Sup /ck/ I just bought a new juicer. Thing is boss. Any ide

you fell for a meme

>this is not a joke

when i got to the 'generate your qr code' bit i started to do some research

This thread was shit when you posted it yesterday. Now it's just pathetic.

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>packs start at $5 each
>expects you to remove the plant matter after each use and ship the rinsed pack back to the company
How is this an improvement over buying a juice blend from the store?

>>8838242
>all the women are up front

How dare they segregate, those sexists! Women are not sex objects to be placed front and center for decoration!

>>8838267
They want the Macfag audience. It's not about convenience or price, it's about having a piece of technology that's expensive and trendy.

>>8838319
My thoughts exactly when I saw the box

First salmonella death when?

>>8838242
can i buy the juice bags and open them with a knife instead?

>>8838552
no, you have to buy the juicer, then you're allowed to order bags (seriously)

>>8838552
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lutHF5HhVA

Just squeeze

why does it have wifi?

>>8838591

They tried to learn from the Nespresso mistake where other companies can make cheaper capsules that are compatible with the machine. So they put a qr code on each bag, the machine has to scan it and then authentic it with the company servers, confirming it's an authentic company-issued packet, for it to work.

Btw that's not a theory, they confirmed it in a letter to investors.

>>8838611
why would any reasonable human bring go through all of this hassle, money and corporate overhead just for some fucking juice

>>8838627

Richfags, man. Us rural and suburban plebian retards will never understand their superior ways.

>>8838242
Why the fuck does a $400 glorified straw need fucking wifi and a qr code reader?

Gawd, at first I thought it's a hoax. A really elaborate april fools prank. But it seems like there are real people who really bought and use this. The stupidity is astounding.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWaL1u9VYP8

>>8838627
>reasonable

Your assumption is invalid.

>>8838838
so that you can only use it with authorized $7-$10 juice packets and nothing else.

This story has given me so much delicious schadenfreude juice I love it.

First Bloomberg reports that squeezing their juice bags by hand is literally more efficient than buying their $400 (formerly $700) juicer:
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2017-04-19/silicon-valley-s-400-juicer-may-be-feeling-the-squeeze

Then the CEO and marketing arm of the company fail so miserably to justify their product's existence it almost makes you feel bad for them (but instead you laugh even harder):
http://gizmodo.com/juicero-ceo-begs-you-do-not-open-our-juice-bags-1794507811

No one that invested in this or bought it should be allowed to procreate.

I can't wait till the bombs fall and all the trendy tech startup bobbleheads fucking starve to death because they can't gain authentication with their iPantry because the internet is down and they can't get their fair trade non GMO organic food out of it

cyberpunk af

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hahahahahahahahahahahaha

lol I was pronouncing it juice-er-row.

I was like damn that's a stupid name!

>>8838242
Just hold on! Listen to Rich Roll and his views on the Juicero! Did you know he is an athlete?!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I6Y79-yXtw

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>>8838242

>>8838963
I think the machine was trying to hint to her she's a massive fucking idiot for wasting money on it, and the flashing light is its way of laughing.

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>Press: $399* + Free Shipping

>Packs: Starting at $29.99 per weekly 5-Pack bundle

>*Tax not included

>>8838267

Well it's absurdly expensive, and ALSO is exceptionally more wasteful.

Those are benefits, right?

>>8839003

>make juice
>when all it does is squeeze a bag full of juice.

>>8838242

this is fucking retarded. juicing is garbage in the first place, you're getting rid of the fiber. Just buy a blender and some green vegetables and make your own smoothies that aren't just excuses to drink vegetable colored sugar packs for 5x the price.

>>8838627
just because its a luxury item for you doesn't mean its the same for everyone

The comments are disabled because they know that thousands of people are going to say its fucking retarded. Cause it is.

>coffee capsules
>soylent
>fruit and vegetables in a bag

fuck it let's just go straight to chickpea and soybean mush through a tube

I still don't understand why these health nuts, with all their piety, decide that juice is the best way of consuming fruits and vegetables. Is there some benefit to the elimination of fibre I'm not aware of? If not, why not at least drink smoothies? It's less wasteful and better for you.

At that point it's cheaper and easier to buy a bunch if fruit, put them a in a strainer over a bowl and start smashing them with a tenderizer

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>>8839027
>LOOKS LIKE IT WAS DESIGNED BY APPLE

>overpriced, useless garbage

Can't say he's wrong!

>>8839286
>Is there some benefit to the elimination of fibre I'm not aware of?

Nope. But smoothies made with a cheap shitty blender have a very unpleasant texture. Not everyone has a blendtec or vitamix (though IMHO they should).

>>8839329
OMG LIKE DUH YOU HAVE TO FIRST GO TO A LOCALLY SOURCED FARMER MARKET TO BUY $50 WORTH OF GREENS AND YOU DIDN'T BRING YOUR TOTE BAG AND WOW BEING A FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING IS SO HARD

>>8838978
> $120 million in venture capital funding
Money well spent for a lesson in stupidity aye?

>$400 machine that squeezes a plastic bag
fucking kikes

>>8838242
>I just bought a new juicer
prove it shitposter

>>8838242
Why the fuck is the point of this machine
can't you just go to the market, buy fresh fruits and make juice of them

>>8838591

If you expressive a political opinion online different than the company's, the company will shut it down preventing you from having juice. In the future with smart fridges, stoves, ovens, and cabinets, we will be able to not tolerate intolerant Nazis and starve the to death which is totally ethical according to MSM.

