>be 25 year old virgin autist >start getting into hygiene

>>9066301
Lie down naked on the dinner table with pieces of lettuce placed elegantly around your genitals.

>>9066301
just order a pizza and drive around the city listening to the drive soundtrack

>>9066306
>>9066312
no

>>9066301
Is this really how normies think and interact?
Fucking kill yourself

Steak, asparagus, potatoes or risotto

>>9066321
>Is this really how normies think and interact?
I DONT FUCKING KNOW
MY WHOLE LIFE IS FULL OF FAKING THE NORMS AND NOW I FINALLY HAVE A SHOT

>>9066301
Make her an avocado sandwich.
I heard all millenial hipster trash is into it lately. This automaically includes all women.
As a dessert you can serve sausage.

>>9066301
Salmon or steak, garlic potatoes, asparagus, chocolate mousse for dessert.
Chocolate mousse = butt stuff, its the law
Also put roofies in the mousse

>>9066325
Thats good thats good
Ok, youre onto something, why the green shit?
Why asparagus? I hate aspergus, what do i spice it with to make it taste good?
Rice and potatoes have the same place on a dish, its like eating fries with bread.
Or maybe you are aiming at 2 separate dishes, steak and potatoes and after its green shit with rice.
How about mushrooms and rice? and some curry on it, girls love exotic smells. i think

>>9066333
I hate fish but if the chocolate subliminal message is the anal endower then im all for it.
Im still looking for actual meat in the meal, not fish.
Thank you for the info and nice trips

Here is my romantic first dinner menu. You can borrow it if you like.

To start a warm beet, and goat cheese salad over endives with candied walnuts. Bitches love goat cheese.

For the main coarse snapper en papillote with red and yellow peppers, tarragon butter, white wine, and a bit of lemon served along with wild mushroom risotto.

For dessert something light like whipped cream and fresh fruit parfait with a drizzle of fireweed honey with just a touch of ginger grated in.

Bonus points if you make her that meal again in a few years and put the engagement ring inside the parcel.

If you've red pepper, tomatoes, some parmesan or a similar cheese, some wine and whatever fatty, salted and cured or smoked or whatever pork meat you can find (bacon's a good example but if you can find anything else that fits the bill you might as well go with it), you can make some pretty great sauce for pasta that not many people know of.

Recipe:
>3 tomatoes
>about a quarter of a cup of water or stock
>about a quarter of a cup of wine
>one third of a red pepper
>150 g bacon/guanciale/pancetta
>spaghetti/bucatini
>50 g shredded cheese

Take the skin off the tomatoes and dice them, fry the meat, take it out, dump the tomatoes in the residual fat, as they start to disintegrate add the water and let it simmer a bit, add about half of the cheese and the bacon together with the diced pepper (you can add in black pepper too if you'd like), plus the wine, stir it again, let it simmer until it becomes mostly homogenous (particularly the cheese). Then serve like you'd serve any sauce.

Try serving it with wine. And it's hard to fuck up, too.

>>9066341
Oh you're retarded, or pretending to be. What's the difference really

>>9066301
You are overthinking this and will only fuck it up by making something overly complicated.
Don't need to make some fancy ass wellington beef with truffles and shit.

You said you are a good cook? What is your favourite dish, what can you do especially well that your family/friends like?
Do that!
Don't sperg out about this. Make some fuckng pasta, some green salad with cherry tomatoes and mozarella and a couple bottles of red wine.
Wa la!

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>>9066301
just pick a vegetable it doesn't have to be aspergerus. and rice and a protein like salmon. bitches love salmon. you can even throw a couple baked potatoes in the oven in case you fuck up the rice. she's not a food critic, if its edible you did a good job. also, relax

>>9066341
My advice to you for right now is to stick with what you're good at. Don't try and make something you've never cooked before and fuck it up. Also keep it simple. What do most people like? not everyone likes curry, but rice, meat vegetable is pretty generic and hard to fuck up. And even if it's simple as long as it's prepared well she'll be impressed.

Also you've already got this girl coming over which means she's at least somewhat into you. All you have to do is play it cool. Stop thinking about it so hard. If you want you could text her and ask if she has any preferences or request , unless you can't get groceries for some reason.

>>9066388
>If you want you could text her and ask if she has any preferences or request
Don't do that. Never do that!

fuck off to r9k with your greentext cancer retard
not a blog, not even a board that tolerates blogposting

>>9066397
At the very least he could ask her if she has any allergies he should know about.

