what are your stupidest kitchen accidents or injuries? >managed

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>>8295478

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>>8295480

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>>8295487

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>>8295489

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>>8295494

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>>8295500

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>>8295506

>>8295478
>Buddy and I decided to make beer.
>We have made beer before, so no big deal, except buddy brought buds with him this time.
>We are replacing the hops with weed.
>Call it Budhighzer.
>Go to work, letting things ferment and shit.
>Come back to a warzone.
>Something clogged and the whole thing exploded in the kitchen.
>Wife is fucking furious.

>>8295520
Women can't even cook correctly.

Not me, but my sister while I was there

>Living in okay-to-shitty apartment with relatively small kitchen
>4 kids plus our mom, and everyone else is lazy fucks who won't clean anything so the kitchen always has dishes filling the sink/counters
>large pyrex baking dish was left full of soapy water to soak on top of one of the electric stove elements for god knows how long
>Sister decides to make tea, but too lazy to clean up or even move anything
>Puts kettle on stove, proceeds to turn on the burner the pyrex dish was sitting on instead of one kettle is on
>Walks away for like 10 minutes, comes back and discovers soapy water boiling over pyrex dish
>Freaks out, turns off stove, and moves dish off hot burner directly onto cold countertop
>Flash forward like 30 seconds, from the next room over I hear the sound of glass shattering violently and rushing water
>The dish has exploded, sending glass and hot water all over the fucking place, somehow my sister is untouched

She didn't understand what happened, despite being like 17 at the time.

>>8295478
>slicing up peppers for pickling
>all done
>sitting down later in the day
>hands migrate to balls
>evidently forgot to wash my hands from earlier
>literally mounted onto bathroom sink seconds later running balls under cold water begging god to kill me. Didn't even bother to turn the light on

>one morning, making hash browns, set oil onto the stove
>scoop up some grated potato and set it into the oil
>some splashes and lands right on my boxers
>didn't really think much of it at first until a second later when the spot touched my right ball
>did not know I could jump that high in a bent over position


>one summer, in pool with sister
>get out to grill up a couple hot dogs
>like to position the hot dogs on the grill so they get those nice black singe marks on them
>pressing one down with the spatula while it plumps up
>go to press down the one next to it and as soon as I take the spatula off of it, it starts rolling towards me and almost rolls off the grill
>for some reason, my reaction is to stop it from rolling off by blocking it with my body
>move my hips forward just in time to stop the sizzling sausage with my dick and balls
>was not even able to save the hot dog in the end because of this

I have one more story about sipping a ginger tea that was too hot but you can guess how it ends

>>8295596

your genitals are a warzone anon

and it sounds like you're losing

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> making hot sauce
> don't have a blender
> bust out burr mixer fine mist of habenero fills the air
> lie down in tub with the water on

Bad day.

Pic unrelated.

>>8295480
brutal AF

>>8295641
I nearly died crying from laughter imagining you in the tub trying to use a straw as a snorkel

>making beer batter fish and chips
>putting the fish in the oil
>slips out of my fingers
>hits the bottom of the frying basket
>shits gonna stick if I don't get it off of there
>lift it up with my tongs
>fish is now safe from sticking but there is some batter on my tongs
>hmm don't want that to cook/dry on there and be hard to clean
>wipe it off with my bare hand
>could literally hear my skin sizzling as it made contact

>>8295537
how do you know that's a woman? the handwriting isn't bubbly or curvey, and while there is an emoji-type thing it's not particularly invested

I'd say this is a male

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I keep grabbing my food thermometer's probe bare-handed, I cannot fucking remember I just pulled that tiny metal L out of a 400 degree oven. I did it twice yesterday.

All of my scariest kitchen moments were touching shit I damn well knew I shouldn't touch. I had a handle callous burned into my hand for a month last year from my stainless steel pan going from oven to stovetop and muscle memory telling me to giving the pan a quick bare-handed shake.

I really deserve to get hurt, I cut shit in my hand without a cutting board all the time.

>>8295500
>here's your controller, bro

>>8295500
>just finish me already

>>8295575
Tbh that probably wasn't a Pyrex dish

>>8296396
The intention
Women pull the whoops I'm so quircky shit all the time thinking people can't get mad at them because they are cute
A man knows he is getting yell at for being a moron

>>8295478
>just moved
>finally a kitchen to call my own woooo
>got new stuff
>unpacking hand blender
>blade in separate plastic casing
>stuck
>try to get out
>won't budge
>lift head up to answer someone
>blade comes out
>cleanly shears the skin off distal joint on thumb
>scrapes over tendon
>skin flap still attached, just hanging there chilin'
>blood everywhere

Good times.

Hint: if you're similarly autistic, get a grown up or a less valuable friend to do this for you.

I've nearly sheared the tips of my fingers off using a mandolin without the stupid pronged handle thing.

I get its for safety but fuck, I'd rather just run a cucumber over the blade than bothering to skewer it.

>get drunk
>try to cut the foil off the top of the bottle of wine so i can stick it up my ass
>knife slips and stabs me in the thumb
>lots of blood and scar
>still stuck the wine bottle up my ass

Putting a food wrapped in foils in the microwave.

>>8296391
Did he died?

I actually haven't had any, other than small cuts when slicing produce, or the odd hot oil drop flying fron a hot pan. Though my experience as a cyclist tells me that the longer you go on without having an accident, the worse it'll be when it happens, and it WILL happen.

>have leftover sandwich from restaurant in styrofoam togo box
>put it in microwave anyway but not for very long
>come back and box is all contorted and a hole started forming in the bottom
>eat sandwich anyway
I probably have cancer.

>be like 13
>know absolutely nothing about cooking even premade meals
>homealone
>boxed mac and cheese
>constantly texting parents asking what to do
>get waaaaay too big pasta pot with a strainer pot inside it
>start boiling the perfectly measured amount of water
>water boils away and evaporates without me noticing somehow
>thought it still wasn't boiling
>too afraid to even touch pot to check
>pot was fucking empty most of the time
Goddamn I was a retard.

>>8296414
Just use a pot holder all the time. Make it habit that you reach to do each and every time you do something, not just when something is hot. No mental math. Only way to break this issue is putting in this failsafe. Have a few choices, from the towel at your waistband, to gloves to soft flexible ones.

>>8295500
Those restraints were for YOUR safety human.

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>roommate used extension cord for deepfryer
>need cord, see one end laying on the floor
>yank it without checking other end
That was an incredible mess to clean up.
I also dropped a mug of chocolate milk from an inch high onto the counter, pic related the result.
And another time, a plastic bowl with yoghurt, it landed on its edge, which made it bounce up while spinning madly. There was a perfect line of yoghurt from one end of the kitchen to the other, up both walls, stopping just below the ceiling.

