What should I order at an independent coffee shop to show the

>>8638409
Triple shot latte with organic nonfat soymilk.

>>8638409
Get a doppio espresso and a glass of sparkling water.

Get a white sugar free cafe mocha frap. Add like 3 pumps of sugar free carmel and 8 pumps of sugar free vanilla too.

Independent coffee shops are what Starbucks stole their schtick from. They want you to buy the same goofy drinks you'd get at Starbucks, possibly in even quirkier flavors (chipotle caramel frappe, eau-de-cologne mint lemonade, tongkat ali latte, etc.).

Coffee

>>8638445
This is the only correct answer.

>>8638409
>get up to front of line
>ask for menu
>hold up line for 30 or 40 seconds
>aggressively smirk at barista and silently walk out of store
Just do this every other day and eventually the baristas will think you're a bad ass

>>8638445
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kra1eWAiKvE

Coffee

>>8638464
This accurately portrayed 90% of the local coffee spots in my area.
I hate mccafe as much as the next coffeefag, but dam that hit close to home.

>>8638464
Lost it at the deconstructed latte.

>>8638599

>>8638409
that's not sanitary

>>8638815
How? She's only making coffee, not performing open heart surgery.

>>8638409
Americano

>>8638815

On the contrary, so sanitary I want to stick my face right up in there

Dry out a shit. Grind it. Pull shot of shitspresso.

Or just order what you like as the person serving you will give literally zero fucks as they are employed to deal with autists like you all day

>>8638464
McDonald's coffee is actually not bad for what it is. At least in the UK anyway

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>>8638463
actually pic related is how you come off

>>8638464
>open at 11 am
lost

>>8638815

>it's unsanitary because she's not wearing pants

if you actually believe this then you have issues

you actually think pubes are gonna fall out and flavor your fruity mochachino? you dumb, hopeful bastard

former high-end barista here. your barista probably doesn't care what you order or how you take it.

pour-overs were always my favorite to prepare, but not all shops do it. they're fun because they're pretty showy and make for great coffee. if you do that, make sure the store isn't busy though.

>>8638464

That's a really great ad

ask for a venti pumpkin spice latte

>>8638409
I hate these fucking places. Once I accidentally walked in one, the nosering on the girl should have tipped me off. Asked for a black coffee, ok what beans and how strong, like I don't fucking know, just whatever and strong. And she's like yeah but how strong so I said strong enough to kill a small child and she looked at me weirdly so I left.

>>8638464
Love the 3 beakers bit, can totally see that happening.

>>8639034
Should have stood there blank faced anon, top notch answer.

>>8638409
The fact that you're asking this means that you can't impress them no matter what you ask for.

>>8639096
Pffft, I pay with a hundred and accidentally drop a magnum condom on the counter when pulling out my sweet cash

>>8638464
If I need cheap coffee I stop at greggs now, it's not terrible and I prefer supporting them than Starbucks. £2 for a pastry and a flat white lass

>>8639034
You probably have autism, anon.
I only ever order black coffee and when they ask me questions I just respond "Surprise me" and then they do.

>>8638965
yea that's the fucking joke

>>8638409
Stop posting this whore

>>8639107
>flat white
What coffee lover doesn't like foam? It's a cafe con leche renamed by aussies. The only reason it ever became popular is that it required no barista skill.

>>8639111
Yeah but it was a proper shit day and I was half paying attention to her and half using my phone and wondering how to get fucking home so I just snapped a little bit. She was probably a nice girl but she was being a twat.

>>8639135
No you probably have autism
How do I know?
You're trying to justify your shitty behavior towards a minimum-wage employee to a stranger on a pakistani salt miner forum

>>8639139
nah, you're probably a psychopath
how do I know?
you're telling people not to feel remorse for their shitty actions on a ghanese goat farmer forum

https://youtu.be/DcQFBdLNvZU

>>8638409
A Frappuccino with extra caramel sauce and whipped cream. She'll be throwing her panties at you boy! Swinging from your crunchy jockstrap!

>>8638409
What do you think her butthole smells like?

My priapism just subsided since you last posted this cumshot kumquat, but here you go again and post an even finer image of this true jism prism.