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Dr Oz loves it, Gwyneth Paltrow's site named it invention of the year in 2016, A-Trak is a fan, Oprah handed it out and Katy Perry enjoyed it at Coachella, why aren't you juicing with #Juicero?

>>8838611
hilarious, that must be why they want to recycle the packs themselves

its obvious this $100 juicer has $450 worth of security measurements

the coffee maker will live on because other companies can make coffee for it, it just so happens the coffee itself wont be a part of the company's revenue. this thing will flop hard, if they would at least sell the juice itself it would work.

>>8839665

Yeah but this comes in 5 juice pouches delivered to your door for only $30 each week.

And you connect it to wifi so they can police you.

And it can't squeeze the juice if you have no internet connection.

What a great deal.

What a fucking abomination. Hope the company crashes and burns

>>8838242
Is this satire? Seems like on of those adult swim infomercials.

>>8840076
Nope totally legit, company raised $120M and one of the investors was google

My god

Why is it always the jews

>>8840084
Even that smart oven was a better concept

This is exceedingly stupid, but why do keurig machines get a pass?

It's basically just as wasteful and stupid, the only difference is you're allowed to buy coffee capsules without owning the machine.

this has to be a money laundering scheme. No one is this fucking incompetent

>>8839192
This is in no way shape or form luxury. I think whoever are the people buying this junk have more money than common sense.

>>8840107
I hate keurig machines I want to destroy all of them.

>>8840020
Because there not paying me anything like they paid all of those people too like it.

>>8838244
you are the one who fell for a meme my friend

>>8838319
its the hipster tax

>>8840107
Keurigs actually brew coffee and shit. This thing is a glorified vice grip that squeezes a packet and requires an internet connection. And if your packet is one day older than the expiration date, the stupid thing will just refuse to squeeze it.

>>8840537
>And if your packet is one day older than the expiration date, the stupid thing will just refuse to squeeze it.

This just keeps getting more hilarious.

>>8840560
The entire thing is hilarious, and just gets funnier every time. The producers of _Silicon Valley_ are probably kicking themselves that they didn't think of it first.

>>8839192
>luxury

It isn't. It's precisely the sort of thing that people think is luxury, but is not. Anyone with any money just buys their cold press juice at their local juice bar, because what's $10 for a juice every day anyway?

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>>8840537
>And if your packet is one day older than the expiration date, the stupid thing will just refuse to squeeze it.
As if that entire shitshow wasn't already comedy enough.

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>>8838963
>next video
>"I had to order more packs and set up their app"
Literally DRM juice.

>>8840560
>originally SIX HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE US DOLLARS, now available for the low low price of $399
>comes in a super pretentious Apple-style box
>requires you to download an app, register an account, and scan a QR code from your phone
>you're not even allowed to purchase packets until they can verify you actually own a Juicero
>every packet comes with its own unique QR code and the app tells you exactly which farms all the ingredients came from
>takes up to 2 minutes to fill a glass when you can do it in 20 seconds by hand
>the company expects you to clean out used packets and send them back
The whole thing is mind-boggling. I'm convinced this is some sort of scam to rip off the investors.

How did this get funded? I thought the startup market was very competetive and you needed an amazing concept to get any kind of funding.

>>8840627
>I thought the startup market was very competetive and you needed an amazing concept to get any kind of funding.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>8840627
Tech bubble + investor's with more money than sense + investor's desperate to invest next unicorn company that blows up + con artists

>>8840637
+ tax writeoffs

>>8840020
I know your post is ironic but all of those you mentioned are subhumans and humanity would be better off with all of them dead.

>>8838242
obviously a money laundering scheme, pol already debunked it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQRTcWQiyGk
>CEO of JEW-a-cero

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>>8840651
BUY MY JUICER GOY

>>8838963
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXfPL63ayjU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7r9m-mlIBw

>>8839027
Lmao "it looks like it was designed by apple"

Honestly, it seems like a fine thing for the foodservice industry (upscale convenience stores, hotel breakfast stations, etc) but it's incredibly stupid for home use.

>>8840723
The always-online bullshit is still a dealbreaker. Plus, I'm pretty sure when this thing enters sleep mode or whatever, somebody with the app has to go and re-authorize it. Not to mention $7 per packet is gonna add up quickly if you leave this thing sitting in a hotel breakfast buffet or whatever.

>>8840679
>5$ for a half full glass of juice

>>8840723
You'd think places that provide upscale food service would have better, more efficient means of making juice.

>>8840651
Jew a cero lmao, mfw someone makes a cheaper drm and wifi free machine and sells the packets for $2.50 at Walmart

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>>8838242
This is surprisingly somehow worse than that fucking machine that makes one shitty little tortilla at a time from a one-use tortilla pod.

>>8839090
damn that's actually a pretty good deal...

>>8840679
>the issue is that i needed to set up the app and order more packs
its a tragedy when you drag the joke for too long

>>8838552
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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>>8838611
>literally DRM for your juice

>>8838242
Imagine being btfo by Bloomberg magazine. Like someone at Bloomberg was so incensed by this machine they had to get a bunch of people together and make a video over how inconceivably stupid this machine is.

