I'm trying to convince my wife not to get a stand mixer

>>8677041
>Can you tell me what we can use this machine for
Cook for her boyfriend, faggot.

>>8677041
This is the housewife board, please leave.
And your wife probably will bake more, stand mixers are great

They have all sorts of attachments. I personally own the noodle making attachments and the ice cream bowl as well as the juicer attachment.

They're honestly great if you bake even somewhat regularly.

>>8677041
Get one you fucking retard. They're wonderful and, even if she doesn't bake, your kitchen will look better just having it. Stop being a pleb and graduate to the middle class.

Aside from baking, use it to mix things dumb ass.

>>8677041
I bought my stand mixer over 20 years ago and i'm still using it to this day, it's worth the cost.

Even when baking I use my food processor more often. But I usually make shortcrust/pie doughs for shit like Beef wellington and meat pies so I only have to cut in buttter. For mixing I use a hand /immersion blender with whisk attachment

>>8677068
>when baking I use my food processor
... why?

>>8677071
Because he's an idiot or barely baking anything

>>8677071
>cut in butter.

Welcome to reading! keep trying!

>>8677072
Baking is literally for fags and women.

>>8677041
Honestly though, this thing is great for baking. Even if you want to hand mix, this thing really anchors itself so you don't have to fuck with holding it.

>>8677082
You can cut in butter without using a food processor idiot.

>Baking is literally for fags and women.
So is using a food processor for anything.

>>8677082
>Baking is literally for fags and women.
And people who enjoy eating baked goods but don't want to pay exorbitant prices.

>>8677093
No, he's a manly man because he's on a cooking board but doesn't bake :^)

>>8677082
>Baking is literally for fags and women
This board is literally for fags and women, idiot.

>>8677092
>You can cut in butter without using a food processor idiot.
And you can do all of baking without a power mixer, what's your point?

>>8677100
That using a food processor for baking is like using a microwave for cooking bacon.

>>8677110
heh, no

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNXdvhFDbGw

>>8677112
>fb-tier let's cook video
loving every laugh

>>8677082
You real8ze the majority of this board is women, right?

>>8677092

>You can cut in butter without using a food processor idiot.

Not him, but since I don't make shortcrust pastry often I'd rather use a fool proof method with a food processor. No warmth of my hands fucking things up.

>>8677117
No it isn't

>>8677119
Yeah it's a preference I'm sure. But the way he said implied you have to use a food processor to do it. Pretty retarded.

>>8677041
Use it to make batters for deep frying.

>>8677120
Yes it is

>>8677140
No it isn't

>>8677133

Kitchenaids are fucking amazing for 100s of things, but mixing batter for deep frying are something you can do by hand.

>>8677161
I do that too. But when you are making a lot of batter this can save you time.

>>8677148
yes it is, nigger

>>8677082
>on cooking board
>baking is for fags
oooook

They make attschments for making pasta, making freshly ground meat, shredding vegetables, stuffing sausages, making ice-cream, etc. it's not just for baking.

>>8677082
This post backfired on you.

>>8677148
Yes it is

>>8677200
Woman here. Can confirm. Anything outside steak autism is probably women.

>>8677117
Women suck at cooking so it'd make sense

Why not just buy two if you are that insecure

>>8677200
>>8677308
No it isnt

>>8677211
More things we would never do. Great.

>>8677114
>comparing the autusts at cooks illustrated to buzzfeed

How new are you? Hell even the suburban housewives know about Cooks Illustrated since they spend their husbands money writing checks to support PBS.

>>8677514
what on earth are you talking about?

>>8677098
circle jack posting is the only hetero part of this board

>>8677518
cooks illustrated.

>>8677041
Stand mixers kick ass, you can do a ton of shit with them and they last forever.

>>8677628
>you can do a ton of shit with them
No.

>>8677631
yes

>>8677110
>>8677114
is this better for you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1siW_wm9TnA

>>8677631
great argument

>batters
>noodles
>dough
>mixing
>whisking
>ice cream

Etc

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>>8677677
>thinking the attachments are good
>majority are 1 star ratings.

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>>8677697
really tickles the neurons.

>>8677697
>cherry picks example
>to prove some autistic point

https://www.amazon.com/KitchenAid-KICA0WH-Quart-Cream-Attachment/dp/B0002IES80

>>8677714
>>8677715
>Linking to amazon paid shills.

>>8677721
>shills
>alternative facts
>>>/pol/

>>8677721
>anyone who doesn't agree with me is a paid shill

Just kys now

>>8677724
>>8677730
Cherrypicking amazon while the kitchenaid website says otherwise.

>>8677735
Yeah, kitchenaid website with 200 reviews is TOTALLY better than amazon with over 2,000 reviews.

