Useless Super Powers

>>78281055
push it one inch up, destabilize the whole thing.
>The power to change the size of your skeleton.

You could make previously accessible narrow pathways inaccessible, cause minor structural damage if two buildings were pushed against each other without being the same building, and dodge things by pushing buildings down an inch.

You can turn a lawn of one type of grass into any other type of grass commonly used on lawns.

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>>78281114

Isn't that how Andre the Giant Died?

the power to make a thread about useless superpowers by just using a computer with an internet connection and an appropriate browser

Magnified vision, but only to the point where you don't need a magnifying glass.

>>78281176

Ruin the superbowl or any gold game really. There is some shitty grass out there.

You can make duct tape lose it's stickiness.

>>78281303

You don't need glasses ever again if your eyesight goes bad.

>>78281229

That's not a superpower anon.

>>78281055
The power to breathe underwater, this power ceases to function if you attempt to swim.

>>78281176
Plus, he didn't say whether or not there was a limit to how many times you could use it, so it can easily stack to the point where it's telekineses for just buildings.

>>78281320
That's the greatest power of all Anon.

>>78281385
Just walk underwater.

The power to trigger spasms at will. In yourself.

>>78281055
>implying that's a useless superpower

Obviously you've never seen the episode of Pete and Pete where Artie, the strongest man in the world, pushed a guys house just far enough that when he went to unlock his door, his key missed the keyhole.

DEVILISH
E
V
I
L
I
S
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>>78281463
Get easy as shit retirement NEETbux based on your weird spasm sickness that doctors are unable to determine.


The superpower to give people little electric shocks.
As in those static little things that really do jack shit, except maybe hurt your own finger.

>>78281463
Now you're the ultimate distraction. Have a partner steal shit while you distract everyone with a controlled seizure

The power to make every animal absolutely hate you for 24 hours.

Every single one.

>>78281517
Operant conditioning.

>>78281562
Now you're perfect bait for hiding animals and rare animals. They just ship you out to location and set you up near where they think the animal they want is and wait for it to come into the area to kick your ass

>>78281517
get government money and/or experimenting from producing free electricity.
>>78281562
PETA hires you and stations you in fur factories and zoos to incite riots.

The power to make inorganic things taste well, but they're still inedible.

>>78281631
Just because its inedible doesn't mean I can't stick it in my mouth

>>78281631
If you're modifying their tastes, you're modifying their structures to fit into tastebuds. With your delicate control over inorganic chemistry you become the most important person in chemical synthesis.

>>78281631
You can chew plastic, suck on rocks, ect. for the taste. Like chewing gum.

>>78281631

Sell Willy Wonka the rights to the everlasting gobstopper.

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>>78281727


Top kek.
My mind immediately went to this comic.

>>78281562
I'd argue humans count as animals, making you absoluteley perfect for pulling aggro.

other than that, being able to pull every animal within traveling distance to your location makes for perfect chaos. Everyone's too busy trying to flee to bug swarm and birds pounding against the windows to notice you stealing or sneaking away or whatever, and if you're near a zoo then all bets are off.

The ability to change things that are purple to a slightly darker purple.
Can only be used once a day or twice on thursday.

>>78281517
that's enough to short out most electrical equipment. Pretty handy for a spy or saboteur.

>>78281778

You can now totally fuck up all colour calibration sheets and programs.
You could for example cause all of the cameras in the Canon factories to be calibrated to shit, which would lead to massive callbacks on the higher end products and shitty reviews.

The power to turn things on and off

>>78281778
You can get yourself involved in an elaborate gaslighting scheme, changing around wallpapers and the like.

The power to rearrange your fingerprint at will.

>>78281055
The power to scientifically prove that anything is false even if it's undoubtedly true.

that sounds kinda cool actually

>>78281862

You'd be the most dangerous person in the country.

>Nuclear power plants? Off.
>LHC in operation? Off.
>All hospital equipment? Off
>Nulear missiles? turn them on!

>>78281885

You could never get your shit through the peer reviews or the top dogs who decide what gets greenlighted, even if you has 100% proof of your theories.
People would just discard them.
They're doing this shit with even legit stuff that get brought before them, if it's challenging the world view of some old cunt who came up with some theories currently accepted.

But that could make for a pretty interesting comic.

The ability to instantly kill leaves that have already separated from the tree.

>>78281962
To specify, if you cut a healthy tree branch off, the leaves will instantly die.

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>>78281562
Work for rich game hunters as bait, you stay safe in a strong protective vehicle.

>>78281385
With this, you will be able to operate a submarine without relying on oxygen. I dunno if this allows you to counteract the immense pressure in the deep.

>>78281463
This would work well for female pornstars or prostitutes to fake orgasms.

>>78281517
You didn't exactly say that there is a resting period between shocks. So this could probably act like a taser if you use your whole hand.

>The ability to create a small wormhole near either your anus or urethra opening and create the corresponding exit wormhole anywhere in your universe.

>>78282087

Now that would be a fun one.
You could shit or piss into any super delicate equipment on this planet.

>JOHNSON! Why is the experimental 18 billion dollar cold fusion reactor full of shit?

>>78281949
>The Intellect
>A man who gained Omniscient capabilities through a strange volt of lightning and knows absolutely everything and can even alter the very laws of physics with his limitless intellect
>He wants to improve the world with his new found omniscience and make way for a brighter future
>Nobody takes him seriously and are completely oblivious and doubtful to all of his evidence like his cure for cancer and prove of no god despite having 100% proof and documentation of his evidence
>Everyone thinks he's a nuisance except for his dumb blonde wife who loves him but is just as oblivious as the rest of the world

This sounds amazing, I would read it for sure.