>>8638409

Triple black espresso

>>8638409
If you were looking for an actual answer: If you just want coffee, order an americano. If you want milk order a gibraltar or a macchiato depending on how much milk you want (gibraltar is 3 parts milk, 2 parts espresso; macchiato is a shot of espresso with just a touch--mark-- of milk). Then, this is the important part, say nevermind, ask her which drink is her favorite and start a lighthearted conversation with her

>>8638409
Black coffee, to-go, bring your own thermos. You will drown in pussy.

>>8638409
Who is this salami tsunami?

>>8639134
Foam sucks. And you'd be surprised how much skill it takes because every second flat white I order has half an inch of the shit on top.

>>8638464
>>8638464

0:17

>ping pong table

what the fuck man

>>8638971
Kek

>>8638409
Her panties after she's masturbated vigorously.

>>8639909
Disgusting, straightfags should be purged, vaginas are horrid
>>8639792
a literal prostitute. she's had more cock than you've had thoughts and will leave you diseased even with a condom

Black coffee

>>8639937
Wow, how mature.

London fog with minimal shot

>>8638999
>high-end barista
kek

>>8638464
I feel like this add was made to tell Melbourne to fuck off

>>8638464
based mickey dees

>>8639928
Don't care, that ass is worth it. Gib name.

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I'd order an earl grey just to show her I'm different, then we'd get married and have a heap of kids

>>8640234
I'd pull an old reversey-preggo trick. I'd cum inside her and impregnate her, making her stuck with ME. Then we'd have 4 kids and I'd make her go to the gym 6 days a week to keep that figure.

>>8640242
No, she'd just leave and sue you for child support.

>>8639928
>implying I'm above having sex with professionals

>>8638464
Giggling hard throughout but lost it at the wifi password

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how common are bikini barista places outside of california, oregon and washington?

cause they are every on the best coast baby

>>8640286
are there any places where they dress slutty but not like trailer trash prostitutes?

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>>8638409
get a Gibraltar. Or just ask for straight up coffee.

>>8640290
there are so many different bikini baristas in washington its insane. we have ones that only wear candy underwear, ones that have themes like burlesque, some that only wear swimsuits, etc.

>>8638464
Honestly would rather have any one of the "pretentious" drinks than a mccafe shitdick coffee made with burnt ass grounds and 207 degree water. I live in BK and drink pretentious coffee all the time and have never paid more than $3.50 for my drink, in fact most of the time I pay 2$ or 2.50, and it's for a real coffee made by a local business and not shit ass butt ass international conglomerate fuckdonalds

>>8640286
>be a talentless slag in a city full of talentless slags
>decide to get a shitty barista job to complete the picture
>instead of working a normal job like a normal person dress like a whore
>desperate neets give you big tips because they want female interaction
>sweaty old men give you big tips because they are thirsty
>self-styled activists give you big tips because "you go girl"
It's really the perfect crime.

>>8640325
Someone sounds a little defensive

>>8640336
more like

>seattle 2005
>coffee booths fucking everywhere
>bikini barista booth opens and makes an assload of money
>other coffee places see this
>fast foward 10 years
>regular coffee booths barely even exist anymore
>bikini barista booths fucking everywhere
>get my coffee just like always except now all the baristas are hot young girls with pasties on their tits

thanks capitalism

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>>8640290
i think they mostly put them in areas with bikers

so...

>>8640388

they also show up in high asian areas

>>8638476
>Be a baguette
>Ordering un café gets you an espresso. The only real coffee.
I've been to restaurants that would deconstruct their dishes, but they wouldn't fuck with the espresso. There is enough to do with a café gourmand (a coffee with an assortment of small portions of desserts. Quite common in restaurants.)

>>8640290
No, they literally are hookers. I live in Oregon these shops get shut down for prostitution pretty frequently. Then they open again a week later and its business as usual.

>>8640476
So you can order coffee and then fuck them after their shift.?

>>8640512
They`re in the middle of fucking nowhere there isn`t exactly a line of cars around the block. Often two "baristas" are working it at once as well for no apparent reason . So its more just pull over on the other side of the empty lot this shack is inexplicably put on.

>>8640325
>I live in BK
You live in Burger King?