Not to mention being $30 cheaper.

>>8677740
>doesn't know that reviews are bought and paid for now.

>>8677045
husband, stupid.

>>8677745
Reviews CAN be bought and paid for, that doens't me reviews ARE bought and paid for on EVERYTHING.

Remember when you were in school and they had this thing called
>critical thinking

You should give it a shot some time.

pro vs artisan for casual use? worth the price difference?

>>8677785
if you make more than one loaf of bread at a time artisan wont be enough for you

I bought an attachment todo sausage links and hot dogs so I can control my own lips and assholes

My boyfriend bought a 6 qt lift one a while ago, we use it for making all sorts of dough. Lately i've been using it to make cheesecakes and other non-cookie desserts. We also have the meat grinder and the spiralizer, which we use to make curly fries and peel apples.

>>8677041
Why doesn't the cunt just buy it with her own money? Your money, your rules. Otherwise you're a faggot cuck anyways. Why would you "argue" with any woman and lose? Might as well give her your balls if you buy her that mixer. If the fucking bitch is buying it with her own money then fuck her friend.

These things are like $50 tops, quit being a fag over something so trivial

Unless you're considering 10x that amount for what amounts to a motor with a speed dial. Then you'd just be a retard.

>>8678112
We have a joint bank account.

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>>8677041
>Can't afford a stand mixer, classic wife owned instrument
>can't afford to provide for wife
Yeah, just enable yourselves to continue getting takeout 6 days a week

>>8677752
Shh anon, the jews are always behind everything

Proud owner of a £30 stand mixer here
Things I use it for besides baking:
>
>
>Fucking nothing
But let's face it, there was no way I was going to start enjoying fresh bread every day without it

>>8678167
>having a joint account
So what? You didn't answer the question...
Who is making the money. If she wants it she can buy it with her own money. Same as if you wanted whatever faggot cucks like you want and you'd have to check in with the control tower to see if you can use your own money to buy things for yourself.

>>8677041
>trying to convince my wife
Lmao just draw up the divorce papers now you pussy, she's already trying to find a real man and make it look like your fault things went wrong

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>>8677041

get this mixer instead http://www.webstaurantstore.com/hobart-legacy-hl600-1std-60-qt-commercial-planetary-floor-mixer-with-standard-accessories-200-240v-2-7-10-hp/425HL6001STD.html?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=GoogleShopping&gclid=Cj0KEQiAgJTGBRDLr5_az_Ouk44BEiQAIxaA4mfKuVLwlGwC_iI9uNi0Kaecu6DjXCkGBln5tC6ZcO4aAi3r8P8HAQ

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>>8677793

I have an artisan and regularly do 2, 9x5 loaves of white bread, or two baguettes the length of a 16 inch baking tray.

I think the tiers above artisan aren't worth it, but they do come with a dough whip instead of dough hook, and that makes me jealous.

Pic related, was done in an artisan as a single batch with a hook. Sheet is standard 13x18 half sheet pan.


Op, you should get a stand mixer. Part of having a good life is keeping your lady happy. These are wonderful tools with many uses. I have the pasta rolling attachment as well and love it.

>>8678251

I wish these didn't cost the same as a small car... I'd have one if they were just a couple thousand cheaper. I don't know where I'd keep it in my house, but i'd find a way to make it work.

>>8677041
My parents used to use theirs for mashed potatoes

>>8678273

Which attachment works on mashed potatoes?

>>8678300
the whisk

>>8677093
Time spent baking could be spent at work instead and you'd be able to buy twice the amount of exorbitant bread.

>>8678315
some people also enjoy making their own food

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>>8678312

Thank you. I will be trying this in the near future. Mashing potatoes is a pain in the ass.

>>8678315
>people should work on the weekends, and after hours, and any time they aren't sleeping - in fact they should even work while sleeping.

No thanks.

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>>8678321
>>8678347
Good bread isn't made in a stand mixer

>>8677041
She'll be baking for Thaddeus down the street with that attitude

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>>8677041
Stand mixers are great for baking desserts, but 99% of what you make out them is not health food.

>>8678402

There is no difference in the mixing action of doing it by hand, or doing it in a machine. Gluten is developed either way.

Great bread can be made either way. The machine just means you can do it faster with less effort and it is great at mixing a thousand other things besides dough... the same argument can be made for those thousands of other things - though i would argue that for meringues and whipped cream the machine is actually better.

>>8678592
>you can do it faster
Fast bread is shitty flavorless bread.

>>8678623
wrong

>>8678623

This isn't true if you use a pâte fermentée, biga, poolish, starter... or just let the bread rest for a long time after mixing in any way that you want to mix.