>>78282156

That would be a depressing comic.

>Oh, you say you have a cure for cancer?
>Aand you've been studying where and how did you find this cure?
>Haven't even finished high school and you've been living off government welfare and working part time jobs?
>Top kek, fuck off kid. We have some real science to do.
>His face when.

>>78282146
Hell, you could drive someone crazy by constantly shitting on them. You could shit on the head of everyone you know deserves to be literally shit on.

You could change the fucking world.

>>78281229
smartass

>>78282319
Why shit on when you can shit in?
Shit in their lungs and piss in their blood vessels until they die. Become the instrument of Judgement, the herald of Justice, the dawn of Reckoning.
Imagine.

>>78282245
It has potential of being hilariously depressing and cruel, he has absolute knowledge of everything and can even prove something that's false even if it's undoubtedly true and vice-versa and no one just tells him to fuck off because of his age or previous history/background and all he really has to look forward to in life is his wife who loves him.

He could constantly be encountering beings of absolute intellect and has to defeat them in mathematics or simply out smart them, like a brain version of One Punch Man only more cruel to the main character.

>"Oh yeah sure Carl, a quasi-dimensional geometric creature said it was going to destroy us for our insolent disregard for knowledge and progression and you convinced him otherwise, how about you go back to your basement and make a mathematic equation on how much of a nerd you are!"
>"I am capable of doing that actually, Steve"

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>>78282433

>>78282433
I don't know about bloodvessels. Creating a wormhole there would cause the blood to shoot into the wormhole and into your urethra from the immense pressure.

The power to pop the front left tire on any 1977 AMC gremlin

The power to order pizza from anywhere, at any time. But only when nobody's in the mood for pizza.

screamfarts

>>78282156
I feel like this is the background of every mad scientist

>THEY LAUGHED ME

an ability to make a RANDOM car explode whenever you clap.

>>78282676

That would be hilarious.
Spend a day clapping.
>ISIS suspected at conducting a worldwide car bombing operation today.
>Over 328 cities have been struck all over the world.
>The severity of the situation has caused everyone to approve the use of nukes in the middle east.

>>78282648
The difference is that he never goes insane and into mad scientist levels because he's a legitimately nice guy who wants to change the world with his omniscient intellect but lives in a comedically ignorant world that won't allow him to but he keeps his cool anyways and tries again knowing that he has a nice wife that supports him and nothing to lose, he even goes as far as to protect the world that rejects and belittles him from cosmic beings.

The ability to make everyone love you except the ones you want

>>78281055
Any time you have sex with a woman, you get her pregnant.

No matter what. Condoms, birth control, plan b and abortions do not work.

>>78282642
You could make mad dosh on the talkshow circuit.

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Cooch's power is to be totally lovable right?

>>78282806
No one here will ever need to worry.

>>78282749
>Anon claps for world peace

>>78282781
Easy, make dictators your bitch boiis.

>>78282843
I'd like a musical montage of exploding cars set to the speed and frequency of the claps.

>>78282806

Start a service.
>Pregnancy 100% quaranteed, no matter what genetic problems you might have.
>If I fail to get you pregrant, I'll pay you 1 million dollars.

You'd have childless couples calling you to fuck them all day everyday, along with people who are after that 1 million.
Charge 10k per fuck.

The power to turn your internal organs into bananas that don't turn back.

>>78282901
Drink shit load of gasoline, transform, burn self. Potassium suicide bomber.

I don't care if that wouldn't actually work. That's sound enough comic logic for me.

>>78282901

Become the greatest magician ever to walk the earth.
Your death would be reported everywhere and scientists would be baffled for centuries to come.
Also have scientists document your magic trick.

>Watch me turn all of my internal organs into bananas!
>Now say the magic word with me.
>CHIQUITA!
>Theabsolutemadman.jpeg

World Peace exists so long as none of your body is touching air.

When you get angry you transform into a youtube movie critic

>>78282901
Become the ultimate monkey bait for your more useful squad mates, and being immortalized as a martyr, as you saved your friends from a swarm of monkeys.

Have the ability to magically generate one poorly crafted lawn gnome a week. Nobody wants them even if they are free.

>>78281341
You do if you are far sighted instead and can't see close up things. Making things more close up would be the opposite of what you want.

The power to make yourself disappear only one use and you don't know where you will end up.

The power to shit money but it still smells like shit.

The power to make waterfalls that will take hundreds of years to develop.

The power to orgasm and recieve superhero powers as long as you cum.

>>78282985
Kill yourself in the ocean, unless air means oxygen so only space would work
Be an hero :^)

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>>78282962

>Potassium suicide bomber.
Fuck you anon, my sides can't take this shit at this hour.
And yeah that logic would totally work in a comic.

>>78283039
Send them anonymously to people and become an internet sensation.
>See what the fuck I just received in mail!
>This is the ugliest sculpture I've ever seen, who the hell keeps sending me these gnomes?
Pic kinda related.
You could confuse the fuck out of people with your ugly gnomes.

>>78281875
>rearrange your fingerprint

but that's super useful for crimes like home invasion and stuff.