>>8638874
>>8639567
Americano is literal trash. Watered down espresso for watered down American taste buds.

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>*A portly fellow in a flame shirt waddles to the counter of a Starbucks*
>"What would you like sir?"
>*The atheist squints around the coffee bar, his hands at the sides of his khaki shorts like he had two holsters. With one hand he expertly pulls out his wallet and with the other, he brings the tip of his hat down before placing his order*
>"Coffee. Black."
>*A hush falls over the patrons and staff. Women gush in their panties as whispers from men can't believe what's transpiring. The barista looks like he's about to faint, his grip on the cup furiously shaking as he slides it over the counter to our hero. If this order is taking place in the ghetto, several black people go DAAAAAAAAAAAMN*
>*The cheetoh avenger slaps down a sticky five and a quarter with his hamhock fist before mumbling to no one that they should "keep the change", knowing he's a far more euphoric human being than people that put sugar or milk in their coffee*

>>8640747
Does anyone besides snobs even drink espresso straight? By your logic, lattes are just milked down espressos. Admit it, you just wanted another stupid excuse to jab Americans.

>>8640754
>Does anyone besides snobs even drink espresso straight?

Yes, coffee tastes good.

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>>8640754
>Does anyone besides snobs even drink espresso straight?
seriously?

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>>8638464
>flyhighwithyourdreams

>>8638409
I want to eat her asshole like birthday cake

Just get a long black ffs

>>8640751
10/10

>>8640766
and if they ask for strength just say stronger and blacker than michelle obama*

>>8638464
It doesn't taste good tho.

>>8638999
Inverted satanic trips knows what's best

>>8640234
>>8638409
Who is the chick?

>>8638409
e-earl grey or black tea
t-th-thanks

>>8640792
stop objectifying her

>>8638425
D-D-D-DOPPIO??

>>8639169
Is this supposed to be funny?

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They ain't going to sleep with you, why does it matter? All they want is your money.

>>8639135
>woman doing her job is being a twat

What an utter cunt you are. This is why you never get your dick wet.

>>8639299
My cum

>>8638409
single espresso and a water when you are leaving
maybe a pastry too but nothing too sweet

>>8641202
>why does it matter?
it matters because her positive reaction to you keeps you engaged in the game of impressing women, impress one, impress them all (past highschool obv) and that ensures the one you're with is always worried you'll upgrade, (what YOU're single?) so she stays in line. Flirt with your barista boys.

>>8639034

> strong enough to kill a small child

Kek. I'm using that.


I hate coffee shops and I have to hard up as fuck to go to one. Usually, I hit up a truck stop before a coffee shop. The last time I went in one of those, the person waiting on me had a buzz cut on one side of its head, long purple hair on the other and a ring through its eyebrow big enough to set off an airport metal detector. Fuck that shit. I have a press, a kettle and a grinder and none of them are gender confused wrecks who can't figure out that "large" means "the biggest cup you have, you fucking mongoloid".

>>8639135
>>8639034
>grrrrrrr don't talk to me until I've had my coffee!!!

She was asking you what you wanted and you got butthurt. And who the hell uses their phone during unrelated social interactions? You're pathetic and you use that phone like a crutch, pretending to be busy and have things on the go to the pretty girl, but really you are an anxious wreck and can't look her in the eyes. Pathetic, just pathetic. Your parents must be proud and your coworkers must feel lucky to work with such a class A autist.

>>8641302
>I like truck stop coffee places, because I'm a salt-of-there-earth man's man who pays no heed to those modern coffee faggots with their eye-talian coffee names

We're all so very impressed.

You clearly don't like coffee if you go to a truck stop instead of a an artisan establishment which, although it may be employed by people who make you uncomfortable or trigger your anxiety because it is "pretentious", clearly has better product.

You probably think your fat gut and thighs mean you are strong and that your inexperience and inability to comfortably interact with women comes across as dark and mysterious negging instead of cringy awkwardness.

>>8641314
>And who the hell uses their phone during unrelated social interactions
Like. fucking everyone nowadays

>>8638409
kys in front of her you fag

>>8640762
It pretty obviously means "keep dreaming"

>>8638965
That guy looks bad ass

>>8640325
>burnt grounds
Objectively wrong. They use a light roast and their coffee is alright.