>>9066364
I like this recipe, sounds real classy
>>9066360
thank you too

>>9066374
>>9066388
My favorite 'meal' is a large bowl full of mashed potatoes with a ball of salted milk skin on top of it that melts, giving it divine flavor along with the large amount of pepper on it, along with bacon flavored meat balls and a handful of mayonnaise
I drink beer with that kind of meals and i drink a lot.
When i eat it all i sleep for 10 hours, burp, shit and piss from all the beer.
Its not for girls or lean people as i am.

>>9066404
I disagree with you

>>9066406
it would not be retarded to check on food allergies out of like, courtesy. but anon is correct don't ask her to choose or request the menu.

>>9066413
She is healthy as far as i know

>>9066407
The meatballs sound good. Skip the mayo. You could do the mashed potatoes if you want, or roasted potatoes if you feel like that would be more girl friendly. Substitute the beer for a nice wine. And add a vegetable medley, some eggplant parmesan or something.

>>9066301
Roast a fucking chicken, the house will smell heavenly and unless you're a retard and let it dry out it will be great. Make a white wine pan sauce while sharing a glass of wine before plating. Have some potatoes you already boiled ready and squeeze the roasted garlic you made with the chicken into it and add cream while heating and mashing. Have a beautiful salad already plated and dress just bedore serving. Have some in season vegetable like green beans, corn or english peas prepared and you just need to warm up. You can thank me tomorrow night after you get your dick wet and dry off.

>>9066301
Everybody likes fettuccine Alfredo. You can add a couple grilled chicken breasts to it. Have a simple salad with vinaigrette to cut through the richness. Look up Chef John's molten lava cake. They can be premade and only need to bake for 15-20 minutes.

>>9066407
I mean, it's just spaghetti/bucatini all'Amatriciana, which is really just simple food, but it looks quite classy. Chocolate mousse is a good follow-up, now that I think of it.

If you try to do anything complex, you've got a wider margin for it to go awry; when you want to impress, do something simple, but do it well.

>>9066301
Go for something light with bold flavors OP. Lots of veg and spice
>>9066413
Definitely check for allergies.

Just don't forget to cum in her food before serving it to her.

>>9066301
God damn anon, don't make shit that complicated.
Start:
a Gazpacho, throw mixed thin sliced veggies on top and if you want to be extra fancy throw in a skewer with 3 small grilled shrimps

Second:
Beef fillet, red wine reduction and asparagus risotto

Dessert:
Chocolate mousse, because bitches love it, it's easy to make and garnish that shit with some fruits like kiwi and strawberries...

>>9066437
i wouldnt even ask her to come to my home and eat with out that
>>9066420
I once ate potatoes out of the oven but had corn flower on them, i guess the egg glued the corn to the potato slices, it looks deep fried with a more yellow tone than orange/gold but it smells and tastes divine, far better than any other way of making a potato.
I could follow it up with a wine sauce chicken as others mentioned, its is about the smell in the start.
I still need a salad. I do have home grown organic tomatoes that fill the kitchen with tomato smell when i cut them.

>>9066440
The chocolate moose is the dessert, that is settled and ill bring out my granddads wine

feed her a big old cock meat sandwhich

>>9066461
This is dinner not lunch.

Do roasted cock meat instead.

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Ok, here we go

First dish
Rice with curry on and mushrooms with pepper, small portions

Main
baked potatoes dipped in scrambled eggs dipped in corn flower along with chicken in wine sauce

Dessert
Chocolate moose or whatever

Drink
Red wine

Thank you child killers, i love you and you have given me a tap on the back that nobody would in real life ever
whatever the fuck that means to you thank you and good night

>>9066455
I'd keep your grandfather's wine in the cellar for now. Save that for a wedding. A 20$ bottle will do for a dinner date.

>>9066477
this
>>9066486

Drink whatever you are using to make the sauce. Assuming your grandfathers wine is something expensive then save it for later.

