HELP. My coworkers keep stealing my lunch out of the office refrigerator.

>>8860898
Get a new job.

I worked with a guy who kept getting his pizza stolen so one day he got pissed off and licked the whole thing.. the pizza was gone again. left a note in the fridge the next day saying what he did

he was a gross guy too

aside from that get your own personal fridge

>>8860898
There is nothing you can do bar keeping a cooler in your car and using that instead.

>>8860915
Your friend is a fool because those people will want payback, they will fuck with his food everyday.

make a sandwich and wipe your ass with the bread then cum on the filling.

>>8860924
>driving to work

Cuck

>>8860940
What do you do? Teleport?

Get a lunchbox and buy a separate lock only you have the key/combination for.

Confront them confidently. They will be embarrassed.

>>8860898
Booby trap your lunch. I once filled a canister with SO2 and rigged it to my tupperware. The thief actually burned his lungs since it forms sulfuric acid in contact with water so I pretty much lost my job but it was damn worth it.

>>8860931
I wouldn't have thought of that. I guess if you're going to get revenge on your coworkers, you don't get the satisfaction letting them know.

Can't have your coworkers cake and eat it too

>>8860945
I drive to work, like a normal person. You're probably some flyover faggot.

>driving to work

How cucked can one be, honestly?

>depreciating the value of your car
>spending money on gas
>risk the possibility of being in a car accident
>driving yourself to work in order to make someone else money
>being stuck in traffic
>not utilizing your time commuting by reading

>>8860988
>being so dumb you accidentally take the position you were arguing against because you meant to type "I use the bus"

also enjoy your diseases

>>8860898
Where do you work?
What's getting stolen?
I work paint and my boss once told me a story about some stolen ice cream. He took a thermos of delicious ice cream and filled the top half with white paint. The next day his ice cream went unmolested.

>>8861002
>reee

I take the train like a normal person. Why would you do ever do otherwise? Your tax money is literally paying for it. Might as well use it, faggot.

>>8861009
>>8861009

> getting this mad over someones choice of commute

jeez anon take a step back

>>8861009
But you just said you drive

>>8861009
>being so dumb you accidentally take the position you were arguing against because you meant to type "I use the train"

sry, corrected for your sore sperg butt :(

enjoy your diseases

>>8860988
>I drive to work

what the fuck are you even arguing about?
youre calling him a cuck because he said he drives to work but you then claim you drive to work as well.

this shitposting is as bad as the shit you see on /v/. god damn!

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>Be a chili head.
>Have normal lunches at work because I want to gas everyone.
>This kind of food thift happens.
>Mad as shit.
>Nit from 4chan and a little troll in my brain starts talking to the frog.
>Take lunch to work, go about my day.
>Lunch time comes up, there are cones up, and the place is locked off.
>Apparently someone ate something ":aced with mace"
>mfw it was just ghost pepper powder on my lunch.
>Go buy something from the deli.

>>8860898
You can always go with making your food super spicy, no way can the situation be spun to make you look bad.

>>8860988
if you're driving to work as well, wouldn't that make you a cuck as well?

>>8861018
>>8861019
>>8861019
>all these assblasted flyovers

Wew, lads. Enjoy wasting your precious hours in traffic, you fucking faggots.

>>8861021
Read the thread before you sperg, cuckboy.

>>8861032
this is the solution. slowly increase your tolerance to chilli and then only bring really hot stuff to work

>>8861053
You said you drive though. Aren't you in traffic too?

>>8861053
>Fuck up
>pretend it was just an epic troll because you have insecurity issues

I feel sorry for your mom most of all

>>8861056
The best part is they learn the lesson again in a few hours.

>>8860898
Talk to HR.

