Congratulations, you got a job as a writer at Marvel comics.

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So the first question is why?
I propose some new inter dimensional being that robs the world of love, and Spidey is the only man around that can reignite our intrepid heroes passions.

>>91337070
>I made a date with half of the universe....but then I accidentally made one on the same night with the OTHER half of the universe. GOOD THING THE RESTAURANTS ARE ACROSS THE STREET FROM ONE ANOTHER.

Damnit, why do comic book companies keep hiring people who hate comics to write their comics?

OK, the event is: everyone's a robot clone. Except that guy. Or maybe that guy is crazy. And then all the "that guys" get together to either be crazy together or save the world. Oh, and the "that guys" are a mix of superheroes and super-villains.

>>91337070
So the first question is if we include male heroes and villains. For purposes of this, let's say no. Standard shenanigans about booking multiple dates the same night won't work because there are too many telepaths. Instead I suggest a reality show.

Some villain with reality-warping powers stages a reality show where one 'lucky' man must date every female superhero and supervillain at the same time, The Bachelor-style, slowly removing one per episode (though given the sheer volume, probably more like five per episode). And that lucky man will be chosen randomly, and it just so happens to be Peter Parker. Of course, everything will be on live TV.

But the supervillains continue to do their supervillain shtick, so Peter has to dodge the cameras by doing things like going to the bathroom, taking a nap, etc, while the girls talk to the cameras about how much they hope they win, and foils the villains.

Can I just sell out trade secrets to defect to DC?

>>91337379
Do it as a murderworld.

>>91337070
Start with The Black Cat. Pete seduces Felicia to find she's actually The Chameleon in disguise! The real Black Cat was in a stasis pod all along!

He'll speed date through the team books, and finally, after a VERY Awkward evening at the Osborn house, comparing notes on Gwen in the bedroom, Pete crawls back to his apartment to find his final date waiting for him.

MJ!

>>91337070
I can do this, but you have to be okay with Spider-man not fighting a villain every issue.

>>91338718
Did Spider-Gwen fuck Osborn?

>>91337379
I would absolutely read a Bachelor style gameshow starring Peter with heroes and villains both in the running. Make the villain a Mojo like character who needs ratings to be high enough so he 'spices things up' in dangerous ways.

>>91338752
I think she had a thing with Harry, but no Norman.

>>91337070
NEW YORK CITY 201X
>Jeez talk about a long night, I had to fight the sinister six, the fearful five, the ferocious four, the terrible three and the duo of Polka Dot Sam and Pin Stripe Petunia. [see Amazing Spider Man Issue #69: Final Countdown]
>But at least tonight I'll be able to catch some z's and reset most of my dislocated joints.
>Meanwhile in an alley.
>Help! Help! My breasts are barely being contained in this tight tube top shirt!
>What's this? My Spider sense is tingling, and so are my Spidey pants.
>Swing!
>I'll help you with your tight tube top random lady in an alley!
>HAHAHA! SPIDERMAN! I'VE FINALLY GOT YOU!
>Doctor Octopus? You're not a pretty lady!
>A lady I may not be, but I am pretty smart to have lured you in this alley!
>Well this turds my fancy, I'm going to sock you in the butt for that!
>Not so fast Spiderman! For you see, I've created a super love potion that will defeat you!
>A love potion? I like you and all Otto, but Spider man don't swing that way.
>FOOL! I'm going to release this potion meaning you'll be too busy beating them off to stop me from stealing 1 million dollars!
>Well someones going to be beating off Doc, and it might be me, but no way in Manhattan am I letting you steal 1 million dollars in THIS economy!
>It's too late Spiderman! I've broken the vial!
>Oh no! He's broken the vial!
>Suddenly the Avengers appear to help Spiderman.
>Oh thank God, Thor, Cap, Hulk, arrest that mad scientist.
>Captain America pulls out handcuffs.
>OH NO! NOW I HAVE TO GO TO PRISON!
>And he slaps them on Spiderman.
>Son, did I ever tell you how much I admire your webslinging abilities?
>Uhh thanks Cap, you are getting a little too close though.
>Nay man of Arachnids, THIS is getting close
>Thor thrusts his pecs into Spidermans face
>Woah okay guys, you're getting a little too frisky here.
>Spiderman backs up into Hulk, who just smiles at him.
>Hahaha Spiderlover! Now one can stop me now!
>DR OCTOPUUUUUS!!!

>>91337070
>You have to write Spiderman dates the Marvel Universe

Hardly a difficult sell.

Bitches LOVE Spider-Man.

>>91338979
I've already got the first date in my head:
Deadpool invites Spidey to another blind double date one night but when he shows up to the restaurant it's a table for two, fortunately the Black Cat immediately also shows up and abducts Spidey to hash out old issues, once he escapes her it becomes a series of random encounters with villainesses and heroines for the rest of the long night.
I would like a brief scene involving a "near Death" experience before at the end of this farce Spidey somehow runs into Maryjane in line for a cup of morning coffee and they share a breakfast.

>>91337070
How would he pry Carol and Jess away from each other?

Threesome?

Jessics and carol teamup book.
Grow out Carol's hair
Get rid of Jessica's baby. Maybe make it super accelerated aging so the little shit can take care of itself.

>>91337070
Honestly I'd probably write the worst comic ever. Probably worse than what's being shitted out now by Marvel. I don't interact with humans much so my dialogue would be dialed-in or robotic. Forget about romance or comedy. Comedy especially, that isn't slapstick, takes a bit of intelligence to make people laugh.

I'd probably just steal comedic material. Have my artist trace porn to make things a funnier and to create memes.

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>>91340661
But why not have them take care of their baby together?

I'd so do this. It'd be like a Spider-Verse/Clone Saga crossover, with thousands of alternate Petes coming together to date everyone simultaneously. Miles Morales will have an issue where he tries to have sex with a girl at a party but accidentally venom blasts her and has to leave and struggle with the moral issues of date rape.

We'll pry 1616 Jessica Drew out of the multiverse to turn Bobby Drake straight again while we're at it.

Crescendo will be Pete and MJ remarried and Spider-Gwen in the 616 permanently because she's my favorite and if Bendis gets to do whatever he wants so do I.

For MCU synergy there will be a five issue miniseries of the adventures of Ganke and Ned Leeds.