Help me, /ck/. Someone in the office keeps stealing my lunch

Break a thermometer and drizzle some mercury on your food, the person that dies first from mercury poisoning is most likely the person eating your lunch.

>>9072925
>inb4 put hot sauce in it
>inb4 put laxitives in it
>inb4 that's poisoning and illegal
>inb4 it's their own fault so not it isn't illegal
And repeat ad infinitum

>>9072925
Stop bringing a lunch that needs refrigeration. Bring a bag lunch and keep it at your workstation. A light sandwich beats microwaved pasta for lunch anyway.

You have 3 options
1. Be a little bitch and accept having your lunch stolen
2. Write a passive-agressive note like some flamboyant faggot or single mom and tell people to stop taking your lunch
3. Fuck with your own food and go out for lunch. Then when you figure out who it was, tell them to stop touching your shit.
option 3 has some drawbacks though. If they choose not to eat your food that particular day, then you have to keep doing it until you catch them. Or if they're your superior, you can't really tell them to fuck off.
But option 3 is still the best thing you can do

>>9072925
What kind of food are they taking and with how much frequency? If it's something like sandwiches, start adding mayo and after a few weeks, on a day when they've stolen your lunch again, announce to everyone that you hope the lunch thief has been enjoying your sandwiches with 'special mayo' you made just for them. Maybe wink and do a hip thrust if you get to announce it to a room. Don't jack off in your food though, but you should be able to tell who the lunch thief is at that point. Or bring a small cooler with a lock.

>>9072925
Punch him in the face real hard.

>>9073002
>him

>>9073027
This. It's probably the fattest woman in the office stealing lunches to binge eat in the bathroom.

store it in a locked container of some sort?

Anyone remember that guy a few years ago who always stole his co-workers lunches, took pics and made a bunch of threads about it here?

>>9072925
>being a wagie

>>9073029
>projecting

>>9073046
Fuck off, NEET

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>>9073055
Tic tock tick tock wageslave! What time were you up this morning? I'm still in my bed.

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>>9073041
Pretty sure he was outted as a troll and wasn't actually stealing lunches. It was entertaining though.

>>9073054
t. fatty bathroom monster

report to hr

>>9072925
Solution, buy your own fridge for your office.

>>9073220
This. The reason you're a wagecuck slave, OP, is you can buy worthless shit. A small refrigerator costs next to nothing.

>>9072925
Take a bite or two out of it before packing it.

Only one desperate motherfucker is gonna risk hepatitis for free food.

>>9073062
I'm waiting for your mental gymnastics to kick in so you can amuse me trying to justify to me why being a useless piece of shit is "enlightening" or that you are "redpilled".

>>9073213
No, that's what pussies do.

Cum on your food.

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Bring something that doesn't have to be refrigerated and keep it at your desk. Do this every day - eventually the person stealing the food will starve and die.

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Get a mini fridge in your office. I got mine from surplus, didn't even have to buy my own

>>9073419
Can't he just steal someone else's food?

>>9072960
>2. Write a passive-agressive note like some flamboyant faggot
Fuck you.

Make egg salad sandwich with the oldest eggs you have, leave in car for one night. Bring to work the next day .

>>9073375
>They can't just cut the bitten part off

>>9073449

I like this idea alot. Keep bringing blatantly obvious shit food and they'll get the hint.

Laxatives
Add them to your food and you'll easily be able to tell who the fridge burglar is

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Use pic related as a lunchbox. They come in all sorts of sizes.

>>9073484

You've thought this through I see.

Are you a lunch stealer?

>>9073511
How? Laxatives can take many hours before they take effect. And even if someone does end up hogging the toilet all afternoon there's no guarantee that's because of the spiked lunch or some other issue.

Super hot chili sauce or powder is a far better choice since:
1) the results are instant
2) chili literally IS food, so nobody could ever claim anything about the food being "poisoned".

>>9072925
Realistically put your name on your lunch with a note that reads
"Please do not eat my lunch, I am diabetic and my diet is specifically planned."

If someone eats it then post a public memo saying "Someone is stealing a diabetic's food. You are slowly killing me by doing this. Please stop."

If it continues, keep your lunches in a pail with a number combination. Easy peasy.

Unreasonably, you could always find out who the individual is and dox them on 4chan.

Be an adult and tell your boss...

>>9073432
Mirin sips senpai

>>9073722
Fag.

>>9073679
You're what's wrong with the world today. Run tell the "authority" like a little babby on the playground who got her feefees hurt when Johnny pulled her pigtail instead of solving the issue yourself like a man. If I were the boss of some little bitch that came whining like that I'd laugh in their face and make a note to never promote.

hide a tiny bluetooth switch in the food that turns on a speaker blasting HEY EVERYBODY I'M STEALING LUNCH

>>9073755
Turning the workplace into your own personal battleground is as childish as starting arguments with strangers over the internet. Yes it would be fun to put a shitload of hot sauce in your food or put a glitter bomb in your lunchbox, but at the end of the day you're acting as immature as the lunch thief. If you're okay with that then fine, and I'll even say if your supervisor fails to do their job and... you know, supervise, then take matters into your own hands - you tried taking the high road and it didn't work. But for step one? Yes, I'm going to take the boring option.

