I will tell you my favorite story... about the greatest conqueror

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>>87193446

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>>87193449

>>87193446
>The greatest Frenchman is a small green monkey
Sounds about right

>Napoleon
>Greatest Conqueror
>Not Justinian, Genghis Khan, Alexander, Cyrus, or Charlemagne

Don't get me wrong, Napoleon was a great general, but he couldn't hold territory for shit and that's as important to conquest as taking the territory.

>>87193637
>justinian is the first person that comes to your mind

lol. He's no Trajan.

>>87193650
Justinian singlehandedly reclaimed almost the entire Western Roman empire. Trajan's great too! He belongs on the list as well.

>>87193637
Thats.
The.
Joke.

>>87193637
There has never been a conqueror that's been good at holding territory.

>>87193795
Nah, the joke is that>>87193461 Mojo asserts that Napoleon managed to successfully invade Russia, then take over the entire world.

The girls then call him out on it, saying something along the lines of Napoleons Russian invasion being a blunder and then talking about him losing at Waterloo and being exiled. Also they hit him with pillows.

>>87193823
Plenty of conquerors have been. It's their successors that suck at it.

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>>87193637
>>87193795
>>87193857

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>>87193884

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>>87193902

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>>87193884
>>87193902
>>87193916

Poor Mojo...

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>There was an almighty, all powerful wizard. And there was a pathetic little samurai. And the wizard DESTROYED HIM!

>THE END!

>>87193929
They're just pillows.

Also he's there to kill them and just gets distracted by the slumber party.

(Or: how to make the PPG being little assholes funny.)

>>87193823
See >>87193941

>>87193971
No, there's no slumber party this episode. He's not trying to kill them in this one, he's trying to use his authority as their babysitter to get them to take over Townsville for him. They won't unless he does everything the Professor does at night. By the time he does, they're asleep and can't take over Townsville.

>>87193971
He wanted them to help him take over Townsville, figuring that as the babysitter, they had to do what he said.

However, at this point in the episode, the girls had driven him up the wall enough that he really didn't care about doing that anymore and just wanted some peace.

>>87193884
>>87193902
>>87193916
my sides

that exchange always gets me

Does anyone consider Napoleon a villain? He's kind of revered isn't he? When I think of "Great Men" of history, Napoleon, Alexander & Julius Caesar are the first 3 names that come to mind.

>>87194308
He's half and half.

As an English speaking country, we're culturally inclined to seeing the French as villains, but Napoleon accomplished so much when starting from rock bottom that it's hard not to admire him.

>>87193884
>>87193902
>>87193916
Blossom I can understand. Bubbles is a bit of a stretch but there's no way in hell Buttercup would know that shit.

>>87194376
They're all very well educated.

>>87193916
>allied nations

WRONG. THIS IS EARLY 19TH CENTURY EUROPE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. "NATION-STATES" DIDN'T EXIST.

Whoever wrote this should really kill themselves.

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>>87194376
>Buttercup
>Not being interested in war in all forms

>>87193884
>>87193902
>>87193916
Wait a sec... IM LEARNING! YOU TRICKED ME!

If I were a Candle I'd ______

>>87193884
...What the fuck? Did they really put this shit in PPG?

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>>87193488

>>87195346
>...What the fuck? Did they really put this shit in PPG?
Yeah.

>>87194308
>>87194346

He's kind of like Fidel Castro, he's done as many good things as he has bad, and is thought of as a great man by just as many people that think he's a terrible one.

>>87193488
>frenchman
he was corsican

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>>87193637
If you're impressed by Justinians reconquering of the empire why not mention Aurelian?

>>87193488
Nah, the greatest Frenchman was a schyzofrenic vigin lady

>>87196143
Do I have to mention literally everyone?

>>87195800
That's like saying Hawaiians aren't Americans

>>87194784
Buttercup knows how to speak violence in any language

>>87195800
That's like saying Hawaiians aren't Americans

>>87193637
He basically broke the shackles of the old allowing western europe to modernize

>>87194308
>When I think of "Great Men" of history, Napoleon, Alexander & Julius Caesar are the first 3 names that come to mind.
Lex Luthor, fuck off back to your Superman cosplay you obsessive faggot.

>>87194376
>thats the joke.bmp

>>87196670
>current year
>using .bmp file format

>>87194443
>WRONG. THIS IS EARLY 19TH CENTURY EUROPE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. "NATION-STATES" DIDN'T EXIST.
Whut?

