Wassup, /co/ Could you kndly give me some critique on this?

I hope you got some stellar animation lined up, because that was some pretty cliche action.

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>00:28

Keep the shot distance, but get rid of that grin. And instead make her concentrated on her task ahead. As in heavy breathing and facial reaction, like this runner for exp.

>>84557889
Have the little spider in the beginning cling to his tunic for the duration of the video. It can climb to his shoulder, chest, or arm if the shot or his actions demand it, and he never takes notice of it. When he wakes up IRL, the same little spider is actually crawling on his arm!

First off, will this be 2D? If so, I hope you have James Baxter lined up for those 360-tracking shots, because it will look very cheap if handled by anything less than a traditionally-trained pro animator.

If you're uncertain about who'll be handling your animation, it would be wise to revise your boards to work without all that fluff. (at the very least make it a 'plan B'.) I've seen many board artists get needlessly complicated with tricky camera work when the same action and pacing can be expressed instead with tightly-controlled pans/trucks on top of strongly-composed layouts.

If you must have fluff, save it for a money shot or two. But don't risk having your work thrown away and reworked mid-production because you or your animator realized the scope of the sequence puts it at odds with your stamina or schedule.

The intro is engaging, despite being a bit cliche as another anon pointed out. (I'm not picky about this.) However, both the treasure find + giant spider reveal were pretty underwhelming as presented. Could be handled more creatively; make your audience put two and two together by dropping hints that stumbling onto this booty will not be as straightforward as she believes. Maybe bring back the little spider from earlier to foreshadow trouble ahead. (If that's what you were attempting at the beginning, it does not read well)

The ending also fails to satisfyingly tie into the rest of the short at all, besides being a visual gag + jarring deus ex machina. But, you've stated that this is only half of the short, so I can't expand much more on this.

Finally, a small peeve... but that 'Audio Jungle' watermark is really distracting. I was trying to figure out if she was the one repeating the line and what its significance was. I realize this is a rough reel, but try to find the same or similar piece of music that doesn't have that baked in. Took me right out of the action and I bet it'll do the same with others.

Otherwise, good start.

>>84557889
I really like the detail on the way she shifted her grip on the sword when she first got webed make sure the animator keeps that.

The spider looks a little like it came out of nowhere after she first escapes it maybe show it auctualy jump down the cliff (this is an extremely minor issue though)

The ending is stupid but considering its only the first half it may end up fine.

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>>84557889

okay, a couple of little things here

>dream ending
No. you had a pretty great fight sequence there. I'd end it with the spider webbing the protagonist and throwing her towards its mouth and have the protagonist use the sword and stab it in the face, but that's probably just me. either way, however you end it, don't dream end it. Even the "it's a videogame" ending is better than a dream one

>dat entire running through the jungle sequence
YES. Glorious stuff. If you change anything, I'd follow what >>84558036 said and make it look like she's exerting herself more but other than that, some great stuff

>boulder bit
cool part. maybe have her hang off the side of the cliff and get back up if you want a slightly more realistic edge for that bit, alternately the groove bit is fine, but maybe a little wink or a thumbs up might help, it's a tad bit difficult to distinguish her from the ground in that animatic.

>character design
don't change a goddamn thing, she looks great.

also, obligatory Edna Mode image for the cape bit.

all in all, I like it. and I'm genuinely always happy to see anons making things of their own. it's one thing to bitch about there not being enough of this and too much of that, but it's entirely another thing to see somebody actually trying to contribute to the total animation output.

>>84557889
Dream sequence killed it for me, but I loved it up until then. I would begrudgingly accept the dream sequence stuff though, if everything else was good.

>>84558898
>>Dream ending

I think OP needs that sequence to be somewhat fictional, anon.
He/She posted the rest of the initial and intended visual narrative in one of the comments, you can check it here;
https://imgur.com/a/KqXCB

My two cents are;
Yeah, Dream sequence kinda sucks because it makes you feel like everything that you went through was done for nothing. Maybe if you make her Drawing everything, and trasition between Fantasy World and Real World by making her draw something really bad or really wrong in the Fantasy World, and cut to her Real world disapointed expression? IDK i'm not a storyteller.

Anyway, I hope the best.
Looking forward to see more of this.
Also,
>>those 3D models in OP's account

Nice.
so this will be in 3D, right?

>>84557889
The dream ending was kind of dissapointing but everything else was nice.

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>>84557889
Remember to take /co/ thoughts into consideration but not a demand. We wish you the best.

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Personally, I think this is absolutely fantastic, and I love all the little references you threw in. The only thing I can think of that should be added is how when the spider dropped down, her first instinct was to run, and despite not knowing her character, doesn't seem like something she would do. All I would suggest is her first taking a single slash on the spider, only to find that it's too tough, by having the sword just bounce off his thick skin or have the sword break on him or something. It shows both that she's brave enough to take on such foes if she can beat them, and also establishes the immense danger that the spider poses. Other than that, great work!

audio jungle

Loved it