And though it's worth nothing to you, you do not sound like the kind of person I would work for in the first place.

>>9072925
>print out signs that reads:
>"I hope you like semen"
>tape it to the fridge
>????
>profit

>>9072925
Does your office allow mini fridges OP? I share mine with a co worker and it has worked out pretty well

>>9073402
Not that guy, but I decided to take a year off to develop a couple of products. Still waiting for word from my former employer on whether they'll allow me to piggyback on the product they were just about to launch or if I have to go with another one.

>>9073583
REALLY HOT chilli sauce is the way to go. Try putting some of this in the sandwich and listen for the screams. http://store.davesgourmet.com/SearchResults.asp?Cat=75

Contaminate the food and see who suffers, it's the only real option you have.

>>9074121
You were just waiting for an opportunity to brag about your little project, weren't you?

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Keep an eye out, you will eventually catch them. Then you can either embarrass the loser in front of everyone or just report them, both will end the bullshit. Actually, scratch that. Catch them, report it and tell your boss you're out like shout unless the fucker gets fired. Theft should have a zero tolerance policy, if they don't comply, look for a new job. You don't want to work for someone who coddles filthy pilferers.

>>9074121
who cares

>>9073757
i would put a hidden camera inside the food. or somewhere near it.

>>9073432
Holy shit anon, get rid of the ice. When was the last time you defrosted that thing?

one word
>poison

>>9073033
https://www.containerstore.com/s/collections/banks-safes/fridge-locker/12d?productId=10030818

cum in your tuna salad

if they steal it then they eat your cum, and if they don't steal it you got yourself some extra protein my man -- and hold off on the salt :)

>>9072925
Talk to HR every single time it happens. Make it a big deal because it's fucking thieft, and if the business is okay with thieft and they do nothing about it you know it's time to get the fuck out.

Don't be a passive aggressiv little bitch and put shit in your food or leave a shit note. Go to HR and if it's not getting resolved complain endlessly until they do something about it. A business should not be okay with employees stealing from each other.

>>9074532
neither of those things are passive aggression

>>9074275
Haha I will be defrosting it for the first time in years later this week. It's getting to the point where I can't even use the top shelf in the door. I had to remove the cross bar just so it would stay closed

>>9074579
Putting laxative or spicy stuff in your food or leaving a dumb note is extremely passive aggressive. If he knew who was stealing his food and approached them directly and told them to stop, that wouldn't be.

Going to HR is professional and not passive aggressive either, but it's also not going to get you in trouble for doing something shitty.

This isn't the 1950's anymore, fucking with your co-workers can get you in deep shit if not just fired on the spot.

>>9074625
it actually is not passive aggression though, so... there is that

in the same way that irony is never ironic, the indirect note leaving that everyone calls passive aggression is not either.

>>9074327
nice. There's even an advertisement for the fridge locker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_FN7pu-huU

>>9072925
Nothing you can do. Stolen lunches are a part of office life.

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Put some potent capsaicin extract in a sandwich and hide any milk in the fridge. Even spicy food lovers will literally turn red in the face, sweat profusely and lie on the floor. Find the cunt who matches the above criteria then wave some milk above their heads and make them beg for it like a dog.

Just steal someone else's lunch

>>9072925
Unplug the fridge and cut the plug off.

Rotate your lunch bag containers so they won't know which one is yours anymore

>>9074698
what fuck offices do you peole work at?m I work on a floor with probably > 100 poeple and no one gets their food taken

Do you enjoy sauerkraut or kimchi? Use those stank foods.

Do stupid shit like a toothpaste sandwich, or just hide nails in you lunch

>>9075168
hmmm, interesting point, if you loaded it with garlic or something you could try and figure out who it was and then report them because anything just is illegal

>>9074504
>tuna salad

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>>9074751
I like where your head's at, anon.

>>9075327
smoking crack with jesus, rip

>>9072925
make a nutella and apple slice sandwich for lunch. put a note at the bottom of your lunch bag that says: "hope you enjoyed eating my shit".

>>9072925
A lot of people at my office bring these big-ass Igloo lunch coolers that they keep at their desks.

>>9075340
Better yet, make a sandwich, but wipe your ass with the bread and put mayo over it to mask it, and don't leave a note.
Keep doing this until one of your co-workers gets put in the hospital for a bacterial infection.

>tfw got disciplinary action for intentionally "poisoning" a co-worker because I eat my food spicy and they stole my lunch

Went to HR and claimed they watched me put something in their lunch and it burned their mouth when they ate it. She was hamsisters with HR manager and fucking security guy, so breakroom camera magically lost footage and my complaint about stolen lunch was ignored.

>>9074658
>latch lock

It would take me all of 2 minutes to break into that thing