>>78282985
Forever live while living in a scuba suit

>>78282676
>old 50s-60s comic book cover
>"What's gotten into Anon? He's not applauding for the president, who just arrived in town!"
>open it up
>"Just didn't wanna kill 'im."
>THE END

>>78283107
>roll the dice immediately and go from there

>Who cares if it smells like shit. They can't not take it.

>Play the long game in drowning every city on earth

>Already chronic masturbator. Can finally do good.

>>78282806
Make serum making all males styrile. Become last man on earth who can make babies. Profit.

Any beverage you hold in your hand or touch your lips to instantly becomes lukewarm.

>>78283266
cool boiling water

The ability to predict what someone says half a second before they say it.

>>78283231
>cronicmasterbation-man. Takes him a minute to get going but when he does he really does!

A lot of these make for neat party tricks at least.

Photographic recall of any YA novel.

>>78283353
Become world's best mind reader.

>>78283256
You'd eventually kill all humans if all you had was your DNA going into everyone. All it takes is a disease your genes can't handle, and all the humans suffer. Also if you die, are the future males fertile? If not, a sperm bank of your sperm would work, one sperm an egg if you invitro that shit, but you run the risk of lessening the gene pool yet again. That weird and rare genetic disease will become rampant in generations.

>>78281055

The power of growing fingernails at will

>>78283266

Take a sip of the ocean. Completely destabilize the world ecosystem.

>>78283353

Hone that ability to become the world's greatest mimic. You could just talk over everyone, saying exactly what they say and causing them to fumble and generally get really pissed.

The ability to throw your voice, but only racial slurs.

The ability to time travel, but you can only travel back in time as a victim in a mass disaster like the Holocaust or Jonestown.

>>78283543
This isn't a power unless it's at an increased rate.
Also Meg from family Guy had this power.

>>78283543
A lot of us probably thought about this one before posting it but remembered that it was on Family Guy.

3/10, try being more original.

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>>78281385
>wear water-balloon hat
>go into space
>still under water
>oxygen fo days

>>78283595
>>78283597

s-sorry

>>78283489
OK every male except people from 4chan

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The power to replace any wounded tissue with rock hard bone instead of flesh.

The power to make plastic wet and crumbly.

The power to always get that feeling of taking off your socks in bed after a long day, it'd be nice but there's no purpose.

>>78282156
Reminds me of that mythological Greek chick who could tell the tragic future, yet was cursed to be unbelieved by everyone.

>>78283636
The power to make anyone say sorry unlimited amount of times only while you are jumping.

>>78283685
A villain with that power could fuck up the entire western world. Plastic is in heavy use in absolutely fucking everything and changing its consistency and properties would screw over most of the cases it's used for.

>>78283680
Become Stiff man pro at planking on any surface.

>>78283720
Achieve the maximum amount of comfy at any givin time when ever you want.
After developing you ability you can now transfer this feeling to other people.

>>78282514
It said near, so the price of piss-killing your enemies would be a bloody dick.
Heck, he didn't even say that you needed to piss/shit. You could open it up and wedge a knife in the wormhole to assassinate anybody. It's a pretty nifty power with only the drawback of location and size.

>>78282568
Become world's greatest Prank artist.

The power to control small dogs but only the 1st dog you pick you can control any of that same dogs breed.

The power to automatically alarm any government official in 60 mile radius of a crime you commit.

>>78283569
>The ability to throw your voice, but only racial slurs.

You have the power to make anyone sound like a racist and get all the hate and blame for it. Anyone you hate will become a social pariah for flagrant public racism. All sorts of civil movements will crumble because they promote hate speech.

>>78283107
>disappear only one use and you don't know where you will end up
--------------------------------------------------
>spend years on survival training, making sure you can live and find your way through any situation
>learn different languages and customs to be able to blend in with any new populace
>the time has come for your grand heist
>rob all the biggest banks, get away every time with your training, each time almost having to use your skill
>the moment comes where you're finally cornered, no way out, time to use it
>You grin at the law, grab all the money you can hold, focus, and...
>jump three feet to the left
>spend a short life in jail, eventually dying by slamming your head against the wall too much.

The power to make steel smell like citrus.

The power to make towels extra dry.

The ability to shine shoes just by looking at them.

The power to talk to calculators.

>>78283117
>Go to ocean
>boat as far as you can
>sit on the edge of the boat"
>shoot yourself
>sink
>world peace
>then eventually float to surface
>where the air is
>world peace over, in less than a day
Going off of the assumption that you forgot to tie yourself to a brick
alternatively, you get stuck in/with an air-pocket

>>78283912
Having a swarm of vicious chihuahuas sounds extremely effective. Those little shits are aggressive.

>>78281055
The power to see what you should have done different in any situation with 50% accuracy

>>78284017
>Never have to dry towels in dryer ever again saves money in the long run.
>all building have nice citrus smell to them now get paid to be living air freshener.
>shine the shoes of someone so much they slips and fall from over shoe polishing.
>the human calculator solve all math problems without having to touch a calculator. You are now math-man. He has a bank job managing all data of any computer and quantum computers are mere child's play for you now.

>>78281114
if you change it slow enough your flesh will adapt. you can elongate your legs over the course of a year or things like that. or fix that fucking bone sticking out on your wrist.

>>78282806
What if she is already pregnant?