You just don't know anything about good bread. That's ok... you aren't alone. Really good bread is a dying art. The hipster scene wants to sell you on all kinds of bullshit artisan kich... read a book on baking and stop watching youtube videos of hipsters in cities making no knead loaves.

>>8678562
oh my god no please tell me this is wrong

lmao. god. faggots. faggots everywhere.

>>8677041
If you truly have no space in the kitchen on the countertops, then yea, I'd debate not getting a standmixer but rather a handheld mixer that slips into a drawer that can be taken out for whipping some mashed potatoes or a cake mix, or have some cart or on a shelf in the garage or somewhere out of my cubic 3x3x3 single only workspace between a sink and stovetop.

If you have a normal amount of space, they are attractive, and aside from bake sale cupcakes, some odd cake or two for 3 or more birthdays a year, I have to say I use my food processor wayyyyyyyyyyyy more and consider it the better purchase if only getting one item out on the countertops.
Things I make often in my quality (!) food processor:
bread dough, though I might mix in the last cup or two of flour by hand
pate brise/ pie crust dough
homemade sausage meat for gyros flavored loaf, sage sausage, mergeuz pork sausage, homemade chorizo
pulsing some meat to make my own coarse ground burgers
ginger-waterchestnut-green onion raw pork filling for dumplings like potstickers or won tons
chopped salads like shredding quarters of cabbage down the feed tube
shredded cheese, shredded carrots
I often pulse up mushrooms to fold into meatballs or meatloaf
combining cheese balls like gorganzola-date-walnut
making cracker doughs like southern cheese crackers
I chop onions, cilantro together, and then hand dice my salsa
I puree soaked dried ancho chilies for makin mexican things from refried beans to stews and enchilada sauces, like mole.
Chimmichurri for steaks coming off the grill
pesto

>>8678646
>I'll use big french words that are in Tartine Bread to sound smart.

I know all things about fermentation and it's best done slowly. Go read a book about beer

>>8678592

>There is no difference in the mixing action of doing it by hand, or doing it in a machine.

WRONG as fuck.

t. baked professionally for 5 years.

>>8678656
>I know all things about fermentation and it's best done slowly.
>hurr durr, go make a beer in your kitchen aid

You have completely missed the point.

Please try to understand the following:

You are a fucking clown and your opinion is clearly uneducated.

>>8678669
>WRONG as fuck.

WRONG as fuck.

t. baked professionally for 15 years.

>>8678654
>whipping some mashed potatoes

Those would be whipped potatoes, not mashed potatoes. Use a hand masher for mashed potatoes.

>>8678712
>doesn't know the best books on fermentation are beer books.

Where do you think bakeries got their yeast, faggot? You can increase fermentation speed by increasing the cell count (with a poolish) but it won't increase flavor.

>>8678721

wrong fucking anyways. there's a drastic difference between machine kneading and hand kneading. and i don't give a fuck who you are, that's a fact.

>>8677041
It has a ton of accessories. I got 3.
Meat grinder came with mine.
I bought a rotoslicer for about $40
I also bought a spiralizer for about ~$120

>>8678736
>Where do you think bakeries got their yeast, faggot?

I never said anything about yeast strains... no one did. you are arguing with yourself and showing your mental retardation.

>>8678736
>You can increase fermentation speed by increasing the cell count (with a poolish) but it won't increase flavor.

Well.. that would depend on what the poolish is made of and what it tastes like, and how much you add to the new raw flour and water ingredients wouldn't it?

You see.. for some classical loaves (which i know that you have never baked, or probably even eaten) you would use up to 60% biga. With a sour dough starter.. where exactly do you think the sour dough taste comes from?


Look, I can't help that your brain doesn't work, but I can ask you nicely to stop polluting this thread with insane proclamations about fast bread being bad. fast isn't even a measurable amount of time so you are just spouting cliched tautologies which you know nothing of professionally. fuck off.

>>8678749
>that's a fact

its actually an opinion - and even if it were a fact, it wouldn't be true for all mixers and all hand mixing techniques.

but hey, if you keep repeating something over and over without providing any evidence, maybe someone stupid enough out here will believe you.

>>8678782
>yeast and thus fermentation doesn't attribute flavor.

Yep, found the retard that likes the sound of his own voice.

>>8678792

no, it's not an opinion, it's a fucking fact. you don't knead the bread the same way a mixer does. you can't. it's a fucking fact. and a mixer can't knead it the same way a person does with their hands. it can't. it's a fucking fact.and if you think otherwise, it's probably because you're a fucking second shift schlep who fucking has made 12 dollars an hour for a decade panning up frozen dough because you're fucking retarded and can't operate anything more complicated than a rack oven.

