How Marvel's New Superhero Developed Inflammatory Bowel

What the actual fuck?

>>86575953
It's Marvel, baby. Nothing surprises me at this point.

>>86575953
Hi, welcome to the world you helped create if you've not been talking out about modern comic practices.

Buckle in, it's only going downhill from here.

>>86575919
>creating a comic trying to help these """"""""people""""""""""
>literally makes them a laughing stock

YOU CANT MAKE THIS SHIT UP
WHATS NEXT, AN INDIAN SUPERHERO THAT INSTALLS TOILETS?

Mark Millar has IBD, why didn't they hire him for this?

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>YFW you will never be rich enough to have Marvel custom create you a superhero whose flaw is hemorrhoids or jock itch.

I want to reinstate concentration camps and the liquidation project of degenerates.

>You will see the creation of a superhero who is a pedophile.
>You will never see Hank Pym forgiven for that slap.

What a world we live in. What an awful fucking world.

Please don't tell me that he uses his diarrhea as a coat of armor.

>>86576102
Do IBD patients shit grey?

>>86576102
Okay, I won't tell you that in times of distress he uncontrollably sharts out his armour coating.

>>86575919
>Marvel panders to the shit fetishests now

How far will this go?

>>86575919
Behold, your newest Avenger: Captain Uncontrollable Constant Diarrhea!

>>86576027
Just make your own hero and then sell the rights to Marvel when it gets popular.

>>86575919
you what

When is this guy getting added to the MCU?

Picture this: A standard marvel movie, action, comedy, little bit of romance, that kind of thing.

But every 20 minutes the plot and action COMPLETELY STOP and the audience watches this guy take a painful, loud, messy shit.

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>yfw we got an official Marvel comic about a guy that has flaming shits before one about someone who is transgender

>>86576058
>You will see the creation of a superhero who is a pedophile
Well yeah, Byrne wrote plenty of superhero books

>>86576058
>>You will see the creation of a superhero who is a pedophile.

Batman has been around since forever.

>>86576258
>>86576268

Hurr hurr, you know what I meant.

A character who is developed to show a sympathetic side to pedophillia WILL arrive, you'll see. It's the next big thing being pushed.

Which company had that orange juice guy?

>>86576244

There are far more people with IBD in the world than trans-people

>>86576298
Marvel

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>>86575919
So he's Johnny?

>>86576287
Sergeant Hatred was an example of a good pedo character: full of intense self-loathing for what he is, and tries so fucking hard to be better than his dirty little urges.

>>86576287
I have no doubt. The question is merely when. It's still looked down upon by even most LGBT and most of the normal population.

Hmmm, 3-5 years would be my guess.

>>86576299
1.6 Americans according to the article.

>>86576328
you're still missing my meaning, Sgt Hatred wanted to be a better man.

This new character, whenever they arrive, it'll probably be a woman btw, will be absolutely at peace with what they are. They'll be designed to show pedophillia, not themselves, in a good light.

>>86575953
>Marvel Custom

Marvel will make a comic to order for any business. Apparently these people paid a bunch of money for their very own superhero with Inflammatory Bowel Disease.

>be doctor
>get sad seeing little kids succumb to nasty diseases
>you just want to cheer them up
>kids like super heroes especially those they can relate to
>here you go Billy, your new favorite super hero, he has Inflammatory Bowel Disease just like you!

>>86575919
Okay, so who in Marvel editorial has IBS? It's gotta be one of them.

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>>86575919
Don't they already have the poster child for disabled superheroes? Are Marvel this desperate for new readers?

>>86576947
They have Xavier too

>>86576954
>>86576947
>Blind
>Can't walk

FAR too mainstream, holy shit they're basically not disabled, you understand that right?

This isn't about the disability, it's about social nonsense. Not enough people use the IBD hashtag, that's what's really going on.

People who are blind and people who can't walk? Fuck those, there's lots of them!

Finally a hero for me.

>>86575919
Wait.
You're telling me that they decided to make a character whose base concept is having chronic diarrhea?
And nobody thought this might be a REALLY FUCKING STUPID IDEA?

>>86577046
It's the House of Stupid Ideas, anon.

>>86575919
I'm pretty sure I'm at some mild or early stage of that disease, but I don't really need a superhero, my very own 'Captain Novolin' for it

>>86576102
>>86576118
>Power to make armor out of your own shit at will
Man I remember that tabeltop rpg ruleset...

