This guy slaps your girlfriend on the ass and says your gluten

>>8762279
Y-you too

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Show him my kneading skills until he backs down in fear and apologizes.

>>8762279
i like good eats, but can't stand him in anything else.

>>8763022
Yeah he's a pretty terrible Iron Chef host

Hate that gimmick show he hosts where he larps and absurd costumes are imposed upon the competitors. If you need shit like that on a cooking show for adults then maybe the world has too many cooking shows.

Man I haven't followed Alton Brown since high school. Used to watch Good Eats with my grandma all the time.

>>8762279

Who would pay money for those stupid meat shredder claws.

>>8763364
people who want to pretend to be wolverine while cutting their meat

>>8763364
hopefully no one after jack gave that scathing review of them

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>>8763364
Ja/ck/

>>8763488
lmao this is so retarded

has this been used in a homicide yet?

>>8763507
not one where they caught the guy

>>8763507
>Florida man
It's bound to happen

>>8762279
>what if wolverine...
>was a pair of cooking utensils!!!

>>8762279
start to rape his ass

>>8762279
take his pulled pork claw things away from him, roast him in an oven, and make pulled pork out of him

I'd kneel before him.
"M-my lodge," I stammer, "I just want to say this is an honor. I used to watch your shows all the time. But, please, don't take my girlfriend!"
He smacks me and takes my girlfriend.

>>8763488
Jack needs to kill himself. How can he enjoy eating raw meat?

>>8762279
I apologize profusely and change my ways.

Bitch, please! Where we're going, we don't need gluten! We have fucking pentosans!

>>8763488
They work great if your bbq is actually cooked to the point it is falling apart. Sorry Jack

>>8762279
Kick his little pussy ass, that's what.

>>8763488
This shit activates my almonds every fucking time.

>>8766895
>activates my almonds

This phrase really suffocates my kumquats.

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Stop buying unitaskers.

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>>8767307
*blocks your path*

>>8763507
>police find corpse in the woods
>it's all clawed up
>"No need to investigate this one, bears got him."

>>8767326
That's also a bludgeon, good for breaking glass with.

>>8767326
to be fair i'm pretty sure he's said that's the only unitasker he wants in his kitchen

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>>8763488

>>8766344
Why else would he be eating raw meat?