>>78281631
>The power to make inorganic things taste well, but they're still inedible.
mass-produce dieting products

The power to make duplicates of yourself but they have high-functioning autism

>>78284460
the baby gets pregnant.

the power to make anybody Alex Jones

>>78284483
You can start your own circus.

Captain Famous. Has the power of popularity. Actually is a spineless coward, people cheer for him and villains just want to fuck his spine out. All he wants is to let people know he really isn't that great of a hero and that he doesn't have any actual powers, but they ignore him because of his mass appeal

>>78283723
Cassandra

>>78282901
>get gastrectomy
>turn stomach into banana that went extinct
>sell banana genetic material to genetic engineers

the power to change color when no one is looking. you automatically change back when someone looks at you.

>>78284483
Time for Soylent Green.

The power to have sex whenever you want, as long as you have functioning genitalia and basic intelligence.

Why aren't you using it yet?

>>78284571
Money-Man. Has the power to spew pennies out of his mouth and fire single dollar bills out of his palms. Uses his great wealth to fight crime while also slowly increasing inflation at the same time

>>78284571
This would be a great power to win elections.

>>78284483
>The power to make duplicates of yourself but they have high-functioning autism
Use them as bridge across water.

You have the power to see yourself in the bathroom mirror with your eyes closed.

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>the ability to make any women instantly begin the period cycle.

>>78283987
This should be a comic book.

>>78284483
In other words, the power to make duplicates of yourself.

>>78282901
Have a kidney removed and then get a million dollars for completing that supernatural power challenge the magician guy came up with.

>>78284804
>accidentally get girl pregnant
>use your power to forcibly abort fetus

the power to draw a perfect circle

>>78284888
Become a master artist, maybe go into sculpting

You can keep the after taste of any food you eat for an hour

>The power to make memes go viral to the point that the entire world is covered in memes.

>>78284933
Eat a small amount of something delicious, then force down healthy stuff no matter how bland or foul. You still enjoy yourself, but you are now likely going to live longer and better.

>>78281885
I could prove that I'm a god and should have all my wills attended just by disproving that I'm human, made of matter, in a single location in space with a limited lifespan.

>>78282749
They are aware that ISIS is not that powerful and don't have so much range. They would start thinking that there is a bigger organization doing this and will devout their resources to finding out who they are, what they want and how they do it instead of focussing on ISIS.

>>78285086
Dystopian future where the world that has become illiterate, can only communicate by Emoji.
You're meme's with their captions: "Post a picture of poop, nobody bats an eye, use an alphabet, everyone loses thier minds.joker.jpg"
Inspires people to learn to read, free their minds and science the fuck out of shit.
>be me.
>in adolescence, develop mutant power to control coin toss, 'heads' or 'tails'
>X-Name: Flippy.

>>78286035
Get a plush job rigging football games.

>>78283489
>You'd eventually kill all humans if all you had was your DNA going into everyone. All it takes is a disease your genes can't handle, and all the humans suffer.
Not really, the woman have different genes and that would be enough. The problem is that no matter what he wouldn't be able to impregnate enough woman to keep the population so the population would shrink and we would have lots of old people.

Also in a desperate situation like this they probably would calculate to make the highest number of inseminations as possible. Considering that you need to actually have sex for the power to work and that your kids will be fertile they could just drug you, give you a boner by drugs and ejaculate by electrical stimulation so your sex acts will consist of being strapped in a bed, sticking in, immediately ejaculate, and them have the next woman come in until enough local women have been fertilized. Them you would be sent to another region.

>>78281385
haven't you played ocarina of time?

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>>78284540
There is a condition called fetus in fetu.

>>78286035
Make extremely risky bets using only coin tosses, like a Two-Face who's in charge of his own destiny.

>>78286073
>>78286194
>>78286194
Thanks, A.nons. You're a cool guy that doesnt afraid of anything.

>>78284606
I'm not a woman, it's harder for me

>>78285086
>Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra
>Temba, his arms wide

>>78281055
The power to make any boxing match end in the first round. You don't control who wins.

the power to pass on your superpower.

It's the only power you have though.

>>78287025
So lets say I passed my power to someone who already have another superpower, and by theory he also inherited the ability to pass his power on someone else. Does he also pass on his own original superpower as well? This is an important question.

>>78287100
yes. I stole the idea from boku no hero academia.

Theres two brothers, one who can make superpowers, give them to others and steal them from others, the other has the ability to pass on his own power.

one brother gives the other the power to stockpile power, with each consecutive time the power is passed, it gets stronger and stronger.

It's pretty cool desu.

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>>78281055

the power to have my memes be popular and long lasting.

the power to know the date someone was conceived

>>78287391
Girls can't lie about their age so your much safer from hanson

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the power to review cartoon shows.

>>78281055

The power to grow wings at random uncontrollable moments. The process takes 4 excruciatingly painful hours to extend and retract them.

>>78287474
Can they support your weight?

>>78287500

I would assume it would be too painful to fly given the process.

>>78287529
But you don't have to retract them until you want

Time travel. It only goes forwards.

>>78287441
you are deadpool. you write your own reviews.

>>78287567
Go forward in time until someone makes a machine that can go back in time

>>78287567
Stock up some gold and petroleum and travel to the far future. Proceed to make mad dosh.
Alternatively, invest in stocks.

>>78287180
But Todoroki's powers are cooler desu.

The power to remember what website you were on exactly 10 years ago.

you can create a portal, but it can only be to a room next to it, you can't pass through the portal yourself and it's a one-way portal

>>78284483
So they are more effective mes without all that need for company and sex?
Fuck, we would be dominating the entire world in a short time.