>>8678802
>completely ignore his arguments
>strawman instead
autism

>>8678653
It's an unsourced pie chart idiot. He probably made it himself in paint for a laugh.

>>8678846
So are you admitting that fermentation adds flavor and fermentation takes time and thus fast bread is shit bread?

ok thanks! finally got through to you.

>>8678816


Wow. looks like a hit a nerve. I guess this is why bakeries mix all their bread by hand huh?

Oh wait, they don't do that. because you can make gluten equally well using either method. In fact the machine can do it so quickly that it will impart heat to the dough making the rise better.

also... i love that you think fermentation is happening during proof and rise.... that.. uh... is just not when the fermentation happens friendo. not unless your proof is several days long. bakers will ferment parts of the dough.. but its not the whole batch. .. it's never the whole batch.

bakers can whip up a sourdough loaf in a couple hours using a stand mixer. professional bakers do this everyday. let that sink in.

>>8678816
>if i say it is a fact then it is!

>>8678861
no I am a completely different person, anon. that's why I said "him"

>>8678861

No you're arguing with multiple people that are calling you a retarded autist. you haven't gotten through to anyone, and i'm pretty sure your reading comprehension is so bad that you think someone trying to correct you is now agreeing with you...

No one ever said anything about yeast strains.. this is a thread about stand mixers.

>>8678864
>>8678864

the question of, 'can you make equally good loaves of bread' isn't the question. the question is, 'are they the same' and if you think that beating dough with a powered metal hook is the same as kneading it with flesh and bone are the same thing, you're fucking retarded, because they're not the same thing, and the results aren't the same. you can make a great loaf of bread of bread either way. sure. but that's not the point. the point is that they're NOT the fucking same and the results WON'T be the same, and if you disagree, what you're disagreeing with is the idea that a powered hook and a hand are different. which makes you obviously a fucking retard.

i never said anything about fermentation and proofing.

and professionals 'whip up sourdough' in 'a couple hours' using a fucking powdered additive from puratos. and even though, they let it sit in a cooler overnight. just thought that i'd mention you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

>>8678922
>no argument

>>8678937

pretend you're not my bitch all you want.

I use it primarily for making whipped cream, mayonnaise, meringue and other things that take forever to whip manually
It's pretty versatile if you get some of the attachments like the pasta extruder.
I only make small batches of dough that are easy enough to mix by hand when making bread, so in most cases it never sees use in terms of baking.
Overall a stand mixer is very worth it if you like cooking. Get one OP you won't regret it

>>8678963
>I use it primarily for making whipped cream, mayonnaise
Let me blow your mind that you can make mayo with a 20 dollar gadget.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz0fLT_k3_U

>>8678922
>if you disagree you're wrong because flesh and metal

professionals don't use powdered additives.. i mean.. some do... but a lot don't. they use pre ferments which add taste and they whip up loaves in a matter of a couple hours. its what i think you would refer to as fast bread - and its not bad bread at all.. it can be some of the best bread in the world.

other bakers will use seasonings.. rosemary salt crusts.. caraway rye... different flours such as corn, spelt, graham... other additives such as bran and seeds to impart lots of flavors into wonderful breads. in combination with a preferment, you can make bread that tastes like it took days to make in a matter of hours.

admit it, you watched a hipster make no knead loaves slowly over several days in a fridge and that fucker preached the slow cold ferment process and now you think that is the only way to make "good bread"

it turns out.. people have been using that method for hundreds of years - without even having refrigeration!

Look man.. we were all kids once and thought that we knew how things worked.. it's ok to be wrong sometimes.

>>8678984

i fucking put out 600lb plus a day of hand rolled - not hand kneaded but hand rolled - artisan breads - tuscan, vienna, etc and baked in a stone deck oven.

you don't know shit about baking beyond what box to pull out of the walkin. where did you work, panera? haha. 'we're using real sour dough bases' for what, a 10lb batch? get back to me when you've worked production professionally.

>>8678922
>i never said anything about fermentation

oh wow.. you are, literally, mentally handicapped.

Sorry I called you retarded earlier.. I didn't realize.... I didn't mean to offend people that are suffering with such a heavy burden as yourself. You keep trying, and fighting the good fight ok! Good for you buddy!

>>8678983
eh, good mayo should be mixed for a long time

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fuck I love this thread

finally people arguing about something other than cast iron, steak, and knives

>>8678998
>continues to have no valid argument

>>8678998
I haven't even read the thread, but damn you sound like you have a pretty big ego
what bakery do you work at by chance? >>8678983
I prefer using the stand mixer honestly. It consistently turns out better.
I do like the immersion blenders too, but I mainly use those to puree shit.

