What is the first meal you remember cooking? Failed/weird attempts

>>9045324
I used to do simple sandwiches for my parents in the morning on the weekend.
I also was baking some muffins, but now I don't even remember how the fuck one makes them. That shit was like 25+ years ago.

Gordon Ramsay Fondant potatoes

They weren't very good.

First proper meal I learned how to make was carbonara

>Hula Hoops covered in ketchup, baked till they were kinda burnt

>microwaved tomatoes will they were literal mush spread on crackers

cereal and milk

I think the first thing I seriously tried cooking for my family was bangers & mash.
I hadn't figured out how to keep the mash warm while plating and served on cold plates, so the potatoes sucked, but I mean the sausages were just sausages and the frozen vegetables were just vegetables.

The first thing I remember cooking was pizza, back when I was five. It doesn't really count, though, because we just bought these "make a pizza" kits from the store, and all I did was put the ingredients on them and let my parents cook it. But I was so proud of myself.

Meanwhile, the first thing I actually cooked all by myself was ramen. I cooked a lot of ramen when I was in my early teens.

>>9045324
The first thing I cooked alone (i.e. without adult assistance) was a cherry cheesecake from a box. The first "meal" I cooked was fish sticks with macaroni and cheese. The first actually attempt at making real food was a roast chicken with roast potatoes.

Chili
With beans

>>9045324
Lemon and vanilla cookies in first grade

I was maybe 3 years old. I somehow attempted to make oatmeal cookies not realizing that I needed a heat source and other ingredients. I think I had oatmeal, sugar, and eggs in a metallic bowl that I mixed and that was about the extent of it.

>>9045356
>With beans
I'd call that a fail.

Microwave - too early to remember.
Stove - Ramen
Grill - Hamburger
Oven - Can't quite remember. Probably Pizza Rolls considering my diet back then.

Cod, fried potatoes and broccoli.

>>9045324
Dry navy beans with a couple smoked ham hocks. I still make it the same way to this day.

I've tried to make onion rings and burned half the kitchen

>>9045324
I'd try to grill hot dogs on a step stool, it sometimes ended in disaster.
Unrelated: sauce on OP'S pic?

>>9045324
One time as a kid, I made what I called "Italian Lo Mein". I set some spaghetti to boiling, then heated up a pan with some olive oil. I sautéed some chicken breat cut into bite-sized chunks, seasoning them with oregano, basil, salt, and black pepper. Next went in the diced red potatoes. When they were almost ready, I threa in diced onions and tomatoes. Additional seasoning was added as needed. Then I took the pan off the heat for a bit and drained the spaghetti. Then I dumped them into the pan with everything else and sautéed it for a little longer, drizzling in a little basalmic vinegar. Served it to my parents and they said it was bretty gud. I was about 14 at the time.

>>9045324
pre packaged frozen meat discs.. made cheeseburgers every day. I was fat lil retard with no information about calories.

fried an egg
or
did pasta bolognese by frying mince and then pouring on a jar of premade tomato sauce

>>9045351
>>9045373
What the hell is ramen and why is it so prolific in America? I thought it was just noodle soup.

>>9045910
1) It is noodle soup. That's literally what the word means.

2) I'm assuming you mean the instant stuff? It's popular worldwide. It's very cheap, it's tasty, and it's super easy to prepare. OFC it's going to be popular.

tried to make scrambled eggs in an unbutterrd aluminum pan. set burner on high. half of the egg stuck to the pan, the other half solidified and disintegrated into jelly bean- sized chunks. I cooked eggs like that for a couple years. didn't set off the fire alarm that first time but I frequently did after that. I had no idea what I was going wrong. I think it was actually /ck/ that set me straight

I have a recipe I came up with in 1st grade for a school project.
>1 tsp milk
>1 lb cheese
>2 lb noodles
Instructions: Put the noodles in a pan. Put the milk in. Then get the cheese and put it in the pan. Cook for 3 minutes at 30 degrees.

I was a dumb kid.

>>9045324
cup of noodles in the microwave
didnt know i had to put water in the cup
styrofoam was all burnt to shit

>>9045830
Maybe you should look into being a chef...most of my friends couldn't cook RAMEN at 14

>>9045962
Eh, I'm 23 now and I just got a degree in New Media Arts, little late for culinary school. Plus, right now cooking is a fun hobby for me. Based on the threads about the food insdustry on this baord becoming a chef would make it a chore.

>>9045349

>Couldn't figure out how to keep the mash warm served on cold plates

What the fuck are you talking about nigger

The first things I cooked or canned and boxed food things you could just throw in the microwave and heat up.

