These threads are always fun Post Family Guy jokes you actually

THE DAY I GET CORRECTED BY A RETARD

>"Apologies for being so tardy"

>"Aw Chris, you're not tardy, we had you tested twice."

>>86669880
That was a good one.

>this whole scene

https://youtu.be/ZEj79LX71Tw

>>86669542
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2NA_KCIGxM

Huey Lewis and the Jews

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4WO7g2VOac

https://youtu.be/NBN_hUnoSFs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHxKXSvcRik

>>86670690
The only actual good one posted so far

Shitty quality but it's the only one I could find
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZE3LFZbER0

>>86669542
>He didn't kill Queen.
>They're all fine.
>...
>Most of them are fine.

WHERE'S THE REST OF YA?

>Well, Mr. Griffin, I don't like it!
>Oh...
>
>
>
>I LOVE it!

>>86669542
Heh, I saw it on [adult swim] last night.

>>86671827
Heh, me too.

>>86671848
Heh, me three

>>86671827
I didn't watch Adult Swim last night, I just like that gag. what a coinkydink

> I awoke several hours later in a daze

>What do you think of the one you call God?
>Isn't his absence slight
>ly
>odd?
>Maybe he's forgotten you.

>Fast Animals, Slow Children

>Dr. Hartman's whole bit where he keeps saying things that make it sound like Peter's dying, but they're just off-topic and out of context

>Your faux pas last night was so outrageous I had to call a university professor to figure out what word to use!
>Use faux pas.
>Thanks Professor!

Holy shit how do you guys find these jokes funny. These are bad webcomic tier funny, or /r/funny tier. The kind that doesn't make you laugh but makes you every so slightly amused, and maybe you exhale softly in response.

>>86671926

The whole Willy Wonka parody is great.

>>86671936
Is it the worst thing to be ever so slightly amused or exhale softly in response?

>>86671936

Other people found the jokes funny, and you did not find them funny. Because of this, you're better and smarter than all of us.

Happy now?

>peter's become principal of a school and is trying to pass the blame of a scandal onto lois
>hallucinates several women as lois
>hallucinates a black woman as a black lois
>the hallucination effect happens when he looks at lois herself

Gotta GIVE IT UP

give up the toad now

>Yes, that's a very smart joke. Isn't that right comedy professors?
>Ah yes well done indeed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKmSEFhrJ-8

Just about all of these kill me. Family Guy isn't nearly as bad as people made it out to be.

>>86672335
It's cherry picking moderately funny bits out of an overall awful show.
It's like seeing a plate full of nuts and corn and wondering why everyone hates shit so much.

>>86672330
those stereotypes dont even make sense wtf

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>>86672441
>Loud Italians and Sassy Black Woman stereotypes don't make sense

>>86672395
>It's like seeing a plate full of nuts and corn and wondering why everyone hates shit so much.
This was very good, anon

>boobs making ka-bump noises (you are mvp oldfag if you know what ka-bump is)
>peter gets boobs and is scared


>30 year old peter
>*fart*
>"What the hell was that?"

>"...sounds like someone who's about to pass up an amazing opportunity"


>"Is that Lacy Chaubert?!"


>burger king Christmas song


>Dick Army/Vagina Coastguard including Peter's exhaustive laughing

>>86672441
I'm Italian and you're full of shit.

>>86672686
I'm full of shit and you're Italian

>>86669542
>Aaaay!
>Ooooh!
>Vowel Sound!

Vinny the Dog had some funny lines.

>>86673004
>>86672330
>Hey!
>Woah!
>Oh!
>Hey, Copernicus, why don't you navigate yourself to the back or the line with your feet and stand there with your shirt?

>>86673135
For some reason the "stand there with your shirt" gets me

>>86671936
>/r/funny tier
have you ever been to /r/funny or are you just trying to sound cool

The one where Peter and Brian had to bring back the thanksgiving turkey was funny. Probably because there was no wacky sideplot and most of the episode was just banter between them.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLBZLNbNvcU

ARE YA SMOKING YET?

