ITT: Restaurant things that trigger you >tables are

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>server hands you your drink by gripping the rim

Bathroom keys

>restaurant uses ingredients/dishes not found in the cuisine that they purport to be
>pasta dishes are served with spaghetti or only one kind of pasta used throughout the menu
>menu has more than 10 items
>instead of serving no desserts, restaurant uses ready-made desserts
>no local wines/beers on the drinks menu
>chef's menu that stays the same throughout the year

>>9286744
>stupid shit all over the walls
>an ADHD inspired music playlist
>having to see a server bar tend her tables drinks because management is phoning it in and the bartender is a no call no show
>lunch service, bathroom garbage is clearly from the previous day.
>having to ask for napkins
>hanging neon signs for beers they don't stock
>96 televisions all over the walls
>server asking me if "everything is okay" when I clearly have food in my mouth
>the gays

>>9286744
>>tables are too close together

flyovers lol

>Fake plastic plants
>Tacky decorations i.e. Chinese lanterns at a sushi restaurant or piñatas hanging at a Mexican restaurant
>Servers with a bad attitude

bretty much it

Dead mouse right by the front door

Menus with no prices on them.

This goes double for drink menus

>well if you have to ask, then you cant afford it pleb

motherfucker this is an applebees.

>>9286866
Came to post this, the drink menu shit is the one that gets me. I just assume they're trying to shaft me.

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>>9286857
We hired an exterminator. Gordon Ramsey put that mouse there.

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>waiters/waitresses
>no bar seating, having to take up a whole table makes it very clear that I'm alone
>small portions
>no free refills or too much ice in drink

>>9286744
lets talk bars

>multiple televisions showing sports
>incredibly fake waitresses
>waitresses who flirt for tips
>that grease stink
>dim lighting in the bar, bright lighting in dining section
>natural colored wood
>trying too hard with a celtic theme
>Only domestic on tap
>Signs advertising drink specials
>cocktail menu because plebs servings plebs
>Beer advertisements
>Owned by Italians
>menu puts lipstick on a pig I.E. "hand battered fish n chips" "artisan burgers" "gourmet wings"

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>host/hostess sits you at the table closest to the bathroom

>>9286906
Is that pinhead larry?

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>>9286912
>i refuse to eat at any establishment which is made of wood.

the fuck is your problem?

>>9286912
I agree except I'm for the wood shut, and I'm ok with drink specials and cocktail menus

>>9286744
>tables are too close together
A recipe for disaster

>>9286744
>Off duty cops
>3D shadows

I never eat indoors so if a place doesn't have an outdoor seating option I just carry my table and chair out to the sidewalk.

>>9286744
>tip included as a separate charge

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>>9286744
>Another customer sits at the table next to yours
>"Hey how're you're doing"

Gluten free menu options

>>9286766
fucking this
so god damn awkward having someone lead you to the bathroom to open it for you

>waitress touches you as she hands you the check

>>9287008
Think about it while fapping

>>9287008
I live for that moment

>>9286744
>not collectively owned

>>9286744

>A fatso bumps his chair against yours

everytime

>>9287047
>me
>being fat
>the waiter assumes you want ranch with everything
hey can I get a burger?
>you want ranch on that burger?
uh no... and can i get fries with that
>you want a side of ranch to dip the fries in?

>>9287073
Fucking cunts.

>>9287008
That's the only female interaction I ever get. ;_;

>>9286744
>Staffed by regional sprinting champions

>>9286817
What does that have to do with the waiters ass bumping into my elbows while I eat?

>>9286878
>Have you got a mouse by your front door?
>No chef
>Fuck me

>receive soup
>it's colder than my drink is

I understand a kitchen is a busy and stressful place.

But I want people to learn the fucking proper order to plate things, god damn

>>9287102
He has coastal autism. Please be understanding.

>>9287102
He's implying that every fine dining restaurant is a tiny bistro in Hell's Kitchen

>>9286866
Guaranteed rip off if they don't list prices

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>>9287018
>>9287023
>>9287098

There are academic studies on the relationship between touching and tipping.

http://scholarship.sha.cornell.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1111&context=articles

Though for you permavirginz, it might be well worth it to tip a couple extra bucks in exchange for half a second of physical contact from a female.

>>9286906
jesus, no wonder jack wears a hat

>>9286744
Man this triggers the fuck out of me and the problem is I live in a city so it's like that all the time and I have to eat at 5pm if I want to go out

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

>>9287182
this image makes me incredibly sad

>>9287218
that would make me want to eat food truck food in a shady alley

>the waiter acts like your friend
>calls you guys when there are both men and women at the table
>heaven forbid he sits down at the table to take your order

>>9287242
>>calls you guys when there are both men and women at the table

Are you a SJW or just an autistic cuck? This is such a common phrase you I can't see how you would be triggered by it unless autistic or cucked.

>>9287262
So you wouldn't mind if they said gals instead?

>>9287262
Wow do you eat at McDonald's only

The correct way is for the waiter to say"and for the lady?" "And for the gentlemen?"

Fucking millennials, no class, no class at all, I bet u also stare at your phone the whole time

>>9287262
What about the opposite? Whenever I let my hair grow out and get dinner with my girlfriend the waitresses (never waiters) often say "hey ladies" and then realize they fucked up. I just kind of stare blankly at them while they try to damage control. On the plus side, they tend to give me better service afterwards to try to compensate.

I get that I could be mistaken for a chick if you only see my head from behind, but really, waiters and waitresses should know to be a bit more tactful than that. That could seriously piss some people off and more importantly, get themselves hosed on the tip.