>>8638464
in my law class we are learning about a case where some woman spilled mcdonald's coffee on herself and got 4th degree burns and almost died
wew lad

>>8641408
It's not the roast he's talking about, it's the temperature of the water used to make it as well as the carafes used to store it for serving. Percolating water that's too hot through the grounds will create a bitter flavor and keeping the coffee in those enormous hot jugs all day cooks it past the point it's supposed to be served at. This compounds the bitterness and makes it taste of shit, which is why Starbucks' plain coffee tastes so bad when you buy it at the store but when you make it properly at home can be really nice

>>8641324


I've got five kids. Pretty sure I'm over the "talking to women" hump.

Also, I don't like either establishments. I normally just make my own damned coffee. You'd know that if you could into reading.

>>8638464

McDonald's sure does know how to appeal to the working class. Ads like this make me forget that they make millions by convincing people that they're authentic and not some massive corporate machine exploiting their workers and customers. Great job McDonald's!

>>8641496
The only real point they had was the overpriced coffee.

>>8641506

I wonder what wifi passwords have to do with coffee pricing.

>>8641496
Ads like this make me sick. Same as Budweiser's anti-craft ad last year where they showed a bunch of bearded hipsters sipping snifters of fruited ales and basically went "ISN'T IT SCARY AND UNCOMFY TO TRY NEW STUFF" it's so fucking patronizing. At the end of the day what they're making fun of is people being creative and passionate about their craft rather than drinking the standard-issue shit that makes you "normal" or "working class." Not like those hipster faggots, how dare they open a small business and focus on creating a good product, how pretentious of them

>>8641540

It shows that Budweiser and McDonald's are worried about this little companies taking some of their millions if their willing to put so much effort into shitting all over them.

>>8641496
lol fuck off you commie cunt

>>8640751
>>"Coffee. Black."
actually sent chills through my spine

>>8641410
she didn't "almost die", it fucked up her cootch somethin' awful though.

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>>8641963
we watched some video about it, i think it was one of her daughters that said the doctors weren't sure she was going to survive
after they showed the pictures i believed it.

>>8641550
no, it shows that the companies that make ads for budweiser and macdonalds have successfully manufactured a conflict between the pretentious hipsters and the authentic proles and now all of us can't help but buy into it (and also buy a nice mclatte) and by the way anheuser busch is buying up craft breweries anyway

>>8640754
me

italians
portuguese

many people

>>8640765
cut it in pieces and stick it in your mouth?

>>8638464
>a variety of options is bad
And what if the McCafe is bad? Fuck that ad.

>>8638464
I like McDonalds coffee.

Plain cawfee with milk

>>8639170
Ha

>>8638409
i had a line of college fags in front of me order half dozen specialty frap mocha shit on ice. old guy in front of me wants a sandwich and has no idea what he's doing. i got a plain americana, nothing else. and gave her a look nodding at the old guy and the kids waiting on the side for their drinks. she giggled, told me it gets hectic around this time, and i got my drink and left.

but im super fucking ignorant of when girls like me so i didnt really pick up on it until like a day or two later. i thought she was just being polite

>>8638971
I don't just think it, I'm hoping for that.

>>8640325
>>8640746
kekkers

>>8642859
Wow ur cool

>>8639845
goes great with pizza

>>8641466
>I've got five kids. Pretty sure I'm over the "talking to women" hump.
So you married the first women you hooked up with. Doesn't mean you can talk to other women. You probably settled and get uber-anxious around pretty young girls.. Now that you've gotten your dick wet and are older, you probably realize how much you missed out on by not sowing your wild oatz.

Don't take it out on the barista, and don't use your phone as a social crutch.

>>8640967
muh doppio

>>8641506
McDonalds - Coffee can be pretentious, we have coffee like that.

McDonalds - Don't judge us on taste, judge us on our competitors decor.

McDonalds - One word that explains our advertising budget for the most consumed commodity on earth AND the way we make it. Whatever.

>>8640951
Please kill yourself.