>>78287840

god tier club bouncer

The ability to wipe your ass without getting poo on your finger

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>>78287840
>open portal on the floor under someone
>they fall and get disabled
>portal some heavy furniture after them, crushing them
pretty good for combat

>>78287852
>more effective mes
HFA does not make you smarter.

You can make someone age faster, but your age decreases as their age increases

>>78282087
Put a colonoscopy probe in you ass and you can see anything in the universe. Finally see if there is life in other planets

>>78282985
Dump yourself in space. Be a martyr

>>78288236
Live forever by aging criminals

The ability to understand any animal but they can only speak in 4chan memes and buzzwords

>>78287785
Finding the source of what ever obscure crap your past self was into a year ago

Mind control but only through making continuous eye contact with your target

>>78289003
like a very basic animal psychic. Become a nature specialist

>moo
>I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really like this image

>>78281055
Are you actualy saying colour kid is useless? Dude could wipe out the entire galaxy wih ease if he wanted

The ability to make anything into lemonade.

>>78281055
If you believe there is such a thing as a "useless superpower" then you haven't read Steel Ball Run or Jojolion.

>>78286764
You can make a ton of money betting on matches that way. Bets don't have to be who wins, they can be conditions, too.

>>78289284
But what happens if you use lemons?

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>>78289438
You'll get lemonade.

>>78287840
Have water flowing higher through the portal and then move back into the room through a turbine.

Free electricity .

>>78289284
Make lemonade in a situation where there is nothing safe to drink.

If you can use the power remotely then you could make bank by turning nuclear waste into lemonade from safety.

>>78283912
Make best dog actor ever and be manager.

>>78289284
>no touch, line-of-sight or mass limitations
broken as fuck

>stop bullets
>melt through walls
>turn the rock under buildings into lemonade
>turn the capillaries of anyone's brain into lemonade

>>78291663
>turn air in a building into lemonade
>you get a massive implosion because the lemonade is either already liquid or rapidly condenses due to lower vapor pressure

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>>78282781

>>78284804
>instant distraction
or better yet
>make every female on earth go on period
>lock self in safe house where no one can kill you, and bring supplies
>survive

>>78289284
>learn of all nuclear plants
>turn the safe guards into lemonade
>instant nuclear explosion

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the power to instantly switch places with a alternate version of you, but the other you is just like you but he has a picture of himself with pants on his head.

They did everything you did except they had the picture, so y'know

>>78282676
B-but anon, I'm American...

>>78281055
The power to create and control nothing.

>>78293523
>insert empty space anywhere you want
>something something vacuum energy
might be broken as fuck. need a physics degree though.

The power to make any meme loss its popularity, but it only last for 24 hours and you can only use the power once every year.

>>78295820
well once a meme dies it doesn't really come back

even with the filters down cuckposting has died out

The ability to be a metamorph imo worst power

>>78281055
johnny test's powers were pretty stupid and useless

>>78282433
That's just a shitty version of Death Note.

>>78283002
Fuck, I would love to be able to yell at people in a perfect Plinkett voice.

You have the ability to open any locks

limit: the locks have to have been hand crafted by you.

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>>78281114
Nigga...

>>78284136
This is such a ridiculous overpowered ability.
>guess password
>wrong
>50-50 chance of now knowing the correct password

You have the ability to turn on the gender you aren't attracted to automatically.

The ability to make people fart audibly

>>78281862
Nigga, most of our technology is based on an on/off concept like binary.

>>78281885
Cult leaders do that already Anon.

>>78282901
>Kidney or Liver becomes inoperally cancerous
>Turn it into a Banana before the cancer spreads

You can talk to people telepathically, but you can only comunicate with them while cumming.

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>>78282985
Invent liquid air.
>>78284017
Literally everything you have listed will make you guranteed money and the last one will make valuable to science.

>>78284483
Neat, I can get any organ I might need.

you can heal others, at the cost of feeling every horrible pain/side effect of a disease while healing them

>>78289284
>Dress like a blue haired school girl
>Touch every people on earth
>They all become lemonade

It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down

The power to know how many strands of hair is on a person's head.

>>78289284
>Become supervillain
>tell world leaders if they don't pay a ransom of $10,000,000 you'll slowly lemonade-ise cities and monuments across the world
>nobody believes it, but 300 people die in a freak accident when the eiffel tower becomes lemonade
>if the world leaders refuse, threaten to lemonade-ise the sun
>make jupiter lemonade as punishment

you'll become the most feared man on earth.
>police squads after you get turned to lemonade, you are untouchable

>>78298771
worth it. can make bank miracle healing old billionaires

>>78298891
>Sell the info to TMZ about how many celebrities are bald/wearing wigs.
>Become rich and hated by all celebrities
>kanye west writes a song about you

Become a master Marksman, but all your bullets spontaneously become Nerf Darts

>>78298022
Record candid videos of people farting. Make bank from a candid fartcam website. Hundreds of fartfags will want to know your secret, but you'll never tell!

>>78298991
to specify, every bullet you shoot becomes a nerf dart, no matter what caliber or gun

>>78298287
You make people aroused while having sex

You can see as long as you're still alive
But your eyes must rest for a few moments
While your eyes are resting, you can not see until you open them up again

The ability to make your dick shrink 1mm every 10 years.

