. Violent rape is not socially acceptable among humans, that's generally traumatizing even for guys.

>>7110561
>reading comprehension

Even if they are trained to combat a Borealan in CQC it doesn't mean they'll be effective against them. It comes down to skill and experience with your target. If this is his first time fighting a Borealan he has a very slim chance in winning, especially in the small environment they're currently in.

>>7110565

It's not even about just winning. With training, he should have at least picked up on the warning signs (Borealan not submitting to you when you outrank them = HUGE PROBLEM YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE IN DANGER ALERT ALERT) and saw her mutiny coming. Instead he was taken by surprise and entirely helpless outside of a single swipe of his knife.

>>7110575
It fairly obvious he has little to no experience working with Borealens

>>7110561
They're not cracking in combat situations though, they're cracking in situations where they're stuck for a prolonged period of time with a human who is really testing their patience.

In Splashdown they were trapped behind enemy lines and forced to deal with eachother, in Purple Heart they're trapped by a cave-in, in Pinwheel it was the first attempt to train Borealans and nobody really knew what to expect, and in Fineprint the only UNN soldier got extremely drunk, and even then didn't really try to outright rape anyone.

It's not a common thing, it's an exceptional case, provoked by many compounding factors.
>they're put in an unusual, extreme situation
>the human they're with either has no idea what their social system is like, or is just being profoundly uncooperative
>after a period of time, they start to crack

In Splashdown the whole story was basically just Zhari trying to endure as McGregor wound her up. By no means are Borealans just wandering around raping random people for no reason.

>how are these guys not getting training on specifically dealing with are tracking Borealans?

They can't deal with them. It's just not possible. You couldn't develop a hand to hand combat technique to fight a Polar Bear, it's just too powerful compared to a human.

>>7110575
I tried to imply that he isn't very familiar with Borealans.

>>7110564
Ah, well I guess I'll draw the line there then, where realism kneecaps the smut.

>>7110578
Yes, and that's my point. In the real military you don't get to touch anything or work with anyone without extensive training

>>7110583
Good thing this is a work of fiction then isn't it? Calm your autism, you're an armchair general, we get it.

>>7110559
They most certainly would, the only difference is that fewer people believe them when they try to seek help. Trivialization much?

>>7110594
I feel like you're really stretching when your biggest complaint is that the marines don't have a rape survivor support group.
At a certain point I can only answer "because it's porn".

Besides the story I'm writing right now is about someone who doesn't enjoy the experience and has it effect him negatively. He threatens to have Azi court-marshaled so there are clearly some consequences and a means to report things like that.

>>7110591

It's a work of fiction where the author has been striving to make the plot at least semi-realistic and believable, authoring outside of a few isolated cases, has been doing a great job so far. You calm your own autism, the only thing I'm doing is applying basic logic and facts. Stop being so butthurt that someone actually cares about the plot too and not just the sex.

>>7110600


Alright Snek, I'll cut you a deal. When I get home from work, I'll write a quick scene or two that involve reasonable and believable ways a marine could deal with a Borealan who is threatening them with physical harm. In return, all I ask is that you read them and give an honest opinion. Fair?

>>7110607
Sure, I'd be interested to see what you come up with, but just to make sure we're on the same page, we're talking about strictly hand to hand situations? You can of course stab or shoot them, however it would take a lot to bring one down.
Basically if you don't hit a vital point, they're just going to keep coming.
Do you know a lot about self defense? I don't really, though I have read about techniques where you use the weight and strength of the opponent against them to throw them off balance and knock them down.
I assume that can't be applied to what is essentially a large predator though.

>>7110607
You do realize you're trying to argue what an alien species can and can't do with the person who created them.

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>>7110605
I care for the plot and the sex. I'm not the retard bitching about a human getting his shit slapped by a 9 foot alien catgirl in CQC. He's not wearing power armor or anything that would help him against her.

>>7110614
He's probably a marine and got triggered, which means he's a boot.

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Have story.
Need to write more romantic stuff.

Ten years
Tags: Male/Female, Human/Tiefling, vanilla, soft, romantic, sex in front of an open fireplace, handholding, First time, Fantasy
http://pastebin.com/0SpZN2tZ

>>7110621
Good to see more from you, Cooked. I'll try to get a review up by next thread at the latest.

>>7107616
So any feedback on this one before I post the other chapter?

>>7110654
Reading it right now. It would have been nice if you'd included a title and tags so I knew what I was getting.

My initial impression is that making it into pseudo-green-text really clashes with your writing style.

>>7110670
Ah, alright then. I'll edit it into standard prose and have the title and tags out with the next story.

>>7110621
>sex in front of an open fireplace

It's call fun and games until a spark lands on your ass.

>>7110684
aren't tieflings fireproof to some extent?