>>8839192
>make retarded appliance that doesn't need to exist for the juice packets to be used
>this is a luxury
No, motherfucker, a nickel plated Single Action Army with a lavish scroll work and ivory grips is a luxury, this thing can't even justify it's own existence to it's target audience.

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>>8840809
Well to put a notch in the column for the shitty tortilla pod thing, they just delayed their orders a full year

>>8841265
I think even a retard can look at this situation and laugh at the Juicero.

>>8839421
Well at least a bunch of warehouse workers, truck drivers and shipping workers got paid for their labor.

And some rich idiots separated from some of their money.

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>>8840537
>And if your packet is one day older than the expiration date, the stupid thing will just refuse to squeeze it.

>>8840623
I love that this thing can be undercut by the Chinese for like $50 and produce the exact same results (but faster).

>>8838242
What's the value proposition here? It squeezes a pouch full of juice, saving me the trouble of opening it?

>>8840627
Sometimes you can just get enough hype going with idiots that your shitty idea can take off.

It's when this happens that you get to behold the spectacular crash, and we can all take solace in the fact that, no matter how we fuck up, at least we didn't fund the Juicero.

>>8841334
uuuh it's like cool and web 2.0 and stuff
it's good for the environment brooo

>>8841334
Obviously nobody can chop vegetables and put them in a real juicer without having an autism attack and covering their entire neighborhood in beet juice and carrot peels.

>>8840723
Except those places would have more efficient and economical ways to provide juice for customers.

>>8840745
>$7 per packet
Jesus christ, how much juice do you get for that?

>>8841344
>>8841337

kek but yeah QED this is what I mean. It truly is a useless thing to own given the monotask nature.

>>8838267
It isn't, they just thought that they could pull a keurig on everybody but fucked it up by removing the one thing that makes such a product luxurious: convenience.

>>8841349
One glass. Imagine a family of 5 using this thing every morning. They would blow through a few hundred dollars a week just for fucking breakfast.

>>8838319
IT JUST WERKS

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>>8841371
>$7
>for one glass of juice
I can buy like three cartons of juice for that.

>>8841381
But that's not F R E S H juice, that's shitty juice from concentrate

You need fresh juice for the full wellness, preferably with a healing crystal chaser

The price and the dispenser are fucking stupid, but they already got the huge bucks from Google so even when it tanks they're still set.
Shame is, the idea of fancy pressed juice via subscriptions is a marketable idea that would sell very well to the rich and lazy, but they had to fuck it up in the most hilarious of ways.

Honestly, the only thing that could make this funnier is if it were funded by kickstarter

>2 minutes per glass of juice
>another 4 minutes to log in and scan shit
>still have to clean up
I used to have a Jack Lalanne juicer and all you had to do was clean the fruits and vegetables and cut into a manageable size, and it could make well over a liter of juice in less than a minute, and the clean up took maybe 5 minutes. The fruits and vegetables are also way cheaper when you buy them yourself too.

>>8841507
But does it have an app that sends you convenient reminders to squeeze your juice before midnight or else the company will remotely disable your machine? Yeah, didn't think so. Checkmate.

>>8838242
Im surprised anyone was autistic enough to buy a 500 dollar juicier to lightly squeeze bags filled with premade juice into a cup.

>>8841530
A bunch of retards spent $700 dollars on it before the price drop. Horrifying.

>>8838242
So it's in a package... Why not just buy a bottle of juice?

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>>8841585
but how do i incorporate my iPhone and QR codes? you racist bigot trump supporting rural and suburban retard.

Get with the times. You make me sick.

>>8839124
It squeezes a bag of fruits and vegetables to make juice. As to the difference of overpriced store-bought juice, I doubt there is one

>>8838242
>any idea how i can spruce the flavors up a little?

Fuck off with your free marketing research. Saged and hopefully mods prune this shit thread.

>>8841412
i hear ground diamonds are really good for the digestive tract.

>>8841422
I had to double check to make sure it wasn't. It's exactly the kind of retarded thing that gets money hand over fist there.

they built the machine just so /ck/ could laugh their asses off. funniest thing to happen this millenium. $400 juicers dont melt steel beams!
ahahahahahahahahahaha

we are at "Tulip Craze" levels of autism now. jesus come back now, we give up, we can't handle reality!

>>8841679
Diamond dust does fuck all to the intestinal tract. It's inert. You need sharp, large, jagged edges to perforate the intestines, certainly something you would notice while consuming. If the fragments are too tiny they just pass through like everything else.

This whole "YOU CAN KILL SOME1 WITH GROUND DIAMONDS/GLASS" thing has been repeated endlessly in assassination handbooks, but there's not a shard of evidence to back it.

>>8841696
>tulip craze
No, nigga.

This is retarded, but it's nowhere near Tulipmania, the entire country would have to build it's economy on this dumb fucking juicer.

SOMEBODY PLEASE tell me this is a joke. it's too well done

holy FUCK this is NOT satire. what the absolute FUCK?

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>>8840020
They don't know shit about juicing. You wanna know who knows about juicing? The Juiceman.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLadLL-2LHA

>>8841748
our entire economy is built on laser guided missiles and double reverse mortgages held by unemployed detroit grandmothers, who gives a shit. nobody born after the year 2000 will retire.

>>8841803
is this a meme? I feel like I can trust him and fresh juice seems really nice, something to look forward to when you have the money for a machine

Jack LaLanne is the only nigga I ever trusted when it came to juice.