>>8678998
>does not have an argument

>>8678999

ok, so now you've devolved into name calling and snarky steven colbert humor. because you don't know what you're talking about. you actually believed for one fucking second that you can get the exact same loaf of bread from a metal hook powered by 240v mains in a 200lb batch as you get from hand kneading in a 8lb batch.

which is patently ridiculous to anyone who understands that there is a difference between your hands and a 240v metal hook the size of your arm in a 120 quart hobart mixing bowl.

>>8678999
No retard, you're talking to multiple people.
One guy telling you to hand knead and another telling you slow fermentation adds flavor.

>>8679017

you obviously don't know what a fucking argument looks like because 'giant metal hook powered by 240 volt mains are not the same as your hands' is a fucking argument.

>>8679015

stand mixers will be much more consistent. i worked for golub corp. jews yes but they took good care of their employees.

>>8679021

i'm not telling him hand kneading is better. i'm telling him it's not the same.

>>8679027
>'giant metal hook powered by 240 volt mains are not the same as your hands' is a fucking argument.

I fucking love this little guy? anyone else around here just love this retarded sone of a bitch?

god bless you man. you keep on fighting the good fight. don't let anybody keep you down or tell you that you are worth less just because your brain doesn't work right!

>>8679027
>golub corp
So like price chopper? I used to work at a hyvee bakery, so I get what you're saying lol. The amount of volume a grocery store has to put out is no joke.
Ever work for a smaller company? I was a pastry chef/bread baker at a little local bakery in the midwest. Volume wasn't too much, maybe 220-230 loaves per week, but we did everything from square one with all local ingredients that are all organic and shit.
Once I accidentally threw away the only starter culture we had, and I had to use the bits leftover at the bottom of the old container to try to reinoculate a fresh one. Took like 2 or 3 weeks to get the flavor back to where it was and I wanted to kill myself every single bake until then lol

>>8679033
>i'm telling him it's not the same.

>bread mixed in two different ways will not be the same

uh.. ok chief!

>>8679018
>snarky steven colbert humor.

Found the trump supporter that voted against his own interests!

Good read on why you should hand knead and why a long fermentation is needed
http://www.foodandwine.com/articles/lessons-from-chad-robertson

>inb4 Chad Robertson is a hipster!

>>8679018
>you can get the exact same loaf of bread from a metal hook powered by 240v mains in a 200lb batch as you get from hand kneading in a 8lb batch.

This is actually true. I have done the research and testing and it 100% true. There are many variables... but you can absolutely replicate hand mixing with a machine at any volume.

>>8677068
You don't use shortcrust for a beef wellington

>>8679021

I thought the hand kneading guy was arguing with the fermentation guy?

You both seem to work at commercial bakeries that mix by machine as well as using prebagged mixes to make bread - so i'm not really sure that either of you know what you are talking about.

>>8679065

now that you've backpeddled and reversed your previous position that they're the same, i think my work is done here. i've improved you. thank me.

>>8679071

fuck off faggot

>>8679078

no, the fuck it is not. you can't replicate hand mixing with a hook if for some reason you wanted to. you know what variables there are? high speed/low speed and time. that's it. you've probably never even used a mixer.

>>8678984
>admit it, you watched a hipster make no knead loaves slowly over several days in a fridge and that fucker preached the slow cold ferment process and now you think that is the only way to make "good bread"


lols... then this guy, literally replies with:

>>8679076
>Good read on why you should hand knead and why a long fermentation is needed
>http://www.foodandwine.com/articles/lessons-from-chad-robertson


>>8678984
fucking nailed it

>>8679091

>i work at le artiste shop, i make 6lb batches of bread!

i've made more bread in one day than your shop has sold in a month. it is you that do not know what the fuck you are talking about. i can roll 100lb of loaves perfectly before you could have it mixed and on the table, and i can bake several hundred loaves of bread with a peel in a stone deck over while you're figuring out how to punch buttons on your microwave or what the fuck ever you have in your shitty little whimsical jalopy bread store that you worked at for a decade or something. i doubt your store every made as much annually as i ordered from a warehouse on a weekly basis.

>>8679101
>inb4 Chad Robertson is a hipster!

fuckin' nailed it!

>>8679112
Well it's your fault for forming your opinion on some hipster from SF.

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>>8679110
>i doubt your store ever made as much annually as i ordered from a warehouse on a weekly basis.

what does ordering bread from a warehouse have to do with this fucking kitchen aid stand mixer thread?

>continues to have no argument

>>8679112

I like how chad robertson basically got called a hipster before someone even inb4'd it.

but that didn't stop someone from inb4ing... because that person was mentally retarded.