>>86672892
I'm full of Italian and you're shit

I'm tellin ya, Family Guy still has some nice gags. If they would just quit trying to be so edgy and just focused on being silly, I think the show would go over a lot better. Take this gag for instance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDwQUkwxv-s

Then there's just extended sequences like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ftYWzRFJUY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFm1Sqypl4U

>>86674723
I liked the lightbulb joke, but it would have been better if it weren't repeated.

>>86669542
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsy3-ZfbqW0

This one has always been my favorite

>>86669964
This and the "Who sold you the drugs!" scene are my favorites.

>>86672441
underage detected

My favorite will always be the whole "Who wants to play 'Drink the Beer?'" scene

>>86675552
>"Who wants to play 'Drink the Beer?'"
Right here

>Peter and Joe have been drinking heavily
>Walking/Rolling to their cars
>Both shitfaced
>Peter: "Joe, you're drunk, you can't drive, gimme your keys"
>Joe hands him keys
>Peter: "Alright, now here's my keys, see ya later"
>Both drive off in the other's car
>Peter immediately pulls Joe over in Joe's own cruiser
>Peter: "How much have you had to drink tonight sir"
>Joe: "Not much officer"
>Peter: "Step out of the car"
>Joe falls on his face

The whole thing had like 3-4 jokes in it.

>>86675780
>you been drinking tonight sir?
>no officer I just had a glass of dinner with my wine
>I'm gonna need you to walk a line sir
>Joe falls cuz he can't fucking walk
>OK sir drive home safely there's a lot of crazies out there tonight

>>86675780
>>86676226
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vWTsRS5PtY

This scene is the BEST joke from family guy of all time!!! Watch it ans prove me wrong.

http://youtu.be/tgflpJNyr5U

>>86676370

Nice try

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFbF4Xzg6hs
The perfect joke

>>86676370
You fucking idiot, that's a video of Squidward.

>>86672079
This

Comedy is subjective, deal with it

>>86674967
This is the one that gets me every time.
>Que?
Totally lose it.

>TONY ROBBINS HUNGRY

>>86669542

The "Beyond" section of Bed, Bath and Beyond always makes me smile, such a simple joke.

>>86672330
>a flock of Jews flies quickly away, as avoiding confrontation is their best chance for survival

Goddam it /pol/, you've ruined me

>>86674722
i'm shit of Ýtalian and you're full

Something I noticed about newer Family Guy is that they explain the cutaway gags before they happen. Here's an old one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etQs6QWljm8

If this was in a newer episode, Brian would have said, "Remember the time you ran over the Road Runner?"

>gets attacked by bear on a hunting trip with Chris
>congratulations it's a boy Mrs Griffin
>I'm afraid the fever has affected his motor skills Mrs Griffin
>looks like he'll have to repeat 4th grade Mrs Griffin
>looks like he'll have to repeat the 4th grade Mrs Griffin
>just use this special comb to get rid of them
>congratulations Mr Griffin you've finished the 4th grade
>Aww sweet but listen I gotta go I'm going on a hunting trip with me Son

This is one of the moments that remind that family guy was once incredible

>I received your death certificate from your HMO
>look I know my doctor was coming on to me but you don't need to call him names

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Rn68PxJ2Ik

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>>86681090
>DragonForce intro and exit

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Honestly I actually like the majority of the "Road to" episodes. Where it's basically just a normal cartoon with Brian and Stewie with little to no cut away type jokes.

For example I always found this scene kind funny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwR2BwbW_NI

>>86681793
Road To episodes are the only ones I care about Family Guy today.

Peter talking with the snobby Latin professors is pretty hilarious actually when they are trying to build a jungle gym or something.