>>9066486
i have barrels in the country vineyard cellar
the entire family drinks wine every day
They drink vine mixed with water when its hot
They boil it and add cinnamon when its cold
If i had to piss something else than piss it would be vine

Listen here cunt
>go get nice steak
short loin/porterhouse is easiest and take it out of the fridge like 30 mins before you cook it
>get potatoes, asparagus, broccoli, garlic, thyme, rosemary, butter and plain olive oil
>preheat oven 180 or whatever
>chuck a pot of water on for the tates
>in frying pan on low-medium heat, add some oil with a few chopped cloves of garlic and 2-3 sprigs rosemary
>strain the oil and throw away other shit
>water should be boiling now, chuck in a tsp of bicarbonate soda then potatoes skinned and cubed
>parboil for 10min then take 'em all out to dry for 5m, then chuck them in that sweet garlic oil and toss
>chuck that shiz in the oven for like 40-60mins, don't forget to turn over the potatoes half way through
>about 20 minutes before the potatoes are done, toss some broccoli in oil and put them in the oven too
>to prepare steak just score along the fat line, as if you were cutting the fat off but not actually
>get pan preheat on high heat
>people reckon don't use olive oil it's too shit but who cares just slap some on each side of the steak
>just before frying, salt each side and chuck it in
>going to cook 5 minutes each side so
>5 minutes then flip and turn the heat down a touch after another minute
>add a generous chunk of butter and like 2-3 whole cloves of garlic just smashed open a little and 3-4 thyme springs
>do fancy tilting pan and spooning butter over steaks shit
>make sure you're still watching the time then take those babies out and wrap in alfoil
>add asparagus to garlic/thyme/butter/steak juice goodness and fry until it looks like a burn victim

The end
inb4 flamed

>>9066477
Sounds good OP. Report back later and let us know how it went.

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>>9066301
do something french it will impress her, bitchez love france

>>9066301
If you had more time I would suggest a variety of finger foods. It's playful and intimate.

Since you are short on time, braised beef cheeks over herb mashed potatoes and some tender carrots. It's simple enough, a perfect portion, and comfy af.

For dessert, cherries jubilee over brownies and ice cream, or bananas forster over peanut butter brownies and ice cream. Flambe and chocolate is a guaranteed panty dropper, just as long as you don't fuck it up. You could buy the brownies already made, and ice cream, so the only thing you need to do is the cherries or bananas.

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>>9066538
samefag
do something like
-poched egg with pitachios and permesan, salad
-duck breast ,comté little pie with artichoke
-crepe suzette or creme brulée
and a good bottle of red wine

>>9066421
THIs is the best plan

fresh herbs make the house smell amazing too.. i like to make a beurre composé and rub it under my chicken skin too

Just whip up some alio e olio you faggot, then kys through erotic asphyxiation so she can walk in on you hanging from the ceiling with spaghetti wrapped around your neck.

>>9066301
Why can't you just ask her what kind of things she likes so you can get an idea? What the fuck?

>>9066301
>I have no idea what the girls are into considering food

Are you literally this fucking retarded? The woman half of the population doesn't universally like something. Either ask her what she'd like or make something you know.

Holy fuck, autists...

give her some dog food

cause all women are bitches

amirite guise

>>9066341
Do not do asparagus, it makes your piss smell.

Do something innocuous like brussels sprouts or steamed green beans with lemon juice.

>>9066742
>do tiny cabages instead
Chances are she won't be around for the asparagus piss, but cabbage farts are swift and lethal.

>start getting into hygiene

kek

>>9066306
fpbp

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>>9066301
>start getting into hygiene

Holy shit, I want to know how this guy's date goes. You should secretly stream your date so that we can watch.

Only betafags ask her what she wants
You do a three course meal, simple but well-thought
Where do you live and whats your budget

>>9066301
if you get the opportunity to fuck her in the pussy

fuck her right in the pussy

Go to fancy restaurant, get food, put on pans at home. Warm it gently when she gets there, serve drinks.

Lose your v card

Literally never happened. If true girl is obviously autistic too. Whatever you do, dont have kids please

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>>9066301
There's only one thing that gets girls wet my dude and that one thing is Kangaroo Steaks. You better locate and buy the closest in your area before your date or she's going to know you're a virgin and never see you again.