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>>87193488

>>87195346
The fuck is your problem?

>>87194443
>"NATION-STATES" DIDN'T EXIST.
Nigga what

>>87193884
>>87193902
>>87193916

What kind of asshole preschool teacher tries to teach kids about these things? I'm gonna assume all the other kids failed the Napoleon test and the girls passed because their dad is a professor and they are mutants.

>>87195800
and black

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Napoleon was legit great though.

https://youtu.be/ffeOvwBYkf4

>>87194443
>19th century
>nation-states didn't exist
>peace of westphalia was in 1648

>>87194308
Apparently he's considered a villain in Europe, but Americans like him since he was pretty friendly to the US and sold about a third of the country for only a million bucks.

>>87195346
It was a good show, mate.

>>87199477
He also freed the Marquis de Lafayette from prison and ordered 10 days of mourning in France when George Washington died.

Napoleon was pretty cool to the US

>>87199462
It took me a while to figure out you were referring to obama. No one considers obama the greatest american president. Not by a long shot. Even if you like him, he doesn't hold a candle to washington, roosevelt, fdr, or lincoln.

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>>87193446
>>87193449
>>87193461
Mojo, be a doll and shut up. You are ruining the afterglow.

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>>87193488
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LE BURGER HAHAHA FREEDOM FRIES HAHAHAHAHAHA

>>87193637
>couldn't hold territory for shit
His code civil, excellent use of police, industrialization of France, and the numerous institutions he created, points to a keen man with an "after the war" vision.
Honestly, he was a very good politician.

>>87200135
I'd like to know more about him as a ruler. Recommending reading?

>>87193916
>forgetting his 3 year exile in Elba and the Hundred Days

>>87194308
>>87195714
>>87194346
Shit's never black or white.
Gaddafi would be revered in the West as a Che Guevara-tier liberator if he'd have just quit Libya after the first 10-20 years instead of clinging on and becoming more and more paranoid.

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>>87194443

>>87200634
We revere Che Guevara? I always thought of him as an idealistic militant who had no scruples when it came to achieving his goal. Sure he actually believed his own bullshit and was willing to fight for it but it was still bullshit.

>>87193637
>Someone remembers Justinian.

Noice

>>87193488
Guess the Hartlepudlians were right.

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>>87194784
>nippon
>history's butt-kickers
True butt-kickers wear plate armor and use longswords.

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>>87200283
The Memorial of Saint Helena by Las Casas is a good book. The authors had daily interviews with Napoleon at St Helena, so it describes the history of the Premier Empire and the Emperor as well as his ideas.
Of course Napoleons paints himself in a good light, but's it's still an unique view into his mind.

To keep it /co/ related :
There is a lot of francobelgian comics about napoleon, from recollections to satire and supernatural thrillers, of varying quality. Here are some suggestions:

Napoleon by Liliane and Fred Funcken, two excellent artists and history nerds mostly known for their work on military uniforms books. Expect extreme accuracy.

Napoleon by Dandois, a story setting place at the fall of the Empire; I haven't read it but I had overwelmingly positive returns about this book.

Napoleon, you can't fault them for false advertising by Osy, a relatively complete and decent account.


And pic related, just because it makes me happy everytime I see it : There is a Napoleon manga by Tetsuya Hasegawa (that helped Tetsuo Hara on Hokuto no Ken).
Seeing generals and noblemen from the period as hardass mountain of muscles has a wonderful charm to it.

Bump because /co/ and history go together well

>>87202785
After seeing this thread, I'm legitimately surprised/impressed/proud of how knowledgeable many anons appear to be.

>>87202919
That's 4chan for you. After all, we come from every possible background and corner of the earth.

/tg/ seems to be particularly prone to it.
Discussions about alien waifus end with anons explaining penrose tilings, and it's even worse when they talk about lighthouses or horses' anus.

>>87200484
you can't expect Buttercup knowing every little detail

>>87201796
Why not both?

>>87196597
well hawaii isn't even a part of the continental shelves that the americas consist of, sooo....

>>87205175
because katanas are folded over a million times, allowing them to chop over a million peasants in half

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IF I WERE A CANDLE I

>>87206253
Katanas are also hilariously fragile in comparison to European swords because they were designed for single, quick, killing strokes as opposed to cutting through plate armor. Western swords may not be as sharp or lightweight but that's because most needed additional weight and power behind them in order to slice through enemy armor. They're more durable as a result and that's why you could clash swords with them more often. In a duel though, a longsword would obliterate a katana.