>>9287215
It's just perspective. Leave Jack alone.

>>9286767
>>chef's menu that stays the same throughout the year
Surest sign of an awful menu or an autistic chef

>>9287290
???? What if they are neither. Don't you fucking assume gender.

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>>9286744
>communal tables

>>9287262
t. Flyover

>>9286744
Seriously fuck that shit. Was at some restaurant in chicago where my friend and I had to sit in the middle of a 6 seat long table. Both of us sandwich between 2 people each like get the fuck away from me im just trying to eat my EGGS

>>9286866
Does Applebee's really not list prices on their menu? I've never been.
The only menus I've seen without prices were clearly for $$$$ restaurants anyway, so I wasn't ever surprised by the actual prices

>kids or babies being obnoxious

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>>9286916
>hostess sits you RIGHT next to another group despite the place being almost empty

>>9287323
I had to stop going to Red Robin for this reason. The one in my town always has a hundred kids running around causing general havoc.

>>9287338
Did your Red Robin have a giant plastic mascot in the front? I took my dad to one for lunch, he saw it and said "Is this a fucking chuck-e-cheese?"

>>9287343
i don't think so. this one is attached to a shopping mall

Loud music and/or tv that no one is paying any attention to. Just adding to the noise.

>mason jars for water or similar hipster bullshit

>>9287338
the whole reason I go to red lobster is to watch all the kids

>>9287334
BITCH I SEE THE WHOLE FUCKING RESTAURANT IS OPEN

AT LEAST GIVE ME ONE TABLE OVER

>>9287281
>>9287290
>>9287293
>>9287303
>Hey, how are you guys doing tonight?

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>9286920
It's Beldar's cousin Jack.

>>9287215
He's self-conscious about his tiny, feminine cone.

>>9286744
Quotes on the wall.

It's pretentious as fuck

There's this really good ice cream place where i live that has 8 flavours a week or something, and all you get for picking them is a fancy italian name so you have to inevitably ask what the fuck each flavor is individually or just google it like a moron. I just want to know what that ice cream tastes like, you can't really tell from its appearance and a name in a language you're not familiar with. It makes me so mad but at the same time it's real good so i can't stop going back there.

Any restaurant that has bench/booth seating intended for 3+ people. Fuck sitting in between other people man, way too cramped.

>>9287833
Fat fuck, fat disgusting motherfucker

>>9286744
I simply wont eat in a restaurant that has me sit practically on top of random patrons. Hate this shit.

>>9286968
wtf they don't just give you the keys? retarded

if the establishment isn't whites only then I don't patronize them.

>>9286744
This is the case in the bar I work at, pain in the ass to serve and manoeuvre through too.

>>9287182

>having to tip people that bring you food in order to feel human contact.
>having to tip in general

>>9286788
pretty decent list, actually.

>>9287073
here's an idea porkchop
don't be fat

or better yet, lose weight, you shameful fatty.

>>9286766
I'll do you one better; bathroom attendants.
I really don't need some black dude offering to soap up my hands for me.

>>9286767
>chef's menu that stays the same throughout the year

This, & non-seasonal menus. One place we tried a few times had great food; but it never changed. I could walk in there now and the Soup of the "Day" would be roasted red pepper & tomato, and I guarantee it. It'll taste great, but it'll be the exact fucking thing I've had already.

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>The interior is Hipster Standard

>>9287954
>The Never Ending Summer

4chan: The restaurant.

>>9287954
How is it possible for someone to have such a lack of taste?

>>9287954
I love hitting my head

>>9287954
Liking the burned out barn look, it's GENUINE.
Looks like this place has a real NARRATIVE

>>9287853
Maybe it's the other two who are fat, eh?

>>9287996
They really understood that it's not just dinner, it's the EXPERIENCE.

>>9286767
>restaurant uses ingredients/dishes not found in the cuisine that they purport to be

Holy fuck this
I recently ordered a pasta dish that I didn't realize had corn it (menu was in a different language)
So fucking disgusting

Same thing for a pizza I had too
I couldn't read the menu but I saw "vegetarian" pizza so I assumed it would just be standard pizza vegetables like onions broccoli olives etc

No it was topped with peas carrots and corn, the absolute worst possible vegetable options for a pizza
I'm pretty sure they just dumped a bag of frozen vegetables on it

>>9287954
damm, you triggered /ck/ hard with that

other than the stupid lettering on the wall it looks nice. a bit dated but nice.

>>9288028
Corn is a part of italian cuisine though, for example with polenta.
Maybe not sweet corn but it's not completely ridiculous.

Corn belongs on pizza.
Like it or FUCK you

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>>9288040
>it looks nice

Okay Byron.

>>9288048
inb4 some autist raves about the columbian exchange
>waah waah italians should only eat what the ancient romans ate no exceptions
>>9288057
somewhat dated style as well, let me guess you are flyover?

>>9288061
>He genuinely believes >>9287954 isn't the very definition of flyover hipster chic

Well you sure outed yourself at light speed. The best bit is you don't even realise it and will continue to deny it.

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>>9288048
It's true.

>>9288070
Outed myself how? As I said it looks nice but a bit dated. It might not look dated where you live, but it looks dated here.

You don't go outside much but just so you know, a restaurant buildout costs time and money. That is why "dated" looking spots can exist. It's not like clothes where you can easily just toss an ensemble and pick up a new one at the nearest H&M or whatever.

>>9287954
>decibels intensity

>>9288079
>Outed myself how?
>As I said it looks nice
>a restaurant buildout costs time and money

Levi my man, that place spent good money on making it look that way. It's try-hard flyover chic.