You sound like like a delight, OP
Congrats on the hygiene but it doesn't sound like you've got it mastered yet

>>9066301
just make lasagna from scratch, it can be finished hours in advance, serve with green salad(salad leaves with cucumber, spring onions chopped and parsley with oil/lemon-mixed dressing. if time get garlic bread and red wine

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If you have the time:
Steak and potato hand pies
Its a simple meal, all in one, and easy to serve with a green salad

Essentially a cheap cut of meat marinated with garlic, herbs, worchestershire, red wine, and red wine vinegar, then browned with onion, garlic, small sliced carrots, and mushrooms, then slow cook either on the stove top or in a crock pot till tender
While the steak slow cooks, make a simple hand pie dough. You could even go easy and just buy frozen piff pastry dough, though i prefer to make my own and knead shredded sharp cheddar cheese into the dough to go for a firmer flaky crust. Let dough chill to make it easier to work with.
Peel potatoes, cut them into smaller-than-bite-sized chunks, boil until just soft but just barely undercooked. Make a simple cheese sauce and gently fold in potatoes.
Once the steak is done, roll out your dough and cut out either square or circular shapes for the pies. Place a layer of your steak and veg mix over half the dough, leaving enough space to fold over the dough to make a pocket. Add layer of cheesy potatoes. Dont over stuff them Fold dough over to make a pie and crimp edges with a fork. Brush with egg wash and add more shredded sharp cheddar to the top to make the crust really crisp.

Serve with red wine, perhaps the same red you used for the steak marinade.

>>9066301
Something light, risotto is pretty good date food, just make something light and delicate so you can fuck afterwards, something heavy and it's going to couchlock mode

>>9067822
I forgot to mention youre supposed to bake these. 375 for about 15 minutes, or until the crust is nice and golden.

>>9066329
Make BLTs desu.

It's literally bread, bacon, mayonnaise, lettuce, and tomato. So fuckin easy to make. Keep everything in big pieces, buy thick bacon. If you can sizzle it enough, even if it's drowning in grease, it will taste good with bread amd vegetables and mayonnaise. You can straight serve this with a store-bought bag of fancy potato chips or smth. Or saute some carrots or smth.

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>>9066306
>>9066306
>Lie down naked on the dinner table with pieces of lettuce placed elegantly around your genitals.

>>9066301
stir fry veggies and rice

hard to fuck up and its always pretty good

>>9066301
Chicken cordon blue, Roasted red potatoes. maybe a nice mix of vegs. As long as you actually know how to cook you'll be on fire. especially if you cook better than her.

>>9066301
Good job, OP.

>>9066423
>fettuccine Alfredo
Yes, show her that your culinary skills are on level with buttering a slice of bread. Why not just serve a can of dog food?

Fucking fettuccine Alfredo. At least do a shrimp pasta, if you want to do something quick and easy.

>>9067892
what did he do that deserves commendation?
Looking at what he wrote, the date starts in 6 hours from now and it will be 7 pm at his place.
He is probably scrubbing the toiled right now and throwing away the piss bottles and cum rags, trying to make his den look like a home.
God almighty knows what is he going to cook, if he had done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen properly.
I sincerely wish he aces the entire dinner and looses his virginity, but i cant wait to hear how it all went.

>>9066301
salmon bitches love it
I suggest this
http://foodwishes.blogspot.com.au/2013/08/grilled-salmon-with-warm-bacon-and-corn.html

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>>9066407

>handful of mayonnaise

>>9066301
Make her the best mac and cheese in the world you idiot, or crepes.

>>9067936
you would know. you're both faggots that hit enter after every single sentence because you're busy sucking cocks

>>9067965
i think one hits enter before the sentence

>>9069070
Good point.

>>9066301
Honestly just cook her a pizza. Just a handmade pizza. You don't know how picky she might be or if she gets disgusted by certain things. But everybody loves pizza, AND it's a comfort food. She'll love the uniqueness of a handmade pizza, and she'll be impressed by it. Not to mention it goes well with beer if she's into that. I'd say once you get to know her better then you can get into all the more oddball items which hopefully you know if she likes or not by then.

>>9066301
should have asked her what her favourite dishes are.

dont go too exotic and try not to use too many veggies. if she has to pick shit out of your meal you dun goofed OP.

>>9069099
>pick shit out of her meal you fucked up

The hell, I'd want to know immediately she was that kind of spoiled wench so as not to waste anymore time with the childish brat.

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Hey OP,

Less than three hours mate :^)

Whats gonna be more lame, the meal or her leaving early and never speaking to you again?
>He could even laugh it off and order us a pizza, I dont think I wanna hang out with him
jk gl~

>>9069407
Im so picky that if I see a piece of food that shouldn't be on my special ordered hamburger (like tomato or some shit) that I will force them to return it. If I get a burger thats not well done and discover that after I've bit into it, I feel sick to my stomach and completely lose my appetite.