>>87207068
It reminds me of that issue of Usagi Yojimbo where he fights a European for the first time.

He only wins because of superior technique and lack of armor.

>>87207068
Katanas are fragile because Japan historically had shitty ore to work with. If nothing else, it's a testament to their smiths' inventiveness and skill that they got anything remotely serviceable out of all that crummy pig iron.

>>87207237
Yeah Usagi is just fucking thrown OFF the whole fight.

>>87194308
>>87194346
>>87195714
>>87200634
>>87201337
So basically a Saddam Hussein or Putin type?

>>87207476
>>87207068
Katanas weren't even the main war weapons in the first place, it's what you use as a last resort when you can't use your bow and arrow or your big ass polearm for whatever reason.

>>87193637
They're using era adjusted stats

>>87193884
>>87193902
>>87193916
>>87193929
>posting on /his/

>>87194308
Caesar is often also considered a villain
I think most people recognize it isn't that black and white, by our standards they all committed some pretty serious atrocities but that's how it goes

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>>87206525
Twice as bright, half as long.

>>87193884
>>87193902
>>87193916

karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos!

>>87209022
I had to do it Zeke I wanted my conduit utopia.

>>87193929
>Next on ITT we post "villains" that did literally nothing wrong

>>87208416
Only with a less shit country and way more personal achievement

>>87199934
>It took me a while to figure out you were referring to obama
sure thing

>No one considers obama the greatest american president
take a look at neogaf

>>87195346
Underage b&.

>>87206525
>The girls then proceed to burn Mojo alive

>>87213760
Neogaf is too busy sucking PlayStation cock to understand what a president is.

>>87217641
You should check the off topic section sometime.

>>87201473
>Nobody remembers Belisarius

Not noice

>>87219793
Hey, don't assume stuff.

>>87193916

What? You can't say "cancer" in a children's cartoon!

A kid watching might not know what that is then have to ask their parents to explain it and that might be an Uncomfortable Situation!

>>87207068
That ain't how swords work. You don't cut through plate armor with a sword. You go for the exposed fleshy bits, or if you're not a peasant with only one weapon, you grab a mace.

European swords were every bit as sharp and lightweight as katanas, it's roughly the same volume of steel, there isn't a lot of mass variation to be had there. The only difference was that Europeans had access to high quality iron they could work into anything with little effort, whereas Japanese had shit iron that they needed to make masterpiece craftwork with to have the same effect.

>>87208867
Hell, some Middle East folk traditions still consider Alexander a literal devil figure. People there tell their children Alexander will come and take them if they're not good.

>>87194784
she only did that report because shes wet for jack

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Hey what's going on in this thread

>>87207237
>>87208385
>that issue where he fights a Spaniard and is getting his shit pushed in and only wins because he underhandedly uses an additional blade
''Honorable samurai'' my ass.

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>>87193446
>The greatest conqueror who ever lived
That's not Genghis Khan

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Bump

>>87193916
>"Died a miserable death of stomach cancer..."

Holy shit, the stuff you never noticed in this show as a kid...

>>87206525
>if I was a candle I'd Jack.
>I'd candlejack

topke-

>>87220086
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY CITY STATES YOU PRANCING LA LA HOMO LAD

i love these stealth /his threads

>>87222248
This is even funnier when you realize they both have the same Latin American Voice

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>tfw shitposting is nothing new

>>87193637
>Alexander
Feh, he's way overrated too. His empire was fragile & fell apart as soon as he died--about 20 years younger than Napoleon was at the battle of Waterloo.
Cyrus is legit though. As a ruler, he deserves the title "Great" much more than Alexander does.

>>87206525
>I'd blow blow blow
so the girls were gonna give mojo the head right?

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>>87224910
N-no... They are pure.

>>87196597
Has Hawai strong nationalistic feelings in politics which sometimes result in killing the local senator?

>>87225870
>Strong Nationalistic feelings
Yep
>Results in killing local senator
If the locals weren't so slow about getting shit done, and didn't have waistlines that made mainland fats look like anorexic models in comparison, probably.

>>87193446
>Not Ghengis Khan
>Not Qin Huangdi
>Not Trajan

Mojo you really are stupid.

>>87194308
He treat some freed/conquered countries like shit and only use them to produce for the french heartland, That made him less likeble by revolutionists in freed/conquered countries.