>>8841928
You actually do need to juice the whole/near whole fruit in order to attain the full nutritional benefit. If you just take the watery crap it doesn't do much for your body.

>>8841803
This old fart is about to keel over just drinking that glass of sugar water. Fucking kek.

>>8841803
he looks so terrible. Does juicing really do that to you?

>>8841944
that actually makes a lot of sense, I've heard juicing is better than just eating fruit as it is but didn't think it was actually that cool.
anyone have any articles or something? I'll do some research on my own but I'd appreciate some tips. th-thanks for enlightening me today /ck/

>>8841993
It's more convenient but it takes out most of the healthy insoluble fibre.

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>>8841959
He's old. He's really old. That picture is him in his.. I wanna say 70's?
This is him now. He's 92. He looks fucking GREAT for 92.

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>With no experience running tech companies and a bungled juice-bar chain under his belt, Doug Evans has extracted a remarkable $120 million in investments from Silicon Valley titans, including Google Ventures and Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers, and big companies like Campbell Soup.
>“It’s the most complicated business that I’ve ever funded,” said David Krane, a partner at GV, formerly Google Ventures. “It’s software. It’s consumer electronics. It’s produce and packaging.”
>Many of the tycoons who inhabit Silicon Valley are obsessed with health and longevity while harboring the conviction that technology can improve anything, even one of nature’s most elementary foodstuffs — in this case, juice. And they believe that niche trends, if properly disrupted, can become billion-dollar markets. Juicero is the latest expression of these techno-utopian impulses.
>Ultimately, however, what makes Juicero so special is not quantifiable by conventional science, said Mr. Evans, the founder and chief executive. “Not all juice is equal,” he said. “How do you measure life force? How do you measure chi?”
Silicon Valley "disruptors" on suicide watch.

You guys aren't getting the Juicero market. Any red-blooded American can squeeze the juice packet himself, sure. The Juicero isn't aimed at them, it's aimed at techy types, who live in the Bay Area, work in software and can afford the system. You know, limp-wristed nu-males.

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>>8838242

>>8842101
This guy gets it. This piece of shit is designed by rich snobby douche bags, for rich snobby douche bags.

>>8842091
Silicon valley hype is bullshit autofellatio

Technology died when the iphone came out

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>>8838242

>>8842101
I was looking at their facebook page. Seems like most fans of this product are dumb "trendy" bimbos in their 20s and 30s who more than likely can't cook for shit.

>>8842091
After reading this I am convinced that Doug Evans is an elaborate troll on his quest to humiliate silicon valley types.

>>8842133
No technology died when Bill Gates hired 200 of the best developers in the country, locked them in a warehouse for a year and crapped out Windows Server, kid.

>>8842174
Actually, technology died when Baird made that TV with his stupid spinning disk.

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>>8842091
>>8842169
>tell rich tech fags “Not all juice is equal,” “How do you measure life force? How do you measure chi?”
>mfw they give me a hundred million dollars

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>>8842180
/pol/ was right again

>>8841422
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1793272089/juisir-juicing-without-the-cleaning

>>8842101
As someone who is a techy type, who works in software (actually, interwebs), can afford the system, and personally knows a bunch of people who live in the Bay Area (and places like Seattle; also a prime target): hahaha, fuck no. We've been laughing our fucking cocks off at this shit. We're horrified by the vast majority of this Internet of Things shit, frankly: mostly because we understand how little effort goes into them, and how fucking terrifying the security implications of them are.

>>8841717
>not a shard
:^)

>>8838242
Out of all the retarded IoT shit I've seen, nothing surpasses this in retardation.

>>8842191
kill juice man

You could run wireshark on your local network to capture the packets as the device authenticates, then use the URL returned by the manufacturers to print our your own valid QR code.

>>8842631
Yet, anon. Yet.

>>8842737
>doesn't know how https works
hi script kiddie :^)

>>8842745
>https encrypts DNS lookups
>being this BTFO

gb2/g/

>>8842751
>FQDN = URL
you're just as cringey as old people who use the word "download" for literally every computer-related event because they think using words wrong will somehow make them seem more intelligent or intelligible

in the future refrain from using words you don't understand, thanks in advance

>>8842760
You would need the URL to generate the QR code, as only that would refer to the object specified in the https protocol. The FQDN would result in an incorrect QR code. You probably think that URL = domain.

You are clearly wrong, and should gb2/g/ with the rest of the techno illiterates.

>>8840020
Dr. Oz is a living meme

>>8842767
so tell me little script kiddie, if the device is using https, and all you have is the fqdn, how the FUCK are you going to generate a valid QR code using le wireshark hacker tool xd xd

>>8842770
The easiest way would likely be to isolate the device on a VLAN so that you can clearly isolate its traffic. Bonus points for running a MITM proxy that acts as a CA to the device, and suddenly https isn't worth shit, your traffic is available in plaintext.

>>8838242
Good goy

>>8842771
>just run wireshark!
>oh and also issue fake certificates LMAO haxing is cool!
so then, it's not really wireshark doing the work now, is it

at least you're no longer arguing that DNS lookups are somehow going to decrypt the traffic

>>8842771
Or, and bear with me here, you could just not buy one.

>>8842778
Why would you even need to encrypt the traffic?

The only thing being returned to the device is a URL.