>>8860898
Rat poison

>>8860988
>beaters with heaters are cheap
>public transit isn't free you pinko faggot
>buses get in accidents too
>spending an extra 2 hours commuting every day and not even getting paid for it, versus my 15 minute drive time
>buses get stuck in traffic too
>trains are rarely on time
>pretending like you can read on a bumpy, loud bus or train

>>8861009
>like a normal person
Normal people don't live in urban shitholes where they actually have subways or elevated rail.

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I eat plain horse food so no one really touch my stuffs in the fridge.

>>8860898

I miss lunch thief...

>>8860938
Sounds like you're trying to feed him than revenge

>>8860898
kill them

>>8860898
http://www.funnyjunk.com/channel/4chan/K+brownies/xpGcLkc/

Make k brownies or something of that nature.

>>8860898
boogers and cum

>>8861075
really spicy pepper does indeed burn twice
>>8861032
did you tell the police that they just ate your extra spicy lunch? did the police question them about it in a humiliating manner? did they have to admit in public that they're a petty thief and just suffered poetic justice? did onlookers point and laugh while throwing rotten vegetables?

Use cannabis infused oils and butter in your food. Assuming your work place drug tests the employees, they will probably lose their job.

Make some food that's green, like a pea soup. Load it up with green food dye. See who has green mouth.

>>8861218
I hope you realize poisoning your own food in the hopes of poisoning others is a serious felony.

>>8860898
>brown eyes

Seriously. Put fast acting laxative in your food so you'll at least know who it is. Then you can fuck with and embarrass them.

>>8860915
>>8860931
Why not just lick it and attach a note beforehand to prevent theft rather than pulling a prank like that

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>>8860898
bring something that doesn't require refrigeration and keep it in your bag/backpack/desk

>>8861272
That's the smartest thing anyone has ever posted on this board.

Put pineapple on it

>>8860898
Get a lunch box and put a lock on it.

>>8861272
>people stop eating your food
>they just throw it in the trash instead

good plan

>>8861263
>Cannabis butter
>Poison

wat

>>8861291
I dunno dude why steal someones lunch to begin with

poverty ass niqqas

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Go Red Ross on them.

Yeah, I'd probably go for concentrated capsasin.

>>8861499
I have no idea. Though I suppose it could be considered "serving contaminated food" or some other legal bullshit.

The question is easily avoided by simply using some crazy-hot hot sauce. That is a food product so there's nothing wrong with anon putting it in his/her food.

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>>8860898
>He don't have a Fridge Locker

>>8861523
https://youtu.be/bYAwcT0tJx4

OP just put something in your lunch for a day or two to make it taste completely unappealing. Like making it unbearably spicy like with >>8861032 or you can dump so much salt in it that it will make it taste almost unedible.

>>8860898

I put a minifridge in my office for this exact reason. Then my boss and his assistant, and my assistant, all use it. And shit starts disappearing all over again.

>>8861522
They could just accuse you of spraying your food with mace if they're fully intent on getting you fired.

>>8861729

And it would be easy enough for a forensic investigation to prove there was no actual mace involved.

Though in many places you might still get fired--in many states a company doesn't need a specific reason to fire someone. Federal law only provides protection against discrimination based on age/race/religion.

>>8860898
Join a gang, kill coworker

>make lunch
>take a picture of lunch with a pet sitting on it
>put lunch in fridge
>next day, put photo of cat-ass lunch in fridge in it's place
>from then on, tape that photo to your lunch

alternately, start buying bulk packages on cup noodles and leave them in the lunch room

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don't use the refrigerator, duh, gawd.

>>8861793
>alternately, start buying bulk packages on cup noodles and leave them in the lunch room
Fuck that, you do not feed seagulls to keep them away from you.

Why hasn't anyone brought up the fact that office break room refrigerators are never cleaned? Putting your own food in there and eating it is like playing russian roulette, anyway. Just bring a cooler with those reusable blocks that you can refreeze at night. Who knows, there might even be a /b/ level retard in your office that takes a perverse delight in doctoring the refrigerator lunches with bodily excretions.