>>9069465
first time I went on a date with my gf, we went to a place called main event (like dave and busters) and ordered a large pepperoni pizza for us. She at half, I ate half. Cant go wrong with pizza

>>9069465
i think its a different time zone, still it could have been not 4 hours ago

>>9069871
It doesn't matter what time zone it is, you're just adding up numbers

>>9069465
he should have fucking reported by now

>>9066477
I will have to try those potatos with corn flower

>>9066301

You can't go wrong with a well composed salad.

>>9067822
that is probably the most autistic suggestion for a date night meal ever. How are hand pies romantic? They are messy, drip crumbs and filling everywhere, dont look that good, dont really taste super good and what the fuck are you going to serve them with? Do you think hes just going to invite the girl over and hand her a pre-made steak and potato hand pie for dinner? The only way in hell I'd consider making this for a bitch would be if it was an appetizer so she could have something to munch on while her pussy gets wet watching me cook her real meal.

>>9066301
>start getting into hygiene
Kek

Spaghetti & homemade meatballs.
>half good hamburger,not the cheapest stuff cause it fries down
>half italian sausage
> good amount of bread crumbs to soak up grease
>some shredded mozzarella cheese
>whatever spices you feel like putting in it
Don't forget the breadsticks man,bitches love breadsticks
As a grill most food is meh but I love to wolf down spaghetti like its no tomorrow

>>9070451

food that tastes good is romantic

this idea that there's sexy and unsexy food is just kind of retarded salesman bullshit. if i take a date to a restaurant and order oysters and she's like 'ooooh aphrodisiac' i will probably not be having sex with her any time soon because that's cringe as fuck shit you learn off tv.

the only unsexy food is unsatisfying food. if you serve up some boiled celery dressed with flaxseed and vinegar you will probably fail. but if you cook good food it doesn't matter if it's a fucking brown scandinavian sludge you'll probably do fine.

I think she stood him up

>>9070542
>it doesn't matter

You know how I know you've never cooked with the goal of getting a fuck? Women are 100% driven sexually by mood to which smells, lighting, plating and music contribute entirely. It's not like a man running around with a perpetual hardon. You'd better work on putting out some effort, pissant.

>>9070609

>You know how I know you've never cooked with the goal of getting a fuck?

i've never cooked with the 'goal of getting a fuck' but i have cooked and subsequently been fucked.

>You'd better work on putting out some effort, pissant.

not against effort. i just think that effort is better placed into the endeavour of cooking good food rather than painfully overthinking the concept of arousing food groups.

He's dead, F.

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>>9066525
>people reckon don't use olive oil it's too shit but who cares

The "use vegetable / peanut oil instead of olive oil when searing" meme is crap. While that is true for the high priced, full flavor extra-virgin stuff, the highly refined olive oil, especially the stuff labeled "extra-light tasting" has a higher smoke point than everything except the boutique oils like Avacado or Grapeseed.

>>9070969
problem is most olive oil is not what it says it is on the bottle

>>9071155
When it comes to mid-range and some-what pricey olive oil, you are right. The really cheap shit that says "Extra-Light Tasting" is the most highly refined product as It is always made from the lowest quality olives. It has a smoke point close to 500 and has about as much flavor as soybean oil. I only use it for searing sous-vide steaks / chops.

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>>9066301
You could explain that by "perfect dinner" you simply meant pizza, ice cream, plenty of white wine, and Netflix.

This chick wants to touch your penis, OP. She accepted the invitation into your lair-cave. That says it all. You could make up some bullshit story about how things fell through (like your favorite butcher didn't have a particular cut in stock) and so therefore you had to settle for pizza. You might let her pick toppings. Or you could whip up a simple summer veggie soup and throw in some store bought tortellini. Maybe bake some bread and make toast for dipping. Oh, and plenty of white wine.

Keep things light and not too spicy. Sex on an upset stomach is no fun. Again, don't forget that white wine. God speed, OP.