>>8638409
try some coffee flavored coffee

>>8640286
>>8640290
>>8640296
>>8640476
>>8640512

>bikini baristas

There is no bigger business gimmick than having half-naked women on display. Just goes to show they can't serve good coffee alone, they have to pull the LOL TITS N ASS card to detract from the fact they're peddling hot brown water.

>>8639102
>not paying exclusively with swiss gold coins
He probably thinks you are poor

>>8638971
doubt she's even got any

>>8645739
>they have to pull the LOL TITS N ASS card to detract from the fact they're peddling hot brown water.

She has no ass at all. That's the most offensive thing to me.

>>8638409

The biggest coffee they have, black, no sugar, then leave instead of taking to her like a faggot.

>>8645808
kill yourself, nigger.

>>8645820

t. Idiot who thinks no ass is a good ass.

>>8638464
based McDicks

>>8645828

You fell for the thicc meme. It's true she would benefit from some squats, but there's nothing wrong with her ass. Stop thinking women who eat too much have a nice ass because of it. They don't.

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>>8645843
>You fell for the thicc meme.
>Liking women with ass and hips is a new thing.

Neck yourself.

>Stop thinking women who eat too much have a nice ass because of it. They don't.

It has nothing to do with eating too much. It's about not having an ass like Hank Hill. Ass, hips and thighs are what make a body good.

>>8640476
This guy is full of shit
t. Portland fag

>>8645843

>implying my penis can fall for a meme

>>8645934

>implying your penis isn't just desparate for someone other than you to touch it

Penises are like toddlers. They are literally retarded. It is our job as the responsible adult to prevent them from doing things they should not be doing, because they don't know any better. Your dick would get hard looking at a pic of a beautiful naked woman with AIDS. Would you fuck her too?

>>8645884

Nah. That girl has a big ass for the wrong reasons. It looks alright when she is young, but as time goes on it's going to sag and get lumpy, not to mention how much bigger it will get, and not in a good way. You need to think of the future. You want something with long term value. Chubby girls age about as well as strawberries left in the sun.

>>8645884
so you prefer a chubby cunt with an unshapely large ass over a smaller, but far better toned ass? you really are a nigger.

the girl in the OP is perfect. i'd eat a mile of her shit just to see where it comes from.

>>8645948

Holy shit this is so retarded that I have to reply.

Any emotion, including sexual arousal, is nothing more than a physical response to a thought. Your penis does not have a life of it's own. If it wiggles, it's because YOU saw something that YOU liked. Your penis is by very definition the weathervane of sexual arousal, your brain simply communicates that through your penis.

>"Your dick would get hard lookcing at a pic of a beautiful naked women with AIDS. Would you fuck her too?"
>implying being thicc is the same as having a terminal illness
>implying I'd fuck everything that arouses me

Please for the love of god never post again

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>>8638425
You mean mineral water anon?

>>8638964
Its actually the top chain in Canada as it gets the coffee beans Tim Hortons used to get until Burger KIng bought them and they went with Burger Kings cheaper supplier

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>>8640432
How would someone go about deconstructing an espresso?

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>>8640325
The hipster coffee places in Cali are pretty good and relatively cheap. The coffee shop I go too roasts its own beans in house.

>>8640234
>Marrying a whore

>>8640358
Are you a fucking ape?
>durrhruur i lik wen my cofes comes with tits!

I bet you'd go to hooters if it wasn't so mainstream.

>>8645972

So is this how you convince yourself fat girls are sexier than thin girls because you're too ugly to get a hot girlfriend? Your dick doesn't get hard only because you like what you see. That's a pretty retarded statement actually. It gets hard mostly because you like what you see, but there are many other reasons why it would get hard. You don't sound like some intellectual, you sound like an idiot defending fat bitches. All you are doing is convincing fat girls that they look good enough that they don't have to settle for someone like you. By inisisting that fat girls are hot, you are effectively destroying your best chance at ever getting a girlfriend. Congratulations I guess.

>>8642029
>Watch videos
>Not reading the case and forming your own opinions

Boy .. no wonder how we get these "omg a women sued McDonalds for her spilled coffee .. wtf I hate America now !!"

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>>8646091
why not?

>>8646091
>me smart you stoopid hurf durf

The post.

I fucking hate coffee ,why do people pretend to like this bitter drink is above me.