>>78282156
But could he figure out the Anti-Life Equation?

>>78299037
The dart's still being fired at the speed of the original bullet. It might not kill your target, but it'll still hurt like a bitch. And the explosion would turn the nerf dart into a little ball of fire.

>>78298991
Make a living selling nerf bullets to Nerf. Fuck marksmaning! All you get outta it is hunting.

>>78299117
Could you rephrase that to understandablish?

>>78299117
That's not a superpower, that's a mild inconvinence!

>>78281229
it makes a supervillain who just happens to browse this thread lose motivation once he finds out his superpower is listed here

>>78299122
Understand life is fleeting and all good things go away with age. And fuck everything.

The power to give someone your superpower, which is the power to give someone your superpower. This power overrides any preexisting powers but can only be transferred through anal sex.

Thanks Cofagrigus

>>78299357
something like this existed in Misfits

The power to know why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but you can't tell anyone

Power to destroy stars with your mind limited only to hundred most distant from earth stars,

>>78282568
I prefer the ability to place a comically oversized bathtub drain on any surface.

Greatest spell to come out of a ball dispenser machine.

>>78299391
Some aliens suddenly lose their sun, half their population dies

the rest blame earth for their shenanigans (they've watched us, they know how much we like war)

Aliens invade and fuck shit up

>>78299381
Are you fucking serious?

>>78299122
Gives good motivation to use it before you lose it

Ability to intuitively know exactly what color the sky is at any time

Perfect knowledge on who will win in battle of two fictional characters.

>>78299507
You could be able to tell whether it's cloudy out or not.

>>78297500
>Spend all my time learning to make amazing locks
>open high-quality lock company
>break into rich peoples' houses

>>78299391

Sorry Anon, that's not a superpower. I already have the ability to do this.

The ability to change the color of a tree's leaves... with your mind!

The power to toss any coin with exactly 50% probability.

>>78281885
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Young_Earth_creationism

>>78299389
Sell Cinnasugar crack to children.

The ability to kill anyone when you sneeze.

Randomly.

The power to stop time for entire world including you.

The ability to always put a T-Shirt on the right way

The power to kill already dead people.

Really bendy thumbs

>>78299736
That just sounds like the end of the world because you couldn't unfreeze things and then aliens or something eventually find Earth and try to figure out wtf happened

The power to perfectly remember any information that you can't comprehend.

>>78299530
Not really,anon. The sky itself would remain.

>>78283569
>>The ability to throw your voice, but only racial slurs

Teach yourself how to do impressions of public figures and have fun with it.

>>78299764
Two words: Undead hunter.

Resistance (not immunity) to a random other power in this thread.

>>78281055
This was an important plot point in Kaiji

>>78282780
This dude could get a pretty hot wife
>"No, I don't want to marry you"
>"That's false, and here's why:"

>>78299516
Make 50% of all the nerds angry.
Steal DeathBattle's audience.

The power to see farts.

>>78301231
Always know who dealt it.

The power to speak in a powerful baritone, but only to the hearing impaired.

>>78282568
How good is the pizza? Can you order pizza good enough it'll get anyone in the mood?

>>78301249
Most deaf people actually still hear in the deep bass range. Become a deaf-whisperer.

>>78282843
I'm just imagining cars blowing up in tune to the Friends theme.
>So no-one told you life was gonna be this way!
>OH GOD MY CHILDREN'S SCHOOL BUS

The power to give yourself any disease in the history of diseases. You can't cure yourself if there isn't a cure for it.

>>78298275
I guess you could extend your life if you went in for surgery and all the doctors had to remove was a banana

>Guys, I know this shit is inoperable, but hear me out
>Sir, there's no way we're performing the proceedure. It has a 89% fatality rate for someone in your condition
>..but what if the tumor was a banana?

>>78284483
They don't have to be smart to take a bullet!

Whenever you sneeze, you sneeze pepper spray instead.

>>78281055
You can change the tone of anything's color.
Not the color itself, just the tone, and not on anything alive.

>>78302194
Always win arguments when choosing paint for a room.
That's a great power, anonymous.

>>78302265
Conversely, become the world's best interior decorator.

the power to know the future that happens at least 50 years after your death.
you can't tell or make known your knowledge to anyone else, in any way shape or form, directly or indirectly.

The power to have no power.
Whenever you want.

>>78281631
You could get pretty darn rich selling flavored cutlery, drink containers etc. like this:
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-right-cup-trick-your-brain-drink-more-water#/

>>78302476
Find someone who can give random powers to people who don't have any, play the superpower lottery with rigged dice.

>>78302422
You can die a happy life knowing the fates of your mates once you are gone.

>>78301784
You can give your body to science to help out people with the disease. You help humanity in a weird way.

the ability to make a single blade of grass grow 1mm

>>78300726
Do you expect us to chose the power ourselves?
If so then I choose this one>>78301231
Imagine being a ninja farter thats silent, but deadly.

>>78299836
become good at math.

>>78302682
Choosing is fine, but it's only a resistance to that power.
So your farts would be slightly harder to be seen by people who see farts.

>>78302741
Still, you can be a fart ninja, and tount inocent bystanders, and those fart-whatchers can't do anything about it.

The ability to manifest an extreme cancerous growth around your left ankle at will. It does not spread to the rest of your body, and the general area remains healthy save for the grotesque appearance. It can expand greatly in size around the radial fashion of your ankle, and it can be reduced or extinguished at any time. It still perceives pain the same way as the rest of your body.