It scans the QR code, sends an http(s) request to a server, and the server returns with another http(s) request.

At no point do you ever need to see the traffic.

What the fuck do you think is being returned to the device?

>>8842787
>Why would you even need to encrypt the traffic?
why do you need a $699 juicer?
>The only thing being returned to the device is a URL.
>It scans the QR code, sends an http(s) request to a server, and the server returns with another http(s) request.
once again, you are confusing fqdn with url

>>8842793
Mate, you're a fucking spazzy. The fqdn would not return any variables over and above those at the domain level.

You need to capture the URL, as the URL ALSO INCLUDES OBJECTS REFERENCED!!!!1111

WHAT THE FUCK IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT THIS YOU COMPLETTE AND UTTER FUCKING RAGING HOMO!!!!!??????????

YESSSS I MADDDDDDDD!!!!!

>>8842798
>The fqdn would not return any variables over and above those at the domain level.
Right. So do they have like 50 bazillion subdomains, one for every bag they plan to sell?

Or are they putting it in the URL?

>>8842793
Why are we printing QR codes when we've just wasted $699 on a bag squeezer?

>>8842798
>The fqdn would not return any variables over and above those at the domain level.

Not the other guy, but shut the fuck up already. Those are just words. You're using words you don't even understand in a way that makes literally no sense.

>You need to capture the URL, as the URL ALSO INCLUDES OBJECTS REFERENCED!!!!1111

How the fuck do you know? The request could be a POST and the POST body could be fucking anything. The response could also be fucking anything. You literally don't know. Shit they could be hashing the data from the QR with a unique device key and POSTing that to the server.

>>8842800
DOUG I AM GOING TO BUY ONE OF YOUR SHITTY FUCKING MACHINES AND STICK IT ON MY NETWORK AND RECORD THE FUCKING SHITTY FUCKING REQUESTS IT MAKES AND USE THE HTTP(S) RESPONSES TO MAKE MY OWN FUCKING QR CODES AND STICK THEM ON CHEAP SHITTY FUCKING COPYCAT BAGS THAT I WILL GET MADE ON ALIBABA GODAMNIT I WILL BANKRUPT YOUR SHITTY FUCKING COMPANY YOU FAGGOT!

>>8842806
lel

I have go to work out now, have fun using bit torrent to download your angry thoughts about stuff you don't understand into 4chan, the magical hacking site

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>>8842191

>>8838573
lol. uice arrow btfo

>>8838963
>received it as a gift
people will buy such garbage if it's for someone else.

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>>8842806

Is it me or are you just paying for an oversized juice box opener

>>8842941
it's a juice bag squeezer, anon. get you shit together

>>8842956
what if i squeeze the bag with my hands

>>8842969
you get sweet fresh juice. but the company forbids that, so don't do it

>>8842977
i'm gonna do it

>>8841422
I really think that if they tried to crowdfund this, it would have gotten nowhere.

There is no way a consumer would be able to look at this and think "yes, this is a thing I may find useful".

The only people who were throwing money at it were greedy venture capitalists who thought they had stumbled upon a steady source of food-subscription income, like Keurigs, inkjet printer ink, or razorblades, but with fruit juice.

>>8840809
Sounds like a microwave.

>>8842101
So why don't those pussies just buy juice from the store, or better yet an actual fucking juicer for $50?

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>>8838242
For me, it's a pure glass of water.

>>8842991
better not anon you will piss off the juicero

>>8842969
It will release mustard gas, please don't do it.

FRRRRESH

TORRRRTILLA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stTzLmoStsU

>>8843719
I'm doing it!

>>8843726
It's cool, I'll cover my face with a handkerchief.

>>8843816
I despise latinos who speak perfect english but whenever they say the simplest mexican word they say it with all those mexican inflections.

>>8838242
This is actually genius, hipsters and housewives will eat that shit up

Like that soylent garbage and keurig

>>8844487
Not much different to English speakers affecting a strange French accent whenever they have to say a French word.

>>8838242
>>8843816

Its like all those shitty kids toys except its designed and priced for adults

>>8844618
Anybody who adopts an accent to say a french word is a pretentious faggot. Just pronounce it correctly, you don't need to pretend you're a cultured and refined lover of the opera.

All they had to do was sell the packets. Label them as " high quality, hyper organic, ding dong bussword, enviromentally friendly, no muss no fuss".

Then just sell them. By themselves. Take advantage of the hand squeezing by just making that your product.

>>8844657
You have to attach the words "fintech", "blockchain" or "Internet of Things" to get funding in Silicon Valley in the past 12-18 months. The fads will change soon.

>>8844643
>french opera
>cultured and refined
The only opera that isn't dogshit is German and Russian

French make great music as long as they stay the fuck away from the human voice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyZwCnGB9hY

>>8844680
>fintech is a fad
SV is only responding to the obvious: a well configured computer can make oceans of money faster than people. The fact that it took them this long to figure it out is kinda pathetic desu

>>8844687
It's Silicon Valley. It's all fads.

>>8838242
We all know that you can squeeze them with your bare hands. But would it be too hard to make a bag which you can easily fill with your own fruits and which doesn't open while pressing?

>>8844706
There's a Chinese company making just that, but it costs $800.

>>8844683
>french opera shit

What is "Carmen," fucknuts? I have to admit I prefer Wagner, but Christ, you went a little wacko for a second.