>>9286755
I actually tip according to where the waitress' hand is when they give me my drink. So from the rim to the very bottom of the glass is 0% - 100%.

I've yet to give anyone greater than 20% for their services in this shithole town

>>9288085
Not sure what your point is. Did you think tables and decorations are free? Or do you not grasp the implications of the term "dated"?

>>9286788
This sounds exactly like outback steakhouse.

>>9288090
>Not sure what your point is.

I know you don't Roman.

This thread is just a reminder of why I never go out to eat.

What's better than cooking at home for your family or grilling out back and having a few beers? Why pay to sit next to other assholes who don't even cook.

>>9288093
Is Roman a verb or a noun?

I think perhaps you might be on the younger side, and you're trying to sound sophisticated by arguing that what's cool today in flyover land was never cool anywhere else, at any time, ever

What you don't seem to be getting, either because you've never left Peoria, is that your trends come from us

You can come to NYC and see places that sort of resemble that still, they're not "hipster" but they fulfill a niche. On the higher end something like ABC Kitchen which opened probably when you were still in diapers. On the lower end a place like Union Fare which hasn't been around for long at all (year or two)

Just because you're culturally intimidated by the coasts doesn't mean everything here is always cutting edge cool all the time. You probably think everyone goes to underground dance clubs after work too

>>9288097
>What's better than cooking at home for your family or grilling out back and having a few beers?
Having a 100 day dry aged ribeye with vintages I could never find on my own without a ton of hassle

>>9288104
>He still thinks I'm the flyover

You potato farmers really are astonishingly dim.

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>>9288113
What you deem yourself to be is irrelevant. I've seen Texans, LA people, Florida people, and Chicagoans claim not to be flyover.

You could be from Branson, you could be from Dallas, it makes no difference. What makes your flyover status obvious without even knowing the particulars of your location is the fact that you got triggered by an image of a restaurant that meets the 2009 definition of super cool and sophisticated.

>>9287293
>being this scrawny and effiminate

>>9288123
Getting a horrible uncanny-valley vibe from this pic.
It's like the scene was composed by something that learned about humans from watching fastfood and penis pill commercials.

>>9288123
Trying a bit too hard there, Jimmy.

>>9287919
This. What kind of lazy fat fuck literally has to pay someone to wash their hands because it's too much work.

>>9287954
Why are one table's chairs different from all the others?

>>9287954
There is literally little wrong with this. Bright, airy, plenty of space between tables, nice exposed brickword. Only problems are the shit chairs and tables.

customers

>>9288148
It's supposed to make it look more indie

There's an entire store dedicated to this look, Organic Modernism, which was at peak cool around the time that aesthetic was all the rage. It's actually really nice stuff as long as you stay away from the deer antlers and whatnot. And they're struggling now so you can get a lot of pieces for basically a bit more than Ikea prices if you're patient

>>9288151
It upsets the flyovers though because they imagine there might be something on the menu involving limes or the newfangled avocado

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THIS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hqp1bGuiHH

>>9288161
>This video is unavailable
What?

>>9288161
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hqp1bGuiHHs

>>9286788
>>9288091
Hahha holy shit I worked at Outback Steakhouse off and on for 8 years (part-time weekend job for side cash aside my Mon-Fri job) and this is completely accurate.

Quick Story--I was a linecook and one Sunday afternoon I feel like I may have killed a man. He ordered the Tilapia or the Mahi Tuna, I forget, but I certainly overcooked the shit out of it and sent it out because apathetic and figured I could get away with pushing it

Well, the gentleman that ate it was a 70 something fella and he started choking on the fish, out of the panic of choking he gave himself a heart attack and died before the ambulances arrived.

>waiter doesnt let you finish your glass of water before ripping it from your hand and filling it up again

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As soon as you put food in your mouth the waiter comes up and asks how the food is, stands there and watches as you chew out your answer!

>>9288174
>Waiter has to take your glass in order to fill it.

CHILDREN BEING ALLOWED AT THE ESTABLISHMENT.
I HATE YOUR KIDS
EVERY SINGLE KID YOU HAVE IS SHIT
EVERY KID IS SHIT
WHEN I WAS A KID I WAS SHIT JUST LIKE EVERY KID IS

TAKE YOUR FUCKING OFFSPRING HOME

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Indian restaurants,
Waiter staring at you as you eat, He almost looks hungry! Runs over to fill water glass with every sip...Keeps staring!

aussie here.

please... what is a 'flyover'?

>>9288193
your country ;^)

>>9288194

i assume this is a very clever joke based on the actual definition of flyover in this context.

i guess it sort of means someone rural and uncool or something?

>>9288196
It means you don't live in Jew York

>>9288198

so anyone who isn't from New York is a 'flyover' as in the freeway thing where all the bums live under?

i haven't been on /ck/ much and am yet to see any well done steak troll threads

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>>9287338
>i had to stop going to a child-friendly restaurant because of all the children

>>9288193
In the US, most people believe the only places of culture are the east and west coast, and everything in between is trash.

Hence, when you travel from one coast to another, you "fly over" all the states in the middle of the country.

>>9288205

that is a much better explanation of the freeway underpass thing i had imagined.

cheers

>>9287338
When they offer unlimited fries but only give you 5 at a time so you only end up eeating 15 fries the whole time youre there

Things in Australian restaurants that piss me off

>Irish bars called irish because they have green carpet and guinness on tap
>Places that serve "authentic american food" which taste like mcdonalds (make of that what you will)
>waiters dressed like fucking stockmen with drizabone rain coats to cater to chinese tourists who think crocodile is a legit aussie dish
>the fact everything costs 10x more than it should
>places that charge corkage if you want to BYO alcohol and they don't sell it
>gentrified pub food. Who fucking eats fennel and leek sausage on a bed of turnip mash for $30
>chinese restaurants that have 500 page menus with every possible combination on them. Chicken with rice. Chicken with noodle. Chicken with noodle and rice. Chicken with rice and noodle and hoi sin. Chicken with rice and noodle and sesame... but they can't cook a single fucking one of them

>>9288172
You killed that man.

