>Come hither and give heed! >Woah I dont swing that way

>Peter, not all Jewish people are good with money
>Well yeah, I guess not the retarded ones but...but why would you even say that? For shock value? Jeez Cleveland, there's edgy and then there's offensive

>joe ive had new neighbors before but they weren't half the man you are, and since you're half a man already, that splits it into some fraction i dont even know

>That was joke gum! Now you're addicted to heroin
>hahaha... i'm cold

>>89241830
>Why did that nigger have to come back?
>Nyeh-eh-eh-eh-eh, Quagmire, you said "come"

"Step right up and fight my wife! She floats like a butterfly and stings like when I pee!"

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>>89242925

>peter do you even know which one of the kids i'm talking about?
>eh....gordon?

>I've got a question for you, Quagmire. What do you do?
>Heh, I've got a question for you, too! Why are you still here?

>>89242925
It's like the show actually had jokes or something

>>89242925
It pisses me off how they retconned Joe becoming crippled while fighting the grinch

>so much fun it should be illegal, like copyright infringement
>ho ho see you at the game Joe ho ho

>>89244088
whats the new backstory?

>>89244230
Some shit story about him being undercover

>>89244422
It was some guy stole some money and Joe cornered him. Then he shot Joe in his kneecaps. Shitty story compared to the the Grinch story. It's like Seth McFarlane forgot he already had a backstory.

>>89241830

>Well, seems he is not here. Nothin left for me to do except finishing this sentence uninterrupt-

>CHILDISH, am I Lois? Well if I'm childish, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit here and be lectured by a pervert.

>Degenerate? Well you're a vestigio. See? I can make up words too!

>>89242822
Was gonna post this one. Made by actually laugh first time I heard it

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>>89243998
>>89244029
>>89245485

>>89245449
heh

>the death of the first son!
>OH NO STEWIE
>no the FIRST son!
>OH NO MEG
>your wife
>CHRIS

>>89246249
I actually didn't get the "your wife" part

>"Aren't you two a little old to be underage drinking?"
>"Well uh you see the thing about that is, LOIS LOOK OVER THERE! Run!"
>cops run away

>>89246264
Brian caught on the Peter couldn't get the answer right, so he gave a false lead so he'd get it correct.

>>89246264
First son he had with Lois.

Implying Meg is adopted or from another lady.

>>89241830
A classic
>What's YOUR fat ass doing here?
>He's my only means of conveyance, but I guess I do spoil him a little...
>Clearly, you do. Hey Griffin, I thought I told you to stay away from here.

>"Peter did you paste a picture of yourself over our wedding photo?"
>"Yeah I think it looks better."
>"You pasted it over me."
>"Yeah I think it looks better."

>Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
>Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
>I drift in and out.

>I know what to do. I read a book about this once.
>...Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasnt...NOTHING?
>.......oh yeah

>We have a gang shooting at 5th and Main, 3 wounded, one dead
>Is it me or is rap music just getting lazier?

>Am I... Am I supposed to draw the penis?
>Am I... Am I supposed to sculpt the penis?
>Am I... Am I supposed to conduct with my penis?

>A boats a boat but the mystery box can be anything... even a boat!

>Come on Lois you're acting like this is the first time I've ever done something stupid... remember that time I was supposed to get a boat?

>Oh my god. Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits, it says "ooooooo"
>Peter, those are Cheerios.

>"It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex."

>And that's my plan! So, what do you think?
>...You didn't even say anything. You just sat down and said, "And that's my plan!".
>Oh, right
>*Skip forward*
>And THAT'S my plan!
>Well, Mr. Griffin, I don't like it!
>Oh...
>*Peter goes home defeated, sits on the couch, the phone rings*
>I LOVE it!

>Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?
>"I am the proprietor of this delicatessen."

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SMOKE.

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>Alright, now i want you boys to scream real loud at my ass.

>>89247019
Every time I make a gamble like that, I think the riskier option "could be anything, even a boat!"
So that joke's my favorite

>>89244618
That doesn't even make sense since they'd established that Joe's legs are technically fine, it's his spine that's the issue.

>>89245449
this was actually gold

>something, something, something, dark siiiiide...
>something, something, something, COMPLETE

>Receptionist: You can't go in there...
>Peter: Oh yeah? Just watch me! (smacks into a brick wall)
>Receptionist: No, I mean you can't go in there because that door leads nowhere, try the door next to it.