>>8646215
You can use it like cocoa. You don't have to drink it. I like making coffee bars (coffeelate?) out of it. It's a slightly different taste, that's all.

>>8646215

I love coffee. Not fancy overpriced bullshit made in an overly complicated meme contraption, just simple coffee. As long as it isn't served by a rapefugee I'm usually satisfied.

>>8646239
>>8646240
I only likes coffee when there's very little coffee and lots of milk

>>8646189
When you're actually being a retard it makes perfect sense.
>>8646181
why
see i can do it too you fucking mongoloid

>>8646243

So a latte?

>>8646243
You can coffee bars with milk and mostly sugar. It's pretty good, but I prefer less sugar.

>>8646247
if that's what you call it.

>>8646245
tits get my dick hard
good coffee gets my dick hard
triggering feminists gets my dick hard

kinda easy choice

>>8638409
A cup of black coffee. It's like ordering pasta at an Italian place or pad Thai at a Thai place - it's how you can tell if a coffee shop is worth their salt.

>>8645980
I was about to tell you to look at the video before realising.
I guess they would serve powdered dehydrated espresso (aka instant coffee) and boiling water. With deconstructed sugar cubes.

>>8642572
thats not the point retard

She's got a rather nice bottom but a meth fiend smile. I dont mind that. I'd porbly get a hazelnut macchiato.

>>8646646
what do you mean "but"

there's nothing hotter than a young, vulnerable female who will do anything, ANYTHING for another fix

>>8646263
I hate to ruin your smuggasm, but there's an entire wing of feminism that strongly believes in using sexuality as a tool, while rejecting the prudish attitudes towards sexuality that they believe are a male invention to keep women oppressed

"Feminism" is such a broad concept that when I hear people bitching about it I usually don't even bother, but in this case I'll make an exception

t. man who went to a school with a lot of what you would call "feminazis"

>>8646653
Thats what i meant by 'i don't mind that'.
She's certainly got my flopper leaping around in my boxers like a fly-crazed trout.

>>8646663
men basically beg for sex from women. its funny seeing these virgins think talking about women like this will get them more than an idiot with herpes

>>8639134
>apply for barista job at local trendy cafe (melbourne suburbs)
>they get me in for a trial shift with the guy that roasts their coffee, he's 'very particular' about how he wants his coffee made
>lol ok
>nothing out of the ordinary
>but then
>"now when someone orders a flat white, do it just like a latte. they want a latte in a cappucino cup"

????????????

>>8646663
>t. faggot
ftfy

>>8638409
A cortadito, but word it was a cubano cortado

>>8640754
>espresso
>coffee and water, crema on top

>americano
>coffee and water, crema dispersed

>latte
>coffee, water and milk, crema preserved in the froth

???

long blacks are fine (same as americano except you put the water in first then pull the espresso on top of it, preserving the crema). Americano is trash tier.

>>8640754
My favorite place to have brunch in Madrid offers only espresso or americano as part of the "brunch" menu item. I just order "brunch" and then they bring me coffee, juice, and three courses of what they're making that day.

>>8646663
still triggered you anon

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>>8646962
looks like you're triggered pretty hard anon

if you reply to this you're double triggered

>>8638409
Peruvian coffee (Tunki) blended with Colombian cofee
SAy that one of your latino friends handed you both of them because you helped him in a research

>>8641622

>being a cuck for corporations

libertarianism is astrology for men

Tall soy cappuccino with a vanilla shot

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>>8645931
Because an entire chain of them based out of washington didn`t get shut down two years ago for prostitution. Only making the news because the sheriff got caught turning a blind eye to it. Right? Stay in your commiefornian colony and stop pretending to know whats going on in the region.

>>8644080
If you're going to project this much go to /tv/ and play them a movie.

>>8638409
double shot of espresso and a glass of water.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BFsC4_nsi1V/

Here's the girl in op

>>8641540
Underrated post.

>>8644080
pretty much nailed it

https://xhamster.com/photos/gallery/7337345/cute_barista_eleni.html

>>8646160

I never mentioned "fat bitches" in my post, and I asked you nicely to refrain from posting ever again.

