Hello friends! I bought this premium sirloin for a measly dollar,

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Man oh man, just look at that marbling!

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Now, the first thing you'll want to do is use PLENTY of olive oil in this recipe, or else you'll be seriously missing out on a lot of that authentic prime rib flavor.

>>9106362
>USA beef
>further processed in mexico

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A little more...

>>9106362
Thread theme:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FywSzjRq0e4

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Perfect! Now, crank it up to a medium heat, and toss those bad boys in! No need to thaw them either, they'll turn out fine in the end.

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>>9106362
>>9106385
>>9106395
>>9106410
>>9106421
(You)

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Alright, we're gonna let these brown up for a bit, and while we do that, we're going to make the breading for when we deep fry them.

>>9106431
>breading for when we deep fry them.
my interest has been piqued

>>9106431
You had my interest, but now you have my attention.

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>Dextrose listed twice
>soy listed
***"CONTAINS SOY"

what the fuck dude and it's only 140 calories. It's filler food and contains almost nothing needed to sustain life.

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>>9106431
Are we making country fried steak OP? Where's the gravy? Where are the biscuits? Dear God where is the Beer?!

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>>9106449
I'm glad to hear it friend! Now, for this breading, I've used one and a half cups flour, a healthy dash (maybe three tablespoons) of MSG, some garlic powder (to taste), paprika, rosemary, ground cinammon, LOTS of red pepper, and a hefty kick of ginger for that Oriental taste we all love. Also, if you're feeling it, add some generic steak seasoning, for that down to earth feel!

>>9106464
>nothing needed to sustain life
Isn't that kinda the point?

>>9106466
I'm sorry doctor, but I don't believe in the devil's piss involved in the crafting of my meals.

>>9106470
>that Oriental taste we all love
ok now I know you're shitposting

>>9106474
I suppose yes, you're right, long-term suicide is always an option.

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A bay leaf to garnish...

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Mix it all up well, preferably with a dirty fork, so you can get the ghost of meals past in the mix.

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Perfect! Now on to the next part, the egg wash. For this we'll need to start with two eggs.

the Wolfe pit did a video on something like that recently

>>9106488
I don't think you know what a garnish is.

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I took two eggs, a healthy dob of hickory smoke barbeque sauce -including detest tangy- a quarter cup of Cholula chili garlic hot sauce, a cubit of fresh honey, another quarter cup of maple syrup, and emptied about an eighth of a bottle of vanilla extract.

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Add a dash of almond milk and take those lovely chops of sirloin off of the heat

>>9106537
Whoops! Meant to say ribeye. Sorry, the fumes in here are a bit heady.

>>9106530
Put me in the screengrab

>>9106537
What are you deep frying them in? The same oil as before?

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>>9106497
>ghost of meals past

ok here's your (you)

>>9106530
This is obviously a farce, the amount of liquids you claimed would fill that bowl twice over.

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Now that these wonderful morsels have fully browned, we can get on to the next step: soaking them in the egg wash. Look at that glisten!

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>>9106549
But of course! Maybe a touch of butter to boot, but this will largely be a one oil dish.

I hope OP gets violently ill

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Gorgeous!

>>9106567
literally my moms diarrhea recipe

>>9106362
I'm monitoring this thread

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Jesus, this shit is taking FOREVER. Imma gunna go post another fast food thread. Because they're fast. Get it? Fast?

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Back into the frying pan with these babies. Be sure to get one of the bay leaves in there, very important.

>>9106594
Good food takes time, general. I know you need it fast to give those dirty xenos hell though, maybe check out the galley?

>>9106530
You had me going there for a second but that is just over-the-top.

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Looking good. Just like mom used to make.

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STOP

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Now on to the topping!

>>9106470
>(maybe three tablespoons) of MSG
You're gonna get a very sweet steak.

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For this, I took a few spoonfuls of creamy peanut butter, a healthy splash of red wine vinegar, an unhealthy splash of soy sauce, and a great big plop of homemade extra hot salsa!

