Since when were "restaurant critics" bigger self-important

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>>9024712
Fucking worst customer service on the planet and the line they draw between a "realistic" review and harassment is non existent, what a fucking abysmal excuse for website

>>9024724
I hate how the only options to rate a review are useful, cool, or """""funny"""".

So many of these reviews contain self-fellating irrelevant details too.

Oh yea, and I saw a woman mention that the craft beer bar that she reviewed was a terrible place to study.

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>>9024751
What a dumb bitch

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bumpin and dumpin

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>>9024806

>>9024712
Typically you should start with some reviews if you want to see more

>>9024806
>>9024815
These people are reasonable to be pissed off at a place that doesn't serve water for free or less than $1.

>>9024751
i was reading one the other day where some bitch said something along the lines of 'great place to bring kids, i imagine this is what my childhood would have consisted of if i had been raised in a normal family'

crazy bitch

>>9024838
I know I came ill prepared and I'm looking for more.

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>those people who write haughty 3,000+ word prose on their trip to Burger King

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>>9024863
I'm looking through reviews downtown restaurants that hipsters frequent. Going to post some of those gems.

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>vegan agenda

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>my daughter NEEDS gluten free

>>9024892

lel

>>9024903
This looks like something I'd write if the same things happened to me.

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>salty af

>>9024806
Almost every place I go to gives free tap water.

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>>9025000
>Y'all do you

>>9024941
Its a medical condition, it's called being a coeliac. So yes, she does NEED gluten free

>>9025011
I fucking hate this phrase

>>9025022
I hope you realize 99% of GFfags are not actually celiac and that it's basically the new Atkins diet

>>9025025
Who says that? Fat people from Oklahoma?

>>9024932
My goodness

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>>9025031
My friend has a kid starting to go to school and he showed me this paper for a bake off they are doing, and there were /tons/ of things you had to avoid using and you have to check boxes if it has certain things in it.

When I was a kid there were the "allergic to peanut butter" and "lactose intolerant" kids and that was it.

>>9025031
Yeah there's a lot of GF fags, but coelics disease is pretty common

>>9024806
That's actually illegal if the place serves alcohol. Or it's illegal in murrica anyway

>>9025039
>lactose intolerant

Waaaaaahhh, it gives me diarrhea! Not a real allergy.

>>9024903
Well, she was kinda stupid to assume that a bar by The Rave in Milwaukee was going to have anything but shitty bar food likely cooked by either a server or bartender.

>>9025039
This. So many schools now where NOBODY is allowed to bring a peanut butter sandwich or a normal granola bar on the premises because some kid might be allergic to it. Not a thing when I was a kid, and that wasn't that long ago. The fact that they restrict EVERYONE to cater to the very few who have allergies is a little bit goofy imo.

>>9025031
As a cook I fucking hate this, but I do have a childhood friend who's celiac so I do have a lot of sympathy for the people who genuinely do have issues. That shit really sucks.

>>9024932
Holy fuck that's exactly how I feel about Beans and Barley though

>>9024806
Honestly, I'd be pissed off too if they didn't give out free tap.

>>9025032
No, faggot hipster college kids in Northern states that adopt y'all as a quirky affectation.

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>>9025090
>>9025081
milwaukee bros help me find some reviews from hipster spots in bayview

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>>9025149
Not quite Bayview, but close enough.
>waaaaaah no brunch on Saturdays waaaaah take my highly qualified advice on how to run your business

>>9025149
i hope shes young and grows out of this shit. jesus christ

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>>9025149
>Bitches about the Toadies (which has nothing to do with food, only her taste in music)
>Loves Strongbow

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>>9024932
>yfw you are rot-brained, beatnik, bleeding-heart, intellectual wanna-be, socialist, anti-independent, granola eating, Prius driving, wanna-be green, big brother, forever mirred in academia, left-wing, no make up wearing, fuzzy chinned, jack-booted, transgendered, he's gay, she's gay, double espresso douche bag and some crazy right winger chokes out your friend

>>9025088
>The fact that they restrict EVERYONE to cater to the very few who have allergies is a little bit goofy imo.
Blame the dems for shit like this

>>9024806
I'd be pretty angry too and also I'm sure this is illegal in the states.

>>9025004
It's the law in some areas, even though fast-food places hate it.