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Stop bumping. Don't remind me of the gf I'll never have

a double ristretto

surprised no one's said it yet

>>8646091
the beer cheese and pretzels are pretty fucking good, buddy

>>8649302
80% of the places can't make that.

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>>8644080
only on 4chan can you see somebody accusing a man with five kids that he can't talk to women.
This amount of assumption is crazy. If it wasn't so damn funny I would never come back here

>>8649570
He's right though. Any beta cuck can get a girl to marry them if they lower their standards. Having a kid is even easier.

>>8649570
They are clearly all his wifes kids from previous encounters with the bbc

>>8649570
I've got a coworker who married the first woman he ever had sex with (ugly and fat, both of them), together they have 3 kids, the guy is completely autistic and creepy, tries to "compliment" the women in the office and ends up freaking them out, has bizarre and slightly sexist-sounding beliefs (like asking them if they're afraid to go out without a male chaperone), basically a total sperg who settled, and wouldn't be able to sustain a normal conversation with a pretty girl to save his life

I think the guy you're replying to hit the nail on the head

>>8638409
I keep seeing this girl here. Does she have any real skills or is she just lazily holding up her ass for a bored cameraman until the day she looks like an uninflated pool toy and the photographer moves on to the next dick magnet?

>>8649621
Nevermind, I get it now, she works at a slutty coffee shop. I guess at least when she looks like a walnut person she can still make her husband folgers with a little milk drawing.

>>8649377
How can you not make a ristretto. You just pull a normal shot and stop the extraction early. Requires no additional equipment.

>>8638409
Man, I remember reading about a topless breakfast restaurant in Quebec.

That be really entertaining to eat at I would think.

>>8649284

Fuck off faggot.

>>8648811

>canned whip cream
shameful.

>>8642029
You are retarded. You don't almost die from a cup of coffee. When I was a kid my mom spilled a pot full of boiling water on herself. She didn't get even close to dying. In horrible pain, yes.

>>8650066
Coffee is different than water. The added caffine stimulates the water making it very dangerous

>>8650074
Sure.

>>8646715
Well, a flat white is literally a latte in a cappucino cup, soo

>>8650066
She got it on her crotch and it caused health complications. It had more to do with the location of the burn.

>>8650115
Ok, that makes more sense. If she got infection or something from it then it might have gotten serious.

>>8638464
Hey guys, forget all about those small local businesses that care about quality and get your coffee from one of our sterile, disgusting slop factories instead! Mmmm, tastes like minimum wage and cheap burnt benas mmm

>>8650066

She got third degree burns on her vagina.

>>8638467
Kek

If you don't want to be an insufferable pleb, get an Americano with steamed milk. That's it. Not too much work, not too trendy or pretentious. The best. Cappuccino is also acceptable.

>>8640339
thats what truth taste like kid

>>8638409
Tea

>>8642859
She was you autist she gets paid not to be an asshole don't think anything more of it

>>8638409
Legit from a barista

If it's cold, a pour over of whatever beans they're grinding that day

If it's hot out, a shakerato or a cold brew if they make it.

or be a pleb and have a goddamn conversation, people are chill.

>>8638409
Anything complicated with a lot of words.

Triple shot half-caf iced tall soy vanilla latte extra foam no whip...

I would hate that drink but you would sound pretentious if that's what you are going for.

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>>8638568
>>8639039
>>8639039
It happened and was served in Melbourne>>8640149

>>8638409
Order your coffee black and bring your own sugar hidden to add when nobody is looking

>>8638464
I bet this ad was made by a man or a very intelligent woman
Shame the food is shit because they are based

>>8640358
Isn't that dangerous tho?
Coffee burns can be a pretty serious thing

Black filter coffee or double espresso.
p a t r i c i a n, not faggot drinks, simple enough that the staff will learn your order if you're a regular and will like you because you're not making them piss about with your soccer mom 'soy frappe grande extra foam with vegan cocoa powder dusting and non fat caramel drizzle' bullshit

>>8650066
You...aren't very smart. It wasn't just coffee, it was coffee hot enough to burn her all the way down to the bone, and in an older woman- hell in anyone that is very, very dangerous. The immediate inflammation of an area like the inner thighs(where a very LARGE artery) runs alone could kill, and boy do burns of that nature induce some crazy inflammation.

