Just cut myself bad, slicing an avocado with a rotten core. Have

slicing an avocado does not constitute cooking

>working as a commis chef
>guy behind me throws a piece of fish into a pan of hot oil (another guy had put it on about five minutes earlier)
>guy gets some hot oil in his face, i get some on my arm

>>8745227
Are we splitting hairs here? Also, once I was in a hurry and took out a hot plate of the oven without gloves.

>>8745220
Working in a restaurant will likely make you get hurt innumerable times, especially when it's crazy busy and you're in a rush, and rushing or carelessness is usually what causes most injuries and accidents.

the most horrifying injury I've suffered was the time I had a mostly healed deep cut on my finger unrelated to cooking and I tried to rip open a mesh bag of onions and the mesh cut into the old wound causing it to reopen and then the angle I pulled my hand away in shock caused the mesh to catch on my flesh and rip the cut bigger

It was like a papercut x30

One time I was pulling the grates out of the bottom of the fryers while they were still on to give to the dishwasher like I did every night, but one of them was filled to the very brim and I was using a short pair of tongs that usually reached just fine, so without even thinking I submerged my entire hand into the 350 degree oil.

>Weekend, 40 degrees C outside
>Making sausage and gravy
>Splash thick, boiling-hot gravy all over my fat belly.
>No shirt on
Still got a scar.

When i was like 5 or 6, i wanted to cut a square of chocolate into smaller piece, choc was too hard, my knife slided and i don't remember how, but i cut the tip of my thumb all the way through flesh and nail, for a few cm deep maybe, it was a really bad wound
Nobody was at home and i managed to hide it so they won't yell at me lol

>>8745247
cringe
How did it end? In a hospital?

>>8745256

No. I started paying attention real quick and pulled my hand out almost immediately. It was bright red for about a week and blistered in a couple spots, but it didn't seem bad enough to have to go to the hospital.

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>>8745235
>it was like a papercut x30
WOW BOI

>meat cleaver over fingernail while chopping scallions - it's finally grown back
>sliced both thumbs in one day, first slicing meat for curry then later washing up the same knife
>tried to halve a cake, tilted the knife upwards into my hand
>steam burns on hands from reheating soups in the microwave and forgetting hot air rises
>oven burns from being a shitfuck and forgetting ovens are hot

I really shouldn't be in the kitchen.

>>8745268

>chopping scallions with a meat cleaver

What were you really expecting?

>working at dairy queen as a teenager
>making slushee castles with a bowl, slushee mix, a straw and the -10c cake freezer
>friend dares me to lick the inside of the freezer door
>being 16 i accepted the challenge
>tongue freezes to it
>customer comes in
>rip tongue away
>work rest of day with mouth shut, drinking blood
>scraped layer of frozen taste buds off of door later on

>>8745277
-10F freezer, I meant.

>>8745277
Loosing them buds forever gotta be the worst thing man.

>>8745285
Idk about America, but in Russia almost all children fell into the "lick the frozen pole" meme once or more, nobody lost their buds forever. how can you even grow up into a man without knowing what it feels like to touch frozen things with your tongue

>>8745270
A lot more than what I got. I've learned to wield the cleaver with power unknown to others.

>>8745305

In America everyone learned not to lick frozen things at a young age from A Christmas Story and Dumb and Dumber.

>>8745305
Buuhuu why can't everybody be as stupid as me!!

>>8745310
Here your only teacher is your own life experience (also: 95% it's dad who suggests you to lick the frozen pole)

>>8745314
fuck off reddit
Non-traumatic childhood = boring childhood

Was cooking a bunch of pierogies once, went to put the boiled pierogies into a pan of oil to crisp them when they all suddenly slid into the pan. Hot oil splashed out onto my foot. I had a pretty cool splatter shaped scar on my foot for about 5 years until it finally faded away.
Witnessed a bad injury when I worked in a kitchen, we were super short staffed on Easter weekend so the place was absolutely packed and the kitchen was chaotic. We were having a special fish fry so there was a guy cutting the fish then tossing them in the batter.
>thunk, plop, thunk, plop, thud
>SON OF A BITCH
Everyone looks at the fish guy and the knife is embedded in the dudes hand. The hand holding the fish down had slipped just when he swung down for the cut. I saw him a few days later, he had nerve damage all along his hand and couldn't make a fist anymore.