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>>86576298
Eh the Orange juice guy was a fine hero compared to this one, had a much better look even though he only existed as a mascot for Florida's OJ

The funniest part is, this is dead from the start as a concept. Because the guy is a hero and will see lots of action, but they'll never have him shit himself during his heroing, despite that being the most likely time for that. So you get a hero with the shits who can control his shit with no problem, which defeats the entire point.

Also, they straight up say having diarrhea is something too embarassing for most people, yet they expect those same people to go in comic stores and buy the adventures of poopypants man.

>>86575919
HAHAHAHA
>>86576947
>>86576954
>We want the vitiligo audience

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>>86576385
>it'll probably be a woman btw

>>86576987
>having the shits is more disabling than going blind or becoming a paraplegic
>implying having said shits is uncommon enough to deserve especial attention

If anything, Marvel ought to write about supers with rare and actually debilitating conditions that really could use more recognition (read: funding for research). But we all know that won't happen due to their writers' and executive's collective superpower to function without a spinal cord.

>>86577266
What are his powers and how OP is he?

>>86577358
But rare and debilitating conditions are rare and debilitating. Rare and debilitated people don't go out and buy lots of comic books.
Because yes, they're apparently doing that to pander to people with chronic shits. It's fucking amazing. Marvel needs to fire their entire marketing department, because they're very quickly turning into parody.

>>86577384
IIRC he was some kind of solar-powered, low-key Green Lantern (as in made hard light constructs but not everything you can think of level, mostly simple stuff)

>>86577268
This isn't sold in comic book shops.

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>>86577384
He's sort of like a solar-powered green lantern, has these pods that absorb sunlight and then let him do stuff like create objects or fire energy blasts, also gives him the ability to fly.

Also the ability to prolcaim to others the wonder of drinking your orange juice, its one of your daily 5!
His family have an orange grove or something, its where he found the sun pods that give him his powers.

>>86577499
>>86577428
that's honestly pretty cool

>>86576355
Try within the next two years.

It's being pushed hard.

>>86576244
Good. Don't encourage people to mutilate themselves.

>>86577560
>It's being pushed hard
Where at? Ironically or are they serious?

>>86577577
Salon did that article about it, for one. There's more if you look around.

Being totally serious. This is why I hate progressives.

There was a Hitman villain about this.

>>86577407
You hit the nail on the head. The sole reason they chose to inflict this on a superhero is because it's common and intractable enough to be a real issue, yet embarrassing enough to avoid public discussion (in person, at least). Worst of all, they'll just pay lip service to it for brownie points due to the reasons >>86577268 gave; they simply can't get down to grips with it without disgustingly derailing the story. You'd think they'd at least have enough intelligence to have the hero angst over a skin condition.

It's a bad idea with worse execution, and the only thing it has going for it are people whose egos are as easily stimulated as their digestive tracts.

>>86577620
>brownie points
Keked.

>>86577620
>>86577407
Imagine you had the power to make people shit their pants.

Even if you couldn't maintain it to the point the target suffered dehydration you'd still be a menace, no respectable hero could fight you.
Even if they beat you no problem they still have to deal personally with the aftermath.

>>86577499
So, a more child-friendly version of Sunfire?

>>86577607
That's strange because most progressives I see on the internet are anti-pedo

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>>86577661
>Making Superman shart in public
Do you think he would throw me into the sun?

>>86577661

How would the power actually work?

Because Superman could just not eat anything for a few days, then he'd have nothing to shit out.

>>86577663
Sunfire is just shooting you with fire or giving you cancer via radiation, because Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

It really is closer to green lantern with the objects made out of sunlight energy side to it.

>>86577661
Then an energy-powered superhero or Batman with a WayneTech buttplug comes along and boots my ass to Ryker's, where I proceed to make life even shittier for the inmates.

Eh, still worth it for the laughs, I guess.

>>86576058
>You will see the creation of a superhero who is a pedophile.
Byrne created plenty of characters.

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>>86576947
Don't forget the hearing impaired duo of Blue Ear and Sepheara.

>>86578595
Why even add these, Hawkeye has been deaf for decades

>>86575919
hahahahahaha...i mean, just give up Marvel, pls just stop.

>>86578644
Because most casuals don't know that.

>>86578674
These are custom one shots that companies pay marvel to make, why are they going to say no to easy money?

>>86578885
I'M READY!
I'M READY!
I'M READY!