>>9025295
>Blame the dems for shit like this

But, you know, I'm a dem and my kid can't eat gluten. He knows life shit on him and it sucks. But, he's never said anything to me about feeling left out or oppressed or whatever. He's told me that it is embarrassing when teachers talk about his dietary issues and other kids give him shit about it when they they overhear. He told me to leave it off his medical forms and not tell anyone when he gets to high school and he can handle it on his own.

It really makes me wonder how many other kids are more inconvenienced by adults talking their special status, than they are by not getting to participate in bake sales. Thinking back, I could see myself easily getting a TON of shit from my buddies if they learned I couldn't eat peanuts (not true, btw). In fact, I wouldn't put it past them to throw peanuts at me because kids are stupid.

>>9024806
Any place that serves alcohol is legally required to provide free tap water.

>>9025396
I'm 30 and have a peanut allergy that can result in death if ingested. I have had them thrown at me. You are not wrong.

>>9024712
>using yelp for anything but pictures of the menu if the place doesn't have a decent website or facebook with the prices on it

>>9025914
>>9025318
>american bartenders are so fucked in the head that this has to be legally mandated
Tipping needs to be abolished

>>9024806
In the UK it's illegal for any restaurant not to give free tap water

>>9026004
easy for the UK, harder for some places in the US given the deserts and such

>>9025076
So I heard you're not allergic to your fancy spicy ethnic food of choice?

>>9026007
Do you really think it's so bad that they need to go without drinking as much water as we do?

>>9025039
I had a childhood friend who was allergic to a load of stuff. It's like he was allergic to everything you could be allergic to.

>>9025025

You do you.

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>[long asspained story about servers or cashier]
>"the food was really good though"
>2/5

>>9024806
this ihs a legit gripe, em thinks

>>9025396
When I was in elementary school in germany, we had one kid in the class, who had extremely strict dietary requirements.
Of course I could not really grasp the background of it, but I think it had something to do with being unable to process a lot of complex sugars, beside a lot of other issues.

While everyone else was enjoying the milk during the break, he got a tray with red cabbage.

Of course he was slightly alienated by this. But even we little runts had the necessary empathy to see, that he got the short end of the stick anyway, and was not at fault to boot.

>>9025020

JFC, if you have a dietary restriction then tell/ask your server upfront. I've never been to a place where a server asked about dietary restrictions, but maybe the Southwest ain't "real America."

>>9024903
What an edgy asshole. Telling a mother and kid to fuck off.

>>9026459
That doesn't happen anywhere, that person is just insane.

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We need more owner replies ITT.

>>9026468
Kids should not be brought to bars

>>9024712
Fun fact I use to get paid $2.50-$5 each to write fake reviews on there. Not sure if it was for yelp themselves but with the wide array of small places all over the country it had to be. They were just drafts too so what I'm assuming is they have fake accounts and just stick them to accounts near the area I would write each review for. Think it was 250-500 words but they weren't very judicious in checking my work and I had no qualms about taking advantage of that so I would copypasta from a set of 50 or so and just change the names, rearrange a couple words, etc. Did this in 2014 fwiw. Would come home or spend a couple hours on a Saturday morning and spew out copypasta crap for ~$60/hr effectively. Was capped to only doing so many per week. They always had to be overwhelming positive too.

Point is, I wouldn't trust a fucking thing on there.

>>9028485
Used not Use

>>9028485
how do i do this? i have no morals and need extra cash

>>9028109
Jeff sounds like a fucking cunt.

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Kyle D.
Phoenix, AZ

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13 reviews

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1.0 star rating
3/11/2017

This may be the weirdest review I ever wrote. I understand why the staff and the chef have memory issues. They undercooked our pasta the first time. Messed up a bit on our a dish the second time. But we accepted it and it tasted great.

However, this place isn't as busy as it should be. It looks nice, smells good, but why is it so much more crowded next door?

Part of it may be customer service, sure, but the biggest part is that they are in a water-damaged building with a mold that emits neurotoxins. Most may feel this as a "bad vibe" and nothing more. Some may feel nothing in particular.

I got sick in a house with this mold. It impaired my immune system which caused a secondary infection that broke my immune system. My uncle still lives in this house and won't leave. He has Alzheimer's dementia from it. The house seriously impairs my memory as well. A person not sensitized to this mold most likely can't detect the problem. You have to live/work in it for months or years before the problem is apparent.

I came home and had the worst neuroinflammation in a long time. I had to sleep in a dark bathroom the whole next day. My frontal sinuses swelled up like they were going to explode. The head pain was excruciating. Brought up a lot of bad memories.