>>9066503
>vine
fucking vampires

>>9066301
OP here, sorry to keep you waiting folks, complicated business.
The dinner couldnt have gone any better, everything was perfect, made perfect and presented perfect.
Her first words when she came in was, holy shit you actually went trough the trouble to make a dinner.
She loved everything i made and i was satisfied as well, considering how tired i was when i was cooking since i had to remove every trace of autism in my apartment, which was the hardest and most tiring part.
During the dinner i dodged a few bullets with questions like, why are you nowhere to be found on any of the social media, or questions about my past relationships, i kept a cool mind and saved the situation.
We got drunk as fuck, we drank 3 liters of wine and after the dinner, she didnt leave and yes, i took her to my special den where she turned me into a man. She had her own toothbrush all along.
I fell asleep only to wake up and with one eye closed see her taking pictures of my feet, going trough my wardrobe and stealing a pair of boxers, going trough my search history on the laptop, smelling my aftershave bottle and going trough my drawers examining everything, only to notice im almost awake so she jumped back in, waking me up and for about good 2 hours just asking me dumb childish questions one would find in a teen magazine quiz.
We talked bullshit, smoked cigarettes until 6 30 am when i started getting ready for work.
Made us both a coffee and she cleaned the mess on the table.
She told me in a childish manner that she owns me now and im going to be the best boyfriend she had.
Thank you for your suggestions /ck/, i had nobody else to come to

>>9072143
Sounds like she is either insane or a super cutie. Hoping for the latter. Good for you dude!

>>9072145
yeah there is something really weird going on with her but who am i to judge

>>9066306
Spirit cooking, much?

>>9072143
Dude she sounds insane. She will continue to go through your shit as long as you know her, and may have major insecurities. You'll remember this post when you break up with her.

But you're not normal yourself, so, goodjob!

>>9072143
damn, that was good
made me feel young

she better not be fat

>>9072184
she is very attractive and has a cute face
she is not fat
>>9072181
She is clingy as hell tho, but i dont care about her being weird or insane, i have my own spaghetti in the pocket waiting to fall out

>>9072195
how did it feel when she put her penis inside of you

>>9066525
Holy fuck, might as well eat leather boots with the cook time on those steaks.

>>9072243
felt very natural

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>>9072310
What all did you actually end up making?
This is a cooking board after all, so give us details

>>9072347
see >>9066477

I aced the potatoes and even if the chicken felt a bit dry, the sauce saved it.
The rice was a bit soggy and improvised since i was a wreck when cooking and baked the mushrooms when she came in.
Had the apron on and everything.
The rest was in the oven on defrost while it was still warm from the first baking, so i timed it perfectly.
I made the green salad in mayo a bit of garlic and vinegar.

>>9070969
lard is the only true answer
I was boggled when i found out it had the same of not less calories than 'cooking oil' one buys from a store.

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>>9072143
Girls are succubi, be careful with your emotions OP. She meant what she said, she owns your ass.

But hey, thats cool. I wish my soul was take by some QT. I just got cucked by some rich manlet.

Im happy you made a good meal and boned. Curry was a good choice.

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>>9072143
I don't care if this is made up.

Well done.

>>9072385
>Girls are succubi, be careful with your emotions OP. She meant what she said, she owns your ass.
I think thats far better than remaining an autist that wasnt '' into hygiene '' that lived in shit that was to celebrate him hitting 30 and his only friend was mold and bugs. And r9k.

>>9072444

it's really not

getting out of that situation is a triumphant joy. getting out of a relationship with a controlling bitch can put you right back where you started emotionally.

>>9066301
>>i dominate the conversation with funny stories and funny bullshit
I see a problem here already
>and do what the young kids do
You have no idea what normies do, Aspie.

>>9066301
>I have no idea what the girls are into considering food
Same as any human being : depends on the person, not the gender. What about you ask her, or is talking to her complicated for you?

Also, the potatoes smell horrendous, and so does your whole place if you couldn't tell about the potatoes. Open all windows.
Cook something simple you won't fuck up.

>>9066397
Shut up, normies communicate with each other.
Don't ask her for the exact menu, you're not a restaurant, ask her what she likes in general. Meat/fish, exotic food or not, etc.

>>9066742
>Do not do asparagus, it makes your piss smell.
And sperm smell and taste of this funky asparagus piss smell.

>>9069088
Buy pre-made dough.

>>9072143
>taking pictures of my feet
She's an autistic feet fetishist?
>stealing a pair of boxers
Did you meet "her" on /b/ or something?
>going trough my search history on the laptop, smelling my aftershave bottle and going trough my drawers examining everything
OK, she's weird. Start documenting for a legal case, just in case.
Also, it might be an idea to open up to her about you being a forever alone aspie. Either she knows and plans on using you, or just finds you weird, or is like you.

Congrats on your first shag Anon. I wish you many more.

