Why are newspaper comics so terrible? Seriously, what does this

>>89682585
safety is needed. If a comic is offensive they blame the paper/site first

File: snow-impermanence.gif (20KB, 600x189px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 600x189px

>>89682585
The joke is a pun on the Three Dog Night song "One is the loneliest number" by implying that the 1's name is "Juan."

To answer your initial question, not all newspaper comics are terrible, some are absolute top tier. Some papers are just cheap and will only pay for bottom of the barrel creators.

Newspaper comics have to be super inoffensive for their target audience so most of the "jokes" are simple turn of phrases taken literally.

>>89682585
The average age of a newspaper reader is 67.

>>89682585
I have so many questions

>>89682689
I got that bit, but imagine the comic strip exactly the same, except "juan" is replaced with "one". How does the word "juan" add to the joke whatsoever?

>>89682585
It's a statement that no one will ever love freakishly tall lanklets.

>>89682888
The number is like a person, so they gave it a person name.

>>89682888
Mexicans are lonely.

There, you happy?

File: 1467231339489.png (110KB, 261x378px) Image search: [Google]

110KB, 261x378px

>>89682585
>that 39 action

>>89682585
i always wanted to make a thread about this.
yeah, why are newspaper comics so boring

>>89682585
Really tangentially related, but did anyone else assign personalities to numbers when they were little? I always saw all the numbers from 1-10 as having their own little characters, like a weird numerical royal court. 10 was the wise king, 5 was his promising young son. 8 was kind of a dick, but his son 4 was pretty cool actually, and his daughter 2 was also nice. The 3's family was decent enough, but 6 was starting to take after 8 in being a dick. There was also always some tension between odds, especially the prime numbers, and evens. It made doing math problems really interesting, because every equation was some intrigue.

>>89683094
I always thought of 6 as feminine, for some reason.

>>89683094
no, never anon
thats just weird
i'd read it though

>>89683140
They didn't really have genders for me, they were just numbers.

File: 1484358804560.jpg (201KB, 1192x1546px) Image search: [Google]

201KB, 1192x1546px

>>89683094

>>89683094
I've always seen 5 as a rugged noir detective.
The others are less defined. 1 is a generic and bland protagonist, 2 is either the rival or love interest, 0 is the cool mysterious guy that shows up when shit gets real, 6 and 8 are a pair of villainous sisters, 7 is the hero that everyone looks up to, 4 is comic relief, 3 is another villain, and 9 is the final boss. 10 if it shows up is some sort of king or even God.

>>89683318
I thought of 7 as being a loner, a good guy but he prefers to stay on his own.

>>89683209
But none of those traits have anything to do with this.

File: bwham!.jpg (534KB, 3344x640px) Image search: [Google]

534KB, 3344x640px

>>89682585
Blame Schulz

>>89682888
Because it takes Juan to know Juan.

>tfw remembering the western pseudo-manga page in my local paper
That shit was bizarre, it was like a little serial next to the actual comics

>>89683094

I did, it also played into how I did sums. I recall 7 being a bastard and 4 being quite timid so 28, as a result, was a number who had overcome their personality flaws to become a caring individual.

>>89683403
I have no idea what is going on in this.

>>89683701
8 and every multiple of 8 is evil.

>>89683403
Honestly I kind of want to
It's a good comic but I think it had a negative influence on the funny pages. Easy-to-follow gag-a-day comics, with simple art that could be printed smaller than earlier comics, leading to the really visually detailed and story driven strips to be squeezed out of their spots.

Quit complaining. You haven't seen garbage until you've read 'The Grizzwells'.

File: gno gnews.jpg (310KB, 2226x426px) Image search: [Google]

310KB, 2226x426px

>>89683755
They're pretending she's a nuclear bomb. It's not that complicated

>>89683869
I also blame him for anime.

>>89682585
>fissed opportunity to throw in a 69 gag
For shame, Hilburn

>>89683494
Kek

>>89683403
The joke would've worked on another level if the rope had come from under Lucy's skirt.

Of course, they would never let Sparky do that, but I bet that's what he was thinking.

>>89682585
7 8 &9 are whores.

1 is better off.

>>89684113
>They're pretending she's a nuclear bomb.

That just raises further questions!

>>89682585
are you autistic? or just pretending?

>>89684924
It was the cold war

File: 1482956626405.png (536KB, 712x715px) Image search: [Google]

536KB, 712x715px

>>89684890
Jesus fucking christ, this is below CAD levels of unfunny.

>>89683403
I bet a lot of people wanted to see the effects of an actual H bomb on Lucy

>>89683140
It looks like a pregnant woman.

>>89683352
That's clearly 1.

>>89684890
Is that kid autist?

>>89685545
1 gets along perfectly with everybody though.