Still gets me laughing.

I miss the days when family guy had witty wordplay and classic humor like this

>any disabilities, past injuries, physical anomalies?

>uhh... o-Oh! I didn't have gas for the first time until I was 30.

>[flash back to peter at 30]

>*fart*
>what the hell was that?

>"What's your name?"
>"Uh... my name? Uh..."
>looks around, sees a lone pea on someone's plate.
>"P-Pea... uh..."
>looks around more, sees a woman crying.
>"T-Tear... uh..."
>a griffin flies nonchalantly through the room and lets out a cry.
>"Griffin. Yeah, Peter Griffin! ...ah, crap."

>>89247790
I don't like that it explained the joke. It would have been funnier if he hit the wall and then she just said, "You want the other door" or something.

>>89241830
>Eat up, Tom Selleck!

>>89248007
I actually liked it because it made it seem like this had happened multiple times, to the point where her explaining the scenario to that degree was trivial. To each their own though.

>Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "Oooooo!"
>Peter, those are Cheerios

>Ah, the breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I do. I have no problem. It's just, there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her. It's just-- I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult, and then I think to myself: My God, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?

>>89241830
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gnezI2hOXA

>Brian get the rings
>Peter I dont think-
>Come on!
>Wonder Twin powers activate
>Form of....Steam

>.........................Peter we got these in a box of Frankenberry

>You're not supposed to admire wheelchair people, you're supposed to feel sorry for them

>>89248197
This is one of my favorite jokes from the show. The last line kills me.

>What do you think of the one you call God?
>Isn't his absence slight
>ly
>odd
>Maybe he's forgotten you

>>89246984
Similarly:

>What is this, spit soup?
>It's tomato bisque
>What is this, snot soup?
>It's tomato bisque!
>What is this, diarrhea soup?

>Peter: "I guess being a hero isn't always about saving lives and catching bad guys. It's also about just being there for the people you love."
>Old lady: "Help! Someone just stole my purse!"
>Peter: "Who cares? I don't even know you."

BIBLE FIGHT!

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Future old people are wizards.

>>89247019
>remember that time I was supposed to get a boat?

Funny how they perfectly subverted their reliance on cutaway gags so early on.

>>89247525
No.

Que?

>>89247974
One of the best

>>89246303
No, its implying that Meg is a man

This one always gets me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pesoUpSG1to

>>89241830
>Classic
>...
>implying anything from this show is worth watching over and over again.
>Like, ever.

I love that part when Peter try to groom himself using razors attached to a fan...

>"Lois, it happened again!"

Funny how in the new Family Guy instead of some blood on the window they would have shown Peter mutilating and disfiguring himself with the fan

>>89251048
yeah i agree it's better now

>look there's a bible in here
>hey, look at me. im a christian. im reading the bible. nyeheheheh

>Holy crap, that freaking place was on fire?!?
The delivery kills me.

>>89251048
No no, he says,

>"Lois, I've done it again!"

Implying that he considered it a success

The whole Volcano Insurance scene was gold.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiOx7h3eOZY

>>89247134
>Ah man, I got honey on my knees.

>>89247350
Seth Macfarlane doesn't understand how the human body works.

>>89247186
lel

The Black Knight shaving.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXbKZTqS194

>What's your friend's name?
>Dick Army
>PFFFFHAHAHAHA! No seriously what is it?
>Dick Army
>HAHAHAHAHA!
>Hey Army, what's your wife's name? Vagina Coastguard?

I'm not sure if it counts as classic FG but the Godfather argument always made me laugh when I heard it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i11hLPi_ky0

>Oh no, Lois. A guy at work bought a car out of the paper; ten years later, Bam! Herpes.

>>89242822

thats way funnier now given todays context.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoSo7DuwF7M

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Favorite Classic Family Guy episode?
For me it's either "Death is a Bitch" or "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=874mLZI0T_Q

>>89248384

Why are Willy Wonka episodes always so good? Futurama's was gold too.

>You're all stupid, see they're gonna be LOOKING for army guys

>For every sprinkle I find... I shall kill you.

Why did the writing in family guy become such shit? Or rather, why did family guy become such shit?

>>89252013
everyone involved got bored of it

>>89252013

Almost immediately after it came back. The precancellation stuff was pretty funny if hit and miss but it went from edgy and subversive to just plain crass when they brought it back.