>>9288083
>>9287954

I can already hear the every damn sound in that place bouncing off the brick walls. 8 people in that restaurant sound louder than 80 in a properly designed restaurant.

>>9286912
>>Owned by Italians
T H I S

>>9288218
fwiw i think the most authentic representation of a culture's cuisine is its comfort food, which for americans is mcdonalds

>>9288172
MURDERER! I wont stand for you having killed that man and I've contacted the authorities.

>>9288314

in that case australians are mcdonalds as well ahaha... assuming by comfort food you mean what we can get when we are drunk at 3am

>>9288123
Me in the middle

>>9287405
You just go out of your way to be unhappy, don't you?

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>>9286744
>order something rare medium rare
>somebody else at the table orders something well done
>start picturing my plate sitting under a hot lamp for 8 minutes while the well done shit finishes.
>waitress comes out with food
>"Be careful sir, this plate is hot"

FUCK

>>9286744
>when waiters do the "slav squat" when they take my order
I fucking don't understand why anyone does this. It's just uncomfortable as hell.

>>9288379
If it's uncomfortable then you're slav squatting wrong.
Maybe you're a bit too large for it or something.

Restaurant has short, one-word, rustic name

>Grit
>Ash
>Char
>Fin

>>9288379
It's proven to increase tips and it also allows other servers to carry trays of food buy to different tables.

Like just use your fucking brain for once in your life.

>>9288386
It only increases my urge to slide my plate into their chin resting on the table.

So they're squatting to trigger some unknown feeling that makes people want to blindly give more money?
And you're asking me to use my brain?

>>9288379
>>9288386
at what shitholes do waiters actually do this? I can't even imagine how ridiculous this must look

>>9288405
How ridiculous to try to be at eye level while you speak with people.

>>9288397
>And you're asking me to use my brain?

Yeah. Surely you can understand how a QT waitron of the opposite sex (or the same sex if you're into that) squatting down can be attractive on some primal level.

>>9288405
>>he doesn't know about the Skeeter's Dip.

>>9288405
Pretty much anytime a waiter thinks they're dealing with a manchild or babby they do this. It never happens to me at any restaurant but I see them do it when the customer looks like a puss. I guess that explains why the anon dislikes it so much :^)

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>>9288420
this is a slav squat
you're at eye height with the table, not your customers

i assume you mean some kind of half squat, which still looks ridiculous and is probably not more comfortable than just bending over a bit (which isnt even necessary but w/e)

>>9288429
i would tip extra for the waitress to do this in a short skirt

>>9288379
Its easier for them to write on the little pad that way, thats why we do it.

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>Bathroom entrance is right next to tables
>Never busy but always requires reservations
>Tap water to go alongside your meal actually costs money, almost as much as it'd cost for a carbonated beverage
>No salt and pepper available on table, can only request it on your meal when ordering it
>Bell on the door that rings every time someone opens it
>Large windows with beautiful view but no tables alongside window
>Tables right next to bar/service desk where you have someone walking by every 10 seconds while you're trying to eat
>Toilets have that super cheap ultra thin toilet paper
>No soap dispenser in bathroom
>Plastic plates
>Mismatching cutlery
>No communication with the kitchen/chefs
>No parking lot/parking spaces around restaurant
>Staff don't clear tables immediately
>Staff sitting out front or back smoking
>Table is too low, too high or too small for the amount of seats
>Every table is actually 2 or 4 small tables put together with a cloth over it
>Chairs are those cushy fabric fart catchers
>Bar doesn't offer all kinds of beverages i,e water, carbonated sodas, alcohol, juice, coffee, tea, hot chocolate etc.
>Stupid waiting room
>Kids playroom is literally a little fence and a bunch of toys in the corner of the diner

>>9286866
>>9287175
>>9287310
In some restaurants, males are given the regular menu with prices, but females are given one without prices, so that they can make their selection without feeling bad about costing too much to the person inviting them.
It's sexist and based on the idea that males pay the bill when they invite a female. I'm not usually against sexism, but in this case it's fairly stupid.

>inb4 /pol/ is triggered by the s-word

>>9287293
I don't picture a metalhead or a hippy being pissed at being called "lady" from behind. I just laugh.
It's more annoying when some dude tries to flirt (or grabs my ass in a crowded area), and feels offended as if I called him a faggot after I show my hairy face.

>>9288148
Same reason as
>>>diy/1220048

Fish tank with no fish in there
Old arcade game that isnt turned on

When they ask me to take off my baseball hat, so fucking ridiculous.

>>9288471
>>9288169

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>>9288397
Well you're the one that started a sentence with "and". I question your education level. Just google any list of "how to increase tips" and it will be on that list. It's more function than anything as food runners and servers like to move with minimal human traffic but it also is known to increase payout.

It's science.

>>9288471

Yeah, can you believe that some people are so socially inept that they actually need to be told to remove their hats indoors? Ridiculous is right!

>>9288436
>Kids playroom
Wat

>>9288480
To get the kids to be annoying somewhere else.
Might also be one of those child friendly burger joints.

>waitress gives you a complimentary blowjob while waiting for your meal

>>9288483
I have never in my life seen this.