Only time I ever messed up bad was pulling a casserole out of the oven. Pot holder slipped a bit and instead of just dropping the thing I slowly put it on the counter because I didn't want to make a mess. Burned the shit out of my left hand.

>>8295478
>drunk
>scooping ice cream into glass cup
>cup breaks
>salvage what i could and eat anyway
just a bad decision while drinking

>peeling potatoes
>slice finger
other than that, i cant think of anything else

>make pies
>pull out of oven
>put on rack to cool
>five minutes later hear a glass shatter
>pie pan violently exploded
>shards embedded in the wall level violent

That's when I learned Pyrex changed the glass materials they use.

>>8296630
Maybe it wasn't the real stuff

>>8296634

He's right, the formulation has changed.

Pyrex cookware used to be made from borosilicate glass. That's very resistant to temperature shock. These days they use ordinary soda-lime glass instead, but they temper it. That means it is more likely to break from thermal shock, but OTOH when it does break it breaks into tiny little pieces which are less hazardous. If you break borosilicate glass (by dropping it, for example) then you end up with big knifelike shards that are more likely to hurt you.

Frankly I prefer the old borosilicate formulation.

>>8296634
Nah, it was. Pyrex used to be great until they switched out their borosilicate. It's a shame, too. They used to be the #1 trusted brand.

>>8296473
men do this cutesy shit all the time, they just normally only do it with their significant other instead of with everyone around them

i'm pretty positive that's a guy from the handwriting, but i don't see any reason to think it's a bad thing that someone made a mistake then apologized to their partner with a note regardless of gender

>>8296642
>>8296643
>He's right, the formulation has changed.

Only in the USA, the 1st world actually uses borosilicate

>>8296645
t. woman

It just can't possibly be a woman's fault, right? Muh stronk womyn dindu nuffin.

>>8296642
>Worked freight in a big chain store for a while.
>Had to unpack pallets of freight by hand.
>Big Samoan dude I worked with grabbed a box of Pyrex.
>I told him jokingly that they make that shit unbreakable.
>He looks at the box in his hands and chucks on the bed of the freight truck.
>"Guess it does break."

>>8296634
>Maybe it wasn't the real stuff
No, they actually did change. Old stuff is better and larger temperature extreme rated.

>>8296630
What do you think? Was the wire rack really cold? Was your house cold? Do tell!

I prefer pyrex pie pans, I think they make a crisper bottom crust on my raw crust pies like pecan pie. Just curious if you learned something from your experience.

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>>8296649
>>8296634
>>8296453
Why the fuck are you shilling for Pyrex?

>>8296662
I'm not shilling for Pyrex . . .I simply stated that the rest of the world uses borosilicate and USA uses the cheaper glass.

>>8296650
you're the one ignoring obvious clues faggot

women fuck up all the time, but that probably was a man

>>8296670
You're a moron. A guy wouldn't bother writing this shit they'd just find a way to seperate it or order a new ring, a lazy, useless woman, on the other hand, would make it into a """joke""" and make the man fix it. So later when he comes home she can just laugh it off like she isn't a complete fucktard wasting his money and ruining their house with her stupidity.

i keep dropping food on the floor by mistake.

problem is i'm a chef.

also dipped my thump into a big boiling pot of beans while transferring it today, had to hold the pain in until it was over.

they tasted good.

I burned rice in a microwave once.

i was 9 and i decided to microwave playdo because it was ultra dry

after NUKING it i touched the playdo and it was still cold and hard so decided to remove the cup to add some water, now until this moment i hadn't touched the cup itself, just the playdo.


spend the night with my left hand in a bowl of water

>>8295480
HOW

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>>8295537
That's the only thing that women can do naturally, and if they can't, then don't even fuck with them

>>8295596
Are you trying to make yourself infertile

>>8296473
Yeah, no. More men have no idea what they're doing in the kitchen than women.

>>8296414
Are you me?

>>8296681
Unless he was a beta cuck.

That's a mans handwriting.

One time I turned on the oven to preheat and some fucking idiot in my family put a bunch of pizza boxes into it to get them out of the way

There was a small contained fire that I moved to the sink with tongs and a spatula

>>8296918
I agree with the other anon. I'm starting to think it's not actually a woman.

>>8296816
dulce de leche is my guess. Could be something else.

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>>8296476
>hand blender

>>8296581
I really want that mug. Where did you get it?

>washing dishes after cutting up meat
>Soapy basin full of soaking plates bowls and FUCKING KNIVES
>REACH IN JUST CLAWN AT A FUCKING KNIFE
>SLICE MY HAND THE FUCK OPEN

>>8295478
>have a lot of trouble with my hands but do everything I can anyway because i don't want to feel like an invalid
>cooking with a friend
>grating something
>"don't grate your hand, anon"
>"im not that stupid"
>10 seconds later with blood streaming down my hand
>"actually that was the shredding side so fuck off"

>>8297134
That pic is from a few years ago, at my parents' place, and they've had it for as long as I can remember.
I'll send my mom a text, I'll keep you updated.

>>8297221
>>have a lot of trouble with my hands but do everything I can anyway because i don't want to feel like an invalid
I feel ya. What's wrong with your hands?
I've got rheumatoid arthritis myself, can barely move the fingers of my right hand, which can be a real inconvenience, especially when peeling something, or when I need to knead something.

>>8295596
Do you have some sort of secret subconscious body dismorphia with your dick, anon?

>>8297257
A mixture of things caused by EDS.
I have arthritis and my joints dislocate seemingly at random.

I'm glad you are keeping on though man, it's good to be able to just get on with things even if they are somewhat harder.

>>8297300
Yeah, fuck this body, I keep on trucking. Thank god for good utensils too.
Godspeed, my man!

>>8296946
I think the handwriting is gender-neutral, more or less, but I did have a male roommate that did this to my plastic cutting board.

He also would store his baking trays in the oven, turn the oven on, remember the trays were inside, and then try to remove the hot metal trays with his bare hands. He was kind of a cuck.

>>8297201
You fucking heathen. I slapped someone's face at work for dropping knives into the dishpit and made them fish them out. Thankfully, they were too cowed to whine to the manager, so I never had to give a fake apology.

>>8295478
I'm mainly just a dumbfuck when it comes to cooking, so most of my injuries are from not thinking. Mainly it's grabbing a hot pan bare handed, or pulling a tray out of the oven without putting on a glove or something. Most memorable one is this:

>be me, be drunk
>decided to use fancy new ceramic knife to cut some chicken
>grab knife, open fridge, grab chicken
>drop chicken, drop knife in attempt to catch it
>try to catch knife because that shit will shatter
>somehow slice open the back of my arm with the knife
>trip to A&E and 5 staples
>saved the knife though

>>8297651
When I worked dish the new "head chef" dropped his knives into the sink and told us to wash them. Manager saw and screamed at him to get his knives out of the sink so loud they had to comp half the dining floor.