>>86576226
Actually, I could get on board for a 1.5 hour-long movie like this.

Like a scene where the girl is waiting for him, wondering if he's off being a superhero or if his life is in danger. Then the scene switches to him screaming, red tears falling down his face, as his bowels recreate the eruption of Pompeii.

>>86577773
>Being cellmates with Gorilla Grodd
>Instantly the most feared man in prison

This is gold, son.

>>86579023
Is that Usher?

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Remember that time that the avengers had to save wakanda with an audi.

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Remember when the Hulk teamed up with Sleepy's?

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>>86575919

>Custom Solutions takes that real-world market penetration further by creating superheroes designed to appeal to very specific clienteles, including the roughly 1.6 million Americans currently suffering from IBD.

I have IBD. Why would I want to read a comic that reminds me about it? You read comics for escapism, this is retarded.

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>>86579129

>>86577661

>Imagine you had the power to make people shit their pants.

It's called Transmetropolitan .

>>86578727
You don't see DC pulling shit like this. It's called having some artistic integrity.

>>86575919
I have IBD. Why the fuck would I want to read about characters that have to go through the same shit I do? Comics are supposed to be where one can go to escape the real world, not be reminded of it.

>>86577661
that's the strongest stand

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ9fAr43q5U

What, no fart superbad jokes?

And you know what, that KFC comic was better than two thirds of the big two's output.

Col Sanders has more right to be on the justice league than cyborg in my book.

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>>86579227

>>86579260
At least Subway doesn't make you shit your pants.

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>>86579271
>implying Subway doesn't use doodoo-tier meats on their sandwiches

Publix or nothing

>>86579271
That really just depends on the subway.

>>86579260
>Subway promo
>Hal Jordon on the cover

TOP KEK

>>86579129
Wait, did they seriously get the rights to use Dream for this?

>>86579449
>not recognizing Nightmare
>especially in a sleep related comic

>>86579245
It's not for you, it's for kids who need these heroes.

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>>86579519

>>86579245
>same shit I do

I'm sorry, but my ability to approach this subject with anything resembling a straight face has been compromised by this comic.

>Samarium MAX: Time To Shit

Oh, this has to be a parody. I bet nobody even clicked through.
>I clicked through, asshole.
>Everything checks out.

Huh.
Well, at least it's just advertising. Let's see if anybody's bold enough to include him in an official comic.

>>86579636
I'm kind of rooting for a Marvel Custom Universe now.

>>86579566
>Biclops getting a solo
Blunder of the century. Nerd can't support a comic, especially with his lame powerset and one-trick personality.

>>86579271
Ever see that video where a bear breaks into subway sniffs the food then leaves?

>>86578885
who
what
why is kamala there

>>86579841
http://www1.nyc.gov/site/em/ready/ready-girl.page

Actually, if her family had died in Hurricane Sandy despite her preparations, that'd make for a killer origin story.

>>86579636
I don't think Marvel owns these characters, or if so it might be a co-ownership deal.

Even when it comes to advertising, DC does it right.

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>>86580313

>>86580350
Well, when it comes to original comics created for the purpose of advertising. The KFC ones, mostly.

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>>86580069

I remember taking a welding class for a gimme credit in college and they passed out one of these Marvel Custom comics about Iron Man and WELDING!

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>>86580520

>>86578885
What's she ready for?
Is it dick?

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>>86580864
hurricane preparedness

This is the first time I've been pandered to. I'm so honored.

>>86581060

So she moved beyond the Superhero in Training level?

>>86580550
That's the one.

Are these actually effective advertisements? I mean yeah they get passed around in these threads because of the absurdity, but is anyone out there gonna eat fresh or become a welder because of these?

Netflix series when?

>>86576461
>Marvel will make a comic to order for any business

How much you want to bet they wouldn't make a comic that disagreed with their politics or criticized their company?

>>86575919
Now I know I said Marvel was turning to shit but I wasn't being literal.

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>>86577221
fuck you you made me remember f.a.t.a.l.

>>86581855
>everybody tries to make a superhero
>Harley just wanted a blonde chick who rides a bike

Stay true, H.O.G, stay true.

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>>86582706
Western union just wanted a comic about heroes getting money orders.

>>86582763
>Kamela tries to make a money order
>Gets stopped by the NSA

Actually, that would make a good story where creepy SHIELD agents try to steal her powers or something under the guise of a "security investigation".

Would rich guys like Cho or Tony even need to use money orders?