>>9288486
You've never seen even a burger joint with a ball pit by the entrance?

>>9286866
Hi welcome to Chilis.

>sits you right next to the kitchen door
>cant even hear myself think

>>9287957
kek

>>9288503
>thinking

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>>9288436
>>Plastic plates
NOPE
O
P
E

Yo I'm out.

>>9288475
If a sentence calls for it, and it phonetically makes more sense in matching my own speech, yes, I'll sometimes start a sentence with a conjunction.
I understand elementary school teachers preach not to, so I'm sure, being in middle school, their words are still fresh in your mind.
It's a matter of preference not education.

And I'm not saying the waiters aren't using their brain, clearly they are if it's working.
It's the customers that aren't, since they're somehow being subliminally coaxed into giving better tips because of someone's posture.
I'm a customer, that prefers to use his brain, and isn't a gullible idiot. So I tip based on performance.

>>9287310
A lot of "nice" casual places like Applebee's and Outback have a separate drink menu that doesn't list prices.

>>9288489
I've seen McDonald's playgrounds. But short of that, no.

>>9288584
A service isn't a performance, it's not a stage play, it's a service.

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>Restaurant serves niggers

>>9288598
Do you "serve" service or do you "perform" a service? Performance has other meanings besides acting, asshat.

You can perform well in your service, or you can perform poorly in your service. It's still a matter of performance.

>>9288314

If you believe this I pity you

>>9288172
he probably started choking because of the heart attack, stop trying to make your line cook life exciting come on man

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>restaurant doesn't serve niggers

>>9288384
>Ass

>>9287242
>>9287262
who gives a shit? i don't think even SJWs care, saying ''guys'' to a mixed sex group is neither strange or annoying

>>9287802
they really should offer a description of what the fuck is in it. when i lived in the northeast there was a place that made something called play dough ice cream, and even though i definitely understand those words it still doesn't tell me what the fuck i'm ordering. i don't want to have to attend an hour lecture from a cashier to know what my menu choices are.

>>9288379
maybe this is regional or something, but i have never seen a server slav squat in my life

>>9287802
Sounds like a good excuse to ask for samples.

>>9288193
It's a magical phrase that has the power to instantly invalidate any post.

>>9288193
/ck/ approved version of the 'no you' argument

>>9288206
Yeah, I always imagined that too, so I'm glad someone finally explained it properly.

>>9287281
Guys has been gender neutral for ages.

>>9286788
>server asking me if "everything is okay" when I clearly have food in my mouth

This one is my only real actual pet peeve. If they do this too much they get no tip. ESPECIALLY when I am clearly in the middle of a deep conversation with someone.

I understand that the workers are trained to do that, but any place that would reprimand their workers for not bothering their customers every five minutes is a garbage joint. Simple as that.

>>9288172
That is crazy.

It is crazy because a few years ago I was in an Outback Steakhouse where an old man died during his meal, I think it was choking related. Is death common for Outback Steakhouses?

>>9286942
I only do this cause I think you are pretty and that your boyfriend is a wimp that I could waste.

>>9287863
Because you're not white?

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>Bar areas that also serve coffee.

It always seems to take them ages to make and serve it. It's not like we don't have places for you to go and get cups of coffee from.

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>>9288144
They have bathroom attendants in strip clubs because they need to make sure no one is jerking off in the stalls or touching the girls with shitty/pissy hands. I can't think of a reason you would want them in a restaurant, other than to make sure the employees aren't slamming H or taking shots in there.

>>9288378
If the cooks aren't retarded (which they may well be), they fire the well done before the mid rare. If your plate is hot, it's either been sitting in the broiler for <2 minutes (fine) or the window heat lamp for >10 (not fine). I'd be more pissed at the idiot at your table who ordered a well done, adding 6-12 minutes to your ticket time.

>>9288028
You fickle eaters are so full of shit. Try something and attempt to enjoy it. If bad, don't go back. Easy.

Don't cry and scream over this shit though. Food is food. Jesus.

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>>9288384
Not as bad as "x" & "y". There was a restaurant in my city called, I shit you not, "Fork & Taco". I don't know how many people they had involved, investors, owners, whatever. But it took a team of people to all agree to throw tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars at a restaurant named fucking "Fork & Taco". If anyone has seen a dumber name for a restaurant that actually existed, please let me know.

>>9288450
I had shoulder/chest length hair for a couple of years. I'm not some fatass or something, just regular body type dude. Never once did anyone try to grab my ass. How effeminate do you look?

>>9289300
Actually I don't think that's a bad name. Yeah, it does sound silly at first, but it has two major things going for it:
1) It's very easy to remember, perhaps because of its sillyness.
2) It's easy to spell correctly.

Those two points might sound lame, but as someone who has worked with multiple business startups I cannot tell you how important those things are. Having your brand name stick in someone's mind is very important. And so is the need for someone to be able to easily find your store/site/brand despite their horrible spelling (which is most people, whether they admit it or not).

>>9289271
Why? If you're going to a restaurant JUST to eat, you're an idiot. Who cares how long the food takes to get there as long as it isn't absurd like a two hour wait. The meal is secondary to the conversation and / or business of the table, and also to the beer, alcohol or wine you are partaking in.

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>>9288991
i had to call an ambulance once for a guy having a heart attack at my table. he ordered a awesome blossom

>>9289408
>Why? If you're going to a restaurant JUST to eat, you're an idiot.

How so? What if the restaurant in question has an exceptionally good dish that I want to enjoy or learn about?

>>9289271
>If your plate is hot, it's either been sitting in the broiler....