>>8297813
That's some serious hazing. I'm glad your manager stood up for you.

>>8297651
If I worked in your shop, I don't care if it was as dishwasher, and you slapped my face, your face would be unrecognizable afterwards.

>branded my arm with a 400°F oven rack (got a neat mark now)
>boiled my pinky with a water caught in a pair of tongs while checking noodles
Meh

>>8298045
Very macho posturing. I'm glad that your self esteem is that strong.

There's nothing really that I could say in return, for there's no cause for you to believe me. On my side of the screen, though, I'll suppose that it's statistically likely that I'm younger and more in shape than you. I've almost definitely killed a grand total of one more person than you. Also, most people tend to have a loud mouth but don't know how to actually respond you bother to hit their face. The cook just stood there, suddenly quiet, like a sad and confused animal.

>>8296649
The "first world" meaning the Arab Nation of Europe?

>>8298084
>like a sad and confused animal.

Well, that doesn't describe what my reaction would be. You were lucky. I'm not small, 6'3 and 210lbs, but of course I'm no professional fighter. You wouldn't have even considered slapping a person that looks like me. Because you know, no matter what, win or lose, you're going to suffer damage. And if I were provoked like that, you'd better either knock me out quick, or use a weapon.

You're essentially a little, pussy, bully who picked on a soft target. Count your blessings, faggot.

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>>8298113
Calm down, tough guy

>>8298096
I'm sorry but Americans lost all right to make fun of other countries 1 week ago.

>>8295478
I don't have any bad ones but I got a silly one. I dropped my knife and it stuck into the floor in between my big toe and my other toe. When I tried to pull it out the floor I yanked the handle off and whacked myself in the face with it.

>>8298120
You're right, it isn't nice for the winner to pick on the retards

>>8298128
>This is what happens when you make children swear allegiance to your country every morning.

>>8296830
Maybe in the 50s

>>8296820
>Can do naturally
There is nothing natural about cooking
It went from being a necessity to a commodity
No wonder it's men the ones out cooking women now that's about getting the best value for your buck

>>8298146
When people realize their quality of life is directly influenced by their economy sure
Even if you are a doctor or a lawyer if everyone is poor so are you

>>8295532
>budhighzer
fucking ayyyy

>>8298146
>this is what happens when fags like you can't handle the bantz

>>8298045
>>8298084
>>8298113
Stephen Colbert eating popcorn with 3D glasses and an amused expression.jpg

>>8295489
wa la

>>8296391
That's a spicy meatball.

>>8296816
cooking a can of condensed milk

>>8296830
Maybe in your mom's generation.
Women don't teach their children how to cook anymore.

>>8298045
Of course it would. Are you enjoying those four weeks off before you can cop unemployment benefits?

>>8296830
>More men have no idea what they're doing in the kitchen than women.

lol @ you delusional Cunt.

95% of zagat and michelin rated chefs are all men.

The only reason women traditionally cooked is because you are pretty much useless doing anything else.

>>8298350
>95% of zagat and michelin rated chefs are all men.

This. I've only worked with 2 female chefs in all my years as a cook. They literally can't handle the pressure, stress, and cadence of a professional kitchen and usually have a meltdown by their 3rd month in...

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Do stories about washing dishes count?

>have to go take out garbage
>we were really busy and understaffed so the bag ended up getting huge
>had to manhandle it to get it into the dumpster
>find out a server had dropped glass into it at some point and it shattered
>hands get all cut-up and covered in garbage juice

God I hated the servers there/

>>8298113
Different anon, but if you drop knives into a sink, a slap is getting off easy. I've sent home cooks for less. For that I would probably fire you on the spot.

>>8296666
Quads confirm.

>Buy a couple of samosas
>want them crispy so put them in toaater oven for 3 minutes
>a few minutes later smoke alarm goes off
>large fire in toaster oven
>onse broke open and spewed lava all over
>try to blow it out but cant
>on fire pieces of coal buring inside
>unplug toaster oven and poor a tablespoon of water over some of the buring pieces
>so hot inside it instanly turns to steam and makes the fire bigger
>dig out burning pieces with butter knife and flick in the sink
>waiting for black friday to get new toaster over
Anyone have any suggestions on what I should get?

Wtf I hate servers now

hardboiled egg in the microwave
oops

>>8298386
>getting off for less

If I were ever slapped as an adult while working, the last thing I would ever consider would be maintaining my employment. There will be swift and immediate retribution of a rather violent nature, come hell or high water. Pain will be inflicted.

That little pussfag, bully cook carefully chose his victim. I'm not the only person on earth that has enough self respect to forcefully refuse to tolerate a pussfag bully.

>>8295478
Tomato pureé in the microwave.
It fucking explodes.

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>>8298448
*teleports behind you*
*hands you your pink slip*

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>>8295596
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAg1r6zw7Bg

>>8298448
Honestly, we're all of a similar size. Me, you, and the knifefag. A few inches and pounds more or less, but nothing meaningfully intimidating. All I did was slap a bitch who put knives in my dishpit. It would have happened regardless.

We also appear to all be mouthy windbags. I suppose you might be like more like me in actions, in which case there would be blood. It's not likely, though. Even the majority of soldiers misaim, or aim intentionally too high when engaging enemy combatants. It's a real training issue.

Perhaps we're both in that maladjusted 1% who don't need to be goaded much.

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>>8298406
This my man
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/breville-smart-convection-oven/?pkey=ctoasters-ovens%7Ccountertop-ovens&&ctoasters-ovens|countertop-ovens

Maybe when my mom had pork chops in the oven (while off) to defrost it and forgot about till days later.

Um, most accident have to do with lil. Leaving the oil on the stove to make popcorn and forgetting about it, had to take the pot out if the house

>>8296414
why is there carpeting in that guy's kitchen?

>>8295614
First time handling jalepenos last year.

Step out back to piss.

Come back to wash hands and instead out my dick ina ice water.

Dixonfire.jog

>>8299059
Soldiers intentionally aiming too high was more of an issue in ww1 and some in ww2. This issue has been largely weeded out through modern training. The book On Killing covers this issue in depth.

Having said that, you and whom ever you're responding to are probably full of shit. Now get back onto something more food and cooking related.

>>8300200
>modern training.
You mean conditioning and large scale manipulation by the media, painting any who oppose the us as monstrous terrorists.