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>>9066301
>I have no ideas and i need to make it perfect.
Ok was bout 300g salmon fillet
4cloves garlic
As much thyme as you can be arsed for
A touch of finely diced red chilli
Half a lime
Raw coco oil
Double cream 200ml

Finely mince garlic, chilli, pick thyme, zest lime
Marinate the salmon in garlic, thyme, chilli, lime zest, touch of a neutral oil

Season salmon, let it reach room temp
Cook the salmon whole in a pan on medium heat, evenly, until the first signs of flaking occur
When the entirety of the exterior has displayed a noticeable change in colour, cover in dbl cream
Simmer till the fat splits, adding cream when it reduces below level
Cook wild rice with a bay leaf, cardamoms, and a pinch of lime juice
(2:1 water to rice, heat till boiling then cover and turn to low heat till cooked (15mins or so) (remember to season)

Garnish with some lemongrass and lime zest

>>9072143
venis in pagina

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>>9072143
Oh cool! asshole anon here from >>9069465
glad it all went well for yo-

>She told me in a childish manner that she owns me now and im going to be the best boyfriend she had.


FUCK, GET OUT. GET OUT NOW. MAKE LIKE POKEMON AND GO

Im glad you made it OP, i know it took major balls
You be careful with her now, she is fucked up on another level, far worse than yours.
You have to be an adult in that relationship.

good job OP

>>9066477
>baked potatoes dipped in scrambled eggs dipped in corn flower

what are these and what are they like?

>>9074041
>what are these and what are they like?

Isn't it obvious that it's some nonsensical bullshit?

>>9074041
I tried to make those today and it turned out rather nice.
I did have to cut the potatoes in half, not in pieces.
You dip your potato in scrambled eggs, which is sort of a glue, then you roll them in corn FLOUR (not flower as the foreign aspie op wrote), and then you put them in the oven.
They form this nice golden crust that enhance the potato favor. You do have to put some salt in the eggs.

>>9074154
>scrambled
so beaten eggs, not like scrambled cooked egg
that makes a lot more sense ty

>>9074177
You can stir them with your dick for all i care, im just giving you a great recipe for potatoes.

>>9066355
buy a big ass steak and grill it, be the american dream shes missing

>>9074182
scrambled egg normally means cooked scrambled egg is all

>>9072524
women tend to ruin these kind of threads

>>9066301
fuck a small thing up on purpose, and just be chill about it, but also disappointed. she will think it's cute

I can't cook, but I wish you luck OP.
Godspeed.

>>9072143
I never thought I'd be so proud of some anonymous faggot on the internet, good job. Be careful with her, she seems just as fucked up as you are. Good luck, anon, even if this is an elaborate story, it's one that I like.

GG opie, had a hearty laff at the autism of both of you. It may be a bait thread, and all this shit might have never happened, but whatever, good job meatballsanon!

>>9066407
>large bowl full of mashed potatoes with a ball of salted milk skin on top of it that melts
>salted milk skin
Salted milk skin is a beauty product.
How autistic are you? What are you doing?

>>9072143
Jesus dude, run, really just fucking run, that's some psycho shit, look I was really spaghetti with grills up until I was about 21 but you get better over time but the end of your post sounds like we're going to be seeing it again in 2 years.

Zooming in on it slowly, in black and white, menacing music in the background as it's used as the first warning of the later spree killings.

>>9074422
What exactly can a psycho girl do to an autistic late bloomer assburger that doesnt know any better than having piss bottles, cum rags and dead sprouts on ancient potatoes in an apartment that the other day smelled like satans vomit room
She cant take anything of value from him, she cant get jealous of him since he lives in a dream and wont even look at other girls ever again and he for once can be happy that he has someone of opposite gender that wants him to be her own.
They are made for each other.

