>cut up a whole fucking onion >literally pissing from the

>>8346222
>wet cutting board
>wet onion
>wet knife

stop pretending to like onions should work

>>8346222
Rub your eyes really hard

>>8346222
You do not own a pair of onion goggles?

>>8346224
these, plus
>sharp knife
>stand upright, not hunched over with your face right next to the cutting board

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>>8346226
the fuck you trying to say?

>>8346222
DO NOT TOUCH THE ROOT
except to
a) remove the root hairs gently with your fingers
b) halve the onion ready for dicing
c) you have an insanely sharp knife and are going to butterfly (slice top to bottom) the onion halves

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>>8346243

>>8346243
Why the fuck would I put goggles on my onions?

chop faster. I can chop a whole onion in about 20 seconds. not enough time for the onion gas to do any damage.

Maybe try cooking for longer than a month
I don't remember the last time onions made me cry

>>8346282
tell me your plan for cutting up a sack of onions

-turn on the stove fan
-wash the onion and the knife (for maximum effectiveness wash the onion before cutting, after peeling, and after each major cut (having or quartering)
-use the opportunity to let out your own up emotions

>>8346222
1) dont hang over the cutting board
2) breathe through your mouth
3) use a wet knife
4) practice daily for speedy desensitizing

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>still chopping your veggies

>>8346222
Leave the root on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwGBt3V0yvc

>>8346330
of all the pre-cut veggies, onions ar BY FAR the worst

>>8346222
be a man phaggot
suck it up you pathetic weasel

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>>8346338

>let the knife do the work

>>8346346
Why? If you cook them it shouldn't make a big difference.

>>8346222
Eat a bit, clothes peg on nose or wear swimming goggles

>>8346222
Do you not own a gasmask?

That saurkraut thread was pretty funny OP.

>>8346358
>/ck/ - Food and Cooking

next time get a fan and make it plow at the cutting board from the right or left.

>>8346222
put a bit of dishwash soap in water and wash your eyes with it. the soap helps dissolve the etheric oil which makes you cry

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>>8346494
Either this or, capsaicin cream will work.

>>8346222
sharpen your knife and man up

>>8346418
>plow

>>8346222
>>8346224
>>8346249
>>8346259
>>8346322
>>8346740
Just chew gum, ya faggots. Literally the easier solution in the book and yet people still go out of their way to make things hard for themselves.

I did a science project on this a while back, found that chewing gum and also chopping next to a candle helps. But chewing gum is the simplest solution.

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makes everything taste yummy like white castle

>>8346282
My ass.
>inb4 slap chop

>>8346222
>pissing from the eyes

Go see a doctor. You should be able to pass more urine than that, srsly.

>>8346804
fuck off, autist
>I did a science project on this a while back
yeah, sure thing

>>8346884
Enjoy your special sharp knife and retarded wet onions.

http://theconversation.com/mondays-medical-myth-chewing-gum-stops-onion-tears-9405

Hurrrrr.

Science fair project in high school, faggoid.

I think you're just upset that you've been complicated all these years. It's okay Anon. It's okay to be wrong.

Am I the only one who enjoys a good onion cry? I never cry except for a few manly tears when something sad on my fav animu happens. It just feels nice :3

I am immune to onion tears because I used to cut them every single day at work

do people not really know how to do this?

Core the onion root from the top. Can do this with any knife. Pull it out and chop regularly. No tears.

>>8346816
Dicing an onion takes me way under a minutes, so I have no reason to doubt that anon...

>>8346905
>Enjoy your special sharp knife
thanks, i guess? i always enjoy working with a good, sharp knife
>Science fair project in high school
look at him. look at him and laugh!
>http://theconversation.com/mondays-medical-myth-chewing-gum-stops-onion-tears-9405
taken directly from your link:
(...) chewing gum has no effect: the tear stimulus is in your eyes, not your nose or mouth.

It's okay Anon. It's okay to be wrong.

Just use crystals, thought it's common knowledge.

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>>8346264
who else a "Lazy Man" here?

>>8346222
Only 3 things work OP:
1. Sharp Knife (Can it cut through a sheet of printer paper hanging in mid-air?
2. Freeze Onions
3. Safety Googles

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https://munchies.vice.com/en/articles/japans-fancy-new-onions-wont-make-you-cry
SOON

>>8346222
I've heard people suggest chilling the onion first in the fridge, but I've also heard people suggest heating it slightly in the microwave.
Any truth to either of these?

>>8347080
I've tried both and only the chilling works.

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>>8347080
The microwave would have the oposite effect man. Heating up fruits and veg makes them want to release their juices more, that's why you roll a lime or lemon on a bench before squeezing it, its not the pressure on it, its the friction that makes it warm and wanting to release its juice more.

Microwaving an onion is just gonna make you cry more than when Littlefoot's mom dies man.

>>8346222
Checked.

Cut the root in half instead of cutting it off

>>8346222
When your eyes start to tear up, take a quick break and stick your face in the freezer. The cold will bring the tear ducts back under control, and you can return to your task.