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>>8295478
>be cooking for gymbro and myself
>only wearing a pair of briefs and apron since I had just gotten out of the shower post gym
>frying rice over high heat
>gymbro comes out of the shower
>leans over me and asks what I'm cooking
>before I can answer he slips his hands under my apron and plays with my pecs and nipples
>get an instant raging hard on
>mfw
>apron catches fire around the crotch area
>almost burned my dick off
>told him he's sleeping on the couch tonight

I've got off significant parts of my left thumb with a cheese slicer three times.

>>8298448
No shit. Slapping me would probably get yiu stabbed in the face with that fucking knife. Or a beat down. Im a big dude and i am not affraid to give or reciave a beating. Wouldnt be the first time for either.

>>8300247
why do you refer to your qt bf as your gymbro?

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>>8300287
>bf
??? Never said I was gay bro

>>8295520
>Takes the time to find a pen and write that
>Doesn't even attempt to clean it up

Women

>>8298357
>home kitchen = professional kitchen

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I was making chips one day, and I usually peel the potatoes and cut them up, then place them into a bowl or pot of water to keep them fresh before taking them out and draining them before deep frying them.

It was at this stage that I suddenly thought that something wasn't right, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Approximately one second later, after tipping the pot of water and chips into the hot oil, I most definitely knew what was wrong.

>>8300305
>only wearing a pair of briefs and apron

>>8300404
My coworker did that once when I worked at a whataburger. Sounded like rolling thunder.

>>8300404
I don't get it... you say you usually take them out first.
Did you forget or did you just have a small stroke?

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>>8295478
Had a new fry cook come in, had sunglasses on his head...expensive ones. So somebody says something and he nods in agreement and the sunglasses go right into the fry oil. Then this fucking retard just dives his hand into the fryer like a goddamn retard trying to retrieve them...I had never seen stupidity on such an epic scale.

"Wait so you're telling me this shit can cook potatoes AND the flesh off my fore arm?"

One ambulance ride later and that moron was fired. I felt like I was pouring salt on a wound canning him but you can't have an idiot like that around hot equipment. At least he only hurt himself and not someone else.

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>>8300412
>>8300421

I just forgot.

It looked a bit like this.

I turned off the gas and ran out the house. My mums window blinds were ruined.

>>8300433
Fucking kek.

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>>8300433
Did it look like this, anon?

>>8300453
Ha ha fuck yes it did.
I absolutely fucking shat it.

>>8295478
>Be making chilli, stovetop for hours
>About ready, final taste test
>Cat has been hiding in low cabinet next to stove for who knows how long
>Machine gun swats my feet because cat; runs
>I reflexively reach down, bringing my arm down on the pot handle, sending pot skyward
>Chili, chili everywhere
>Chili covered cat leaping around the apartment, getting it on ceiling, curtains, carpet, bed
>Wind up having to bathe cat for first true time
>tl;dr Get arm scratched to shit and bitten while attempting to make chilli
>Yes I put beans in it, fight me

>>8300478
oh also the cat peed continuously while running around all chillied. I moved p soon after

>>8300478
>>8300480
Top kek. Hope the little shit learned a lesson.

>>8300478
I put baked beans in my chilli.

>>8300480
why would you not clean the pee? Why move it?

>>8300459
Do you still have eyebrows, dude?

>>8300494
I cleaned the pee extensively, but cat piss has a way of staying stinky in carpet no matte what. I meant I moved out of the apartment, for other, better reasons.

>>8300490
He did not.

>>8300494
Cat urine fucking reeks. Even more so when they're frightened.

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>have steak in freezer
>read article which says to cook it frozen, not defrost
>article also says to use a lot of oil to counteract the coldness or something
you can see where this is going
>heat oil to maximum temperature as usual
>pan is spitting and smoking
>grab steak by hand instead of using tongs
>smoke and spitting oil is too hot
>drop frozen-solid inch-thick lump of meat into oil
>searing hot oil splashes all over me
did i mention i was cooking topless?
>scream
>take pan off heat
>run to shower
>don't come out until mom gets home and drives me to the hospital
>2nd degree burns
pic related
>that feel when it will never be you're time for aesthetics

>>8300453
>>8300433
>mfw firemen came to our high school and taught us not to do this with a real demonstration
it was sweet

>>8300539
>smoke

Not so long ago, i was making some homemade flan (its a spanish dessert) and when i was makin the caramel, in a small pot and stirring it with a metal spoon, a giant fucking bubble exploded and a burning giant drop of caramel landed in my hand. Instantly finger in mouth, and the burnt skin ripped off along with the caramel.

>>8296657
>roommate is showing me some glasses he brought from his mother's home
>"oh, cool! those are tempered glass and shit, those don't break!"
>bullshit he claims
>I take one, I tell him "look" and smash it into the floor
>the fucker is in one piece
>"cool.jpg"
>"best out of three", I say, feeling cocky
>I drop it again, this time over the counter (which was even closer than the floor)
>the glass completely shatters
>feel like an asshole

I don't trust those fuckers anymore

>>8300593
>its a spanish dessert
Who the fuck doesn't know what flan is?

Also, that sucks. If your food decides to pretend to be napalm for a bit, you're going to have a bad time.

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>>8300594

kek are you still friends?


I think the worst I ever did was when I was little. My dad had made a huge batch of cookies and frozen a bunch in foil. I took one out of the freezer and didn't know to take the foil off. Thank god I stopped it after the first few sparks. The kitchen smelled like burnt metal, though, and I remember running from one end of the house to the other with a blanket to get the smell out....I was around 5 YO

>>8295596
Every time I cut peppers, I always forget to wash my hands and end up needing a piss.
I just expect it now.

>>8300539
>Cooking with scalding hot oil
>topless
>solid block of anything dropped into a liquid
I dunno what to tell you, my man. You kinda brought that on yourself.
Having said that, you should make up a different story about your scar. Women love scars, especially if they come with a good story.

>>8300453
>that obnoxious fucking watermark
It was literally just converted from an nrk youtube video.

>>8300946
thank you, captain obvious

>>8300957
>deflecting
I bet that's your watermark, huh?

Didn't happen to me, but once muy father stabbed his hand while trying to open a coconut, you could see knife from both sides of the hand, he cried and i laughed a lot

>>8298448
>>8300274
Are you two going to fuck, or what?

>>8296650
Might be bad bait. Most likely they didn't realize their hypocrisy. Either way this anon is retarded and I'm retarded for supplying a (you) to it.

>>8297300
>EDS

Building muscle tone helps. I'm constantly having to fix my posture and stretch often through out the day. You have to other wise it all gets too stiff. Can't even relax without stretching and flexing. At least I'm not suffering from joint/muscle pain constantly like I used to. Relax too much and everything falls out of place and your posture is ruined.

>>8295596
>some splashes and lands right on my boxers

I've just narrowly avoided that feel. I have a few scars on my legs from oil splashing one time, but had I not been wearing boxers I'd have probably needed a skin graft on my schlong.