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Was making some pouched curry at 3am and my dumbass just threw the pouch into the water without a care in the world and a huge splash of boiling water hit me right in the belly. 1st layer of skin just sorted melted off, shit fucking hurt

>>8745254
How is your thumb even a few centimeters thick to begin with

>>8745319
I did this. And I watched Christmas story a lot.
Got stuck for 10 mins as my siblings held hot water in cups just out of reach.

It wasn't traumatic because I knew exactly what was going to happen. It did hurt like fucking hell though.

I fucking hate those mother fuckers and never plan on saying another word to them, naturally, though I did speak to them til I was 22 or so.

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>>8745339
>first layer of skin just sorta melted off

>>8745220
What, no pic of the cut?

>>8745307
Nice, me too.

I mince chicken with a cleaver.
I grind almonds into dust for tea cakes with a cleaver.
Sometimes I buy half a dozen pumpkins and just go ham with lmao2cleavers.

They're pretty fun.

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>>8745357
On my third patch. Finally the bleeding has stopped

Luckily foe me nothing to serious. Worst I have seen was a guy put his index amd middle finger in a robocoup before the bladed stopped spinning and ot cut the tips of his fingers off.

>>8745220
>Beginning of this year, trying to open a tuna can
>Tin opener breaks halfway through the job.
> Desperate for this fucking tuna, get my biggest knife and begin cutting the can towards me.
>Slip. Hit an artery and sever the nerves of my thumb + 70% of the tendon.
>After surgery and a couple months of hospital visits I'm still healing.
>tfw im a fucking idiot

>>8745220
>be me
>have a nice package of pasta and boiling water
>take the pasta out of the package
>put it in the water
>the package caught fire
>ohfuck.jpg
>grab the package
>rush to get it in the sink
>two drips just fucking burn through my skin
nothing else caught fire tho

>>8745588
Lol thats bad man.
I opened a beer bottle on a metal stove. Didn't notice the class broke and sliced my lip. I also swallowed broken glass and got nervous as hell but nothing happened. Got a big scar on my lip now but it's ok. I usually just say that some douchbag hit me.

Managed to cut the whole red part of my finger once. I was at work and thought it was okay but it bled so much they begged me to go to the nearest clinic because i was spilling blood everywhere.

Shits took ages to look normal again.

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>>8745623
Forgot pic.

>>8745609
Somewhere in your stomach, the glass is just waiting for the right moment to tear shit up

>>8745339
Why were you shirtless

Last night:
>honing my cleaver with a steel at work
>faggot as dishwasher runs into my left arm
>steel somehow rotates, hilt is now 90 degrees from where I had it
>right hand still in motion
>THUNK right into my thumb behind the knuckle
>think I hit bone
>superglue bandaid finger condom duct tape
Guys I'm scared to take the bandaging off again

>>8746467
dude go to the fucking hospital you need stitches
also post pics

>>8745220
> Peeling potatoes
> Slip
> Peel index finger
> Remove half of fingertip

> Cooking breakfast
> Cheap oil
> Spits everywhere
> Get some on me when I reach to flip something
> Mash hand into frying pan
> Burn finger

Who the fuck hasn't hurt themselves cooking?

Right now I have a blister after a retard moment of holding a small bowl I was going to fill with the contents of a large pan

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dear retards,

please calm down, disinfect your wounds and wrap them in clean bandages instead of just showing up at the ER, screaming and spraying blood fucking everywhere

that shit is annoying

I had a woman that actually made her husband take down her last will and testament if she was to die because she cut her hand dicing tomatoes

she needed two stitches

if you don't have disinfectant and bandages readily available, please stay away from the kitchen

t. ER nurse

>>8747217
It's humorous how people panic so much at a little bit of blood. I got shot once and the blood was spurting like a fountain. My shirt and pants were soaked. They put pressure on it and it slowed enough where they sewed it up. They did a 2 level stitching where they sewed the interior of the circle then the outer circle. That was that. I thought sure I'd need a transfusion, but they said no.