>>89244618
Was this after Seth gave the reigns of the show to the writers? Seems after he left the show became different and even contradicting itself. The fact that all the Griffin ancestors look like Peter makes no sense now because it turns out Peter is actually a one night stand his mother had with some Irish guy before marrying the guy Peter would know as his father. So he's not genetically related to any of them

https://youtu.be/CTetlDGaLkQ

>>89252164
classic

>>89251511
>it was emailed to me by your HMO
>i know he was coming on to me but you dont have to call him names

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>>89248736
Originally cutaways were meant for jokes that had no way of fitting into context but were so funny thy just had to be included.

Now...

>*bang*
>That doesn't make breakfast at all! All it does is shoot ya!

First time I saw that clip it didn't have the lead-in so it ended up being a lot funnier to me.

>>89252126
Didn't the irish guy look exactly like Peter though?

>>89255780
Yes but it makes sense though as he's his father. All the Griffins that looked like Peter makes no sense now seeing how he genetically isn't a Griffin.

>>89255957
He went from being a slave to being related to Hitler. It never made sense to begin with.

>>89247289
>and everybody learned a valuable lesson
>Mr. Griffin have you learned your lesson?
>Yeah, stay the hell away from that bike shop

>>89246303
Megs real father is Stan Thompson.

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>>89251207
>I too have an uncle.

>Peter you're acting like a child.
>Oh yeah Lois? If I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and be lectured by a perfect.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebajv8mjPTo
The last part of this clip always gets me.

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>>89257085
>Lois makes me take the rap
>cuz our checkbook looks like crap
>since I can't give her a slap
>I need a jew

>>89244618

That is so much lamer than

>You think you have won, you think all is well. Well kiss my green ass, I'll see you in hell!

>>89246682
>Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
>I drift in and out.
This is my life

>>89247098
>look this up
>it's true

For some reason I thought Peter was just bullshitting

>>89246853
lmao

>>89251707
I loved this one

>What would you do for a Klondike bar?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv-8mvNbALM

dude, this show used to actually be good.

for a while i began to wonder if i used to just have shit taste

>>89258125
it was great before EVERY cutway starting to begin with
>this is even better/worse/gayer/happier/etc than the time I <pop culture reference>

>>89251181
It's a shame that 95% of all FG porn looks like shit, otherwise she would have her own branch in my spank bank.

https://youtu.be/naDgcdtV9hI

The Christmas episode is basically perfect
The fact that we will never see a full length Kiss Saves Santa will never not dissapoint me

>As you can see your husband is just over the line
>Don't you mean just under the line?
>THE DAY I GET CORRECTED BY A RETARD

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>>89244167
fuck

>Do you remember me?, I was a puppy here
>Now refresh my memory, lots of puppies are born here
>I was the one who could talk
>Brian!

>>89259123
I take issue with that joke since his cousin Jasper (who most likely grew up on the same farm) can also talk.

>>89248384
That whole parody is great.

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>>89251181
tfw all that implied incest, bestiality, breast expansion, trans, futa and everything else they've done for shock value and basically the only porn of the show is tram-pararam. I'm a bit surprised is all.

>>89247186
ARE YA SMOKIN YET?!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKmH0CBlfzE

>Who the hell buys a joke fire extinguisher?
>I'll tell you who: someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his entire family in danger.

>>89247350
Originally, it was his legs.

But when he got them back, he ended up shooting himself in the spine.

>>89258125
It was good enough that Fox actually reinstated it after cancelling it so shortly after. It's just so weird to think about what it turned into.

>>89247019
>No, we choose the mystery box. HOP IN.

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the worst thing a show can do is stay on for way too long.

Family Guy should of ended after season 3, yeah there are some episodes that came out afterwards which aren't bad but the first three seasons complete shit all over them.

>>89250974
so you didn't read any of the rest of the thread, huh

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>>89244618
>he already had a backstory.

he sure did

>>89266665
It's not nice to Joek about the handicapped

>Are you Big Fat Paulie? x3

>whoa, transvestite!
>wait a minute, pre-op or post-op?
>pre-op
>whoa, transvestite!

>my fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you.
>I did gigoogity that girl.
>I gishmoigitied her giflavity with my googus.
>and I'm sorry.