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>>9106636

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>>9106636
Thanks man, I really do think these steaks will be pretty sweet.

Now, mix it all together, and mix the resultant concoction with the egg was from earlier

OP, how drunk are you?

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YAMERO

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>>9106650
Like I said friend, I don't believe in the drinking of alcohol. Its simply immoral to put yourself in that state where you're not thinking clearly.

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>>9106656
>Like I said friend, I don't believe in the drinking of alcohol. Its simply immoral to put yourself in that state where you're not thinking clearly.
This is the gayest reason for not drinking alcohol I've ever heard in my entire life. It may, in fact, be the gayest THING I've ever heard in my entire life.

wtf is going on in this thread

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Coming along very nicely

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If you're feeling artsy, add food oloring to your topping! I chose red and green because Christmas is my favorite holiday :)

>>9106659
well apparently you think all buddhists are gay

>>9106678
alright im done, you better eat all of this though

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Cool! Almost done :)

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Take two slices of white bread

>>9106688

mmm talicious
tone rappel bee!

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And place our premium ribeye with a nice dollop of our wonderful KAPOW sauce on top. Don't worry anons, the rest of this sauce will be eaten by my relatives at a nice 4th of July grill-up we're having.

A quick question though, should I add cheese to this sandwich? I have American, parmesan, and pepperjack on hand. I don't know, I normally stick to the recipe pretty closely, but I'm feeling adventurous tonight, boys.

>>9106705
What the sweet Christ.

>>9106644
>thanks man I think they will be pretty sweet

This fuckin guy lmao can someone help me find my sides they're in orbit somewhere

>>9106656
I liked this thread until this reply. Sage

>>9106705
Please eat it

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Guys pls, I need an answer, my foods getting cold.

>>9106711
Parm for sure

>>9106732
Preferably not grated. Just slap a whole block on there.

>>9106470
mate i know you're just shitposting here but chop up your rosemary

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>>9106732
Thanks friendo :)

>>9106740
See what happens when you don't drink alcohol? You make his bullshit

>>9106740
np man, lemme know how it tastes

>>9106740
>Adding good cheese to that.
You should've added cheese whiz

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Now for the FINAL step! Sprinkles! This has been a family tradition for years, ever since my auntie spilled some on top of my cousins sandwich when she was making a birthday cake. Just liberally apply until you like what you've made :)

>>9106757
I hope this gives you really hard, jagged shits that cut up your butthole.

Final touch, I added a little candy up top. It looks like the flag because I love America :)

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Forgot the image

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>>9106757
this is why he didn't toast the bread

>>9106771
It's not too late, he can still toast it. Just throw it in the oven.

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>>9106745
Delicious, my good man!

>>9106767
Beautiful plating

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>>9106778
The chin and nose of a man who has lost control of his life in a wild pursuit of reactions from anonymous strangers on a Vietnamese basket-weaving discussion board.

>>9106778
This is admittedly the most healthy thing you've posted, night-night chicken man

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>>9106777
Nice trips, but I dont want to ruin this family recipe, anon. I feel it'd mess with the subtle flavor balance. The parm was almost too far.

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>>9106778
>if you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you

>>9106791
>almost too far
my fucking sides

>>9106791
lmao almost posted your dick

>>9106791
Dr.Pepper is gross

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>>9106795
Whoopsie! You caught me anon! Don't try this naked at home folks, it's not up to health code! Last bit. Very rich, hard to get down if you're not used to it. Been a while since ma passed.

>>9106806
>Been a while since ma passed.
and here it comes full circle

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Last bite! Good to the last.

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I really hope you all enjoyed learning this down-home classic, and hope you put it to use in your personal cookbooks sometime soon. Thank you all, and God bless :)

>>9106825
Thank you OP

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>>9106362
I'm between amazement and disgust.