But the first stovetop meals were instant white rice and tilapia. I felt like I was a professional chef because I was cooking fish but the first stove top meals were instant white rice and tilapia. I felt like I was a professional chef because I was cooking fish but everytime I did not grasp the concept of seasoning so they would be bland and I did not want to risk food born illness so I burnt them to a crisp.

But I tried a thousand different weird concoctions but I tried a thousand different weird concoction with different condiments on all my food peanut butter ham and cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise and soy sauce.

>>9045923
You made mac and cheese?

>>9046131
Generally speaking, when you serve hot food you heat the plates up in advance so the food stays hot longer.

Serving hot food on a room-temperature plate is silly because the food will go cold faster.

Cinnamon vanilla pancakes. The pancake mix was from a box so all i did was add two ingredients it didn't tell me to.

>>9045324
i was nine. saurkraut with mandarin orange slices.

My parents have a free pass into heaven since they ate it and didnt tell me how disgusting it was.

>>9045338
>Fondant potatoes
Holy shit, apart from shitty one pot meals and stuff like beans and rice fondant potatoes and dutch babies were my first meals too. Similar concept too, start on the stove and finish in the oven. Which I thought made it a "proper" dish.

>>9045324
a kind of strudel when i was like 6yo while mom was out
forgot about it in the oven while looking dragon ball, burned it and threw it out of the window into the neighbours garden (not even kidding)

>>9045324
i think the first thing i cooked seriously was oeufs en cocotte when i was about 10?
still my favourite way to prepare eggs.

>>9045324
Some sort of cassarole.
I was about 12.
I had a lot of help obviously, but it turned out nice.
Loads of red wine and meat and veg mmm.

>>9045324
>making scrambled eggs
>threw in dozens of different spices like thyme, basil, rosemary, black pepper, ect
>didn't know some spices lose flavor when cooked
>wondered why eggs were still tasteless

Another one
>cooking polish sausage in a pan (to go with eggs)
>throw literal maple syrup on a HOT PAN because maple syrup on sausage tastes good
>sticky black charred mess everywhere

>>9045324
A quesadilla but I added pickles for some reason.

>>9045324
My mom taught me how to fry an egg when I was 4. For the next 2 years, I could often be found standing on a chair in front of the stove during lunch time.

>>9045324
my mom taught me how to do scrambled eggs

I tried making ramen with a peanut sauce.
I just ended up with a watery light brown mess that tasted like peanuts, soy sauce, and concentrated lemon juice.

>be 18 yr old me in 1970
>be in 1st apartment of my own
>Hamburger Helper is the shiz
>frozen pot pie, cooked up, then served over minute rice
>gourmet level shit there
>my cooking skilz, rum and coke, and cheap weed gets all the grilz

>>9047601
tell me about 'nam grampaw

>>9047944
'murrica lost to a bunch of farmers with 1920's rifles

>>9047963
SKS and AKs were 50s at the earliest.

Unless you're talking about shovels...

>>9045324
who is the girl?

>>9045360
that's amazing if its it's true. your parents must have baked a shitload of cookies

First thing I remember doing by myself was fucking microwave eggs. My sister and I literally just whisked eggs and some milk in a glass measuring cup and stuck it in the microwave for some time. I don't think we even put salt or pepper in it.

>>9048040
this and it was probably a quesadilla or something

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I remember hiding a Rachel Ray cookbook in my closet because I was embarrassed to be looking at recipies for no particular reason. My mom saw it one day and she definitely thought it was fap material but I never even wanked to it.

>>9045324
My hand on a hot electric stove coil

I used to make a ton of chocolate pancakes when I was nine. I did it so frequently i memorized the ratios and I was so proud (still asked my mom if it was the right consistency tho)

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does microwaving hotpockets count? I learned to do that because i would wake up earlier than mommy on the weekends but I still wanted breakfast

About 4 years old I put pop tarts in the microwave for 30 sec but really 3min. Melted up my favorite plastic Rugrats plate.

>>9048040
>>9048325
http://sys.4chan.org/derefer?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.faketaxi.xxx%2Ffake-taxi%2Fyes-i-have-recorded-it%2F

>>9045324
>eggs
>Friend somehow manages to overcook them
>Salts it more than your average online player
>Eats it

grilled cheesers when I'd come home from school, must have been about 11

then eggs shortly after that, over easy and scrambled

Fried egg sanga

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My parents never cooked and never taught me how to cook. But as far as non-frozen/insta food, I tried frying up some bananas for my friend when I was 14. I don't know why, I guess I thought they'd come out like fried plantain chips. Poor guy actually ate some.