Was a temp in some kitchen, been there for 1 hr, cutting carrots with a breadknife, thats what they did there. Sliced my thumb pretty bad. Went to e.r. That need some stiches, anon. Oh, ok. No sedative, no nothing, I might have squealled a little.

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>>8745235

>>8745220
Worst one was when I moved a pan of half chickens from the combi oven ala server style and while going down the line tilted it wrong and 350 chicken juice went down my left shoulder.
Finished shift and could not sleep on my left side for a week.
Got a nice scar from it though.

>>8747601

>fucking slightly higher than torso level combi on a super tight line

I swear I used to bump some part of me against the inside of the open door at least once every night taking something out or putting something in. Nonstop little burns up and down my arms like I was a cutter but only had access to an iron or something.

>>8747631
Worst part about that oven is if you do not open it all the way, it will slowly close on you.
Will wake you up better than coffee, man.

>>8747705

That's the thing. Plus if it's higher up and you're putting in a sheet tray or something big you end up putting your elbows out and the doors are on both sides...

>>8747734
Yup, my coworkers put the potatoes on the top self of the top oven. I try to tell them we have two and I don't like pulling 30 bakers from that high but they say they Cook faster that way.

Yes, cook faster.

>>8745227
How bad was it for the guy?

>>8745319
do you wish you got pedo'd? lol

>>8747298
So the memes were real

The worst story I heard was from my buddy. His coworker was scrubbing the vents above the fryer with a sheet tray over it. He steps on the sheet tray, and it slides out of place. Dunks his leg in the 350 degree oil. Skin falling off like it was a sock....

broke my leg and knocked my dog unconscious while trying to open a coconut at 3 am

>>8745220
>I use my hand as a cutting board

Cunt

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>>8747938

>>8747217
If you didn't want to deal with retards coming in for booboos you shouldn't have taken a job as a fucking ER nurse

Guess you could say that was one disobedient avocado

Pulling something out of the oven I stopped paying attention and I grazed the top of my fingers in upper edge of the oven. It took half an inch of my skin away much like one would take off a sock.

(((the year is 1991)))
>be making limeade
>lime is fucking dry and stringy inside
>use a knife to stab in and try to mash the rock-like little juicebags with the side
>knife slips
>goes all the way through finger down to the bone
>blood pouring everywhere
>just moved to the area, no idea where a hospital is
>call 911
>they send a cop first because shitty area
>ambulance crews need protection
>meanwhile I look in freezer for something cold
>no ice trays, so no ice cubes
>only thing I have is a baggie of ground beef
>hold on to that to keep the finger cool
>cop sees me, decides it's not so bad
>tells me to hop in, he takes me to hospital
>nurses get grossed out by bloody ground beef next to bloody finger
>end up with stitches for the night
>next few days
>zero feeling in finger
>severed the nerve along one side
>get surgery to reattach nerve
>get charged thousands of dollars
>good thing I have a real job with insurance
>surgery fails like shit
>quack tells me that's the breaks
>still only minimal feeling after 36 years

>>8747217
>durr you shoud do my job for me you retards hurr
You're in the wrong business buddy

In the last 5 years I have cut myself more with aluminum foil than I have with knives.

Think of a paper cut but about 3 times worse.

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>tfw you have to wear one of these

Don't run in my kitchen

>>8748771
Finger condoms are fucking hilarious.
I wonder if the inventor ever made any money or did everyone just laugh at him for having a tiny penis that mandated he invent such a thing?

I'm going with #2.

>>8748771
At least you'll be able to turn pages really well.

>>8747786
he went and ran his face under some water for a while but it wasn't too serious

I feel sorry for this poor bitch in a HSE poster

>>8750082
Someone had to market for the Indians

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>>8750110
Forgot image

>>8745339
>making
reheating

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>>8745235

>>8745339
how weak is your skin i spill boiling water on myself all the time with no real injury

>>8750175
Right?
212 is nice and tepid where I work.