>>9106745
Oh, I almost forgot the taste. It's sorta got a tex-mex meets Chinese takeout taste. The sauce is really thick and creamy, almost overpowering in it's complexity, though there's very a distinct nutty taste. The parm didn't add much, but it was good too, subtle. Would definitely go with pepper jack next time though. And of course the sprinkles made it nice anf sweet. So literally all of the flavors :)

>>9106729
That sauce looks disgusting.

Goodnight all. I can finally rest.

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This is why I still come to /ck/ thanks OP

>>9106557
Fuck dude that looks absolute disgusting
I wouldn't even call it food, I would also starve to death before putting whatever the fuck that is into my stomach

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>>9106656
>eating that shit sober

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>>9106705
oh my god...

>>9106682
they are

Are you the same guy that made dessert ramen?

>>9107622
That guy was a girl though

Anon, there are better ways to get your daily intake of Vitamin (U).

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and he has to be naked

sweet jesus my eyes are watering

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>>9106791
What the hell is going on here

>>9107976
>He doesn't eat in the nude

op w t f

>>9106407
"We sent it to Mexico and they didn't want it."

Sad

This is stupid

>>9106656
it's not patty's dad posing as someone else, clearly.

>>9106362
>Mechanically Tenderized
what the fuck does that even mean

>>9108311
Some machine beat the shit out of it, or inserted a ton of little blades over and over to sever connective tissues.

>>9106705
That is not what premium is you hilarious man

>>9106656
I'm with you on the alcohol part, but there's no way "clear thinking" was involved in the abomination you're creating.

>>9107948
>girl (male)
That's what he said

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>>9106362
>30% water
>Mechanically tenderized
Pig disgusting americans

>>9108795
paid a fucking dollar for it. what do you expect?

A B S O L U T E M A D M A N

>>9108828
>what do you expect?

That you'd reject such a shitty product and would refuse to purchase it for any price.

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>>9106757

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>>9106615
> PB

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>>9106699
Okay, I lost here.

>>9108254
We're not sending them our best

>>9106497
>Ghost of meals past

Dear god

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jesus mary and joseph ... what is this monstrosity

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>>9106757
>>9106767

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this was fun, I want more

You did good. Bump

I enjoyed the 10 min read. Thanks dude

>>9106802
That's your problem with this?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
You're almost as bad as the trainwreck we've been gazing at in horror and awe.

fun

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What the fuck anon

>>9106705
What a fucking nightmare.

>>9106778
Adam Jensen chin

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god bless anon quality post

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Please include me in the screencap.

>>9106362
>damn near seven dollars a pound
>deal

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i think /ck/ is kind of unique in that shitposting threads are outright encouraged.

>wasting money to entire tain people on a professional mongolian sky diving forum

YAWN.

This is no ramen sundae.
This isn't even a nyquil chicken.

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>>9106656
You're not making a good case for sobriety and clear thinking when this is what you're putting together OP. The devil himself would fear this.

Holy crap those additives can't be good for you but I bet that steak tastes fucking awesome

>>9106547
I like this guy, me too. Just really tiny.

>>9110287
>nyquil chicken

haven't heard of this one

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just another dollar store ribeye shill - i could have made 10 of these for the same price at my local market

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>>9110559
>he doesn't know about nyquil chicken

>>9106767
>>9106778
>>9106791
This thread was not funny or entertaining in the slightest. Please don't do this again, for fuck's sake.

>>9110646
Seconded. Blogging random stunts and activities for validation in the form of (you)s is exactly the kind of normie behaviour we're trying to avoid, with the only difference being gross-out instead of glamour (thus making it arguably worse).

One dessert ramen thread was all it took for the gag to wear thin; we don't need others, not when the board's already in poor shape.

>>9106705
>Don't worry anons, the rest of this sauce will be eaten by my relatives at a nice 4th of July grill-up we're having.
there's more of your type?

>>9106530
a cubit is a measurement of length

>>9106757
it was in the realm of comedy before. now its just tryhard. aborted and saged