The fact of the matter is we all have an "almost got 'im"

>>85473353
I made it to the finals of the Bachelor featuring Bruce Wayne, but dropped the ball in the family visit round.

>>85473353
One time I pissed on the street and Batman almost stepped on it!

I THREW A ROCK AT HIM

>>85473353
I once put up a bunch of photos of the Joker's ass all over the city, trying to get into his head. I figured sooner or later he'd get the message, and do what's right for Gotham.

I once sneezed at salad bar
Batman proceeded to cripple me from the neck down.

One time I let an owl go in his mansion and he proceded to beat the shit out of a bunch of dead bodies.

>>85473353
I called him a faggot on insurgency once.

I now piss from a tube

So I'm working the drive thru during the graveyard shift at Big Belly Burgers when the fucking batmobile drives up and asks for a #1 no pickles.

I gave him EXTRA pickles.

>>85474148
How the fuck are you not a vegetable?

>>85474187
Arkham had a riot like 10 minutes later apparently

>>85474148
You're stone fucking cold, mate.

>>85474236
He's gonna come for you, man. He might be with you right now.

>>85473353
> Be me
> Walking back from store one night
> Suddenly thugs start scrambling out of an adjacent alley
> Batman leaps out from the shadows in hot pursuit
> I look down the alley they came from
> holyshit.jpg "IT'S THE FUCKING BATMOBILE!!!"
> I look behind me and see Batman still in pursuit up a distant fire-escape
> I smile
> I know what I must do
> I pull out my dick and fired a stream of light gold fury at the Batmobile
> The Batmobile's AI detected my urine attack and released a volt of electricity up my stream
> Electricity pierced my urethra like a steak knife
> I screamed like a whore and forced the urine to stop burning my charred rose red mushroom tip
> Rage filled me, I would not fail
> I filled my thoughts with Oracles limp lifeless ass and my crotch engorged
> I stroked myself fervently, ignoring the sting of my singed urethra, faster and faster
> As I neared climax a slot opens up on the Batmobile
> Two needles fire out lightning fast, piercing my testicles instantaneously
> I fall back screaming, clutching my testicles, delicately attempting to remove the spines, only to discover they have backwards facing thorns
> I scramble to my feet, screaming like an autistic child with no more legos
> I drop my pants and press my rancid asshole against the front of the Batmobile
> I strain my bowels to release the shit inside me, when I hear a click behind me
> Suddenly I'm engulfed in flames spraying from the front of the Batmobile, welding my asshole shut
> Batman comes back an hour later and sees me charred and broken in front of his car
> He walks over to me, leans in close and whispers, "Batman doesn't kill people."
> He then dropped his pants and urinated on the crispy shell that was once my skin
> I passed out as he rode off into the night

>>85473792

Made me fucking KEK

I gutted 'im with a bit of rebar an legged it down to the bar.
Whadya mean it was a cosplayer? The fucks a cosplayer?

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>>85473659

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>>85474403

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I once left a muddy footprint at a jewelry heist knowing he would take a sample. It wasn't mud.

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>>85473353

I spray painted the Batmoble and blamed it on the riddler. Took six month of thinking to come up with what sort of pun that would be believable.

...The Newspapers and Batman said it was the joker.

Batman once broke into my house, broke my family pictures, insulted my cat, and broke my femur.
On an unrelated note, the night before, I insulted Bruce Wayne at one of his gala's.

>>85475517

Are you a waiter or a janitor?

>>85474636
...it was a big one

>>85475550
Janitor.
To make matters worse, that Wayne guy visited me at the hospital and told me I was fired.
Then after he left, Batman showed up and broke my other femur.

>>85475595

I hear Lexcorp makes great wheelchairs.

>>85475725
I´ve heard that can also make you fly, but my cousin tried, it malfunctioned and he pummeled to his death. I wish I had enough money to sue Luthor.

I once caught Batman and Catwoman fornicating behind a dumpster.
I dunno what happened after because I woke up in a hospital a month later.

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Commissioner Gordon's mustache looks like an upside down bat symbol.

I Jay walk whenever Im in Gotham, that i'll fucking show him.

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Did I ever tell you the time I gave Thor the clap?

Spray Painted, who watches the Batmen?

>>85476359
Do tell us Cyclops!

I once grabbed Batgirl's ass.
I miss having my penis attached, but it was worth it.

>>85475573
for you.

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I fucked the batman

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>>85473659

>>85473738
Get off 4chan, Gordon

>>85473353

I nutted in the Bat's cereal.


God have mercy on my soul.

>>85476953
I don't know who you're referring to. I'm just one of many who have come to the rational conclusion that Gotham won't be safe until Batman does the dirty deed.

>>85473444
I made it to the fantasy suites but didn't take up Bruce's offer.