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>>89247065

>Sir! I'll give you $500 for whats in the back of your car!
>$500 for a bumper sticker?
>"I lost my self respect at Wes' ribhouse"

>Brian I've got a riddle for you! If a burglar broke in and threatened to kill one of your children, which one do you choose
>...I don't know?
>Wrong! The ugly one!
>That's not a riddle....that's just horrible

>>89266937
>Oh hi Bonnie. This is big fat Paulie......and this is his big fat ass

>As you yourself may be presently aware of, my grammar sucks.

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>Remeber that time I pretended to be gay?

>>89247100

I still think about this gag sometimes.

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>oh come on that ones not even real

>>89251707
This is the only cartoon joke I saw my Dad laugh at

>Peter! Are you sleeping on the job?
>No, there was a bug in my eye and I was trying to suffocate it.

>>89251207
I still say "touche salesman" but couldn't remember where I got it from.

>skim thread
>most, if not all, lines are from seasons 1-3

man, it was like an entirely different show way back then.

My favorite will always be that gag where Peter opens the emergency hatch on the plane while it's still flying thousands of meters above the ground.

>>89272942
The best part is he just laughs it off.

>>89272827
If FG stayed cancelled it would have gone down as an amazing cult classic. Now the new stuff is so much derivative garbage it drags the entire show down with it.

There is literally nothing wrong with the family guy formula. It is literally entertaining. You faggots who want wholesome stories can go fuck yourselves.

>>89273059
Oddly enough, shit tier modern Family Guy always ends with an attempt at a touching moment.

A little over half the time they subvert it, which has gotten extremely old, but still. Shit tier Family Guy can't even be edgy correctly.

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>the Family Guy "movie" is just two episodes stitched together

Why did it go so wrong

>>89274098
it's three episodes actually
just be glad it was during season 4 when the show hadn't gone to full shit yet

>Just don't think about going to the bathroom.
>Dump, next left
>wide load
>all stools must go
>I love my Shih tzu
>Bob's House of feces
>Oh come on, that last one wasn't even real!

>>89273059
There is everything wrong with Family Guy compared to what it used to be.

Cutaways are largely non-sequitur now when they used to be a way to visualize a moment that couldn't fit in the context of the scene. Lois is describing Peter's alcohol tolerance so here's him falling over after licking rum raising ice cream. This is compared to a modern cutaway that's a 5 minute scene with a wolf acting out Midnight Cowboy that serves no purpose but to waste time.

Instead of animating jokes and comedic timing they largely fall back on three things: characters narrating something off camera, Peter turning to the audience to explain why something they just saw is funny, and characters sitting still watching TV as an announcer says something like "we now return to humorous situation!"

Gore.

All the characters are reduced to their most cliched essence. Peter is a literal child. Quagmire is a rapist. Chris and Meg get maybe one line in an entire episode. Everyone calls out Brian's liberalism when he used to be Peter's voice of reason. Stewie's outright gay and submissive instead of evil and slightly effeminate.

Family Guy's shit, bro.

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Another example of how Family Guy used to be good. This joke immediately sets up the next one where Peter says "I still can't believe we missed the phrase "My hairy aunt." How they got a cunt joke passed the censors is only in its subtlety.

>>89273059
To go on 4chan and complain that people don't like Family Guy because they'd prefer it to be more wholesome betrays a lack of self awareness I did not even think possible

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>>89242925
>>89244029
>>89244167
>>89245449
>>89246954
>>89247019
>>89247065
>>89243816
>>89251707
>>89253123

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>>89247100
>*action*

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiXs73f5m64

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Anyone have a gif of this?

>>89251486
How

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This whole episode 2bh

Early family guy was as good as early simpsons/futurama/south park

turned to shit at the start of the fourth season though

>>89248384
I can hear the slightly odd part and I know the episode too, but what was the song they were parodying?

>>89278173
oompa loompa song

I'M NOT TAKING MY SNEAKERS OFF. I AM SNEAKERS 'O TOOLE.

>>89277607
Fuck off to your safe space, redditfag. You can't downvote opinions you dislike here.

Season 4 (1st post-revival season) is where it started to go to shit. A lot of the episodes started getting filled with cutaway gags that were just thinly veiled 80s references. Still, a lot of the old humor and old cutaways persist. So in a sense Season 4 is transitional showing all the signs of the old and the new family guy.