>>87206525
BURN BURN BURN
BURN BURN BURN
BURN BURN BURN

>>87225987
The other two fine, but Trajan? He was a good general but he sure as hell wasn't on the level of Napoleon or Alexander.

>>87219893
Well, then I stand corrected.

>>87202919
It really deepnds on the subject matter of the thread. /a/ is shit and usually full of contrarian waifufags but Otoyomegatari threads are comfy and usually come with decent discussions of history.

>>87193650

please, the only thing he did was NOT fuck up the empire. rome was a well oiled machine by the time he got his hands on it.

>>87193690
He got Africa (as in the province, modern Tunisia), part of Spain and Italy. Nothing to sneeze at, especially retaking Rome itself, but not almost the whole Western Empire. And it wasn't long after his death that much of Italy was lost to the Lombards

>>87219893
No, unfortunately the part about targeting the exposed areas only is bullshit, anon, just like your statement about the weight of the swords. European swords could weight up to 2 kilos, which is twice the weight of a regular katana, and during a fight they could, indeed, pierce the enemy armor, due to their sharp tips.
Trust me, I'm a crazy Russian HEMA fighter.

>>87229816
Well to be fair, the Justinian plague didn't help matters.

>>87229878
True. An argument can be made he still pushed for too much, and the expanded empire he bequeathed was more fragile than the smaller empire he inherited. The resources he spent in the west could have resolved issues in the east more effectively, and with the Muslim conquests 70 years away that could have been a game changer.

>>87230044
Well, hindsight is a bore, from Justinian's perspective he probably didn't expect the reconquest of Italy to be as difficult. Plus if he (like Napoleon should of) have learnt how and when to say 'halt' and left the west alone we can't assume he wouldn't have tried to one-up the Persians somehow. Again, hindsight is a great thing for us but we forget that people back then could never have anticipated the huge changes that would occur. If the Muslim conquests had never occurred then Heraclius would have become something of a legendary figure. Having retaken all the lost territory and the 'true cross' to boot.

>>87230182
Oh I definitely feel bad for Heraclius. All that effort gone to waste, and he lived to see it all.

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>>87220086
>>87222526
>tfw remembering all my Alexander wins

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>>87224333
>I made bread

>>87229857
>European swords could weight up to 2 kilos, which is twice the weight of a regular katana
The only way a european sword could way twice as much as a katana is if it was literally twice the size of a katana. And, you know, Europeans made some big ass swords, but a sword of roughly the same size as a katana? steel is steel and it only weighs so much.

>during a fight they could, indeed, pierce the enemy armor, due to their sharp tips.
We were talking about cutting, not piercing, but anyway. Piercing mail I can see. But piercing plate? Enough to cause a noticeable injury? Doubt it.

>>87229857
>European swords could weight up to 2 kilos
While I'm sure there are examples of this, that's still a huge fuckoff sword, even a big sword would rarely be over 1.5 kilos and most would be under that. It's also for mordhauing through armor rather than what he's thinking of as sword stuff; it would not be unreasonable to compare such swords to polearms rather than to something like a katana.

>>87219893
>>87232487
You're thinking of arming swords, I reckon.
>But piercing plate? Enough to cause a noticeable injury? Doubt it.
There's videos of people on YouTube who do it, and those are hobbyists recreating old arts. It's pretty reasonable to suppose that we'd have similar results from people who were professionals in an age when this skill was highly valued.

>>87207476
You're drastically overstating the case.

>>87207068
You're a rucking retard.

>>87193461
Why did Spain light up first before France?

>>87195800
>Napoleon, a Corsican who made France great again
>Leopold II, a German who made Belgium great again
>Hitler, an Austrian who made Germany great again
>Stalin, a Georgian who made Russia great again

The pattern is clear, only a non-American can make America great again.

>>87222475
Dead meme is d

>>87233200
So, Ted Cruz?

>>87233200
does that means that obama should get a third mandate?

>>87232954
>even a big sword would rarely be over 1.5 kilos
dude metal is heavy and you need a counterweight. 1.5 kg is way too light. Are you converting the values cause ti's just not possible.

Nigga
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knightly_sword
If a wikipedia link can prove you wrong, you probably don't know enough about something to talk about it.

>>87193929
>not posting the part where thy decide to ditch the pillows and just beat him up.

for shame anon...

>>87229857
Scholagladitoria did a video series about katanas compared to other swords. This is the one about weight.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsYbRom3h7U