>>7110611

Alright, had to do some overtime because shit got crazy at work, but I'm home now. I'm gonna list 3 scenarios, and you pick the top one you want to hear the most (I might do a second depending on how the first comes out):

1. Borealan knows the marine she's about to maim is equipped with something(but isnt aware of exactly what) that can he use to subdue her, and manages to restrain him and prevent him from moving at all before he can do anything

2. Medic about to get raped manages to improvise a solution out of his gear, but not before the Borealan pins him on the ground and gets on top of him. (Note, Marine gets hit by Karma in the end)

3. Marine has an Borealan go from "slowly cutting into his neck and licking the blood" to "backing the fuck away from him and considering desertion" with words alone


Take your pick, and I'll write a quick scene up. Obviously, I'm not a writer at all like you, so forgive me for the retarded sentence flows and formatting I'll probably end up doing.

>>7110838
Oh, sorry, that isn't at all what I thought you were talking about. I thought you meant you knew something about martial arts or hand to hand combat that would allow a human to overpower a Borealan?

But you're offering to write scenes?
Do you intend for them to replace the existing scene in Purple Heart? I feel like we've been talking at crossed purposes.

2 sounds the most plausible of those, assuming you're talking about him shooting her up with morphine or something, but the soldier in PH isn't a medic, and not every marine would have access to that gear, or think to use it in a pinch.

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>>7110479
I'm enjoying this so far! I was a bit worried the "rape" would go to darker places. Can't wait for more dude.

Pic is hopefully related to the up coming polar Borealan.

>>7110873

I'm saying hand to hand combat isnt the only choice to subdue a Borealan who's already got you pinned down/restrained.

I'm offering to write small scenes, yeah. I don't intend for them to overwrite anything you have, I'm not a writer and they're probably going to be horribly written. But hey, if you do like one, I'd be honored if you used it.

And don't go for plausible, go for what you think would be the most interesting to see play out. Note that for 2, I mean gear he's wearing, not any of his equipment/tools he'd be carrying with him.

>>7110684
Sex in front of a fireplace is great, watch the original Conan the Barbarian. Perfect for fucking then slaying witches

>>7110479
While I'm sad rape is happening again I'm happy for abs. Such a conundrum
Snek have you ever considered a, dare I say it, nonfemdom story? Like a vanilla story with a strong woman who grows closer to a man without having to snu snu?
Cause I'd read the shit out of that

I think the problem that marine anon and some others are having is that the only borealens we see are the ones that rape coworkers, we only ever see the red herrings. I mean that's what this board is, for porn. So the conclusion is reached that all these super cats are rapists, easily leading to the question why they're used in the military at all.

>>7110621
I liked how Harker had seen some shit and how Victoria seemingly had liven more of a life than she'd let on. It was nice and quiet, just an intimate thing between two people, which is an interesting change-of-pace.

>>7110984
Snek is my favorite, because their relationship is so cute.

>>7111005
It really is.

>>7105493
Need that 40+ dragongirl incest orgy

>>7110288
I thought I liked sappy stories, but that was bit too much for me. It had the feeling it was meant for 10 year old girls.
I think bit more (non-sappy) everyday stuff would make it more balanced than adding jealousy. Well, unless this all is just a trollish setup for full yandere insanity.

>>7111065
It's not, and while is tagged as mild yandere (Being somewhat possessive) I have no intentions of writing her like a psychopath. Sorry if it's not your cup of tea

>>7111065
*if it's too sappy, I mean

>>7111002
My thoughts precisely. It feels like there's some stuff that could be used to expand on their respective stories, should you decide to go that route. But in its current state, it's no less effective for that little hint of mystery.

Hey everyone!

I haven't posted in a while, largely due to being ashamed over how little I've actually managed to write recently, but I was inspired to up the pace recently thanks to a friendly artist showing some fanart they've been working on (can't share yet, sorry!)

I'm 6,6k words into my latest chapter and writing at least a bit every day, so hopefully it's not too long away. Until then, here are links to the first and latest chapters in case there are people around who have missed them:

Family of Three
Tags: futanari, mother/daughter, sister/sister, romantic, big breasts, u15, big cock, excessive cum, gentle femdom
Chapter 1: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VK9bYtAGIHbCfpnzSkBLghzO5fH2-BodWhX6cv-IZiU/edit?usp=sharing
Chapter 11: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yXGt2W9HBV_K2xVKJ7pHoJg7GKItzYXAuLaPjhQQ3bQ/edit?usp=sharing

I also have a (currently only one chapter long) non-incest futa story if anyone is interested.

>>7111457
Might want to repost next thread, just to be sure it's getting noticed. We've gone pretty far past the bump limit at this point.

>>7111466
Good point, thanks for the reminder!

>>7110621
You really should get over it carefully one last time, Cooked. There are still a couple of typo's (the sorceress' name written with differently a couple of times) and weird sentences (“It’s been so alone here without you,” line 68 for instance).

Solid story otherwise. Pacing is good, Harker's memories giving enough info to make it a proper story without bogging it down with details.