>>8679112
>inb4 Chad Robertson is a hipster!
>inb4 something that has already been said
not how it works reddit

>>8679157
>>8679161
But it hasn't shit for brains. Jim lahey started the no-knead shit.

>>8677041
Honestly, OP, I'm with you, and I used to be a professional pastry chef. I'm not anymore (too old for that shit, except for family and friends). If you don't bake on the regular, an expensive stand mixer is basically just bragging rights. I DO have a professional stand mixer, but I keep it covered, out in the garage, and only pull it out when I'm making certain special things. On a regular basis, I use a good hand mixer, a whisk, and my hands.

>>8679175
>an expensive stand mixer is basically just bragging rights. I DO have a professional stand mixer

My hope for most people is that one day they will become self aware. I fear this asking a lot for some people.

>>8679161
>can't figure out a working definition for hipster
>doesn't understand that SF fags are hipsters
>think Lahey is the only hipster

>continues to not understand baking

>>8679173
>>8679204
lol

>>8679148

>ordering bread

i didn't say that, did i? you made that up. how many TONS of flour does your bakery go through in a week? oh, it's a fraction. haha.

what kind of DYEL weenie spends hundreds of dollars on whats is literally just a 5 dollar electric motor with a bunch of crap put on it to inflate the price, just to avoid kneading dough?
It isn't like kneading is hard or takes very long

>>8677041
You should take up baking, and then rub it in her face.

>>8677041

If you do buy a KitchenAid, get the kind in OPs image and not the cheaper screw-on bowl model (which I have).

I use the stand mixer a lot. Turns out great bread and pizza dough. I'd like to get the pasta roller attachment.

>>8679223
t. doesn't bake

>>8679110
>what the fuck did you just say about me, you little bitch?

>>8679204
>everyone successful is a hipster
NEET Logic.

>>8679227
I bake bread almost every single day

>>8677697
Wait hol' up is that one of those fucking stupid ice-cream makers that you have to put in the freezer beforehand?

Because those are irredeemable garbage and whoever thought they were a good idea needs to be fucking shot.

>>8678167
You poor sod

>>8679223

it really is worth it unless it's simply too much money for you to afford.

who knew bakers were so confrontational

>>8679252
I doubt anyone in this thread bakes.

>>8678623
slightly incorrect.

fast RISING bread is shitty flavorless bread
less yeast more time is usually the better way to think about bread making.

some doughs are far too slack for the traditional kneading process, so you have to fold the dough to create gluten strength,

>>8679217
>how many TONS of flour does your bakery go through in a week?

Look man.. I just know how to bake really good bread. I'm sorry you never learned how and I'm sorry that quantity is better than quality for you these days.

Enjoy your preset bagged mixes. I am sure you have to cut tons of corners when you are trying to make thousands of loaves a day.

None of this makes you correct about anything. All it does is reinforce how sad it is that you make bread for a living and don't really understand how bread was made historically, or how it is done in a residential setting.. with a home stand mixer - which is what this thread is about.

You do realize how far off base you are here right?

>>8679217
>how many TONS of flour does your bakery go through in a week

>guys my lady wants me to buy her this stand mixer.. a red one for christ sake

>>8679257
I only posted once in this thread, but I do own 6qt kitchen aid. Only thing I use it for is to make pizza dough. My girlfriend uses it to make stuff I don't normally eat.

>>8679259
Don't say this man, they will call you a hipster!

>>8679229
What the fuck did you just fucking say about bread, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I've made more bread in one day than your shop has sold in a month, and I have over 300 confirmed tons. I am trained in baking and I can roll 100lb of loaves perfectly before you could have it mixed and on the table. You are nothing to me but just another gluten. I will roll you the fuck out with precision the likes of which can only be accomplished by hand-kneading. You think you can get away with mixing dough with a machine? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my bakery and will have baked several hundred loaves of bread with a peel in a stone deck. The deck that kneads better bread than that pathetic little thing you call your stand-mixer. You’re fucking kneaded, dough. I can bake anywhere, anytime, and I can knead you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in baking bread, but I have access to the entire baking department and I will use it to its full extent to knead your miserable dough off the face of the shop, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” mixer was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have used your fucking hands. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will knead flour all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking baked, kiddo.

>>8679259
>i watched a youtube video once about how to make really good bread

It's so clear that you have no clue what you are talking about.

>>8679261

your argument is that someone who makes vast amounts of scratch hand rolled artisan bread baked in a deck oven is OBVIOUSLY less talented than someone who makes very little bread of dubious quality? does not follow, faggot. 'muh historical' shut the fuck up you wouldn't last a day in my shop. your defensive assumptions about 'preset bagged mixes' notwithstanding, have you even ever seen traviata?

the fuck does the OP's question have to do with it? has nothing to do with the fact that you're a paid amateur.