Chop it in half, then step back for a minute and let the vapours dissipate

>>8346905

Jesus my dude did you even read this article before you posted it?

People treat it like a joke but I whip out my swimming goggles for onion time. Got laughed at by my flatmates but I'm not the one crying over the onions so WHOS GOT THE LAST LAUGH HUH?

>>8346264
Had to chop 6 kg of onion once, a scuba mask was remarkably useful, even if I looked like a tool.

Growing up, my mom would 'chop' onions using a serrated knife. ...it was like year gas went off in entire house

>>8349554
Fuck man I know what that's like. My mother only used a pairing knife to cut all her vegetables and meat when she cooked.

>>8349579
Yeah, we had 2 ' cooking ' knives growing up. A steak knife and a rusted short bent pairing knife...most meals were strait from can to microwave to plate. ..no seasoning

>>8346222
Don't be such a fucking faggot.

Just nuke the fucking onion for half a minute.

I don't remember the last decade that I cried from cutting an onion. Stop being what you are.

>>8349715
>releasing more juices
you're a fucking idiot

>>8346249
>>stand upright, not hunched over with your face right next to the cutting board
This

>>8346494
An alternative to this is to rub freshly cut onion bulbs into your eyelids
adaption by exposure

>>8346259
>DO NOT TOUCH THE ROOT

1000 times this.

Remove the root
Halve the onion
Remove the outer skin

Then lay the halves flat and cut them into strips, but keep the strips pressed together at the sides

Keep upright, and tilt the blade away from whichever side it's closer to

Then let the stripes fall apart and chop them however you like, into long or short segments

nice little trick is to cut them beside your sink with running water. surprisingly it almost completely takes away the stinging.

>>8346287
You realize you don't build tolerance to sulfuric acid, right?

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>people tell me you'll get used to onions
>cooking for almost 10 years, and still never got used to them

>>8346222
I wear contact lenses, so onions aren't a problem for me.

At work, there's a pair of swimming goggles from the dollar store that pussies wear when they're prepping 100+ pounds of onions and can't handle it.

>>8352249
take off your contacts pussy

>>8352254
Then I can't see the fucking onion, dumbass. My vision is shit which is why I wear contacts.

Anyhow it's not my job to prep onions so it doesn't really matter either way.

i keep onions in the fridge (i don't care if you're not supposed to), and that definitely makes them easier on the eyes. also i tend to buy smaller onions (satsuma size) rather than large ones

>>8346222
>cut onion in half so that both halves have part of the roots
>cut thin slices following the veins (vertically), but don't remove from the base of the stalk just yet
>cut horizontally from top to bottom
>dispose of the root

seems to work well for me

>>8346222
I keep them in the fridge. Works for me, never had any issue with onions.

for years I don't understand how people have still figured out to just cut from one end to the root. Like sincerely are you all this fucking stupid?

>>8352711
>Like sincerely are you all this fucking stupid?
yes

I trained as a chef and have told (shown even) dozens of people how to keep the root intact. The only people who really listen are commercial cooks. Why? Because they might have to cut up an entire fucking sack in 20 minutes which means not cutting your fingers to shit because you are weeping so much.

>>8346222
Another method i've been told is to literally keep your mouth shut. No joke.

It works for me most of the time, but I'm not entirely sure that's the cause.

>>8352757

is your mouth usually open? is it open now?

>>8346222
Light a candle next to the cutting board. The flame will consume the gas that the onion emits.

>>8346330
Shameful

>>8346909
>:3

Fuck off

>>8346222
Chew mint gum
Leave the root of the onion intact.

>>8346338
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TllPrdbZ-VI

>>8346222
pour salt in your eyes. It'll balance the PH level of the onion

Someone already said, the only things that really help:

Sharp knife
Onion in freezer for 15 mins-1 hr
Sealed eyewear

>>8346222
Wear safety goggles

>>8354698

...and nipple tape.

>>8346222
Clear the smell in your nose with a quick whiff of fresh coffee grounds?

>just uses goggles purchased for chemistry

>>8346222
Put the buisness end of an unlit match in your mouth. It will counteract the onion sting

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>>8346330

>>8352853
As in the entire time, as in no talking.

Any truth to lemon juice on the cutting board or is that pure retard logic?
>>8348786
I imagined living with you and seeing this. I would both laugh and throw myself at you.

>>8349587
This made me cry.

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>>8346224

>>8346222
Cutting onions doesn't make people cry. Crushing them with an unsharpened knife and wrong techniques however...

>>8354698
Just make sure it matches your purse.

>>8346804
This and keep a candle lit next to the cutting board.

>>8347080
Team chilling here. Never had a problem. And it makes sense; the oils released when you break/crush the cells by cutting them are more volatile when warm. Less so when cold.

>>8346222
I wear goggles. They were only like $10 and I got them for doing some work in the apartment but turns out they're great for this. If you cut onions often they're probably worth the investment.

Hold a piece of white bread in your mouth while you cut.

>>8356834
>>8356971
>>8358095
>>8358281
>>8358592
kill yourself. all of you