>>9074421
he's talking in aspie and by the milk skin ordeal he means cheese

>>9074456
>Implying he can never improve
>Projecting this hard
>Not wanting other people to do better in life

Sad

>>9074477
Im not trying to be mean, im just stating the facts here.
A fucking 25 year old virgin that lives in a DEN, not a home but a DEN with piss, cum, dead potatoes and who knows what else he didnt mention, a man that 'just got into hygiene' (meaning he probably started cutting his hair, shaving, showering regularly and brushing his teeth, thus noticing he isnt ugly for the first time), a man that just recently figured out he can talk to girls when he is in this state of awe how nice it is to be clean and happy about yourself, he quenched his balls this one time to approach a girl.
Even if she if fat, even if there is something wrong with her, its a fucking landslide that this man did.
He overcame obstacles that no normie could imagine. He improved in a way that
no hired personal improvisation counselor can.
So what if the girl is weird as he is, only in her own way?
I see no harm in it, none whatsoever.
OP is a fucking champion. I wish him to continue this path of improvement, im not projecting shit.
The psycho girl no matter which kind never go psycho to people like op.
There is just no thrill to them. She cant do shit to him even if she is psycho. He is weird and so is she. They are a perfect fucking couple and you should stop being jealous of them

Honestly if the two could spend like 2 hours just talking to one another at 4 in the morning it's probably a good start.

>>9072143
>sorry to keep you waiting folks, complicated business
Tuck Frump
Im with Her now

Make Donald Blumf Again

>>9074511
I don't know man, looks like OP is finally starting to figure out getting his shit together.

That being said, out of all the posiblities of what's going on there's 2 major ones

1. OP's not actually reading this
2. OP is, and you're OP trying to argue it from a 3rd person POV.

Don't think for a moment though I don't recognise how big a deal what OP has done is, I just think he can keep up the momentum.

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>>9072143
Well played lad. Gratz on becoming a man.

>>9074250
Someone finally said it

>>9066360
>beet, and goat cheese
Nice oxford comma faggot

>>9067955
He has his shit figured out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHjUQZptumg

>>9066301
My go to cookin fo a bitch meal is chicken parm, simple and easy. Some chicks get sad over veal, some dont like fish, etc etc but everybody loves chicken cheese and spaghetti

>>9074588
And the third one being that it's simply not a true story, just throwing that out there.

>>9074815
True that

>>9074815
Good point but why would anyone lie on the internet

>>9074154
Foreigner here.
The way I mispronounce flour as floor make it very weird to confuse with flower.
It's a native speaker confusion.

>>9074250
You had one chance out of two, and failed. I'm just high.
Happy to piss you off though, moron.

>>9074456
Psychological torture, cucking, incitement to suicide, etc.
I hope for OP she's the good type of weird

>>9074511
>I see no harm in it
If OP's story was a film, the poster is black and white, there are countless "boyfriends", disposed as broken dolls, and OP is an anonymous one among them.
Alternatively, it's a colourful Disney Pixar collaboration.

>The psycho girl no matter which kind never go psycho to people like op.
They do. Aspies attract them, we are easy to manipulate. I met too many.
>She cant do shit to him even if she is psycho
Have you ever been in a meaningful relationship with a 3D person, Anon?

>>9074873
What good (for her) can a manipulative bitch extract fom him that wont make him release his inner sperg and break up?
And thats the best case scenario

>>9066301
Did you cum in the food or not
Also, girls like to do far worse things, like put their period blood in your coffee.
Some ancient practice that fucks you up.
Everyone must watch ou for that

>its a (woman) replies to every post episode
I hate reruns

... lol

There's no denying she did some odd stuff if it went down as OP said it did, but all the foreveralone's on here telling him to lawyer up or run are retarded. We already know OP had to clean the loner autist stink off himself to even get it set up in the first place.

Pat yourself on the back, OP. Maybe she won't be a keeper, but keep your eyes and ears open and have a good time for now. Work on your social skills, keep your place tidy, and when it goes south you'll have learned a bunch of shit you can take into the next relationship. Just don't revert back to what you were before you learned all this and cleaned yourself up!

>>9075007
I think they invented that

>>9074456

>she cant get jealous of him since he lives in a dream and wont even look at other girls ever again

lol you are naive as fuck

you could basically be a fucking nun and a psycho gf could still make your life a misery by scrutinising your every move

>>9066301
salted grilled samon with asparagus with beer

>>9066301
Caprese salad
Steak, roasted potatoes, asparagus
Rice pudding (bitches love rice pudding)

All parts of this meal are extremely easy to make.

>>9075887
oh that sounds so good

>>9074910
Idk, why do trolls troll? Just to piss off people, not for any substantial gain.

>>9075007
Hello you, how are you today? Still a bitter virgin who hates women I see.
It's OK to be gay Anon.

>>9076450
this is why everyone hates you

>>9076450
>projecting

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>>9072143
T. Turbo autist with yandere fantasies

>>9076548
Id be more startled that this shit actually happened