Stachybotrys is my best guess. For the staff: get your building tested if you don't believe me. And change locations when you can. Your memory may be damaged, but it will partially or fully recover when you find a good building. Your energy and mood will improve too. And you'll enjoy coming to work again. Don't wait for the dementia to set in.

>>9025031
The problem is, for some people it's a genuine issue, so you have all these people crying wolf over nothing, which causes restaurants to not actually clean their equipment/use gluten-free ingredients.

>>9024941
Celiac disease does require some people to be gluten free, any body else that is gluten free is fucking retarded

>>9028109
>I don't have a sausage and cheese omelette on the menu because they are disgusting

So not only does he have poor taste, but he has no idea how to run a business.

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Why do people review like this

>>9028109
>they're not good, they're great

>>9031154

What's the problem with that review? It explains the general perception of the restaurant and why that perception is inaccurate. It also is rather specific when it comes to the issues with the place rather than simply saying something like "it was bad". I don't see a problem here. The writing style is a little odd, but who cares? It conveys the important information and that's all that matters.

>>9031208
because they talk like they're writing a fucking english essay when its a food review

>>9031305
Educated people like us British tend to write in a structured manner, so sod off shart in mart

>>9031342
The reviewer is from Texas.

>>9031349
what does that have anything to do with what I said, shart in mart?

>>9031305
That doesn't sound like a problem to me.

It sounds like the real problem is in your sperghead.

>>9031342
>like us British

Yeah, too bad you have the grammar of a cockney navy!

soup and gravy

>>9031359
I'm not American. Maybe install 4chanx so you can see poster IDs and realize I'm not the guy who posted the screenshot of the review.

>>9031383
back to plebbit

>>9031360
>defending eliot rodgers food manifesto

>>9031394
Great rebuttal; very well thought out.

>>9030747
Now i know people on yelp can be pompous dickheads if they deal with even a SLIGHT inconvenience but holy fuck that is probably the worst practice for PR ive ever seen. Does he honestly realize that petty shit like this is how you lose costumers big time? The review even noted how the place was only a third full at max. Some peoples pride I swear.

>>9030747
Why do you fags never include the restaurant name when you screencap these reviews? It's infuriating.

>>9026468
More mothers need to be told this, actually. They let their hellspawn get away with murder and harass all the other customers. Swearing in public should not be a social crime.

>>9024932
Seriously, fuck liberals. 5 stars for that reviewer for having the balls to tell it like it is.

>>9031575
What's the point of having the name?

The point is how dumb the review is. The name of the restaurant is totally irrelevant.

>>9026015
I'm not allergic to any food, but I hate cilantro. Bring on the spices and peppers, this white boy loves flavor in his food.

>>9028485
Is this still a thing? Hook a bro up, I could use the cash and love to shitpost.

>>9030584
You're just intimidated by an alpha male.

>>9031829
>t. Jeff.

>>9028485
I'd be more than willing to churn out bullshit for money. Hell, I churn out bullshit for free as it is, might as well make a living out of it.

>>9029342
Underrated

>>9030747
Haha, that owner reply starts out reasonable and then goes off the rails. He must have been chugging a bottle of wine between paragraphs.

>>9031575
>You can't tell the restaurant name from the owner's name.
Holy shit, is this the new newfag/summerfag detector?

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This review isn't food related, but he has many more reviews which are. They all have a running theme of suggesting they open a location in San Francisco, accepting BitCoins, ADA compliance of the restrooms, building occupancy, and pictures of the staff.

>>9032547
Is this guy a real ADA inspector?

>>9032547
what

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>>9032547
>accepting cryptocurrencies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDlR_ccnZww

Thread theme.

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>>9031305
Yeah, it is a bit stilted. Maybe even more than necessary for the matter at hand.

But it does not seem very artificial to me. The reviewer is putting down specific points of critique in some detail. A certain sophistication should be expected and is needed to bring the thoughts across.

Also, it is not so elaborate to require a thesauras. At best, it is a bit snobbish. And as another anon pointed out, that still makes it miles better than the usual "food was bad" reviews, that give you nothing to work with.

>>9025056
Cite your source because I've worked at a bar and it most certainly was not a requirement of obtaining or keeping a liquor license

>>9025113
True, but it's a southern negro expression that's widely used by women

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>>9032547
>I failed to find a magazine about Martial Arts nor about Chess
>still gives 5 stars

>>9033905
yourev an idiot

>>9024806
She's right though.