>>89685925
If 1 isn't a loner then your headcanon is wrong.

File: the slide.jpg (1MB, 3376x2300px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 3376x2300px

>>89684878
What other level? Acknowledgement that girls put things in their vaginas?

>>89685405
A lot of people are pretty pathetic

File: Four.jpg (22KB, 320x445px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 320x445px

>>89682585
Don't give in to loneliness and race mix if you want to stay number one, even if you have to be alone.
Wait a minute where's the number four?

>>89685925
More like nobody cares about him.

The real problem is that 2 is happy when it's well established that 2 can be as as 1, and in fact, is the loneliest number since the number 1.

>>89685925
Loners can get along with people, they just never get fully accepted by any group

File: 1468472889340.png (414KB, 490x468px) Image search: [Google]

414KB, 490x468px

>>89686152
>it's well established that 2 is the loneliest number since the number 1.

>>89683168
How progressive.

>>89682585
JUAN
ONE
JUAN=ONE

>>89682888
Juan is the pun because it sounds just like one.

>>89682585
This picture taken before the gruesome act of cannibalism performed on Nine by Seven.
It was a high-profile crime; everyone knows that Seven Eight Nine

File: 2010-07-26-seven-eight-nine.png (141KB, 500x1550px) Image search: [Google]

141KB, 500x1550px

>>89686478

>>89683561
Do you remember the name of the comic?
I love shit like that.

>>89685989
cute

>9 cheating on 6 with 3
That fucking asshole
>2 finally found love
That's nice

>>89683561
>western pseudo-manga
The technical term is OEL manga. If that sounds stupid, just remember that "webtoon" is a thing.

File: 1474919509403.gif (134KB, 340x340px) Image search: [Google]

134KB, 340x340px

>>89687629
>9 cheating on 6
Heh

File: Your joke.gif (3MB, 720x540px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 720x540px

>>89682585

>>89682585
>Julian
>not Juan

How do you fuck up something so simple?

File: 1485262856517.png (521KB, 720x528px) Image search: [Google]

521KB, 720x528px

>>89687882
Read again

I like them.

>>89685989
to be fair, "girls putting things in their vaginas" is extremely abstract to most /co/ goers.

>>89682585
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ktt_wVT4IZ4

File: Calvin-and-Hobbes.gif (18KB, 600x190px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 600x190px

>>89684890
Calvin and Hobbes made the same joke once

>>89684890
>nobody ITT gets it

>>89688426
but that's a different joke

>>89684890

Gave me a chuckle

>>89682585
Look, man, it was a long day, I couldn't come up with a joke, I literally shit this out at 11:37pm the night before it was due. Don't fucking start with me, this shit is hard.

>>89688086
Ha, what the fuck I swear it said Julian. I need my eyes checked.

>>89688501
I got the paper, and found they started printing PRINCE VALIANT!!!!!
Tom Heated & Mark Schulz are doing it.....
How long has this been going on?????
I gotta lot of catching up to do....if /co/ can keep us up to date on Marmaduke, shouldn't we know about this?????

>>89688763
YEATES.

Why did Six lust after Seven?

Because Seven eight out Nine! HA HA!

They're all lesbians.

>>89682929
Honestly, having a blatant Mexican stereotype alone at a party would've delivered the joke a LOT better then this.

File: c7290753260ee57f9904dbfc2fd27b73.jpg (73KB, 425x544px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 425x544px

The Far Side is actually pretty quality. Cow tools aside, there are some really good ones in there.

>>89682929
Well, they can go back to their own kind.

>>89682585
It means Scott Hilburn is a hack who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as Gary Larson.

>>89688426
Yes but Calvin's logical leap here is what makes it funny.

>>89690426
Far side is great, there are a few lazy ones in there though.

>>89682585
would have made more sense to have 2 date 4 and get rid of 5 and 7

>>89683209
captain autism would make a great super hero

>>89691067
You mean Batman?

>>89684890
>cnn reports news

>>89691094
batman does want cuddles tho

>>89684922
Why does five resent nine?
7 8 9

File: slick socks.jpg (246KB, 2238x435px) Image search: [Google]

246KB, 2238x435px

>>89688229
Are you saying /co/ wouldn't put things in their vagina immediately after becoming a girl?

>>89686559
That last panel is strangely arousing

File: 7.jpg (37KB, 667x271px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 667x271px

>>89686559
i wondered where this came from. i knew what it was, but still.

>>89685702
Does that mean the kid writes for that strip?

>>89683869
They would've been driven out no matter what, because story focused material is simply better suited for any other medium. If not Schultz then you'd simply have someone else to blame, because it was inevitable.