>>8300305
That anatomy is fucking horrifyingly bad. Just look at the dudes left hip. I'm going to vomit. The Japanese a truly the worst at art, relying solely on style and sexual appeal.

>>8300539
You're way too fat any way. Don't worry about your scar. It'd look cool if you weren't fat.

>>8295478
>cooking one night
>hot oil leftover in pan
>want to save it in a jar so i pour it straight from the pan into a cold glass jar
>pick it up to swirl it around/check if it's all good
>jar shatters and hot oil gets all over my hand
>burned for a week and ended up with blisters all over my hand
>one huge blister than ran the whole length of my middle finger

nothing has ever hurt that bad, holy shit. I felt so stupid after i realized how it had happened (hot liquid in cold glass)

>>8301119
Didn't you see the webm on /b/?

>Microwaving breakfast
>Sister put a fucking furby in the microwave.
>Can't go within a quarter mile of the house for several days.

>>8300432
It's just muscle reflex, the same thing happened to someone who used to work for my brother. dropped a spatula into the oil and just went right for it

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>>8301303
Here's a little tip for you anon: put a metal spoon into the glass before you poor the hot oil. Metal absorbs heat, and while the oil is still hot you can pour it in without glass shattering. Metal magic.

You're welcome. pic unrelated, but I would still eat if it was on Thanksgiving.

>>8301345
nah, ive got it down well now, considering i render a lot of tallow and stuff. that was just the first time i had tried to save any fat/oil and i wasnt really thinking about the science of what i was doing.

>>8300129
i don't know the details, but that's from a series of images / one specific photographer thats always making dumb slightly uncomfortable shit like that. you can tell from the picture quality being too good

>>8296476
>trying to blend something with hand blender
>gets jammed in the blade dome thing
>stick my finger up there to scrape it out
>squeeze other hand and run the blade
>slice across my thumb, blood all over

i felt retarded (and i was)

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Got drunk felt like making sautéed onions as snack. Takes 45 mins, go lie down in bed and wait for them to be ready.
Wake up 10 hours later open bedroom door. Whole house reeks, ruined pan
Not that crazy but just happened sunday

>>8295575
Like I said, women can't even cook or brew tea correctly.

>>8301448
My brother did something similar.

Everything in the house suffered so much smoke damage that it was like a $35,000 insurance claim.

>>8298642
Underrated post.

>>8301465
(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)(you)

Are (you) happy yet :^)

>decide to make fried rice
>add a couple chopped legit ghost peppers to the hot oil
>suddenly it's like a chemical weapon went off
>can't see, can't breathe, have to evacuate house
>roommate had climbed out his second story window to escape
>realize dog is still inside
>grab gas mask bong attachment from car
>sprint back in and grab dog
>poor fucker is wheezing and can barely breathe
>can't go back in the house for 3 hours
>go and bathe in the river to get smell off of us

>>8301448
>making sautéed onions as snack.

This seems so improbable, it must be true.

>>8301496
>I'm a girl, btw

>>8298113
>picked on
it's not called picking on if someone tries to knife you.

>>8296517
He literally runs away in the video

>>8300432
he probably didn't have any time to think about it and just did it out of reflex, should pay more attention to what he's doing in front of a fryer tho

>>8301514
Where's your tits then, dumbfug?

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>>8301448
>carbonized onions.jpg

>>8300432
You sound like a shitty boss.

>>8301448
I don't understand how anyone walks away from the stove when cooking. Unless you're simmering something in a pot with a timer on, DON'T FUCKING DO IT.

>be my sister
>attempt to cook literally anything--pasta, rice, chicken, you name it
>turn on fire, chuck ingredients into pan/pot/whatever
>walk away
>run back to stove an hour or so later when either the smoke alarm has gone off, or when the smell of burning food reaches your room
>eat burnt food
>air out smoke from the kitchen
>rinse and repeat

You'd think she'd have learned her lesson after 10+ years of burning stuff by now.

>>8301567
I absolutely loathe when people don't pay attention to their cooking. My mother was so guilty when I was growing up. She'd do the exact thing and then be surprised when things would turn out burned or too dry or lacking in season. Can't even tell you how many times she had to call home to tell me to turn off the over because she forgot about the food and went shopping.

>>8301593
>forgot about the food and went shopping.
Serious lapses in memory like that when the outcome can have such significant consequences is one of the major red flags for alzheimers.

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>>8295537
>>8300340
>men

>>8300247
Jealous man.

>>8295500
This kills the cook.

>>8296473
apologizing isn't quirky, what are you smoking?

>>8296681
putting a frowney face on something doesn't make it a joke

I have a fear that I'll place a hot tray onto my cold oven glass top thing and it will shatter in half and send a large shard of glass into my stomach and kill me

>>8301448
mining_for_obsidian.jpg

>>8301730
>>8301732
I get what they're saying. Goofing up that badly and just leaving the consequences out in the open with a pithy note of apology is a "quirky" way to admit your fuckup to someone when any reasonable person would have tossed the whole clusterfuck out and apologized in person and pay for their own mistake. Evidently, this obnoxiousness transcends gender and hopefully taught some folks around here a little lesson about assuming.

>>8297707
>trip to A&E
Did they do a biography on your knife?

>>8301537
You haven't been on 4chan very long, have you?

>>8301698
>Using Reddit as your source material
Yeah Aight Jimmy.

Cutting frozen snickers using a LOT of pressure. Snickers suddenly fractures diagonally instead of slicing clean through. Tip of thumb cleaved, hanging.

Cook rice in pot at sisters house, turn off stove, move put to adjacent burner. No counter space clean for plate, place on burner next to pot and load with rice. Dish explodes, burner on max not off. Scrape rice into new plate. Crack tooth on white piece of plate mixed in with rice. Root canal and crown.

Fill house with habanero gas, pregnant wife can't breathe.

I routinely turn on the wrong burner first thing in the morning while heating water for the French press. Smoke alarm goes off as I smoke wife's seasoned cast iron pan on adjacent (now maxed) burner.

Not good, but mixed sugar and saltpeter on the stove to make some bombs. Exceeded flash point, pan folds with dancing iridescent red flames. Filled parents house entirely with dense white smoke.

>>8301856
>*not food, but I...to make smoke bombs.

Cripes

>>8301865
Trying to make smoke bombs from the anarchist cookbook? Got be careful with that one, I used a double boiler on a hot plate outside.

>>8301841
It's the earliest instance of the image I can find and it's the kind of stupid thing someone would post to Reddit. It's possible they were reposting it, but there's no actual evidence of that, so I'm pretty confident it's the original.

>>8301875
>1995-ish, tbqh
>Bananadine

>>8301837
Been here since 2005, no joke. You don't seem to be able to roll with the punches, bbgrill. Now where are them sweet tiddies?

