How do I humanely kill crabs? I'll be cooking one tomorrow

You freeze it first, it'll enter a deep sleep, then you immediately boil it.

>>8325658
Plunge a knife into its head/face region. One quick stab.

Let them write a will and say their good byes to their loved ones. Before throwing them into boiling water alive, have a religious leader of their choice present to say a prayer first.

>>8325658
put it in cold water and then slowly raise the temperature

>>8325663
>>8325667
>>8325670
>>8325671
Should I give it a name?

>>8325676
it probably has a name already. just ask it what its name is.

>>8325658
Allow it to die of old age, first.

>>8325683
I don't speak crab

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>>8325658

>>8325691
you don't have to - most crabs speak english

>>8325676
please hold a service and dress the other crabs up as mourners and a pope

Alternatively do a viking-style sacrifice with the alter and blood prepared
be sure to use drums and take lots of pictures

>humanely kill crabs
You're doing it wrong. Sometimes, we sit there and clean the crab while it's alive, so as not to cook the gills and guts with the good meat. You just fucking crack that shell off, humanity be damned.

Buy a "Crustastun" apparently it makes them taste better because they don't release stress hormones it's too quick.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eSvTFavDXDE

>>8325693
This kills the crab.

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>>8325670

>>8325693
lamo

>>8325658
>humanly
>kill

You don't. You accept your guilt, through whatever philosophical or religious philosophy can rationalize active implementation of a mechanism of death to a life form, as a functioning carnivore, with respect to the universe.

t. Hunter and butcherer of meat

Buckshot, right between the eyes. Ol Yeller style.

>>8325693
sleep tight pincher

Cyanide pill directly to the crab.

>>8325693
i'll never get over how sad that crab looks.

>>8325936
It isn't sad, Anon. It has accepted its fate and looks forward to its eternal reward with all the enthusiasm an already dead crab can muster.
Be like the crab, Anon.

why didn't you buy a pre-killed crab

>>8325952
Because with seafood freshness is everything

Everything

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>>8325658
>How do I humanely kill giant sea spiders?

Don't kill it, just rip off the legs and claws then release into the ocean. Everybody wins.

Pull its dick/egg sac at the bottom of the shell out so that it's sticking up from the body, stick your thumb deep in its asshole and rip its head off (or rather the top carapace). Boil that fucker Cajun style, just put an entire bottle of Tony Chachere's in the boiling water, a cup of cayenne pepper seasoning, and you're good to have atomic shit all week.

>>8325658
>Get a hose with jet sprayer on it.
>Place in mouth of crab.
>Turn on hose, blasting guts out of behind of crab.
>Dead crab.

>take crab out onto the driveway
>reverse over crab
>drive back over crab
>pick up driveway crab
>proceed to use as a spread on a sandwich

>>8325658
crabs are bugs

>>8325658
Put it on the floor and stomp on it as hard as you can.

>>8325658
Call the paramedic about a cave demon and get my knife.

>>8325890
/thread