>Peter... Promise me.... that you always put May first...

>Peter...the Holocaust...wasn't real

>Peter . . . i must confess . . i laid with a negress last night, this is my punishment, my divine atonement for my sins . . promise me peter . . that you will never burn coal . . . less you pay the toll as i have today . .

>>94995404
>Peter... I need you to get rid of my porn collection... Magazines, videos, some security footage I bought on the black market... There are snuff films in there, Pete. If your Aunt May sees all the pictures I took of her feet while she was sleeping... It's all in the box in the basement labelled "Baby Pictures"... Before you ask: yes, there are baby pictures in there, they're just not of you... Actually, they're a part o the collection, but that doesn't matter now... You've gotta do this for me, Pete. You've got to destroy my porn stash... And I mean DESTROY that shit, kid... Seriously, the hentai alone is enough to get a man put away... Hentai is the Japanese word for "pervert", son, and that's what I am... That's what your Uncle Ben is... All the fat globs of semen I've wasted masturbating to bestiality and vore over the years... And I'm a strong ejaculator, Pete... I'm as sterile as a surgery room, but I cum like a geyser every time... I think part of the thrill was always seeing if I could get any of it in my mouth... The first time I did it was a complete accident, but the taste, Pete... The taste was unlike anything I had ever experienced before... I started to crave it... It was like a drug to me... And that's coming from a guy who did a lot of blow in the 90s... Usually off of the ass-cheeks of some coked out hooker who me and the boys would kill for sport later... I actually have some footage of that in my porn collection... Which, again, you REALLY need to get rid of... I cannot overstate the importance of wiping that shit from the face of the Earth... Okay, what else, what else? Oh, you can have the slice of cake from Aunt May's birthday that I've been saving... I mean, I took a bite out of it, but it's not like I have herpes or anything... Wait... Do genitals count? Never mind, I'm dying now... In summation: great power, great responsibility, burn my porn, eat my cake... Bleh...

What did Raimi mean by this?

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>>94995404
>You know, I'm something of a white nationalist myself.
I think they went a bit too far with that line.

>St..Stand back...run Peter....don't go near him....k-keep your distance....stay away...stay away from him.....you're...no match.....

>>94995588
is that...
could it be...?

>>94995404
Pretty curious yesterday I was discussing with the guys at the office about
Willy Wonka chocolate factory (the 70's original) and how the Charlie grandpa was the a true villain;
Don't leave a finger in twenty years
Make his daughter work for all
Indoctrination of Charlie about
"you deserve that ticket than any other because fuck,and don't let anyone say otherwise"
Charlie win a ticket at random and the Grandpa bum dance like an ass
Then at the factory,
"Charlie take that soda Wonka is to busy to notice"
Wonka says
"You lose cos you rob me"
And the old Jew cry like a bitch SJW!!

This chat at the office take a turn at
"How uncle Ben is other bitch that twist one entire universe with his lessons?"

>>94995552
holy shit my sides

>>94995552
>I actually have some footage of that in my porn collection... Which, again, you REALLY need to get rid of... I cannot overstate the importance of wiping that shit from the face of the Earth
I fucking love this shit

>>94995552
>>I'm a strong ejaculator, Peter
Oh fuck I wasn't prepared for that

>>94995607
>you want to know why you lost, Osborn? You made one mistake-just one mistake...
>you piseed me off
Man, Raimi sure knows how to write those one-liners

>>94995404
>peter......follow satan

>>94995404
>Peter... Don't let people... get near with my hot Italian wife...

>>94995613
Chill out nigga.

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>>94995552
First funny Raimi post in awhile

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>>94995552
So much win. Saving this perfect pasta

>>94996175
All I want from the MCU is a flashback of Joe Pesci as Uncle Ben.

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>>94995552
>I'm as sterile as a surgery room, but

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>>94995552
>n summation: great power, great responsibility, burn my porn, eat my cake... Bleh...

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>THE HUMAN HOLOCAUST!

Jesus Raimi, how did you get away with this?

>>94995552

God I can't read this, I'm in public and I'm about to burst from the first few sentences...

>>94995552

>It's all in the box in the basement labelled "Baby Pictures"... Before you ask: yes, there are baby pictures in there, they're just not of you...

Oh my fucking God I'm dying

>>94996371
Mein sides!

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>>94995570
>Back to Africa

Jesus

>>94995552
I'm so hungover I started crying at this. I'm in physical pain.

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>>94995552
>Hentai is the Japanese word for "pervert", son, and that's what I am... That's what your Uncle Ben is... All the fat globs of semen I've wasted masturbating to bestiality and vore over the years...
I just fucking died

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>>94995552

screencapped for posterity

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>>94995404
What if ... what if I just make HER my wife, Uncle Ben?

>>94995552
>Mr.Parker it turns out you're going to be all right!