Not old but I liked that episode where Carter cheated on Babs and apologized to her

>Babs, I need you. Cheating on you was the worst mistake of my life. I kneel before you a frightened soul and a broken man. A man who has nothing without you. Give me one more chance, and I pledge to place above you nothing... Not even myself... For all my time here, and for time forever. Please, I beg you.
>Carter, what you did was unforgivable. And as beautiful as your words are, I... I just don't know that they can fix what's done.
>I know I can't do it overnight, but we can still have a lot of years together. Please, just let me try.
>Carter, you had sex with that woman. So, no, I can't trust you. But at my age, I'm certainly not going to remarry either. So, if you'd like to move back in and take things slowly, one step at a time, I suppose I can give you the chance to earn my trust again.
>That sounds like a lot of work. Go to hell!

>>89278218
not him but you can't complain about safe spaces and then tell someone to get out of yours

quality of posts and its relevancy to the thread is one thing but come on

>>89272827
If family guy stayed cancelled after season 3 it would be considered an underappreciated classic

>Typical male fantasy. Women drinking beer!

>>89275930
probably because it came and went too quickly for the censors to get it, same with 'sneed's feed and seed' in The Simpsons

>Wheel of Fortune
>Go _uck Yourself
>"I'd like to solve the puzzle. Go Tuck Yourself In."
>*Ding*
>Chris "You were close, dad."
>Peter "Jeez. I can't believe we missed My Hairy Aunt."

Still possibly the best moment in Family Guy.
Just like 5 great jokes combo'd together in such a rapid way.

>duty
>*laughs*
>diarrhea

It's stupid, but i have a small internal laugh every time someone says duty now.

>>89244088
They also retconned him into everyone's punching bag. Odd to think that his first appearance was met with such respect.

>O-ola! Me llamo es Brian. Uh, let's see...nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.
>That was pretty good. But actually, when you said 'me llamo es Brian', you don't need the 'es'. Just 'me llamo Brian'.
>Oh, you speak English.
>No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
>You're...you're kidding, right?
>Que?

>>89259598
Eh, he probably realized it was Brian because he didn't just mince his way in and ask where the nearest gas station was and if he could borrow his drill.

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>>89247813
Clearly we all do Anon

It died season 4 ep 1 I think

>>89259598
Jasper is his cousin, so it's possible that his and Brian's respective parents could have been separated like most puppies.

>tfw I actually like new Family Guy
It's definitely radically different in tone from the old show, but I find the jokes land for me just often enough to make it watchable. But overall it's just a nice show to have playing in the background.

The biggest change I don't like is making Bonnie into a huge bitch, worse than Lois at her crappier points.

>Peter asking a librarian to look for "Silver Dollars" by Hugh Jerry Olas

>>89279918
I can't handle how every single time something nice is going they'll make it overly nice and fun but then "mood whiplash" it with blood and gore and agony.

>>89280871

Gore as a substitute for a punchline is mature, for mature viewers such as myself

>Okay, Peter, where do you see yourself in five years?
>(Don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife.) Doing your...son?

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>>89251207
>That's more than I spent on all that handsome cream!

>>89275930
>>89279322

I don't get how My Hairy Aunt means cunt. Can anyone explain?

>>89283200
so if the first puzzle was "go _uck youself" two of the possibilities were "go tuck yourself" (the correct answer) and "go fuck yourself" (which would've resulted in peter saying that on live television)
the second puzzle was "my hairy _unt" which was "my hairy aunt" but peter said "my hairy cunt" instead

the joke sets up the expectation that peter was going to say "go fuck yourself" only to avoid doing so, but making a similar mistake on the next puzzle anyway

>>89283293
realistically it would have been "my h_iry _unt."

>oh wait this is the one where fonz goes "AYEEE"
>EEEY
>haha take THAT 1950s society

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faPtvPu3aU8

>God accidentally sets a bar on fire trying to pick up some girl
>God: Jesus Christ!
>Jesus runs in: What?
>God: get in the escalade we're out of here

>So Chris, how are your friends at school?
>What do you care? You don't even know who my friends are!
>Sure I do...Umm. Chandler, Fonzi... and Remington Steel?
>You got lucky, dad...

>>89276002
And yet
>ctrl+f "gore"
>4 results

>>89277607
I would usually use greentext to denote an action, but I was already using it as quotes.

>>89288378
it's too late, anon, he's rousing up the 4chan army as we speak to come and put an end to you
he does not forgive, he does not forget
*hides*

>>89288378
Maybe use brackets