>>8645884

>posting a chubster

Proving his point, you thirsty fuck. Stop deluding yourself into thinking anyone who can do any better would rail fat chicks willingly.

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>drink coffee without milk
>casuls keep saying "wow I can't believe you drink your coffee black."
>mfw I'm a casul that puts a shitton of sugar into my coffee

>>8641193
It's supposed to be satirical and absurd. Not necessarily funny.

>>8652816
IIRC the heat fused her vulva together and needed to be operated on, too.

>>8638409
Ordering instructions start at :20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrIgJ83E8-M

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>>8645974
You realize there is naturally carbonated spring water, right?

>>8650088
He fell for it.

That's a wrap folks thanks for coming

>>8640751
>If this order is taking place in the ghetto, several black people go DAAAAAAAAAAAMN*

Every fucking time. Why do they do this?

>>8640746
British Kolumbia

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OP no one really gives a fuck as long as you're not one of those mongs who order a macchiato and then throw a shitfit when they realize it's not muh starcucks half-assed cappuccino with flavoured syrup drizzled on top.

t. someone who actually works at an independent coffee shop

>>8638409
>coffee

Enjoy your stomach ulcer.

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coffee flavoured coffee

>>8639299
Coffee

>>8654926
>he can't spot a lost starbucks customer on sight
you're either brand new at your job or you just suck at it

instead of just going "ok sure yes coming right up sir!" you're supposed to stop, explain pedantically what a macchiato is, say "it's not sweet, are you sure you want that" and say "I can't give you a refund if you don't like it", and only THEN make the drink while giving them the stink-eye the whole time

this wears down their defenses so when the time comes to taste it they're too ashamed to even say anything

>>8652778
>I bet this ad was made by a man or a very intelligent woman

I don't get what this means at all

>>8656146
he doesn't realize that in normie culture men and women interact freely without the men raping the women or the women screaming "triggered" and raving about safe spaces

he genuinely believes that an ad agency working for a global mega-brand looks like a scene from "mad men" because he has never been outside without his tard wrangler and gets all his information about human relations from /r9k/ and netflix

>>8638409
Café de olla

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>one double expresso coming right up, anon!

>>8639169
I still don't understand.
Why is she sperging out?

>>8638409

fuck plz sauce

ive seen this hoe too many times

>>8638464
>bobby in the U.K.
>free coffee from McDonalds when working response.

At 04:00 in the morning it is liquid crack. It does the job and it isn't too bad. It's nothing my mocka pot can make but still. I'm Yorkshire, therefore tight fisted so free is free.

>>8638409
Is that megan rain?

>>8638464

Out of all the franshice coffee places, I think McDonalds has the best brew coffee.

EVen Starbucks, it always tastes like burnt cardboard.

>>8638409
coffee

>>8638409
Americano with an extra shot. Panties drop immediately around the room

>>8638409
Heroin

>>8657914

No but she still probably prefers it black.

>>8640754
>this is what americans really think
Hahahah

>>8640754
have another (You)

Coffee. Black. Bottomless mug if they've got it.

cafe au lait

>>8638409
Shame about her face

>>8638409
BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but oh yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....
BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF
Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....
BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT
Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….

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>>8658559
nooooooooo get the fuck out of ck/ you fucking faggot

>>8658559
the ghost of james joyce

>>8658458
It's ok to be gay, anon.

>>8638409
Hating starbucks is a meme

>>8656139
nig you think I'd be this mad if weren't already doing everything you're describing

If I had a dollar for every time I've point blank explained exactly what goes into a "real" macchiato to no avail, I'd probably have a small boat by now

>>8656139
You just ask 'long or short' and if they don't have an answer give them a cappuccino.

>>8638409
a large double double

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I wonder what she charges for a half hour

>>8662624
I'd give her upwards of $250 for half an hour of anal.

>>8662624
I would be happy to kill myself if she would just let me touch the tip of my tongue against one of her nipples.

>>8662684
That seems pretty reasonable. I'm not sure I would last that long but I bet a half hour is the lowest allowed increment of time.

>>8662684
>>8662701

any hooker that looks like that is definitely more than $250/30 mins for greek

>>8662624
THOSE EYEBROWS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA