I just got my turkey for today...how the HELL do I get the thing

>>8306237
Microwave it

>>8306237
By not buying a massive frozen solid chunk of meat the same day you intend to cook it.

But since you are a fuck up, try submerging the turkey in hot water for a while.

get a large container or bucket and drop it in tepid water with salt. don't take it out of the packet unless you want extra salty turkey.

Break it into pieces with a hammer.

Leave it on your roof

You got a car? bike? You tape that sucker to the roof and go for a drive my friend

Mom used to do this every thanks giving, works a charm

>>8306237
Use a welder's blowtorch.

>>8306237
nigga you're fucked unless you have dinner at eight.

>8 posts
>no "stick it up your ass"
Slow as fuck.

Stick it up your ass.

>put rag in sink
>put turkey in sink
>run cold water with enough flow that it doesn't overflow the sink
fast CONVECTION warming!

>>8306237
all posts are hilarious except >>8306247
don't do that you will get food poisoning
if i gotta click a street sign again i'm boycotting google

>Take turkey.
>Place in bucket.
>Gently introduce near boiling water into bucket until turkey is submerged.
>Throw eggs at the bucket while screaming incoherently.
>Smash bucket with rocks or sink.
>Shoot the turkey.
>Light everything on fire while laughing manically.
>Done.

Anon you put that turkey in a garbage back and get into bed with it. Your bodies natural heat will warm the turkey and your lower genitals will provide further arousal for the Turkeys defrosting systems

>>8306586
yeah do this

File: 163-208-thickbox.jpg (48KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 600x600px

stuff it full of hot chilies, that should warm it right up

Just deep fry while it's still frozen, works every time.

Quick and easy, try it.

>>8306599
kind of like coooking an egg by shooting it?
like, this would take a cannon or so

>>8306586
>>8306648

This is the only realistic answer, and even then it's unlikely you can thaw a frozen turkey and have time left to cook it.

>>8306237
break it apart, leave it in the sun overnight, tie it back up, and cook

>>8307201
wtf I did this and it made pretty decorative crystals

>>8306237
Why the fuck is this woman naked?

Why the fuck are you have Turkey on the Friday after Thanksgiving you have it on THURSDAY THANKSGIVING fucking idiot probably Chinese it's still Wednesday there

>>8309599
Wow. You're a special kind of retard.