>Peter, what are you doing?
>I was gonna make some masks!
>NO! Use your scissors
Later a bloody Peter wearing a masquerade mask appears
>Scissors are jerks...And I'm an owl

MY BLACK SON

>>86682516

How great would a Brian and Quagmire Road To episode be? It has potential to be awesome.

>>86671452
>implying huey Lewis and the jews isn't comedy gold.

Your opinion is trash son you literally picked out the shittiest one to call out as quality.

>>86683173
It would be nothing but 22 minutes of Quagmire and Brian having an argument about eachother.

>>86675593
Hey you win.

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>>86680790

>>86683718

It'd still watch every minute of it, anyway at what point in the series did Quagmire start hating Brian? I really can't remember the earliest case since it just seemed like something the writers came up with to cause friction between them.

>>86683137

ALSO HE'S A NINJA

>That's joke gum, now you're addicted to heroin!
>Haha! S-so cold.

>>86684937
Jerome is The New Black (season 8)

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GomYf2B-PPU

When Peter leaves Stewie at the park and Lois calls to check up on him.

Joe: Lemme talk to her, I do a great Stewie impression. *takes phone, doesn't bother changing his voice* Hey Lois, it's me, the baby.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfzOetGoC6M
early family guy was pretty funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TF4DKBMaVc

Lois's entire christmas freakout was great, but special mention to that part.

>>86686480
The clip would be better if it showed the even smaller angel stuck in traffic.

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>>86670123
is gud

Gallagher shopping at Costco for bulk watermelons, and then a guy asking out loud if it's the 80s when he smashes one.

>>86676370
Somehow I knew something like this was coming. Was expecting the classic exorcist though.

I cant remember the joke but an episode in the 14th season had my laughing to the point where i couldnt breathe.

too lazy to look for it, meh

I always liked "wrong sounding Muppets".

>>86687739
>Where'd you get it from?
>Blacks.
>What?
>Yeah behind black's hardware store there's a white guy selling it.

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This is one of the few time-wasting gags I found kinda funny.

>>86687920
>>86687739

The precise "What the fuck?" from Brian sells the scene though.

>That's more than I spent on all that handsome cream!

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>Oh here are the coffee mugs

Nobody posted Debussy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKO-ebWS4Ko

Are the firemen gonna come and put out the RAPE?

>>86688888
Quints confirm best joke

>>86687434
Hilarious.

>Does the name Lacey Chabert mean anything to you?

>I'll be good.

>>86689612
>Lois, Lois, let me handle this. Our son.....wants to ppllllloooooowwww yyooooouuu.

>>86681793

>Honestly I actually like the majority of the "Road to" episodes.

"Like a masochist in Newport, we're Rhode Island bound!" is legitimately one of the funniest lines in any song I've ever heard.

>Oh my God! ...you're 40?!

For some strange reason I started watching a few new episodes and they were actually entertaining, they didn't do political bullshit, kept celebrity name dropping to a minimum, just the characters doing shit.

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Looking at the show now it's hard to believe these 2 were once a fantastic pairing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytyl_h7VLDA

>I did not care for The Godfather.

>Oh yeah, Conway Twitty says "Cut it out! Write a joke!"

>I'm gonna be a virgin forever!

>...or am I?

>[car starts creaking again]

>>86670123
What is horse? Ketamine?

>>86681793
This entire episode was really depressing

>>86691009
Heroin

>>86691009

Heroin.

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>Brien: (show is written by) even worse, white adults
>Stew: Who you mad at Brian
>Brien: (grunf) How much time you got?

>>86672211
You have a video for that one? can't remember it.

>Walks into the 'Beyond' section of the store
>Takes one step
>Instantly starts screaming and flailing through space

>>86683899
What do I win?

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This whole situiton has just turned his whole life upsidedownface

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>"Mom, have you ever felt not-so-fresh down there?
>"No. There must be something wrong with you."
>"Really?"
>"Yeah. I've never had that problem and I don't know of any woman who has."