>>8844731
>unironically liking Bizet
LMAO

You probably listen to Johann Strauss because it's "classy"

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>>8844706

If this thing let me put in my own fruits and veggies and didn't do the stupid internet shit, and pouches didn't cost ~$6, I'd find it to be significantly better. I'd rather just buy a blender, though.

I could afford to own this and do the weekly $30 5packs (jesus christ)... but it's fucking stupid cost for what you get, and the QR policing and disabling offends me. The whole thing is garbage and I agree with every person who was surprised this wasn't a joke.

I think it's great to see how this piece of shit product has brought together /ck/, /g/ & /mu/ together.

>>8844618
Who does this?

>>8844765
Wankers.

>>8838242
every product i buy from now on will require me to make an account on their website. im so tired of this shit

>>8844785
Don't have that problem buying a gun.

>>8844797
Only because the FBI make an account for you.

This is like when you ejaculate into your own semen and create a fleshlight baby.

>>8844806
Not if you buy privately or make your own.

>>8841993
Juicing isn't better.. The fiber and stuff is good for you and helps keep your blood sugar from spiking.
Juice occasionally if you like the taste or need to carry your food in a bottle, but whole fruits are better.

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>>8844836
>thinks any activity in which he participates is private in the land of corporate freedom

Holy shit, you can't possibly believe this in 2017 america.

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>>8845185
>not building your own gun out of pipes and sheet metal
>not buying reloading components second hand
>not scavenging for brass on empty ranges
>not paying for everything in cash
With enough dedication you can.

>>8845199
Sweet. I take it back, then. But you have to go full bore and hope the satellites aren't over head at the time you're scavenging or assembling.

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>>8845226
I'm just saying as an example. As long as your pipegun doesn't:
>fire from an open bolt
>fire full auto or burst
>have a stock with a less than 16" rifled barrel or less than 18" smoothbore barrel
>be a shotgun with a barrel shorter than 18"
>have a bore larger than 12.7mm
>have a foregrip while being under 26" overall length
>have a silencer
It'll be 100% legal on the Federal level. You can actually do quite a lot that's legal and that the Feds wouldn't automatically be alerted to. But even then, if you don't mind actually registering your pipegun as an NFA item ($200 tax to create and then waiting for the ATF to remember your paperwork), you can do a bunch of those things listed as no-nos.

If you want to just entrylevel a pipegun, a slambang shotgun is pitifully easy to make, a seamless drawn steel pipe (26" long) as a barrel (make sure it fits a 12-gauge or 20-gauge shell), a shorter, wider pipe to act as a receiver, an endcap with a nail or screw going through the center (file the sharp end flat afterwards), then loctite/weld that endcap on the wider pipe, and you're basically done.
Maybe paint the pipes black and wrap some good medical tape around the barrel for grip. You load a shell in the barrel pipe, then when you're making ready, slide the wider pipe over it carefully and then to fire it, slam it forward. This will work as a crude but surprisingly sturdy shotgun (shotguns actually work on pretty low pressures).

But on the whole, just going and buying an 80% lower receiver and finishing it in a machineshop, then buying all the other parts to make an AR15 (cash or not), will produce way better results, and the feds are barely the wiser.

I mean they spy on people A LOT, but they're not exactly amazing at it. I think people should be really cautious about the Feds, but for the most part, I think it's because their ineptitude is dangerous, more often than that they're out to get you (which is a thing that does happen, mind you).

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>>8845274
Oh yeah, don't use fucking PVC pipe, because that shit will explode like a pipebomb. Copper piping and seamed welded pipe doesn't last too long either.

Guerilla fighters and enthusiasts have made shotguns like these for over a century, and generally they work.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytfM51_EK8k

If you want to make it nicer beyond the base construct, you could fashion your own stock somehow (either make it out of more metal like in the video, or buy a real cheap-ass pellet rifle at WalMart and use it's stock on your gun). A stock helps in handling, obviously. You could either cut a small divot around the chamber area to help with extraction, or you can flip the barrel around and fire from the other end and the spend shell will be fired off like a snap.

Also if you want to stay legal, as said, make sure that the overall length of the compacted package is at least 26" or maybe it was 28"?

>>8839192
By being a thing you objectively don't need with cheaper, easier to use alternatives, it is by default a luxury

>>8845378
Is it really a luxury if it's objectively retarded compared to cheaper alternatives?

I mean I can goldplate a Yugo and call it a luxury, but that doesn't make it on par with a limousine.

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>>8838978
>What about a little robot hand to physically slap the tainted bag out of your hand onto the floor?

>>8843816
Fucking PODS... NO.

Why do you need the machine if you already have a bag of juice?

>>8845901
Because it's a special process :^)
https://youtu.be/sEh3ysqzH8w
It's also quiet as a church mouse

>>8845901
How would you know if the juice bag is expired without scanning it?
The machine can lift two Teslas!

kinda shitty knowing this will actually be successful.

the invent is indeed a genius, and the investors were right to believe in him.

they all knew yuppies will go crazy for this.

>>8844760
When did /mu/ come into this equation?

>>8846062
https://qz.com/965505/juicero-turns-out-to-be-pointless-so-is-juice-itself/

>>8846062
>knowing this will actually be successful.
90% of people who know about this thing hate it. Check the comments on any website where it's mentioned. Although, granted, they are selling this machine and the packets at such an absurd margin that they could probably sell a double digit amount of these a year and still be afloat.

