>I-i haven't ordered pizza alone in years >How do

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>>9378520
Just buy one of these

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>>9378520
Here is the image you requested, /thread

I usually order on the (pizza chain here) app. You can take as long as you'd like and browse everything they have

I order online or using an app.
Sure it might be non-free java, but at least I wont starve.

>>9378529
Classic

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>>9378529

>>9378520
1. Order pizza - online or with an app
2. Wait for delivery driver
3. Either pay with cash or prepaid with card and sign receipt
4. Enjoy pizza

Do not do the following:
1. Yell out for people that do not exist in the house that the pizza is here
2. Proclaim that you are waiting for your girlfriend or wife to get home and enjoy the pizza with you
3. Ask the driver if they want some pizza

Let's up the stakes. What's the best way to get pizza delivered without the rest of the house knowing?

>>9378612
I've gotten pizza delivered through a ground floor window in order to not wake up parents when over at a friends house smoking tons of weed and playing dynasty warriors 4 for like a week straight.

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>>9378529
I refuse to believe this

>>9378612
Pick up if you can.
If not just write on the extra instructions portion to not ring the doorbell or knock as people are sleeping and that you will be waiting.

>>9378593
great advice desu

I've always made it myself. Ordering a prepared meal when I'm already home is weird to me.

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>mfw every time I order pizza, I answer the door wearing a T-shirt and boxer briefs while drunk as fuck

Straight up though that was a picture of quiche haha
https://youtu.be/8esJlf5jo6M

>>9378529
>30 wings
How is he not broke

>>9378520
if you pay, I'll order and deliver the 'za

>>9378699
Same. I also try block the opening with my body as much as possible so they can't see all the shit strewn everywhere. I know they're looking past me though the little faggots. Sometimes I think about punching them in the head whilst they're looking for my change but I don't think I should do that

>>9378529
>/thread ing own post
Lurk moar.

>>9378593
>ask the driver if they want some pizza

what

>[call pizza place]
>hi id like to place an order for delivery
>[give your address]
>could i get [order]
>and can you make sure that [food item that doesnt have bones] is boneless?
>my credit card number is [number]/ill pay in cash
>thank you, have a good night!

Wa la

>open uber eats or another generic food delivery app
>chose pizza
>don't have to say a word to the delivery guy because it is all already paid
Autism tech is the best thing that happened to me

>>9379249
Retard.

>>9378520

You can order with you computer now...no more interaction needed...only downside is it will take you 45 minutes to decide what you want using the website.

>>9378527
awesome.

>>9378520
Call local pizza place. When they answer they'll thank you for calling them, and will probably ask if it's for pick up or delivery. If they don't ask that and instead ask how they can help you, then clearly state that you would like to order a pizza for delivery. They will then ask for your address, give it to them. After that, they will ask for your order, tell them what you would like to eat. You should also order a beverage of your choice as well, and then any additional sauces you would like. When your order is complete, make sure you ask how much it will cost, and estimated time until delivery. If you are paying with a card, tell them the information right there. Say thank you and hang up the phone, turn on your porch light if it's dark outside, and quietly wait on your couch for your pizza to arrive. A person will knock on your door, take the pizza out of his hand and set it somewhere, then pay him or sign the receipt.

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>>9378612
Delivery driver here.

I see people do this from time to time.
>Order online
>Give special instructions
>Ask driver to call upon arrival and don't ring doorbell.
>Person comes outside and meets me in the driveway

>>9378699
You people are self-absorbed twats.

>>9378520
Order online so as to not have to talk to anyone. The order must come to a big note minus the tip. Accept pizza and say keep the change.
>Crisis averted.

>>9378593
>Do not do the following:
>1. Yell out for people that do not exist in the house that the pizza is here
>2. Proclaim that you are waiting for your girlfriend or wife to get home and enjoy the pizza with you
>3. Ask the driver if they want some pizza

I must be more normal than I realized.