MEN

"We don't know what we did!"

>>86691972
Another beer!

I love Family Guy. The eps are stupid but certain cutaways still make me giggle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBpflowbpmc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKC-pCkwTdQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEOQGcK1SZk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgJUbmGDc6k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZkStSdlh3c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGdbaGtemxo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8jZz_QawBg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d6NmnUYXIA

/co/ can never take that from me

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>"You remember the name of the town in mexico right?"
>...
>CRAP

>>86691804
I know what they're talking about but it is a very specific video to find. It was that old episode when they ran for school board. It also had this guy with a bit of a lemon face.

The only funny scene from Black Family Guy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwd4PyTyG1o

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Took me days to get this

Shouting Arab gram

>From Jone and Keith

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nvHzwyzpoM

>"I'm having a heart attack-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK. You oughta now by now!"

>"I only wanted to make you laugh and cry. Y'see, I'm a family guy."

>>86671926
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bFNYu7VKpk

>Please, please. We can't take any more schtick.

>>86669542
>Hard Mode: Post-Cancellation episodes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6QqDdRaLUY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYN54NZqlcw

>Ahh crap, since when did they change the meaning of for to from?
>I think they had a meeting about it last night.
>Why wasn't I told?
>They sent you a card but it said for Peter on it, so you must have thought it was from you so you didn't uh.... you know it's just easier to call you stupid.

>>86686516
That and Da Boom are far and away the best Family Guy episodes. Da Boom is almost like a proto-AD Christmas episode.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvUEb6heAjk
When he pulls the trigger always gets me.

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>>86689612

>>86693203

I like the commercial version where the mother just does not understand what the daughter is trying to say until it's really obvious and then she goes "oh....OH...oh, god no!"

>that was Brian's favorite commercial

>>86698103
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn1CJgdPHpI

the Benjamin Disraeli joke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0obEjXwSKTQ

>>86689828

Lel, I always wondered wtf that joke meant but only just now looked it up.

>>86690190

The whole conversation was funny. Was pretty organic. Especially loved Lois's disgusted little "Whatever." near the end.

>"... I liked that movie too."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0obEjXwSKTQ

I like the one where Thomas Edison has light and the neighbor is complaining. I just really like it at the end when he is blasting Jimmy Hendrix.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Yl20r4dbgs

I dont really like family guy at all but this one makes me smile
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82S39Xohjws

>>86669542
>"Good thing I watched that National Geographic special on firetrucks."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fg-0PxwTGog

>>86669542
That time Meg left Stewie's birthday and joined a cult.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6VwYtSsNLI

>Peter: "I think I read that in a book once"
>Brain: "Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't NOTHING?"
>Peter: "..........Oh yeah"

A lot of the early season gags are great for how out of nowhere they are and catching you off guard, but being re-run a million times has definitely diluted that.

>>86701907
It's also fairly similar to

>Peter, that's the first time I've seen you reading something that didn't turn out later to be a sandwich

>"Stop, you can't go in there."
>"Just try and stop me!"
>Peter opens door and runs into a brick wall on the other side
>"No I mean you can't go in there because that door leads nowhere. Use the door next to it."

The simple gags are the best ones

>>86669542
Brian attacking his own reflection gets me every time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmKo5vB8WUI

>>86669542
>Vanilla, strawberry, chocolate or people
>What was that last one?
>Chocolate

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKmH0CBlfzE

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>>86669542
I enjoy Foaud

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BA1uH80kfBY

If we're talking about post-cancellation, I nearly pissed my pants at the Popeye joke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NToDMpoViv0

>>86702320
That episode in general was good.

>They have this game where you put in a dollar and get four quarters!
>I win every time!

That one scene where they're all at Brian's (I think) funeral and Mayor West says something to the effect of "no one ever came to MY funeral".

Then he just turns around to leave and fades into the crowd.

I don't ever recall Mayor West dying so that got me pretty good.