>>8861522
>tainting food
>refusal to disclose ingredients

It sounds like you guys are discussing a felony and discussing illegal activities on this site is not allowed.

Whoever it was, enjoy your 10 years minimum in jail and felon status.
Probably why he got deleted.

Food tainting is scum of the earth shit. I respect thieves and murderers more than I do people who fuck with food.

>>8861876
But then you're the autist who keeps a cooler under his desk. Or maybe you become the cool guy who keeps a cooler under his desk. I'll have to investigate further.

>>8861888
What if I poisoned the food, but labeled it "Not for Human Consumption"?

>>8861895
That is completely legal. And you have my favor.

>>8861888

1) there's nothing illegal about putting hot sauce in food. Hot sauce is food.

2) Food tainting may be "low", but it's sure as fuck much better than some fag running around stealing other people's food.

>>8861906
Yes, it is illegal to taint people's food with hot sauce and not tell them. You will go to jail for 10 years if you cause them even mild discomfort.

It's the law, look it up.

>>8861888
>i like stealing food!!
>s-stop conspiring against me!

Enjoy your mouthful of feces.

>>8861876
>Why hasn't anyone brought up the fact that office break room refrigerators are never cleaned?

but HR cleans out our fridge every sunday.
sorry you work at a dumpy office.

>>8861933
It's not their food, though. It's yours.

>>8861906
Nevermind I did it for you.
https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/1365

Enjoy your felony, and this discussion stops here before we all get banned

what about ink packs like they have in banks rigged for temp

Add a small bag of sugar-free haribo gummy bears to your lunch

then wait

>>8860976
Was about to suggest something like this
I would say losing your job over something like that would be worth it

>>8861944
Just squirt half a bottle of eyedrops in the food. Massive shits and they can't prove anything

>>8861942
I forgot what thread I was in dude, my apologies. I thought it was another 'spit in hamburger' pimply teenager thread.
Yes, you can spice the shit out of your food and fuck your coworkers up without remorse.

You can even do the mace thing. It's all legal. Serving it to someone is not.

>>8861962
You would have to prove that you sprayed the mace on your food because you were going to eat it.
If you intentionally did it because you know a coworker would steal it and eat it, that's literally food tampering.

>>8861962
Well, since this thread isn't about food service, your posts added literally nothing to it.

>>8861969
Personally I would take a huge bite in front of the cops and then spray the mace in my mouth and tell them "I like it spicy."

But you can just as easily use ghost powder or something nasty. Msg is particularly disgusting and it takes a few bites to taste it, then the vomit/beef flavor comes through and sticks.
I wouldn't call it tampering really, just call the cops and get the fucker charged with theft or burglary and lol all the way back to the desk. If they refuse to respond, mace the fucker.

>>8861973
Half the board is, I forgot what thread I was in obviously. The days bleed into each other when you can never leave.

>>8861984
No, you're just retarded.

>>8861272
Literally the stupidest thing.

>>8860976
>>8861957
that is not a healthy response to someone stealing your food.
therapy is expensive and for pussies but you should consider some kind of self-reflection to why you think that's a reasonable response.
I mean thats like rigging your door with an IED because a burglar broke in

>>8862003
I didn't make the law, maybe you should redirect your idiotic, unproductive hatred and consider reading about global rule 3 before posting again on this board, faggot.

>>8862038
You didn't make the law, but you did decide to bring it up in a thread where it doesn't apply at all.

>>8861150
>Bumpy train
Have you ever seen a rail?

>>8861241
If you dye it enough to colour a mouth, it's going way too green to look like any kind of food.

>>8861291
>>8860898
>Post note on Fridge, not indicating which user you are :
I cum in my food.

>>8861053
What a fucking idiot.

Getaloadofthisguy.jpg

>>8862011
Maybe people shouldnt be niggers and steal grown adults lunches out of a fridge.

>>8860898
Dump a fuckton of laxatives in the food and leave them to their fate.