>>95001746
>Listen, Pete, I said a lot of things back there that I can't really take back. I'm a man, I can accept that. What I can't accept, however, is living a lie. In those thirty seconds that I thought I was dead, I saw God, Peter. Now I don't know if he was a man or a woman or some kind of hermaphroditic chimera, but I do know one thing -- I looked into its eyes and felt more aroused than ever before. But with great arousal came great introspection. I wanted to pleasure this cosmic futanari. Ethically, spiritually, sexually! I wanted to be its everything and its anything! And so I have decided to devote myself to my idea of God, Pete. This gloriously beautiful mural painted from the wildest imaginations of the most audacious madmen! And to do that I have to be upfront with you. Everything I just told you? That was the tip of the iceberg, Peter. I mean 'bestiality'? 'Vore'? I was jerking my little pink pecker to that shit in the forth grade. I'm not fooling around, son: I was dreaming about fucking my mother into a state of anal prolapse and then eating her inside out anus before I had even read Catcher in the Rye. That's a great book, by the way, Pete. Really kicked my sexual predation fetish into overdrive. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. I'm leaving you and your Aunt May so I can travel to Tibet. Now, when I say this, I know what you're thinking. Slit-eyed dress-wearing motherfuckers with dots on their heads setting themselves on fire to save the dolphins from cancer or some shit. You could not be further from the truth, Pete. I'm going to find and fuck every variation of man, woman and child I can find. I want to spill my seed inside little crippled boys and lepers. I want to do it for the shemale upstairs, sport. I don't know what's up with your wrestling bullshit, but make sure you get in and get out. You would be SHOCKED to know how quickly you can go from wrestling to pit-fighting to adult entertainment. Alright, tell Aunt May I said later days.

>>95002244

>at some point Uncle Ben fucked Stan Lee.

Keep that in mind,

>>95001652
Never let there be a year she isn't pregnant

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>>95002244
>with great arousal came great introspection.
Why can't writers be this original?!

>>95002244
>I wanted to pleasure this cosmic futanari.

Hollywood needs to lurk here to learn how to write a better movie

>>95002244
>>94995552
When does your comic come out, anon?

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>>94995552

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>>94995552
Somehow the line about doing blows in the 90s is what broke me

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>>94995552

>>94995552
it was a different time

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this is for anyone who wants it

>>94996499
kek

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>>95002244
>>94995552

my fucking sides!! what are you??

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and here's part 2

>>94995552
>I'm as sterile as a surgery room, but I cum like a geyser every time
Goodbye sides

>>94995704
>Don't leave a finger
speak american

>That's a cute outfit, did your husband make it for you?
>Yea, he's a really talented tailor.
>Well it definitely shows.
>Hey, how about after this match, I see if he can design you a new costume?

>The ad said it was for 3000
>What, oh sorry kid, I'm just so used to paying out the loser.

>DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE SACRIFICED?!
>He has a point, maybe we were too hasty in trying to oust you from the company.

So, why was everybody so damn polite in that movie?

>>94995570
>Peter....his ninja turtle....
>Donatello...Harry

>Peter before I go, I must tell you the horrible, shocking truth. That your Aunt May is actually....... your Uncle May

>>94995552
>>95002244
Raimiposting was reborn today.

>>94995552
>Usually off of the ass-cheeks of some coked out hooker who me and the boys would kill for sport later... I actually have some footage of that in my porn collection...
Best part.

>>95003726
>Back to formula?
>Ok I understand that it's an extra dangerous process filled with trial and error and we've got other area to expand in in case we lose the contract

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>>94995552

This was a great thread

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>>94995552
>>95001746
>>95002244
someone needs to screen-cap these for posterity

>>94995404
jesus Raimi

Way to go mods, just let /tv/ take over this board. It's cool that they don't read comics, just let them shitpost, it's good for the traffic of the board, after all, that's what advertisers like to see.

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>>94995404
>>94995552
> The first time I did it was a complete accident, but the taste, Pete... The taste was unlike anything I had ever experienced before... I started to crave it... It was like a drug to me... And that's coming from a guy who did a lot of blow in the 90s...

i cry

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>He didn read the accompanying comic Raimi made for the movies

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>>94995552

>>95005693
We need some premium quality Jameson greentext.

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>>95006846
>both May and Peter ended up manhandling Jewish bankers for being greedy fucks in both respective mediums under Raimi's creative supervision
How did he get away with this so many times?

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>>94995552
Good shit

>>95006620
already did

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>>95002244
>Slit-eyed dress-wearing motherfuckers with dots on their heads setting themselves on fire to save the dolphins from cancer or some shit

thank you, anon, you gave me inspiration for great things

>>95011088
>>95006620
here they are
>>95003504
>>95003522

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>>94995552

>>94995404
>Peter...I'm...I'm p-..pickle..Beeee...nn..

>>94995552
As funny as this is... let's take a step back for a moment shall we?

How many of you anons would do the same exact thing?

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>>94995552
My sides are as obliterated as Parker's wedding vows.

>>95012765
Only thing I have is a terabyte or so of password protected micro SDs hidden in various light fixtures and outlets boxes. No one will ever know about my gay Japanese cartoon porn addiction.

>>95012962
Literally me

>>95012765
Oh Anon... My family knows. My family knows.

>>95012765
I don't have any porn downloaded. I can only fap to something like, three times, then it gets too boring