You forgot the 3rd and 4th options, foolio:
3) The plate just came out of the dishwasher
or
4) Chef isn't an idiot and insists on plating hot dishes on hot plates so that the food stays warm while you are eating it.

>>9289401
Moreover the simple name suggests two things, "We have things you can eat with your hands (tacos) and think you should eat with cutlery (fork)."

I think it's fairly effective as a statement without even reading the menu.

>>9288124
Can't really do much. Ectomorph body type

>>9289300
>fork and taco
this is a joke, it sounds like fucking taco
sorry it went over your head

>>9287262
>She
>Autistic cuck

Boi sure smells like newfag in here

>>9288436
>No salt available on table, can only request it on your meal when ordering it

If you happened to be in Mexico, it's illegal to put salt in the table. Mexicans are fucking retarded and add salt to the food if it's on sight before trying it and still eat it that way, so we have a lot of people will conditions related to high salt consumption.

The law worked because people forget salt exist or are too lazy to ask for it.

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>three tables in the restaurant
>hostess seats them right next to each other

>>9286744
Blacks

>>9289505

> it's illegal to put salt in the table

mexicans cannot even be trusted with salt.

>>9289408
You're not wrong, but as a line cook, seeing "well done just means I have to stare at that fucking ticket for an extra 6-10 minutes depending on the cut and I can't just fire everything at once, I have to hurry up and wait because someone's grandma wanted us to ruin her $35 steak.

>>9289511

It was estimated that Mexicans ate 11 grams of salt per day before the measure was put in place

>>9289473
It didn't go over my head. In a town with a thousand great Mexican restaurants, these hipsters thought that people wanted "atmosphere" and threw thousands and thousands of dollars into a bottomless pit until the restaurant closed in less than 3 years.

>>9289534

>source : d.trump

>>9289539

I live in Mexico you idiot, the source are Mexican health institutes. I don't care for US politics.

>>9289539

Look up "Menos Sal, Mas Salud" campaing

>>9288450
>be skinny long haired male walking down street
>group of chad bros yell out, "hey whats up sexy!"
>turn around revealing I'm a man
>"Faggot!"
yes, clearly I am the faggot here.

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>>9287290
>young and atractive waitress approaches the table
>combed hair, clean skin
>relaxed and inviting attitude
>introduces herself
>stands up straight
>one arm behind her back
>the other holding a clean, ironed, white towel
>what can I get for you tonight?
>UHHHH UHHHH LEMME GET UHHHHH I'LL HAVE THE CHEESE BURGER AND A COKE, YEAH
>and for the lady?
>UMMM CAN I GET THIS PIZZA WITH PEPPERONI? DO YOU GUYS HAVE PEPPERONI? UHHH YEAH AND A COKE TOO

>>9289591

is this meant to be funny or an accurate representation of how you think aspergers afflicted couples may order food?

>>9289591
every time my dad and I go to a french restaurant he pretends to get upset when the mains come and say he ordered a pepperoni pizza and that's not it.

yes, we are american.

yes, I'm a bit embarrassed.

>>9289600
Actual autist here. I eat healthy and have never had a gf so what the fuck is an autist couple? Fuck off.

>>9286744
>non whites allowed

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>>9289458
As a cook I can tell the difference between a plate out of a warmer and plate that's been in the window for several minutes. I'm not bragging about being a cook by any means but I can see that shit a mile away.

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>>9289574
id react the same way, dont look so feminine faggot, cut your hair or make it look like a guys. You're pretty much a bunch of light cross dressers wanting acceptance.

>>9289574
That's pretty funny. I don't think I've ever had any guys mistake me for a girl and try to hit on me before seeing my face. It was only ever women that would mistake me for a chick. It's probably because I have really fine blond hair and the hair envy leads them to assume I'm female. I'm guessing this because girls, even random strangers, would compliment me on my hair.

>>9289641
So I'm driving behind this jeep coming off the beach after a delicious sandwich, and I see the glorious flowing blond hair in the drivers seat. I'm thinking "WHO IS THIS MIRACULOUS HOT BLOND CHICK DRIVING THIS JEEP"?

I navigate traffic to get up beside her and her awesome open-air Jeep over the course of several minutes and passing my house.

It's a man.

>>9289603
lol. I do this everytime (unless it is a pizza place, then I say "but I ordered the snails"), and if the waitstaff doesn't convincing laugh it is zero tip for them.

>>9289507
how is she supposed to seat people separate if it is a small place with only three tables?

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>>9289661
As it should be anon, only people like us with a great sense of humor should be paid. Whats the point if you cant have any fun with the wait staff, am i rite?

>>9289665
Oh I meant a big place that only has three tables seated and they are right next to each other.

>white thrash / nigger couple having loud discussion about a fucking TV show

>people on their phones
you fucking savages can't put them down for an hour and a half to enjoy a meal?

>>9287290
who needs class when you have swag?

>>9289671
WE'VE HEARD ALL YOUR SHITTY JOKES 1000 TIMES REEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>>9289710
That's part of what makes it funny :^)

>dinner at Hilton Prague
>10 people serving, no joke
>one guy explaining in detail the ingredients that are involved in the butter for the pre-dinner bread.
>I can see in his eyes that we both know it's bullshit, but he has to do it.

Really awkward

>>9289752
to add to this, the drinks menu had a page dedicated to 10 different kinds of mineral water, it was sad. tfw just wanted a jug of water with some lemon in it

>>9288436
It's illegal for us restaurants to not offer free water...

>>9289752
>>9289760
Sad what Prague has become. Was such a cool city only 10-15 years ago.