>>8846074
Hate is good PR, you retards never learn even after it puts trump in the WH. The more you bitch, moan, and cry about something the more attention it gets.

>>8844706
It's called a trashbag. Just tie the end in a knot and slam it into a table. Blammo, instant juice.

>>8846086
blah blah blah

I've never commented on this thing outside of 4chan and I don't plan on it. Stay mad about Trump though.

>>8846074
>90% of people who know about this thing hate it
99% of the people who know about this thing were never in the target demographic.

>>8846103
>Liberal LARPing as pro-trump after the fact

lyl defeat sure is salty, isn't it?

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>>8838627
>why would any reasonable human bring go through all of this hassle, money and corporate overhead just for some fucking juice

When you’re career womyn holding down an important sub-deputy assistant project manager position, you really need a $700 bag pressing machine to keep you at the top of your game….

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>>8838963
>The stupidity is astounding.

Holy fuck, she doesn't even know to shut the door on the bag pressing machine....

>>8846174
I think the machine is opening itself because she hadn't verified her machine with the app.

>>8838573
Juice Jews utterly BTFO

>>8846074

The money was made from the investors, not the consumers.

This was a pump and dump.

The number of units sold was irrelevant to them.

This and Theranos are my favorite so far.

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>>8841371
>Imagine a family of 5 using this thing every morning.

>>8846185
This is correct. The machine won't close unless you use the app and have verified you bought fucking juice packs FROM them. It's absolutely ludicrous.

>>8846243
Well you don't actually buy the juicer, you buy an implied license for the life of the juicer to operate the juicer in the manufacturer's designated way.

>>8846174
stupid fuck stfu

>>8846254
You don't even buy that. You don't get a license to use the juicer even, you have to buy the juicer AND THEN and ONLY then after you've verified you purchased the juicer through their website, can you buy a subscription to buy the juice packs. and then when it verifies you did THAT, will it lock shut.

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>>8843816
> tortilla pods

LOL! If my buddy hadn’t already jumped on the gluten-free meme train, he’d be ordering one of those right now.

>>8844643
>https://qz.com/965505/juicero-turns-out-to-be-pointless-so-is-juice-itself/
"Tarjay". middle america is now officially both pretentious and hateful of the upper classes. brain tumor time

>>8843816
Flatulev-makes perfect refried beans in seconds. It alerts you when ready with a "toot" sound just like your asshole will make in 8 hours!

>>8842179
Technology died when prepared-core technique replaced Acheulean stone toolmaking.

>>8841717
oh. i am an idiot. and it makes sense what you say, if i stop to think about it.

>>8839090
6 dollars for a fucking glass of juice. Plus the second it becomes expired, which is 7 days from purchase, you cannot use the bag in the machine. This shit tells you no

Legit spyware for the retardedly rich

>>8840020
Why the fuck is she holding her cup if it takes 2-3 minutes to pour.

Fuck me. I need money.

What is the next meme idea that I can get investors to give me 200 million for?

>>8840537
I'm fucking speechless.

Honestly, I was waiting for the bit where the guy has all his teeth taken out.

>>8838242
>400 bucks for a machine that just squeezes out the juice from a bag
>you can just do it with your hands instead
>abo for the bags costs 30 bucks per week (5 bags with 230 ml resulting juice each heep)
>machine doesn't even work without internet access

Why, would anyone buy this shitty ass press?

>>8847194
BUT IT HAS INTERNET, BRO!

>>8841412
Even if you buy fresh fruits, it's way cheaper

>>8847194

Can your hands upload your juice to youtube while updating your twitter feed? No didn't think so. Its the future gramps, get with the times.

>>8846223
>Theranos

I still want to tear apart one of those Edison machines. maybe I can get one at their liquidation sale

>>8846281
she was the best, shame she got implants

>>8846227
>7 limes
>1 tomato

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>>8838242

Holy shit - are american adverts all so cancerous as this?

>blatant lies
>strawman arguements
>irritating voiceover
>crappy acting with poor expressions

>>8840623
>originally SIX HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE US DOLLARS, now available for the low low price of $399
>comes in a super pretentious Apple-style box
>requires you to download an app, register an account, and scan a QR code from your phone
>you're not even allowed to purchase packets until they can verify you actually own a Juicero
>every packet comes with its own unique QR code and the app tells you exactly which farms all the ingredients came from
>takes up to 2 minutes to fill a glass when you can do it in 20 seconds by hand
>the company expects you to clean out used packets and send them back

I want to see an advert in the same style as theirs using those points as the intro and just normal juicing as the solution.

>>8847361
>yuropoor being poor and mad
Why am I not surprised'?

>>8838242
>>8840020
>This product
>That mind behind the product
I didn't know /pol/ was a blue board.

>>8838611
Ok... it just became a lot shittier. And it was useless to begin with.

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>buy cheap juicer for like $50
>since cleaning it is so hard, simply throw it away when done
>can do this several times before you hit the threshold where you'd get above the price of the jewcero, but the amount you save on ingredients would push it up even more

>>8846070

Around here:
>>8844643
>>8844683
>>8844731
>>8844739

>>8847512
/mu/ doesn't know anything about classical music though. it's all retarded teenagers arguing about non-existent genres and whether wubstep is better than clownbeat and if post-crunk bazombo trance is going to be the next big thing

>>8845901
You can't buy the bag of juice unless you have already bought the machine.