>>9378593
4. Make up voices before opening the door so the driver thinks there's more people in the house

>couple months ago
>get drunk and order dominos online
>select the cash option
>guy pulls up
>go to grab my wallet
>it isn't in the usual place i put it
>scramble around my room to find it
>doorbell rings
>look through my dirty clothes
>doorbell rings again, then again, then again
>tear apart my whole dresser
>tip my desk up on its side to look underneath
>doorbell rings over and over, my phone starts ringing
>im sweating and my heart is throbbing
>start getting those anxiety/autism tears you get when you're really
upset or embarrassed, not crying tears (some of you will know what i mean)
>guy just keeps banging on my door and ringing the doorbell
>finally i just snap and yell 'shut the fuck up you fucking retard!!!'
>guy stops
>tries to call me one more time then leaves

now im afraid to ever get dominos from around here again. and i had left my wallet in my car. jdimsa

>>9381407
>order pizza from some mom and pop's shop
>just two large pepperoni pizzas with mushroom, nothing crazy
>45 minutes, not too bad
>hour and a half later, no fucking pizza
>call store and ask what's going on, but I'm polite about it
>"oh, she'll be right there, she's right around the corner"
>okay, wait an additional half hour, still no pizza what the fuck
>call store again, but this time annoyed
>tell them I don't want the pizza anymore, it's been two fucking hours, they apologize and insist that it's almost there
>"no, just cancel my order, this is absurd"
>Fifteen minutes later someone comes up and starts hammer-fisting my fucking door like it's the fucking police executing a search warrant
>what the fucking shit? It's this female pizza delivery driver standing at my door, two pizzas in the bag sitting on the ground looking totally pissed off
>"uh...no, I don't want these anymore. I'm not paying for this shit, it took you like over two hours to get here"
>go to close my door this nutty bitch actually tries to force it back open, literally have to shove her out of my apartment and close the door
>this crazy bitch picks the pizza up off the ground and screams at the top of her lungs "YOU FUCKING CUUUUUNNNNT!"
>walks to her car, throws the pizzas in the back seat, and then leans in the driverside window and lays on the horn for about fifteen seconds and screams "FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKK YOUUUUUUUU"
>gets into her car and peels the fuck out while laying on the horn again

This was the most fucked up thing to ever happen to me with getting pizza

>>9381431
What kind of pizza did you get?

>>9381435
Two large pepperoni and mushroom pizzas. Hardly a complicated order.

>>9381431
she sounds like an alcoholic

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>>9381431
I didn't know Amy ever had delivery.

>>9378527
I wonder how they deal with assholes pissing Into the delivery

I have recorded random bits of conversations outside at the malls and coffee places I sometimes go to. I then play these through my speakers when I think the delivery guy is soon to get there, so he thinks I'm buying pizza for a party or something. Sometimes I'll even shout at them to keep it down and then decrease the volume with my phone. I'll shrug and say something like "Heh, you know how parties get!"

>>9381602
I've actually worked on vending machine design. It's really simple. All the food, and anything that touches the food, is located higher up in the machine. Anything that might be spilled or splashed onto the front of the machine will drain down below the product inside. The main concern here is rainwater or condensation for machines located outdoors but it applies equally to problems with vandals.

>>9381407
wow dude are you okay
like you need a hug man
is there a pizza hut you can order from?

>>9382202
i do need a hug

>>9381431
Should've gotten that bitch fired an gotten free pizza.

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>>9381407
>shut the fuck up you fucking retard

you probably made the delivery man cry, too.

>>9378593
>3. Ask the driver if they want some pizza
make me think, and this may be a retarded question, but is there any kind of policy against a customer offering a slice or two to the delivery guy? seems harmless but idunno; any delivery boys here got an answer?

>>9382274
I'd rather a beer for the road.

>>9382274
>work at Starbucks
>autist shuffling at register
>hands over cup
>y-you want some coffee?

>>9382274
I'm pretty sure there is enough pizza laying around they can get a few slices without having to waste time with some weird asshole customer

>>9382279
that is illegal, anon!

>>9381198
>>9382274
Ex pizza driver here.

People who were alone always tried to offer me stuff instead of a tip. I got offered bong hits, food, coupons, whatever.

My manager's never explicitly told me I couldn't take anything besides cash, but I'm just assume it wasn't allowed.

has any pizza guy here ever had a girl try to suck them off instead of pay or anything like that

>>9382313
I had an older guy with a beer belly suck my cock.

>>9382235
*hugs* violently

>>9382336
nice

>>9382336
not too impressive. you must be a twink

>>9382357
*cums and starts farting*

>>9382313
I once had a customer ask me for a ride to Target up the road and on the way she offered to suck my dick for $20

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>>9382432
well, what did you say?