>>8860898

this is usually a fireable offense

catch them doing it, then show the pictures/video to your boss

> might not be admissible in court, but its usually admissible in the boss' office

> unless this person is a favorite of the boss, in which case YOU might get laid off for threatening the teacher's pet.

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>>8861002
>>8861150

listen guys, until they start smashing a bunch of city buildings to install Arcologies so that you can literally live right next to where you work...

getting to work is going to be an issue and if you're riding the bus you're at risk of getting shit stolen, among a number of things, and yes it does cost money

> and the subway is where gangs and pickpockets hang out

If you're in small town america (ie, flyover states, where the majority of americans live) the best option is actually to get an Apartment reasonably close to where you work. Most small towns are cheap, like 300-500 month rent on an apartment. Good way to save money.

Then you can probably walk to work, or ride a bike, or have a car without racking up hardly any miles on it.

>>8860976

Putting the /k/ in /ck/

>>8862765
>flyover
>ride a bike

Are you being ironic? That's a fucking death penalty offense in the south. Fucking commies coming in with their envronment things. What's next? Are we gonna have a mosque open up?

>>8860898
poison that shit

Punch all the chubby women in your office in the face, just to be sure, and fair.

>>8862795

Never heard of that. Its not about ecology global warming shit, its about not spending money on gas.

Possibly doing without a car at all, which also clips out the monthly insurance premium.

>>8861711
Tell your boss to fuck off, faggot

>>8860898
I would leave some sobatoged plant lunches. I did at a job I worked at a long time ago. Rotten egg salad sandwich, peanut butter, jelly, & turd sandwich. Slimy old cold cuts with some loogiees and mayo. Whatever shit need to be thrown out in your fridge just put between some nice fresh bread.

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You're all faggots for bringing lunch to work anyways.

I bet you spend your lunch break eating at the desk and working extra, don't you?

>new marketing director's second day of work
>already put a post-it note on something

We're fucked, aren't we

>>8862795
t. falseflagging coastie

>>8860898
Buy 30 apples and pit them. Remove the seeds and crush them into a fine paste. In some way, incorporate the seed mash into something you'd normally stow in the fridge, and you'll find out which faggot is stealing your food.

>>8861711
Get a second minifridge

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>>8861157
wew

>>8862729
You sound like a huge fag. I bet you love discussing a good set of well-enforced rules.

>>8862987
>Using coastie as an insult

Enjoy that VFW nightlife in Pisswater, Okiedokie.

>>8862989
What, uh, what effect will this have on somebody?

>>8861006
>I work paint

Flyover

I don't get why people do this who the fuck wants someone else's autistic egg salad or stinky tuna bullshit get a fucking chocolate bar from the vending machine my dudes.

>>8861522
Police can claim "You never meant to eat that" and "Were trying to bait someone". Happened to a friend of mine.

>>8863160
Some people are just assholes who like stealing food. Why pay for something from a vending machine when you can steal Steve's homemade chili for free?

>>8861888
kek look at this legal eagle faggot

>>8860898
Go out to eat.

Seriously, if you fuck with your food and someone gets hurt or sick, you will be fired.

>>8860898
>Wat do?

The next time you take a dump, save some for your lunch, and then laugh when the thief gets horribly sick.

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>>8861009
You tell em', Stephan.

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>>8862765
>Living in Flyoverland

>>8862938
Fuck off Yuropoor. We're not lazy faggots like you we WORK.

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>>8863208
>using "flyover"

>>8863184
idk I personally don't want to take a dare at his moldy cum chili.

>>8860898
Become self employed

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>>8863220
>Being a flyover

>Bringing your lunch to work

kek stop being poverty-wage faggots and get a job where you gets your lunches catered or delivered in on a daily basis as part of your employment package.

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>>8863233
>still using "flyover" like it's some kind of insult

>>8863131
Death. Apple seeds have a small amount of cyanide present in them.