Once drank boiling water. My throat hurt like cazy and I couldn't eat in two days. Fuck

I once grabbed a George Foreman grill thinking it wasn't on and burned the shit out of both of my hands. I couldn't do anything but watch TV for two days afterwards.

>>8745277
>working at dairy queen
>come into the store at the start of my shift
>tons of costumers because tons of little league baseball kids and families after games in the summer
>no one at the register
>find boss's cow daughter in the back of the store, covered in water and ice cream, crying and not saying anything
>behind the counter has 2 inches of water, some sort of electrical failure caused the freezers to turn off and leak
>boss isn't picking up his phone and my 15 year old self is too scared to not serve costumers anyway
>blizzard blender footpedal is submurged in water while I try to use it
>get electrocuted, I saw blue
>quit on the spot
>throw away all of the can openers and every key in the store, including the ones to the safe and gumball machine

As a fun fact, my boss eventually got caught with cp on his computer.

>>8747938
Haha what

>>8752174
>throw away all of the can openers and every key in the store, including the ones to the safe and gumball machine
What a faggot.

>>8752174
>Fun Fact

>>8752452
For you

>>8745220
Draining a pot of boiled potatoes. Tipped pot toward myself with pan against side of the sink ro stop the spuds falling out. Tipped too much, and boiling water all down my stomach. Still red and shitty two years later.

>>8746661
what keyboard is that?

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>>8752421
Just so you know, it was satisfying as fuck.

>>8750114

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSU4g2wL9Oc

Cut myself pretty bad with a mandolin about 2 years ago. Sliced off a good chunk of my left index finger's pad. It's healed, but I'm still missing part of my fingerprint due to it.

>>8745268
How quickly were you trying to cut the cake in half?!

>>8753501
I was JUST asking myself this, what emergency sitation needed a cake halved so quickly you cut yourself doing it?

>>8745608
How did you manage to catch the box on fire?did you leave it half submerged into the boiling water and the other half touching the pot??

>>8748730
Do you work at a Macaroni Grill?

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>>8745220

I've cut myself a few times. Nothing major. I got this yesterday firing my new 9mm. That slide just leaped back and bit me. Once is all I needed to learn where not to pu my thumb.

>>8753596

What do you cook with your 9mm?

>>8753610
I'm guessing ammo.

>>8745220
I'm a klutz with knives that's why I only use disposable plastic knives for cutting.

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It seems like a lot of the posters here, could use a set of this fine cutlery.

>>8745220
In 16 years of kitchen work I have never really seriously injured myself. But I have injured myself.

>cut off most of the fingernails and plenty flesh of my left hand
>burns, burns, burns
>>actually haven't burned myself in a while and my last two line shifts for a few weeks are tomorrow so I'm due
>took a hot sheet pan in the forehead that managed to cut and burn me at the same time
>failing knees
>constantly aggravated rib injury
>stress induced insomnia
>stress induced fucking everything

I once watched one of my first cooks splash hot duck fat all over his hand. He hardly even reacted. The guy's a machine.

When I worked in this shit-hole sports bar the sous chef splashed fryer oil all over my hand in the middle of the rush. I wrapped up my hand and kept working. The next day he asks me how my hand got so badly burned. Stoned fucking idiot.

You become oblivious to minor injury after awhile. Maybe. I guess. I don't know. Some of my cooks are tough as nails and some are pussies. You gotta know when to take the painkillers and when to grit your teeth and put a tenser bandage on.

>>8745220
I've been hurt while cooking.

I got smacked with a hot fry basket by some tit who swung the wrong direction without looking, giving notice, or understanding why I cursed him out for five minutes.

I've also had a similarly retarded apps/gm manage to drop a spinning knife off his board, and have it slash the back of my ankle... luckily not into my achilles tendon, or I'd have probably crawled over to him and broken him to death.

>>8753501
not quick at all. just a fuckwad who doesn't know how to hold a knife level when cutting horizontally

>>8748559
why would you try to put something cold on a bleeding finger? just compress it.

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>>8752898
Mfw

>>8752576
it's the noppoo nano 75

>>8745220
That's what you get for eating meme food.

>>8748559
That's what you get for doing stupid shit, like juicing limes with a knife.

>>8750167
this one makes me lol