The next time I tried when I was 18 and at uni. I wanted to imitate Moroccan tagine flavor, so I pan-cooked ground beef with honey, spinach, almonds, and chickpeas. It actually went pretty well. Turns out that I have a natural knack for identifying and combining flavors, so I picked up cooking quickly and naturally despite having absolutely no prior experience with even so much as simple home-cooked meals.

sponge cake when i was 4, it was no sponge

>>9045324
Oven bakes fish fingers and beans. When I lived at my mothers house that was a staple for myself too cook.

I don't really "Cook from scratch" at most I bake some chicken breasts, boil some pasta.

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A sandwich I made as a kid.
It had:
>raisin bread (toasted)
>butter
>peanut butter
>jelly
>banana slices
>some of pic related
>probably some sugar or something stupid
>I think halved strawberries
Can't remember what else.

My parents barely cook so for some reason the first meal I ever prepared for someone else was risotto.

It was good and I'm still good at it.

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>>9045922
>half of the egg stuck to the pan, the other half solidified
>I cooked eggs like that for a couple years
>a couple years
>years

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>>9046158

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>be me, 7 or 8 or something idk
>7am on saturday morning
>alone because mom's at work and grandpa's hungover
>fuck yeah time for fighting foodons
>love this show with all the passion of a screeching obsessive autist
>today's episode gets me particularly hyper
>god damn i wanna make a fighting foodon i bet i could be a great cook i bet i could do shit no one ever thought about before
>fly into kitchen once episode is over
>time to fuckin cook some spaget
>boil ramen in microwave
>open can of chef boyardee spaghetti and meatballs, remove meatballs, throw away spaghetti (this made sense to me)
>add meatballs to ramen+water, shake, drain (to clean sauce off balls)
>add seasoning packet (chicken), ketchup, barbecue sauce, mozzerella and parm cheese
>add parsley because chefs always add sprinkly green shit to food so why not
>back into microwave
>feel like the most powerful chef in the world
>taste
>throw away everything, including bowl, because retarded
>never watch fighting foodons again

>>9053542
>never heard of this show
>googled it and read half the Wikipedia page
How the fuck can Japan continue to surprise me after all these years on the internet?

>>9053557
Wait wait you're missing the best part. The intro was shitty lyrics slapped onto the Can Can.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LbWWx80ZPA

>>9045324
Sauce on that vid? That girl kinda does it for me aside from the degenerate tattoos. I like her thighs.

>>9053759
This, pls help us.

>>9053759
>>9053766
Kloe kane

>>9053561
Faggotry.

>>9045368
I'd call you a fucking faggot. Hurr durr not authentic Texas chili, beans are bad durrrrrrr. You sound retarded.

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When I was 12 I made a mustard green egg wrap from some greens I had grown with my babysitter. I steamed the leaves then filled them with scrambled eggs and made them into little rolls. I think it was pretty bitter because of the choice of greens, but it was not terrible.

I learned to make pancakes from scratch around then too and my grandad would have me make them when I came to visit.

I mostly just made breakfast foods until I moved out and learned to cook for real.

>>9045324
Once when my mom was on vacation she wrote me dinner plans for two weeks because my dad was working the night shift and he's one of those people who wants a different meal every day when he works. The first one was chicken bruschetta and I didn't understand if I was supposed to cook the chicken separately first or just put it in raw so I asked my dad which was a mistake because he's terrified of getting botulism so he told me to fully cook it first, then put it in again at 425 degrees. I realized how retarded that sounded so I cooked it from raw and it turned out great, albeit a little soggy because I stirred the breadcrumbs too much before cooking

Anyways my dad thinks I'm literally retarded so he took a fucking TV dinner to work instead

I made scrambled eggs with cumin, salt, oregano, black pepper and butter. My mom said i made it taste like meat so I guess thats good in some way

I guess it depends on your definition of cooking.
But when I was a kid, I would make grilled cheese all the time.

>>9045910
same reason you fucks call fries chips.
What even provoked you to ask this question

>>9045324
Scrambled eggs with onions, tomatoes and jalapeño. With a side of hash browns and orange juice. It was a proud day for me. I was 21

Poached eggs, I fail them to this day.

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As a kid I thought I could make pudding out of instant cake mix batter then added chocolate covered almonds and figs to it. I left it under my bed for a couple weeks because I was ashamed then ate it and got food poisoning.

>>9045324
My mom taught me how to do scrambled eggs what when I was like 10. I was so proud of myself