>>8679265
lmao let them, my bread tastes good and has good crumb, crust, and ears. i don't give a fuck what people call me cause i haven't bought a loaf of bread in over a year.

>>8679266
omfg.. that's perfect...

saved

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>>8679266

>>8677041
Ask your wife's son to help you convince her

>>8679318

its funny because cuck jokes are funny in 2017

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>ITT

It's a mixer, not a upscale purse, not an adopted Somalian baby, what kind of broke ho can't find something to make with a mixer

>>8679196
That's not lack of self awareness, dumbass, that's called honesty. Since I was a professional pastry chef in my younger years, it would only make sense that I have one.
You, however, seem to lack logic and critical thinking skills and reading comprehension.

>>8677082
>Baking is for fags
>Implying girls aren't already soaked if you can cook, baking included

>>8677333
Fucking blasted by tripdubs women gtfo kitchen and gtfi bed

>>8679339
>That's not lack of self awareness

Uh, no. Literally, by definition, it's an ASTOUNDING and ironic lack of self awareness.

Maybe it's the ironic part that is throwing you off. Go think about it for a little bit. I have faith in you. I'm sure you'll get it if you just think about it for a while.

>>8679359
how bad do you smell?

>>8679323
not so funny when you found out your wife was pregnant with another man's seed tho right?

>>8679345
You'll be in the friendzone. Women only care about prestige and big dicks. Prestige should bring you money to take them out to fine dining restaurants so they can post their meal on instagram.

>>8679365

This is also funny because cuck jokes are funny in 2017.

>>8679367
>Women only care about prestige and big dicks
height
face
muscles
charm
wealth
fashion
etc

>>8679361

just because he pointed out that he had one doesn't mean that most people only own them to brag about them, and it doesn't mean that he was bragging about it.

you idiot.

>>8679196
>>8679361
>if I take your words out of context I win

This is what he actually said:
>If you don't bake on the regular, an expensive stand mixer is basically just bragging rights
>if you don't bake on the regular

Now fuck off.

>>8679388
>this is all true

All of those statements can be true, and it can still show an incredible lack of self awareness, and can still be ridiculously ironic.

See how that works, idiot?

>>8677041
You don't use a power drill or a car battery charger everyday either, but they are handy to have when you need them.

>>8679409

NO, he pointed out that people mostly brag about home kitche standups, and that he had one. that doesn't give you enough information to say that he's lacking self awareness and being 'ridiculously ironic'. so shut the fuck up.

>>8679408
>This is what he actually said

Actually what he said was directly quoted without alteration.

But you know.. Like, whatever, man.

>>8679418

If you think about it for a little while though, you'll understand it though.

See... the problem is that you just haven't thought about it enough yet. The statements themselves were all you need to know to figure this out - you just have to think about it for a while until you get it. Go ahead. Have a think.

>>8679421
>take his quote of context
>get called out on it
>deny it
quality shitposting anon. you must be one of those people who own a stand mixer but don't bake he was talking about

>>8679413
Drill not impact driver. Do you even cook?

>>8679429

no. i've thought about it and i'm obviously better at thinking than you are. shut the fuck up and accept your place as my fucking servant.

>>8679418

look.. you know what.. i'll help you out.

here is what he said:
>an expensive stand mixer is basically just bragging rights. I DO have a professional stand mixer

ok.. here is the definition of ironic:
>ironic:
>happening in the opposite way to what is expected, and typically causing wry amusement because of this.

You see... if you finish a sentence with "an expensive stand mixer is basically just bragging rights [if you don't bake on the regular]" and then you start the next sentence with " I DO have a professional stand mixer, but I keep it covered, out in the garage, [and rarely use it]" that is irony - because that is the opposite of what would have been expected.

i won't bother you with a thesis about being unself aware... but it is safe to say that if this guy actually says this one thing, and then lives his life in a hypocritical state - he is likely not just making ironic comments on the internet, but he is also probably quite unaware of his self and the way he is thinking about other human beings in relation to the way he is living his life.

That's a break down of what the words we are using right now mean and why i'm right.

now you can go back to slinging poop or whatever you were doing before...

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>>8679451

>>8679451
>because that is the opposite of what would have been expected.
Like rain on your wedding day?

>>8679451

that isn't irony. whatsofuckingever. just because it might not have been likely doesn't mean it's fucking irony, retard. you're so god damned simple.

>>8679457

I could do the highlight thing too. The context doesn't change anything. If you have a point you should make it.

>>8679477
>the context doesn't change if I omit context changing parts of the sentence
really fired up my neurons.