Loud music in restaurants that aren't music themed

I know it's some psyop shit to make you eat and leave faster but seriously fuck you

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>the booth table legs are arranged so that one of them blocks your foot when you are sitting

>>9289329
Not at all, but permavirgin mudslimes are easily aroused.
Ass grabbing happened once in Parisian métro, lame flirting a few times during a trip to Morocco with gf.

>>9289619
fag

>>9289660
>See a driver with long hair
>Loss all composure, acts like an ape
>Endanger himself and others by driving recklessly
>Just to get to drive next to "her"
And what was the next step? Tell her she's hot, and call her a bitch after she didn't immediately jump in your car to have sex with you?

>>9289824
You seem like the kind of guy I walked up to at a Kroger to ask a question. He was stocking a cooler so I could only see his back with silky, wavy hair down to his small, but feminine ass which matched his 5'6" height. Naturally I said, "Excuse me ma'am, can you tell me where..." and the fuckwad turned around and had a moustache and vandyke beard. I mean c'mon, this ain't the woodstock generation here. A literal let down. Tbf, he sounded a lot like you in not caring if people thought he looked like a gril from behind and laughed it off to assuage my stammering embarassment.

>>9289824
I'd complement the Jeep to engage conversation, if nothing else happened okay but I gave it a go. I've always wanted one. Maybe we hit it off, maybe we don't. Probably not though as I was driving a Hyundai Tiburon at the time....regardless it was a dude and I'm not into butt sex.

>>9288194
KEK
E
K

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>>9290014
>not enjoying the pleasure of being cummed inside

The overly elaborate description/quirky name/gourmet everything fad:

>"Well, the Tesla IS Right! has toasted (stale) bread, filled with a tangy (vinegary) mayonnaise, our red hot mustard (shitty French's with hot sauce), seared (just sliced, thrown on the grill, and tossed around before they can even manage to heat up) onions, juicy heirloom tomatoes ("we got a discount from Walmart for buying all the ones with finger marks!"), and, finally the chef's exclusive hamburger patty ("when the frozen brine sizzles off, it's nearly 50% cow ankles!")!"
>Motherfucker, you're selling greasy burgers off a truck to drunks, put a lid on it and get your 5 bucks

>>9289511

I'm Mexican and when I was little my cousins' and mine favorite snacks where mexican limes cut in half with salt. We licked and poured more salt until there was no lemon.

Food that has warnings about being 5/5 spicy that turn out to be a normal menu item with some Frank's and banana peppers on it

>>9287802
was it gelato?
I think gelato places like to pull this trick just to sell more gelato to dumb people

>what the fuck is stracciatellia?
>*rolls eyes* uhhh its kinda like a cookies and cream I guess

well motherfucker then just call it cookies and cream this isnt italy

>restaurant ha foreign waiters that have trouble understanding english
>ask for "hot tea"
>waitress thought I was calling her a hottie
Fukken gay

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Trendy hipster places with really long Engish and German names

>Hi welcome to Niles Pilkington and Dietrich Hauffstein's, can I interest you in some bacon head cheese charcuterie?

>>9286767
>>menu has more than 10 items
What the fuck kind of restaurant has 10 or less dishes? Even fast food joints offer more than that. Are you just repeating Ramsay's nonsense?

>Music is playing
Really that's about it, I don't mind children in the restaurant as long as they're behaving themselves and the waiter/waitress I could care less about but why do most places have to play music? I'm there to eat and make small talk with who ever I'm with not listen to today's top 40 for the billionth time.

>>9287957
underrated

>>9289736
I'm american, 5 years ago I was on a summer trip to Europe and was eating at a little open cafe on the Rhine river in Germany on the 4th of July when 3 American fighter jets did a flyby, it was pretty based. We own you fags

>>9287405
I love drinking water out of mason jars at home.

>>9288305
This is exactly what I thought. Which fucking terrifies me, because once in a blue moon, there will be a few seconds where EVERYONE in the restaurant shuts up and allows everyone to hear the end of my sentence at full volume.

>>9286744
>Italians

>>9288169
>that thumbnail
I AINT NO BITCH CHEF

>>9289787
>I liked it before it was cool!
Fuck hipsters.

>Places where you pay at the register up front but they don't tell you that and just hand you a ticket at the end of the meal

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These fucking chairs. Holy shit.
I want to force management to sit in them for hours so they can feel their ass go numb and have their sides boxed in by the fucking handles that awkwardly pinch inwards where your thighs lay.

>>9288379
i do this with people who are very soft spoken only. i dont want to have to just lean over and put my ear right on your mouth

>>9287008
I take 4% off a server's tip every time they touch me. Especially at places like Earl's.

>someone blowing their nose only thinking about themselves

>>9289501
>She
>assuming that poster was female
Stay thirsty, my friend.

>>9287242
>calls you guys when there are both men and women at the table
That's grammatically correct in English.

>>9288972
>NEET detected

>>9292013
It's on purpose to turn tables faster friendo

>>9292013
>sit in them for hours
Yeah, how about you don't spend hours at a restaurant hoggin tables

>>9289603
we tip with a rip!

>>9291068
Its an autism foodie meme

>charging for using the toilet

>>9286744
Rude staff.
Do your fucking job, service is part of it.

>>9291068
I recently read here that women can be intimidated by a big menu.

>>9292390
Especially if it has those big Italian words.

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>>9286744
>when they don't have your order ready at the window, and you have to park in the "grill bay" for someone to bring it out to you.

awkward as fuck.

