This guy slaps your girlfriend on the ass and calls you a lousy

>>8903504
post pictures of his family on twitter

>>8903504
Thank him for his service,

Wink and tell him I can ditch the girl show him just how good I am at unitasking.

Throw him in my flower pot smoker and cook him for 4 hours

>>8903504
Kick him in the crotch and call him an un-tasker

>>8903504
>having a girlfriend
Ask him to present his nutmeg.

I was fortunate enough to watch the opening leg of his tour show.
>tfw you will never see pizza baked on a conveyor belt with dozens of stage lights heating it up

tell him I can at least fry a turkey without constructing a pulley system on a ladder like some eggheaded pussy

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>>8903504

>W-why didn't you slap my ass Mr Alton-senpai? I'm your biggest fan desu!

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I hate this asshole. He's literally plebbit in the form of a tv-chef. He has only mediocre understanding of actual cooking, most of which is stuff that he parrots from others instead of it coming from experience. He's constantly using "novel" techniques for no other reason than to be different from the rest, whether it actually makes better food or not.

His recipe for a grilled cheese sandwich actually involves literally grilling the fucking bread and cheese, as opposed to frying it. As if it makes a better product just because it's called "grilled cheese". It's like if you wanted to make toast, and instead of putting the bread into a toaster you try to make it in a dry skillet. For a toaster does not actually toast bread but roasts it, as toasting is commonly understood to be done by dry direct heat (like on a skillet without oil), while roasting is done by dry indirect heat (like in an oven or a toaster).

But would actually toasting bread, as opposed to roasting it like is standard practice, make a better product just because you conform to correct cooking terminology? Of course not, as the heat would be applied much more unevenly than with roasting or frying in fat. The only reason for Alton Brown to make his grilled cheese sandwich by actually grilling it is his insufferable redditor mindset where you can't just use the standard method to make something, oh no, because you're fucking Alton Brown and you're just so much better than the plebs and their fried cheese sandwiches, so you have to go out of your way to heat up the fucking grill for a two minute snack in order to produce what is, indeed, a true grilled cheese sandwich, despite it not producing any better of an end result.

I hate Alton Brown so god damn much.

>>8904541
i'm with you. Good Eats is all right, but every other place I see him he is an annoying, try-hard.

>>8904541
Duck this is how I'm gonna make toast from now on just for the sake of being pretentious.

Gonna make fun of plebs who are roasting their toast an shut.

Thanks /ck/!

>>8904541
This is a good post.

Is there one unitasker you guys think is good

For me, I can't go without my rice cooker

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>>8904628
Garlic press. It's useful and takes so little space to store.

Tell him he will always be in Heston's shadow.

>>8904628
Can't you make thicc pancakes in a rice cooker?

>>8904628
rice cooker
garlic press
sushi mat
pizza wheel

>>8904648
I used to think pizza cutting wheel were great. but then I discovered how much better scissors are.

>>8904648
>>8904628
oh and a zester I guess

>>8904649
yea, I mean it kinda depends on the pizza. some are just too thick for scissors

>>8904653
I suppose that's true. I usually only eat thin pizzas, so it's scissors for me.

>>8904628
>>8904648
How good are rice cookers? I'm rarely happy with the rice I make so I've been thinking about getting one.

>>8904648
Garlic presses and rice cookers are for culinary plebs.

>>8904658
if you eat a lot of rice, they are good and pretty idiotproof

make sure you get a tiger or zojirushi one though