>>8679467

look... i didn't make up the definition for irony. I looked it up and quoted it.

If you don't know what irony is, I can only provide you with the definition. You have to understand it yourself.

See.. this gets back to me asking for people to be self aware, and that being too much to ask...

This is kind of ironic now.

>>8679487
so is it like a free ride when you've already paid?

>>8677475
Yes it is.

>>8679486
>>the context doesn't change if I omit context changing parts of the sentence

The lack of self awareness and irony, had nothing to do with the context. It had everything to do with the fact that he literally said "stand mixers are for penis measuring" and then in the very next sentence said "i have a professional grade floor mounted stand mixer that i have to keep in the garage"

How tiny must that guy's penis be? And how unaware of himself must he be to live in such hypocrisy? It's fucking mind boggling.

Do you really need the rest of the sentence to understand this? In any context it would still be retarded. The first part could have said "i am god" and the last part could have said "god never makes ironic unaware statements" and the middle part would still be on the full retard scale.

>>8679501
>the irony exists only if i omit parts of the sentence
>therefore if I omit parts of the sentence irony exists
>therefore his entire sentence is ironic
keep up the paragraphs autismo

>>8679501
is there irony in talking about penises in a thread about stand mixers?
How often do you think about penises?

is >>8677082 correct?

>>8679459

I was in high school when this song came out and my English Literature teacher had a melt down about how this was such a bad use of the term ironic.

Ms. Hootman... Fucking hot as hell.

>>8679506
>tfw no one knows what the true meaning of irony is

>>8679501
you double digit iq faggots ruined the word

>>8679504
>if i keep replying i'll look like i'm still right

>>8677041
You can make mayo with it, custards, quiches

Honestly they are a great investment. If she doesn't bake now though then forget it, she won't with the mixer

>>8679511
>you double digit iq faggots ruined the word

That's the long way to say "trump voters" - but it is more diplomatic.

>>8679512
not an argument

>>8679487

no, you stupid fucker. irony is when something specifically contradicts an expected condition, explicitly. when the creator of the titanic said, 'not even god could sink this ship' and it sunk on its first voyage, that was irony. when it rains on your wedding day, that is NOT irony, because simply because you didn't desire it to rain doesn't make it irony.

when someone says, 'most people just buy these mixers to brag about them' and then buys them, that is NOT irony, because simply because most people just buy them to brag, doesn't mean that YOU'RE buying it to brag, or that everyone is.

fucking IDIOT...

>>8678337
>Mashing potatoes is a pain in the ass.
t. noodle arms

>>8679517
People like you are the reason the left is losing ground
You and the violent exploding foreign savages, that is

>>8679519
>>8679524
>>8679612

The mentally incompetent sure are out tonight.

>>8679524
>when someone says, 'most people just buy these mixers to brag about them' and then buys them, that is NOT irony, because simply because most people just buy them to brag, doesn't mean that YOU'RE buying it to brag, or that everyone is.

>when the creator of the titanic said that the ship couldn't be sunk by a baker with tons of loabes but then it sunk on its first voyage, that wasn't irony because not every ship that gets sunk by bread does so on its first boyage

>uncontrolled sperging continues

>>8679361
This is a perfect example of lack of reading comprehension, plus lack of grammatical knowledge and logic.
Don't they teach you kids anything these days?

>>8679496
No it isnt

>>8677041
I had my mom's here, but she wanted it back, so now I get a little ab workout when I knead dough. Stand mixers really don't get used much, and a hand mixer is cheaper and more effective for stuff that needs more rip-ems than you can produce manually. Spend that money on a torquey food processor for frozen banana niceream, and maybe a good blender.

>>8677041
2 choices -
1. Don't get her the fancy, expensive Kitchen Aid. Get her the Sunbeam stand mixer for 25-50% of the price.
2. Get her the Kitchen Aid and then also pay for every attachment (which usually cost as much or more than their equivalent appliance).

>>8677721
http://fakespot.com/product/kitchenaid-kica0wh-2-quart-ice-cream-maker-stand-mixer-attachment

not an argument

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>>8679266

>you're fucking baked, kiddo.

>>8680704

You forgot the 3rd choice:

Buy a used Kitchenaid from Craigslist, garage sale, ebay, etc.

Sunbeam is worthless because they break easily and don't have the variety of attachments you might use.

>>8680007
not an argument

>>8677041
>she doesn't bake often enough
if that's the only way you'd use a stand mixer you don't into food enough
cook more, faggot.
also get one, they're amazing.

>>8678623
maybe if you don't actually know how to make break you wild cuck

>>8680875
why do women have such a shit sense of "humor?"

>>8681177
>you're a faggot if you DON'T cook

only on this board could someone be so willfully unaware