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>>8863166
>tv show host can bait pedophiles just fine
>guy in an office can't bait a thief

>>8863240
those catered meals pack a lot of calories, I opt to bring my own shit.

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>>8863248
I know, it's so cool to be from Fuckup, Nowhere. I hear the nightlife is happening.

>>8863306
That's a clever way of saying "I'm poor."

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>>8863325
>trying this hard to convince people that living with faggots, niggers, Jews, and foreigners in some urban leftist shithole is somehow superior to anything else

I'll stay out here with the cows, thanks.

>>8863216

>enjoying my fine AMERICAN life knowing the faggots that work for me are wolfing down last sunday's day full of meal prep and squeezing in those extra minutes of spreadsheet time while I have a beer and watch ESPN at the nearest bar

ok!

>>8860898
kick ass and take names

>>8863347
Is that a fucking Harry Potter scarf?
Oho. They call US flyovers do they?

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>>8863347
>Actually proud to live in a dystopian trailer shithole with inbred rednecks

y tho

>>8863390
That dude could fold you in half, young fuckboy.

>>8863347
>Leftist

Back to your garbageboard, Proud Boy.

>>8863392

It's the only home he has ever known, and like the water boy, his mom and fox news has warned him about the dangers of venturing too far from the "homeland".

>fucking flyovers

Just let them rot. Ignore them. They were never worth anyone's time to begin with.

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>>8863392
>still mad

>>8860898
This is my wake-up call for how trash this board has become. You're literally asking how to fuck up food. Undercook some shit, add laxatives (or better yet, something hella constipating or a day or two THEN laxatives), throw in some ghost peppers, just generally anything to make your food less desirable always in the same container. People will learn that container never has decent shit and will leave it alone

>>8863439
>throw in some ghost peppers
>ruin it

YOU VANT TO FISTICUFFS?

>>8861263
Poison yes.

Nothing illegal with being a stoner in my state, nor with being constipated and adding laxatives, or liking a serious amount of spice. You can make food problematic without committing a felony

>>8863166
Yes, they can certainly claim it, but they cannot prove that was your intent, especially if you eat it in front of them.

>>8863451
My apologies

Ruin it
>For those with pasty white tolerance for spice (ie most offices)

>>8863459
Ok mate that was a close one, you could've gotten hurt or killed in that fisticuffs, don't ever talk to me or my ghost peppers again.

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>>8861032
>>8860898

Buy some of this. Take something like a burrito where you can load the inside of it up with this stuff. Wait until someones day is ruined.
It's important you use a burrito or sandwich or something because this stuff does have a strong smell that will be noticed if you just put it on top or mix it into something.
It's also great on anything, so you can enjoy it after fucking your coworker up. I really like using it on pizza instead of red pepper flakes

>>8860898
Laxatives.

>>8860898
spicy is the go to, best thing is to put it in something sweet like little debbies or fruit

>>8860898

cum on it

make cumsnacks

>>8860898
shit in the office refigerator

but hide it really well so no one will know where the shit smell is coming from.

>>8860898
lace the next one with laxatives

>>8860898
buy some lsd tabs and put it between some ingredients. perfect revenge

>>8861486
I only came here for this.

Rat poison

>>8860898
Mix some laxatives into it.

Mix in some ratshit and maggots.Be sure nobody sees you while placing it in the fridge. Wait for the scream of disgust.

>>8861053
I can just imagine you. You're probably a gay man with dyed hair in San Francisco who rides a woman's bike to your quality control job at the dildo factory.
>Ewww! Why would I use a car like the other 95% of the population?! That's so mainstream!!!

Laxative. Whoever us shitting their brains out is the thief.

Take a shit
Wipe with your bare hands
Make your lunch
Wash your hands and pack it
Put it in the fridge and go out for lunch
See who gets sick
Either put a stoptto their bullshit or repeat until satisfaction

Just make your own hard tack. Shit can br eaten in 100 years without refridgeration.