>>8301448

My brother got high once when we were still living with our parents. He decided to make instant ramen in the microwave without water. Needless to say the entire house smelled like burnt carbon for like 3 months

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>>8295478
>at my friend's flat
>we decide to cook some potatoes in the oven
>decide to cut them in halves myself, while friend sets up the PC and a ps4
>holding potatoes suspended in the air and cutting them while constantly talking to the friend
>back turned to the kitchen table, me looking at my friend
>friend asks me why the fuck are my jeans covered in some black shit
>whattheactualfuck
>turns out I cut the palm of my hand I used to hold potatoes with multiple times
>it's all covered in blood

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>>8301954
>burnt carbon

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>>8301891
they'll never admit they're wrong. They'll just say it's a cuck numale. They're in a thread where a bunch of people admit their kitchen mistakes and they cling to this whole women suck at everything bit. It's "trolling" (read: I'm a retard and should stay on /r9k/).

You won't win by being honest and realistic.

On topic, I haven't really fucked anything up too bad in the kitchen. Worst was
>get some decent wood to smoke with
>get two Cornish hens
>get the coals going in the coal chimney
>light up a cigar
>pour a dank ass sour beer
>coals are ready, time to dump em from the chimney
>one escapes and falls through the deck boards
>no big deal, right?
>wrong
>dry leaves under the deck catch fire
>knock over my GOD DAMN BEER while running to get the hose

I'm still pissed. At least the Cornish hens were amazing and I had some dinosmores and abraxis (two obscenely good stouts) to soothe the pain.

>>8297651
I own a pizza small pizza place and a new cook did this to the teenage dish pigs. I made him get the knives out himself and fired him on the spot.

>try to fry french fries in small pot so i didn't have to use a ton of oil
>oil predictably overflows
>goes down inside burners
>soaks insulation around oven
>will not stop smoking

and that's how i spent $900 to replace a stove

>>8301514
No you're not.

>>8301856

Shiit, didn't know Rorschach posted on /ck/

>>8301856
>inb4 easily preventable house fire

you would deserve it tbqh

>>8301987
No you don't and no you didn't.

Got it, cunt?

>>8302067
>pshh, nothing personnel kid

>>8298350
>95% of zagat and michelin rated chefs are all men.

Never mind that they make up less than 0,0000000000000000000000000000001% of all men, amirite?

>>8302449
Yeah I HEAR YA RITE BOYS???

>>8295480
Did you try to timetravel using that pot?

>>8300305
Welcome to /fit/.

>>8300946
Do you have autism? Why are you this upset?

>>8301567
Your sister's going to die of stomach cancer, anon.

>tearing some plastic wrap
>it's one of those shitty dollar store boxes where they put the serration on the top flap of the box and cheap, thin plastic wrap inside
>rip it, it shears apart, finger carries into the metal serration
>cut the knuckle of my index finger on my dominant hand down to the bone
>flap of skin just sitting there chilling, blood everywhere

It didn't stop bleeding for a couple hours, I just finally put some gauze on it but had to change it three times in the first day alone because it kept getting saturated with blood, I probably needed stitches but I didn't want to go to the doctor for that so it took about a month to heal on its own.

This is why I don't skimp on foil and plastic wrap anymore.

>>8299059
>samefags as someone else cos he's intimidated by someone's claimed height and weight on 4chan
rofl i highly doubt you slapped anybody you fucking NEET virgin sack of shit

>I'm 14
>walking around in the backyard
>dad's getting ready to grill some chicken and is using chunk charcoal
>burning it down to coals
>one of the pieces of smoldering charcoal pops out of the fire and onto the porch
>did I mention I was walking barefoot?
>step directly on that ember
>go to the water spigot in the yard and hold foot under the water for a long time, the ember had seared itself to the flesh of my foot, I had to peel that shit off

I had to leave on a trip to Europe two days after and I wasn't looking forward to walking on it ten hours a day. The scar still hurts some days.

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>>8301985
>knock over my GOD DAMN BEER while running to get the hose

Dayum son.

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>>8301985
>he fell for the sour meme

Damn I didn't know /ck/ was so triggered all the time.

>>8301991
hey, at least you saved $5 worth of oil

>>8297247
Yup, it's ancient. At least 20 years old, bought in a local supermarket probably.

>>8296601
That's how you know you're a real man

>>8300802
I did this with a Hershey bar once

>>8296601
>>8302842
What is it with people not using oven gloves? I swear to god, this exact same thing happened to a friend of mine.

> got burns from touching the inside of the stove, frying pans and shit.
> cut myself at least twice on the fingers while holding the breadpiece in one hand with some fingers right under the bottom to create some resistance to the knife
> overcooked caramel, rice, maize and things to the point of charcoal
> killed my gf once - she put her head in the stove as a joke to get the tan and I got behind her as I would normally do but then I thought it would be fun if I "decapitate her" so I grabbed the front of her neck and shoved her up. Her neck broke and that was it. I think it might have influenced my decision to become a doctor.
I fucking loved her!

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>>8302877
Yes...
That seems entirely plausible...

>>8302902
I wish it was just a story too... Oh God. It's like no matter how many lives you save, it won't free your conscience of that weight.
If I got a cent for every time I was there at the operating table, holding someone's heart and imagining a scenario where I can exchange it for her life. Sometimes I even find myself pressing on it too hard, as if making it unusable is somehow gonna change things through some mystic karma.

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>>8302912
Yeah... alright.
>Accidentally kill someone as a goof
>become a doctor as an act of repentance
>toy with people's lives constantly in an attempt to appease mystic gods
Seems legit. No logical contradictions there.

Nothing really too dumb

A few knicks off my pinky/thumb of my left hand when I mentally lost track of their placement while cutting. A few burns on my right hand, most notably my thumb, for trying to handle stuff while too hot. Got splashed in the face with boiling water once from my roommate when he decided to drop some shitty Trader Joe's ravioli into an overfilled pot at a rolling boil while I was trying to pull something out of the oven because he's fucking retarded.

Touched my balls once after chopping habaneros without gloves. That was a fun afternoon.

>>8302925
Dude, people are NOT like in the movies, they are complex. There are no devils and no angels. Per se.

And no, I didn't "kill" her as "a goof". Fucking moron.

>>8302932
Mhm. Complex! THAT's what you are...

>>8302935
I'm not making any excuses.

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>>8295478
One time, as a kid, my parents told me to take pelmeni out of the pot. Instead of fishing it out with a metal ladle, I tried to pour it into a plastic strainer.

The strainer melted.

Also, one time I broke the tip of a very good knife trying to break apart a frozen block of fish. At least it demonstrated how good dry ice is when shipping to a desert.