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>>9289467
you could try lifting

t. fellow ectomorph

>>9288378
Steakhouse cook here. The grill has hotter and cooler spots. In that situation I'd obviously put the WD on first, but the MR could go on a cooler spot not long after and they'd actually finish at about the same time.

But yeah, you'd still have to wait longer.

>allowing 400+ lb people past the front door

>>9290201
except stracciatellia shouldnt taste like cookies and cream

its also the most common italian icecream flavour and if youve never heard of it you're just uncultured

this is like complaining people call soup with noodles ramen

>>9291068
>What the fuck kind of restaurant has 10 or less dishes
oh sweetie...

>>9289467
>I have long limbs relative to my height
>this means that any calories I eat are sucked into the stygian abyss by the ectomancer, who has cursed me to forever be underweight.

Just eat more fucko

>>9288378
I live in Hong Kong where normally food comes out as it's ready; appetizer/salad/soup/main be damned. Going into Western-style places where they try to bring everyone's food out at the same time can be dangerous and a hot plate is always a giveaway that my food was finished first and it's been sitting under a lamp waiting for everyone else's.

If waiters don't tell you what isn't available right from the get go.

When I go out with people that get overwhelmed by choice and can't make a decision quickly, I get triggered when the finally decide and get told "don't have that, sorry".

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>>9286744
>live in Japan for work
>every restaurant has picture menus
>it's fantastic because you can see exactly what you're ordering, it's size and so forth
>go back home overseas to visit family/friends
>eat out
>server gives us menus
>they're fucking books
>book menus weigh a fucking tonne
>have like 5 items per page, or worse yet, 50.
>walls of text
>either only lists the ingredients or is some faggy write-up trying to sound overly posh
>no way to judge how big or small the dish is

>>9288089
That's within the top ten most autistic things I have ever read on this board.

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>>9292701
>restaurant
>picture menus
>restaurant

Found the perfect place for you.

>>9286916
Anytime they try to do that I immediately tell them that I'd rather wait until another table opens up as I don't want to be seated next to fecal particles

>>9292701
I'll bet you've had a tough time readjusting to the shitty service in the US after spending time in Asia. I know I did. After 2 years over there I found service in the US intolerable.

>>9288176
Is this gentleman tazing a restrained man in the heart? Fucking brutal.

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>>9288172
A piece of fish being overcooked isn't enough to become a choking hazard. It's not like it'd get as hard as steak.

What you SHOULD be ashamed of is giving him the crappiest final meal.

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>>9291068
i could see a restaurant having a small menu being a good thing. if they were a specialty restaurant and they only served a few items and they were all really well, great. it's quality over quantity.

>>9287182
>1998
Find something more recent otherwise you are full of shit.

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>Apps

People trying too hard to be "trendy" will never not make my blood boil. If a waitress says "would you like some apps to start you off?" I walk right out. I guarantee some faggot hipster started it because he couldn't spell "appetizers".

The tables being too high or the chairs too low. I don't want to lift my elbows above my waist.

>Waiters try to pretend to be your friend
>Waiters ask for and try to refer to you by your first name
>Restaurant has silly gimmick that they try to get you to play along with.
>Food is served in stupid manner, be it ridiculous items used for plating or a senseless rigamarole.

>>9292990
Just give a really hard to pronounce foreign name and act offended if they don't get it right

>>9292993
I actually have an odd surname that isn't foreign but no one has ever heard of it or is sure how to pronounce it, so I always give that if need be.

>>9289060
>>It always seems to take them ages to make and serve it
I really don't understand why making coffees takes so long over here. In Italy it takes a barista less than a minute to make an espresso.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCfUzBxPzgk

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>>9293002
What is it?

>>9293009
I'm not telling you my name on 4chan.

>>9291068
>Even fast food joints offer more than that.
What did the flyover mean by this? Fast food menus are always going to be larger than a proper restaurant's menu because the food is far less intensive to prepare.

>>9293015
I will say that according to the brief research I've done on it, it's shared with about a thousand people or so.

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>>9293015

>>9286744
i hate restaurants that are so loud, either due to tvs playing or just too many people in bad acoustic room. hate having to spend so much energy trying to hear what others in me party are saying

>>9286744
>I don't get a booth
>more than one television within a line of sight
>"are you enjoying your meal?"

Bitch I was what the fuck how does you asking me that do anything?

>>9286912
>>incredibly fake waitresses
>>waitresses who flirt for tips
This makes me REEEEEEEEEE at bars. I am an insane looking person you dumb whore stop trying to do this. If they do this I don't tip.

>>9286744
Really pisses me off seeing a kid in a place like a hibachi place.

Typical fat fuck family comes in daughter is 8 and on her smart phone pretty much the entire time. How do these people live with themselves.

>>9292290
Have you heard of restaurants that are not fast food?

>>9290201
>What is a steak?
>Call it a piece of dead animal you moron, I shouldn't have to learn words!

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>>9287957

>>9292402
I use to. Even 6' at 175 with 10% bodyfat, I could still be mistaken for a chick from behind. I cut my hair short periodically though so the issue is intermittent.

>>9292456
It's actually quite hard for me to eat enough to gain weight. I also started medication (concerta) which is making me eat even more frequently. And since I quit drinking as much as I use to, I'm now losing weight again, even with 3-4 sizable meals and some snacks everyday and a sedentary lifestyle.

I think I'll just let my weight drop for the next several months and then start weight training again when my body fat percentage gets low enough. Then I'll force myself to eat enough to rebuild my muscle mass while staying lean. Then try not to ruin it with alcoholism again.

>>9287919
They have this shit in Ireland, I always get blackout drunk and end up throwing them about 20 quid in change and wondering where the fuck it all went the next morning