>>8860898
shoot up your workplace

>>8864151
It shouldn't have taken this long for this reply to happen.

make a custom lunch box with a pad lock

>try eating my lunch now, you niggers

>>8860898
Drizzle some raw chicken juice on it, the one who goes down wi salmonela is the theif

>>8862795
I am a lefty tranny and ride my bike 6 miles to work every day. I am not dead yet.

>>8860898
Buy chicken breasts, open package, chop them, spice them up a bit. Then leave for week until they get nice amount of salmonella. Then make spicy curry ouf of that chicken, add fresh vegetables. Cover with overdose of lemon leaves and basil. Share with thief.
Or buy some frozen pizza with mold, bake it at home, spice up a bit.
Generally rooten food but in a way that you can always claim that you forgot it was old before bringing to work.

>>8864606
samefag here
Esp old frozen pizza is good for revenge. Such thing put my friend for a week into hospital, I did not revenge, she had bad luck, picked wrong shop with old pizza.

>>8862938
>n-no u

>>8863240
Sorry, but we don't all work at Goldman Sachs, you tool. Besides, my home cooked food is better than anything nearby.

>inb4 flyover

I live in D.C.

>>8864029
This

/thread

>>8864151
>Breaking News: crazed man shoots up workplace while shouting "EAT THIS, FAGGOTS!" upon discoverying his lunch has been stolen for the nth day in a row

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>>8860898

ATTENTION: FAGGOT!!!

Do this, put ghost pepper sauce all over your food. The first person you see sweating and crying like a little bitch, tiger uppercut them right in the jaw. You can't get in trouble because that's how you "like" your food.

>>8862011
Therapy is p cheap breh
I can only really gauge how much of a piece of shit I am if I say what I do out loud to a stranger. And brotha, I'm a big old honkin' doo-doo man just trying to turn it around.

>>8860988
>cuck
KEK

>>8863575
>Make cumsnacks

kek shut your butt, my dude

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>>8864104

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>>8865432

>>8861272
Is it meant to look like a shibu inu?

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>>8865448
>I'm terrified of women!

>>8865466
kek

>>8864340
You'll kill yourself in a few years, statistically speaking.

How can people even steal your lunch? Just imagine how that conversation would go. What the fuck kind of defense would that guy have?
Also is it worth losing your job/all respect at the office just because you cba to cook a little larger portions?

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>casually bring up how you bought that semen cooking book last month and try a recipe every day

I eat century eggs, horse, elk, kangaroo, calf and other kind of stuff that triggers normies so my coworkers wouldn't dare stealing from my mystery lunches.

>eat nata de coco
>dude what's that
>well, more or less fermented coconut water bacteria jelly
>ughhhhh

>>8865509
I have a feeling it's usually fatass women who tell themselves I'm dieting so I'll bring a lunch of vegetables or a salad, then eat it early, decide they are still hungry and that they aren'really breaking their diet if they eat someone elses food.

>>8865607
idk I feel like it's more a nigger or a Paki doing this on the reg.

>>8860898
Bring a delicious lunch laced with laxatives. The culprit stealing your food will be easy to spot as he will be stuck in the toilet for an hour shitting blood.

>>8860898
jizz in your food

>>8865600
This guy knows what's up. Show people you have freakish eating habits and people will fear your lunch.

>>8863481
Love the flavor of those bastards.

>>8860976
Make a YouTube vid diy

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Too much autism in this thread

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>>8865509
>What the fuck kind of defense would that guy have?

none, because he doesnt have to.

you cant punch him over a lunch and no one cares about food thieves because they're all food thieves.

there's no point in confronting them, it's easier to just kill the first one, doggie bag his him into your fridge and then make human food to bait the next thief.

>>8860988
You do realize that there are countless places even in the US that don't have public transportation?

>>8866758

vaguely

they look so small and close together from the plane though

>>8860976
I was just going to say douse it with laxatives but this works too