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>>9378529
top zozz

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>>9378520
>mfw all delivery drivers in my city are poo in loos or somali muhammad shitters
>mfw i can feel them judging me for being a "true" american but also a middle eastern shitskin
>mfw they judge me so hard
fuck off and let me pig out on my sicilian pizza in peace you foreign devils

>>9378520
>order on website
>go carry out

ezpz

>>9382510
I gave her $20 and got the succ

Just order it online.

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>>9381431
You know maybe she got stuck outside and couldnt get to your apartment or something, that would explain why she was so pissed off and why it took so long

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>>9381630
Good post

>>9378520

Just make one you faglord, pizza is so easy to make that I actually don't understand how shitty pizza chains stay in business, it actually takes less time than getting one delivered to make all of the non-cheese components from scratch and cook it.

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>>9381214
>tfw bones in your garlic bread

>>9378550
Go back to /g/.

>>9378529
>mfw I did this once
But not with pizzas, was calling a bank. Still, I hate being spontaneous.

>>9382388
oh....

Ring up
Hi can i place an order for delivery
List food
Give address when prompted
Say thanks

Take food, recieve all change then give the delivery an appropriate tip.

This is how its done in bongland is the US any different??

>>9383850
Our phones don't ring all weird and bell sound-ey and our ambulances don't sound like gay sex.

>>9383858
Sounds awful

>>9378527
I brought one of these to show off to clients and the wife's family, spent more time calling engineers out. Don't waste your money.

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>>9378550
Faggot.

>>9381198
I was given a £10 tip (back when sterling was strong) and asked by a guy in a nightgown if I wanted to come in and have half.

>>9378520
Who are you quoting?

>>9384232
Fuck off back to your weeaboo containment board.

>>9381325
How many heads of local prostitute do you keep in your fridge?

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>someone orders pizza
>they live in a gated community
>it's night and there is no gatekeeper on duty
>can't squeeze into the community after someone, because the road is just wide enough for one vehicle and I would take space up if I were to wait
>park my car and floor it when someone does get to the gate, looking like the asshole
>finally get there and be greeted with dissatisfaction
>get no tip
>don't get a chance to explain myself
>go back to the store to carry onto another gated community

to my fellow autists who use the online ordering process, what do if i dont have a phone? for pizza hut it's mandatory because of some dumbass confirmation shit when you already have to give them your email, but is there is some kind of online thing i could use? tried an online phone # once and it didnt work and didnt get my 'za :[

>>9378520
Call a pizzeria i.e. Pizza Hut/ dominoes
Tell them it's for delivery
Tell them what kind of pizza you want
They will tell you when it should arrive and the price it should be
Hang up, wait for your pizza

>>9385317
maybe try killing yourself

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>>9382284

>>9384440

Why the fuck don't you just call the person? Every gated community that has ever existed has a way for residents to remotely open the gates for guests...

>>9383223
In what fucking shit hole do you live in that it's faster to prepare and let rise pizza dough than it is to just order one to be delivered?

>>9383218
>right around the corner for 45 minutes

Nah. Best case scenario is it was a busy night and she had other deliveries to make. But if that was the case she could've just said so. I'm guessing she lied, blew off work for two hours and went to a friends house or something.

>>9378593
i've done the yelling out to imaginary people part before...

>>9385442
lol. soon, anon

>>9381615
Youre not fooling anyone

t. Driver that has seen this irl

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You, sir, are full of the shit

>>9381240
>Retard.
>newfag
LURK MOAR

>>9385453
I did, the faggot didn't answer

>>9384440
do they not have a device to enter in a gate code?

>>9381630
How do I become a vending machine designer?

>>9382564
Based

>>9378520
English muffin pizzas

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Would you eat my pizza /ck/?

>not just making your own prison pizza

https://youtu.be/UkOX3FGMrtc

>>9388854
i would, though the border looks a bit too white
overall bretty gud italian approved

>>9388854
oh id eat your fucking pizza alright

>>9385468
>let the dough rise
Just make a flatbread base, spoiled cunt.

>>9378650
you could probably tell them to call you instead of knocking

>>9381328
>filename
But that's watercolour

>>9383850
>tip

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>>9388854
>>9378520
>>9386734