Fun little reminder that you-know-who-mom is the future of newspaper comics

File: peach sass.png (118KB, 224x224px) Image search: [Google]

118KB, 224x224px

>>89694601

>>89690426
>Cow tools
Cow tools was brilliant.

Historically speaking?

Comics went to shit because of syndication requirements getting stingier and cost cutting across the board, largely because people weren't buying newspapers just for the funny pages anymore. Toss in television, comic *books*, computers, and any other source of competition that helped make it a dying art form.

Peanuts was a classic but it also kicked off the trend of making much more simplistic, minimalist strips compared to the gorgeous and intricately detailed ones that came before, and it ties in also with the whole syndicates giving less room for them in the papers. If you had a buncha simpler strips that would fit into the space it took to tell a Prince Valiant epic before, you'd probably want to go with those to cut costs of having to print giant colorful images.

The medium began dying in the late eighties. Doonesbury, the Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes (Garfield and For Better or For Worse if you want to be extremely Generous, but Garfield was at least the last big phenomenon of the medium since Watterson didn't want his stuff animated) were the last hurrahs of the medium before most of it became toothless, family friendly drivel where plotlines were driven out in favor of only doing lame gag a day affairs.

File: 1474316877575.png (124KB, 333x400px) Image search: [Google]

124KB, 333x400px

>>89690426

File: tinkersons.gif (135KB, 900x421px) Image search: [Google]

135KB, 900x421px

post bad newspaper comics ITT

>>89690426
Came here just to talk about how great the Far Side is. Own the complete collection in 2 giant tomes. It's great.

>>89694601
jesus christ enough hatefagging

>>89695352
>compared to the gorgeous and intricately detailed ones that came before
Like what?

File: A feast for croquet.jpg (2MB, 3396x2296px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 3396x2296px

>>89696222
Earlier Peanuts strips obviously

>>89683094
This funnier than the OP pic.

File: 191714B6-24C9-4A4E-BD46-0AD87CFCA0FB-8443-00000ACA3FFA5E47_tmp.jpg (23KB, 290x264px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 290x264px

>>89683094
I assigned genders to numbers but I always got really in-depth with letters. A is a cute girl-next-door type, B is a tomboy, C is a slick girl, D is a chubby girl, E is a dude, F is a girly dude, so on and so on. When it comes to numbers 1, 2, 7, and 10 are boys, and 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, and 9 are girls.
Also for some reason I sort of assigned textures to the numbers as well. 6 is all metallic and shiny, 5 is all fuzzy, stuff like that

>>89694280
Not really, It is better suited to strips than it is to monthly books. The daily format is ideally suited to serialized storytelling.

File: sausage.png (206KB, 917x312px) Image search: [Google]

206KB, 917x312px

there's something funny about how not funny they are, honestly

File: page_82.jpg (124KB, 1032x653px) Image search: [Google]

124KB, 1032x653px

Wizard of Id was pretty top-tier until the mid 80's.

File: page_52.jpg (138KB, 1005x650px) Image search: [Google]

138KB, 1005x650px

>>89697809

File: page_64.jpg (136KB, 989x656px) Image search: [Google]

136KB, 989x656px

>>89697825

File: page_77.jpg (130KB, 1005x665px) Image search: [Google]

130KB, 1005x665px

>>89697854

Pearls Before Swine and Bizzarro are pretty fucking great, but then again I haven't kept up on newspaper comics for like ten years, all I really know is they're still running.

File: my sides.gif (2MB, 615x413px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 615x413px

>>89683494

>>89697482
I don't get Fred Basset. Is the joke that the main character is a dog or does it go deeper?

File: replyall.gif (146KB, 1000x308px) Image search: [Google]

146KB, 1000x308px

I mean even this got published in a newspaper so that should really say all that needs to be said about newspaper comics

File: image.gif (80KB, 1000x325px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 1000x325px

Fingerpori is great. Sadly some jokes can't be translated to English, but here is one that someone translated.

>>89696485
That's a lot of jokes shoved into one strip. The art is great but it feels like one of those ADHD kids cartoons

>>89699167
What even is this and where can I see more of it

>>89683094
Yes but not anywhere near to that level of detail. I just remember thinking 2 was a cool guy.

>>89699445
>2
>Two Cool

That's how I always remembered it

>>89683094
You just reminded me of a documentary about a savant who was big on numbers, who envisioned some numbers as incredibly ugly and upsetting while others were beautiful or calming.

Fucking weirdos.

>>89697482
Who the fuck gives a dog a sausage on a goddamn plate?

>>89699614
A retard who treats his animals as substitutes for children.

>>89695638
Christ, it's like a Kelly strip played straight.

>>89682585

>When you realize 4 is off having 6

>>89701552
No love for 0?

>>89701611
I'd like to think 4's having multiple 0's.