>The device’s $699 price reflects the 12 PhDs, 50 engineers, and seven food scientists in San Francisco who worked to design the system.

L0l0l0l it took 50 engineers to redesign the vice to have a $700 price-tag. Shoot these fuckers.

>>8847522

>post crunk bazombo trance

Fucking retard that's already passe. It's going to be neo-techno ethiopian throat scrounging

>>8841803
Oh shit I've been an orange water cuck all my life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9GZxsfZ0LY

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>>8847721
>they use it to make munitions and fireworks

>>8847607
but it meaninglessly connects to your cellphone so that it can have an excuse to not have controls on the machine

>>8840723
most hotels that provide fresh juice in pitchers since they have the resources and need to make juice in bulk.

>>8842737
wouldnt it just be easier to physically hack the machine and figure out how to bypass the computer so you can just make the machine actuate without the gay scanning in the first place?

>>8844487
uggghhhh that shit is so fucking cringe worthy

>>8841629
You can look up a video somewhere, they take one of the bags and just squeeze it out with their hands, it's already juice in the bag.

>>8847827
yeah people shouldn't say stuff correctly, it makes me feel uncultured ;_;

>>8844487
I don't like that kind of shit in any language.

>>8847964
my cousin does this all the time. uncle worked for various embassies around the world so she is well traveled and she always has to say ethnic words as if she is a local

>>8841803
All of the spiritual new-age mambo jambo doesn't really make me trust this man's judgement

>>8847964
Listen to the way she says not just "tortilla", but also the word before it. She says "fresh tortilla" in a sassy Latina voice, and then comes back down to perfect English.
It's a voice put on purely to point out her "heritage" and make her more convincing to the faggots who buy this shit.

>>8848013
>people with heritage make me uncomfortable
t.mongrelized probably-european okie

>>8847827
>>8847975
>>8847976
>>8848013
>t. people who only know one language

>>8848022
"Fresh" is a Germanic word

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It’s even worse then we thought, as according to /pol/ (http://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/122432074) the JuicerJew requires the purchaser to hand over complete access to their cell phone and computer networks, allowing the company to datamine the phone, including the user’s location, text messages, phone calls/numbers, pictures and even searches your WiFi connection.

>>8848098
he's so.. jewy.

>>8848113
jewcy

>>8847738
I don't know about munitions, but the oil is mostly D-limonene, which I've worked with before. The stuff is pretty harsh; I can see how it might not be good for your digestive tract. People do take it as a supplement, and it supposedly has anti-cancer properties, but when the "eat the whole fruit!" guy says "except for this," it might be a good idea to listen.

>>8848160
it's harsh when the oils of hundreds of pounds of fruits are fucking concentrated in a jar via fractional distillation. did I miss something? can you show me the part of the juicer that does fractional distillation of limonene?

when the "as seen on TV guy" talks, and you're inclined to listen, it might be best to just stop watching

>>8847798

or apparently just squeeze the bag and ignore the machine

but if you have a bag, you're paying $30+ per week for 5 bags a week... and you've purchased a jewcero for $400, which is nonsense.

>>8848192
>30 buckaroos a week
wowza! according to my calculator that amounts to a staggering 1560 dollars a year! all that for 5 measly cups of juice a week.

>>8838242
the liquid jew

>>8838242
>those ads
absolute trash
garbage
whoever made those
should be fired
no
hanged
fuck you

>>8838242
please tell me this is an American thing.

>>8840623
It was a scam to rip off investors. It got around $120 million in silicon valley startup money.
>Google’s venture capital arm and other backers poured about $120 million into the startup.
>https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2017-04-19/silicon-valley-s-400-juicer-may-be-feeling-the-squeeze

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>>8838242
>tfw the botnet wants you to starve

>>8838242
>no cleanup
>please put leftover in compost, rinse out packs, and go through the tedious process of mailing your trash to us

>>8849670
only on 17 states in america

they cant ship the juice bags to other states. it spoils too quickly

>>8847361
its a form of comedy

>hacking this hard
>when all you need is to remove its insides and place a arduino controller that will lock it and activate the press
srsly

I don't see the problem.

>>8850263
He's obviously a network guy and thus an utter moron. Don't confuse him with your talk of hardware hacking.

>>8839003
This is because it needs INternet to datamine you

>>8838329
Well, my thoughts when I saw the box and the ad, was "a funny hoax, pretty late for 1st april though." I was shocked to learn this kind of bullshit is real.

If you're getting a pre-mashed pulp through mail order, why not buy just ready-made juice? It's about the same thing.

>>8846227
Are those limes or avocados? Either way why so many?

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JUICE!!!

>>8841371
considering squeezing a single glass of juice is about 3-4 minutes, imagine a family of 5, even a pretty rich one, using that for breakfast.

>>8850263
"Sir, we noticed you have been purchasing new packages, but there are no reports from your Juicero about using them up before expiration date. We really hope you did nothing to violate our Terms of Service?"

>>8852176
You just get one for each family member.

>>8840584
>The producers of _Silicon Valley_
I only recently got in that show cause i got some extra dosh for hbo go.
i cant stop relating this product to that show but if i saw the two merge, i would have promptly turned it off for it's lack of realism. and yet here we are.