>>78303301
You have a cool party trick.

>>78283938
>always have a direct connection to all government officials
>set up a code, so that you can communicate by committing crimes
>you are now POLICE-MAN, capable of calling the cops anytime, anywhere

>>78303301
If I leave it exposed, I'll always have a reason to sit in reserved seats in public transportation.

The power to spin any of your articulations in 369°.

The ability to turn Blu Rays into VHS, but not the other way around.

>>78299590
>The power to toss any coin with exactly 50% probability.
>50% percent possibility
>Possibility
Thanks for not specifying what the outcomes are, because without an explanation as to what each of those percentages stand for that power is basically a semi-reliable sub-dimensional portal for coins

The power to make ominous music play anywhere.

>>78303497
This needs answers. Do we have any quantum physicist here?

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>>78303724
>Quantum
Heh. It's funny because quarters and I'm an idiot

>>78303583
You'd become the greatest superhero ever.
You don't need any superpower, just intimidate criminals through the power of ambience.

>>78287840

Get gun, shoot into portal, have portal exit next to enemy, repeat.

>>78288236

Constantly drain a few minutes from people you pass in your day to day life. Move a lot. Hello agelessness with little harm done to others.

>>78301784
Find something highly contagious, debilitating, rare, but ultimately easy to treat. Vaccinate yourself against it, or otherwise build an immunity.
When you're inevitably kidnapped by terrorists trying to get access to bioweapons through you, you can infect them.

>>78303497
I am guessing that the guy leave it like that so we fill in what the out come is, I say 50% chance that everyone on the planet dies, and 50% chance that someone farts.

>>78303494

Infinite free plastic.

>>78303301

End world hunger :)

>>78283680
sounds like scabmettlers from The Bas Lag universe

>>78283680

OH GOD NO. I saw a special about that shit when I was a kid, had nightmares for weeks.

The ability to displace funds between banks that you currently have no connections to

>>78304077
Take money from rich assholes and move it to different charities around the world.

>>78298022
Want to find someone who's hiding, make 'em fart

alright
fire farts
but you are a girl

>>78304077
Take down the upper class, distribute the wealth

>>78297986
not bad.if people want to fuck me,i can make em do things

>>78299484
Yeah a guy called Alex could remove people powers by having sex with them.Also,when he took ecstasy (which reverses powers in "misfits") he could give people powers.but all of of them,every power he keeps "inside".

>>78304855
Inside his dick?

>>78304717
Wear a heavy coat/concealing body suit and gas mask to completely cover face, now no one will know if you're a man or a woman.

You have the ability to instantly clean one article of clothing completely once per day.

>>78304992
Become a janitor and wear a onesie every day. Never have to clean it.

>>78304992
at the end, that was Johnny X only power
then it was the only power of everyone in that stupid series

>>78304941
Acording to what I remember about that series, is the semen that can "cure" the power.

The power to make a sticky substance come out of your hands.

The power of having butterfly wings.

The power to hold things down better than the average person.

The power to radiate radioactivity.

The power to become a praying mantis.

The power to make people have dandruff.

The ability to keep count of every pee you've ever peed or shit you ever shat.

the ability to cause everyone around you to violently shit themselves but only during a job interview

>>78283614
uh, you don't know how water-breathing works, do you

the ability to change the color of your pee, just the color of it changes, nothing bad happens to you

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>>78289284
>be put into superhero concentration camp
>drink own piss turned into lemonade to survive

The ability to make any child under the age of 5 believe in Santa Claus. This ability ends after the child reaches the age of 5.

>>78281320
>You can make duct tape lose it's stickiness.
Everything that was fixed is broken again

>>78289284
turn all the water in someone into lemonade

>>78282806
>Any time you have sex with a woman, you get her pregnant.
How is this useless?

>>78287025
Uh Anon?

>>78306726
Almost all robot rebellions are crushed immediately with the threat of the Naughty List.

The ability to delay imparting force on an object by one second.

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>>78287025
It's not so bad

The power to understand any spoken language, but only works while deaf.

>>78307081
I think you could focus this into surviving falls and impacts.

The ability to hear emotions of living things as tones of sound.

>Paper skin
It gaves you the texture and strength of a sheet of paper. (No, you don't turn flat like a paper, just it's properties)

>>78281320
>You can make duct tape lose it's stickiness.
That's some saitama-level world wrecking power right there man. Fucking nasa uses that shit on the ISS.

I've got no clue whether or not this one is broken beyond belief or just fairly ok, but still I like it

The power to be absolutely normal. You have no extraordinary traits or abilities outside of what a regular human being can do. This only works at a physical level and means that you can't do the whole "the most average person is Chinese, so that means I can speak Chinese" bullshit

>>78307553
Well, half the population is male and the other half is female, so...

Also, you're always the mean age for all human beings, which is a healthy 24 years old.

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>>78299736
ZA WARUDO-OH SHI...!

>>78281875
>The power to rearrange your fingerprint at will.
>useless

Nigga what

>change fingerprints
>commit crime
>don't even bother concealing identity otherwise
>change prints back after crime
>get arrested
>prints don't match
>must not be you

Tha ability to give couches an orgasm.

>>78306524
Fucking christ
10/10

>>78307697
Use this power to formulate a plan of attack.

>>78309082
This is the best way to get out of an awkward situation. Couch suddenly moans I guaranty whatever bullshit people were talking there not anymore.