>>8302939
You should be. How did they let an autist in the hospital anyway?

>>8302939
You'd better have SOME EXCUSE for killing your gf!

Christ her last thoughts were, "THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS KILLING MMMEEEE!!!"
Well either that are, "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH"

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>>8302939
Happy thanksgiving.

>>8302945
Autistic fucking russian. The only thing you're good for is taking hooee out of the asshole.

>>8302945
Sounds like your parents failed in the basic parenting department.
Letting a child handle something hot enough to instantly melt plastic without supervision.

>>8302948
I wasn't KILLING MY GF FFS are you autistic? It was a joke. They called it a household accident and while I think that's just making a horrible thing sound more "soft" and harmless essentially that's what it is.

> Christ her last thoughts were, "THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS KILLING MMMEEEE!!!"
He thoughts weren't that, she understood it was a joke. or. i mean she didn't actually knew what hit her i suppose, but. Fucking fuck, anon. I never even thought about it that way. Gonna cry again, I thought it was over. Maybe I should sell this monitor I used at the time.

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>>8302960
Eh, I was twelve, it was alright. I was pretty fucking retarded for not realizing just-boiled water + plastic = bad idea.

>>8302955
Hey, we're also very good at self-pity and loathing.

>>8302967
That looks good as fuck.

>>8295480
>no food mess anywhere
staged/10

>>8302971
Are we looking at the same picture?
There's shit everywhere. On the ceiling, on the counters. There's shit all over the walls.

>>8302967
> pic
This looks more like a scorpion than an elliptic spiral. Whoever made it must have forgotten his autism pills kek.

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>>8302970
It really is, if you can find any Polish/Russian/Eastern European markets or bakeries you should ask if they carry poppy seed rolls.

Sometimes they come with raisins. I prefer them without.

>>8302991
Thanks for the tip. I have no idea where to find a Russian bakery in South Florida, but I'll keep an eye out.

>>8302991
Always hated this shit.

>>8303011
Yelp, "eastern european". Usually every big city has one, if you're travelling.

>>8295575
>large pyrex baking dish was left full of soapy water to soak on top of one of the electric stove elements for god knows how long
This is so degenerate I have no words whenever I see this shit. Roommates do this too. Is it so fucking hard to wash the cooking container immediately after you've finished cooking? Takes little time, cleans easier due to retained heat and the pan/pot/other is available for the next person to cook.

Fuck this annoys me.

>On Saturday I cooked a classical Swedish goose-dinner for 100 people.
>Don't work there otherwise, brought in for the event.
>Earlier days had not cleaned the Rational oven properly
>See it too late so fuck it, load it up with the 10 geese
>Put on the program for cooking geese, which includes using steam
>Geese look perfect, throw open oven when thermometer says 65 C, very satisfied
>FUCK SO MUCH SMOKE
>Fans can't handle it, smoke spreads in the building - sets of fire alarm in several places
>Serving people rush into kitchen panicked
>Manager didn't have time to shut alarm of quick enough
>Fire department shows up after 5 min, explain what happened, it's no problem.

So yeah the dinner got rekt, people panicked and the place will have to pay 10 000 kr (About $1500, €1000) for the fire department going over there.

I knew that was gonna smoke like a bitch before I opened but didn't do it carefully anyway.

lel

>>8302540
There's some great ones out there. Tart, crisp, refreshing, and new barrel aged (not bourbon barrel) ones benefit greatly from the oak. A couple local breweries are really knocking it out of the park with their sours.

I work at a liquor store with a huge beer section so I've tried way too many beers at this point. Sours and farmhouse ales are my current kick and it's going grand. Sorry if you can't enjoy things.

>>8302516
I'm still mad. It was called ProCATstination so your right on the mark.

>>8301985
>Sour beer
>Cigar
>Defends numales
Bound to happen

>>8295596
Are you the guy who lost an arm in "a tragic coconut opening accident"?

>>8303158
I bet you're an absolute blast to be around.

>>8301797
I don't understand, anon

>>8301497
This is the best mental image of the day. Thank you.

>>8303199
>Autism
>Chinese cartoons image board

bound to happen

>>8296396
She obviously at the time applying hair spray or deodorant or whatever the fuck else women use to stink that the smell of burning plastic was masked.

>>8295537
that's definitely a man...

>>8301856
Lol i did the same thing with the sugar and saltpeter. Except i was outside on the porch over a coleman stove. And when it exceeded the flash point i had myface and hand over it. Left a nice scorch mark on the roof and gave me first and second degree burns on my hand and face. Had to go to the hospital and all the guys in the ER had a hard time keeping a straight face after i told them what happened. Went over to my friends place after that to play xbox and he vag'd when he stepped on a pus encrusted tissue. I was 14 at the time.

>>8301543
You sound like a shitty employee.

>>8303540
You sure about that? Where are the proofs?

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This is the most cringeworthy thread I've read, y'all need to learn how to cook before you destroy us all

>>8303431
>>8301797
A&E is a biography channel here in the states.

We call the A&E the ER here in the states.

>>8304082
>A&E is a biography channel here in the states
not who you're replying to, and i still don't understand. what does A&E even mean?

>>8304082
Oh I see. It's funny, now that it has all been explained to me.

>>8302506
You should get it xrayed. Good chance some fragments are still lodged in. Would be easy to get them scalpeled out.

>>8304094
Arts & Entertainment Network

>>8302506
The bell tolls, chosen unkindled.

>>8295506
>Tacobell is proud to introduce the all-new MAGMA NACHO CRUNCH X-TREME

>>8301985
That guy's a cunt, but you sound like an insufferable cunt yourself.

>>8302966
I'm not really sure I understand how you killed her

>be a 6
>me and my dad cooking something
>grease catches fire
>me being the 6 year old I am I go and wet a paper towel
>wring it over the grease fire
>dad tells me not to do that
>too late
>huge pillar of fire

well at least I learned early.

One time I was doing a promotional BBQ tour for maple leaf foods. My knife was a bit dull so it wasn't cutting the onions well and there was a huge line of customers so I started rushing to catch up and the knife slipped and I cut my hand between my thumb and index finger so bad it severed my tendon.

It was this huge BBQ with a sink and cupboards and shit, more like a kitchen. The customers couldn't see me from the chest down, basically so no one saw it.

I quickly grabbed some paper towel, jammed it on my hand, looked at my subordinate who saw what happened and I was like "can you take over for a bit?" Like not wanting the customers to know about it. Then he quickly sopped up my blood on the counter and continued as I walked over to the truck and went to the hospital.

14 stitches. Also i hoped I didn't have undiagnosed hepatitis or some shit like that because it would have fucked over a lot of people.