>>78309082
>Stand-up comedy routine
>"Nigga fuck yo' couch"
>*couch orgasm*

Alternatively, who can plot for evil when their couch is slightly moist, wet, and violently shakes. Furniture stores are now your friends, and in a pinch you can construct small couches to use as orgasm weapons.

>Click-for-Clack
>You visualize any task or problems via a cookie-clicker based GUI.
>Tasks and problems are solved by earning a set number of cookies
>The more difficult the problem, the more cookies it requires
>Each success exponentially increase the number of cookies needed.
>Hacking or cheating in the game allows you to view the result of one possible success.
>Time is paused, you will need neither sleep nor food until the amount of cookies is obtained.
>You must watch the "screen" for the entire duration of this power.

A power of diminishing returns.

The ability to duplicate yourself by a multiple of 2: 1,2,4,8,16, etc. There's no limit to how much it can be done.
However, every time you do your iterations have everything about themselves halved from their previous self. This includes size, strength, intelligence, and just about everything you can imagine is an aspect.
At some point you'll become a large group of minuscule vegetables who can't act accordingly.

This is only semi-related to OP's ITT, but why do people have this idiotic idea that superpowers are useless if they aren't combat practical? That implies that you aren't a good hero if your powers are shit. By that stupid logic, Batman is one of the worst heroes ever because he literally has no powers, he just has fucking money. It's not a power, it's material wealth, therefore if powers define the hero, Batman, GL and Iron Man are all garbage.

With that out of the way, I honestly think heroes like Aquaman would be way more appreciated than vigilantes like Supes, Batman, and Spider-Man, etc. because their powers, skills, and abilities are ones that don't require physical conflicts to help people. Sure, Batman can take down bank robbers and shit, and Iron Man can shoot at terrorists and whathaveyou, but we all know some buttmad cucks would demonize the hell out of vigilante justice like that because of "inhumane methods" or some autistic garbage like that. Aquaman could help endangered species like whales and sharks avoid poachers, Cyborg could prevent cyber-terrorism, or even do the shit Anonymous does to WAY greater effect. I dunno, it just bugs me. 112% of all "my hero vs your hero" arguments are just two parties arguing over who would win instead of who would actually be fucking helpful to society/the planet as a whole

The power to unpop popcorn, but only at the movie theater.

>>78307266
You'd be a pretty handy personal psychologist, or at least adequately describe emotional experiences.

Unless you're tone deaf, then you are fucked.

>Deadliest Catch
>You may catch any given fish in any given body of water.
>This fish will carry a gun
>It can be any type of gun
>Until it dies the fish will be shooting the gun.
>Survive until the fish dies, and you may take fish and gun
>The gun disappears after 24 hours have eclipsed.

The power to fly only north.

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>>78281055
>makes a thread about useless superpowers
>image is one of the most broken powers ever

The power to Fly but only in the direction north.

>>78291663
>turn time into lemonade
>turn people's emotions into lemonade
>turn economic forces into lemonade
>turn yourself into lemonade
>because you can't kill lemonade
>you can only drink it

>>78309435
ISIS goes to the theater to poison the popcorn.
Unpop it all, take down two villains at once: ISIS doesn't kill anyone and the jew-run theater has to pay the customers back the $50 they paid for a small popcorn

The power to automatically start yelping "help! help!" when you're in any kind of danger.

the power to be able to pull animal masks out of any nearby bag or box

>>78309692
>ISIS attacks movie theater by putting c-4 under movie seats

Be practical with these sand niggers

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>>78306186
>>The power to radiate radioactivity.

>>78283912
I choose Siberian Husky. From what I understand they're the closest to having an actual wolf as a pet.
>now control all Siberian Huskies on the planet, I guess?
>make them all travel to me...somehow.
>hold most of them for ransom/reward and/or turn them into a gang, sort of, because who would fuck with a pack of basically wolves stealing your shit

The power to make fartsthat smell good to the point where it doesn't matter how hungry you were, you feel full.
>tfw you end up starving to death because you just kept farting and smelling them

>>78309488
how are his powers broken in any way

>>78310682
Not him, but he could blind anyone he wanted to.

>>78310682
He can change colors on a symbolic level. If a control panel has a self-destruct button that's a different color, and he makes every button that color, they all become self-destruct buttons. It makes no fucking sense.

>>78309500
What if you turn lemonade into even more lemonade
Or into less lemonade
What if you turn all the lemonade into a lemonade

>>78281055
The power to make clothes smell and feel like they just came out of a dryer

The power to make any car you enter have the smell of a new car

>>78289284
>anon solves the world water crisis by turning all dirty sources of drinking water into lemonade
>cholera and dysentery eradicated from existence
>turn all human viruses, bacteria etc into lemonade, everything cured
>turn tumor cells into lemonade the moment they begin to exist, curing cancer

the Florence Nightingale of our generation, with lemonade

The power of farts that smell like freshly-baked muffins.

The power to rewind time by one second, but it takes ten days to recharge.

The power to see visions of the future. However, nobody believes you, and you can't actually change the future.

Super-strength, without the super-endurance to go with it.

Super-speed, without protection from friction.

The power to flame on like the Human Torch... without being immune to your own fire.

>>78313134
>literally a lifesaver
>accept cruel death
>push things to death
>became the handjob king
>you can now survive in a tundra

The ability to shapeshift into a box