>>8296564
but it is though

I've shared this before

>co-own butchery with bro
>local community college wants me to come in and give a lecture about meats
>teach them how to use band saw
>I thought you'se all knew how to be safe in a kitchen

This idiot ended up cutting between his middle and ring fingers halfway to his wrist.

>>8296841
>using the oven as storage space
I never understood this

the only thing for me in recent memory was baking some fries or something while drunk, and dropping the pan at a slightly wrong angle for the parchment paper to catch fire in the oven. By "fire" I mean a tiny flame I quickly put out to the smell of slightly burnt parchment paper.

for as much as I have and do cook drunk, that's about the worst that has happend.

>>8295478
Not so interesting story but greentext anyway
>In youth hostel in germany
>Friends are making cookies
>Friends hear oven bleep and ask me to take it out since i'm already in the kitchen
>Whatevs
>Open oven and and grab baking sheet with bare hand
>Ohh that's hot
>Gently place on counter top
>Mind launches pain.exe
>Being to shout and clutch hand
>Friends freak out
>Hand was sore for a day but no real burns
>Total mystery to me how.

>>8304850
kek.

Would have made a great rekt post on /b/.

>be young
>hungry in the morning
>mom picked up bagels from the bagel store the day before
>need to be cut in half
>i can do this myself
>hold bagel with thumb through hole
>first half of the cut was fine

>>8302977
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8geLnpGmQAQ

>>8305227
maybe you should get back there

>>8304139
Not worth it at this point, it's been ten years and it wasn't a very big ember. A lot of tissue sloughed off in the first week as well.

>>8302495
I hope you're right, she's a cunt.

Not a kitchen accident, but another kitchen disaster relating to my sister:
>8 years ago
>be my sister
>'why look at that, anon has brought home instant coffee'
>measures out instant coffee as if it were regular coffee grounds, but adds extra since she didn't pay for it
>uses about half of the container
>resulting liquid is a thick coffee slurry
>'ew I can't drink this'
>leaves the slurry in the machine
>after a week, mold appears on the edge of the slurry
>after two weeks, coffee slurry's surface is completely covered in fuzz

One of my parents eventually cleaned it up.

>in first apartment
>have cheap shitty cookware because poorfag
>make french toast on cheap shitty noncoated aluminum fry pan
>it's taking too long so I wander off to do something else for a couple minutes
> DEEDEEDEEDEEDEEDEEDEEDEEDEE
>wtf
>smoke billowing out of fry pan
>luckily no fire
>throw out cajun style french toast, turn off smoke alarm, open window
>never manage to get black stains out of pan
>end up using it to boil water on the stove for humidity in the winter when humidifier craps out or isn't enough

kept that pan for about 10-12 years, ended up throwing it out in the last move I think. or maybe it's still around somewhere.

>>8295478
>Back when I was 17
>Friend keeps bitching he is hungry
>Go to the kitchen and grab something dude
>No, I have to absolutely go down there with him
>Bring laptop
>Friend is doing wathever while I don't pay attention to him
>He sits with me and we start watching a video
>Stop watching video and oh my god huge pot on fire
>Huge pot doesn't have any handles
>Nothing to do but wait it out
>Flames reach smoke extractor
>It catches on fire
>Black smoke everywhere
>Our phones are upstairs
>Fuck it make a run to the security guard outside to ask for his phone
>Police tells me to call the firemen and hangs without even telling me the number
>Get back home and the smoke extractor is half melted on the floor, the pot is there too completely burned and there is oil everywhere
>Friend freaked out and threw everything to the floor, proceeded to stop the fire with a fucking wet rag
>His shoes fucking melted

>>8301730
That's not how a man apologises
Leaving a mess in the open for someone else to fix isn't apologizing
Only a woman or a dickless man would think so

>>8305820
or someone who is just really dumb

I think you underestimate the number of genuinely stupid people out there, of both genders

>>8296480
Is that what the handle is for? How do i even use it with tomatoes?

I scalded the fuck out of myself last year.

>Its the afternoon of thanksgiving last year.
>Spent most of my time awake cooking, made some mini quiches and cookies I was rather proud of.
>am kinda running late so i start hurrying to get stuff ready to take to my mom's an hour's drive away.
>while i'm finishing up I realize i forgot to make tea, so i put some water to boil and get my travel mug ready.
>talking to mom on the phone when the water boils, so i distractedly pick up my mug and start to fill it
>miss
>pour the boiling water all over my hand.
>scream a little, tell mom ill call her back.
>FUCK FUCK FUU
>dont run it under cold water like your supposed to, instead force myself to finish packing shit.
>after i'm done I slather aloe vera all over the back of my hand and call mom telling her i'm on my way again.
>accidentally brush the back of my hand against the wall on my way out
>a thick chunk of skin the size of a dime comes off my knuckle.
> welp.
>dammit.
>Call mom again and cancel.

It was actually pretty bad, because i didn't take care of it right away. my thumb would not stop blistering from moving it and the whole thing took over two months to heal.Not to mention how blotchy the back of my hand looks now. like i have a pigment disorder or something.

>>8301367
Is it the same guy that did that series of thanksgiving images with shit like blue gatorade turkey and car keys in pumpkin pie?

>>8305587
I'm glad someone got it. I just added that last part as I was typing it out and was reminded of that scene.

>>8296527

>13
>texting

Goddamn I am getting too old for this place.

File: 1473766205847.jpg (155KB, 640x720px) Image search: [Google]

155KB, 640x720px

>Make simple instant noodles
>Have it all ready, pick up the bowl
>Hot water spills on my hands
>In a twitch reaction throw the whole thing to the roof
>Hot water and noodles fall on me
>Stumble in panic and hit the counter with your arse, arms still up in the air hit the dish cabinet that is open
>It falls apart and all the plates/cups fall
>Almost all of them break
>Step on broken glass
>Finally fall down onto a relatively safe spot
>Start crying for some reason
In my defense, I was pretty drunk, but it was probably the only disaster that has ever struck me and it was a big one. It was almost like from some slapstick comedy, only not funny in the slightest.

>>8307052
>Heat water in the kettle for instant ramen cup
>Pour water
>Oh shit I need it to rest 3 minutes
>Put it on top of the burner
>Lift cup
>Soup comes out of melted bottom

>>8305851
Either woman or faggot
Men would at least attempt to fix it, a drunk man would make a bigger mess

This thread makes me feel dumb.

>>8296659
Guessing you're American?

From what I gather, American Pyrex is shittier than the stuff you get in the UK.

>>8307052
That really sucks, I also wasn't laughing at your situation for a few minutes

>>8298350
no one's talking about top tier chiefs retard
Though it wouldn't surprise me if men were better on average

>>8295478
I'm retarded but also cursed

>be me 5-6 year old, decide to make cookies for my dad
>I mix the duogh by myself
>my mom put them into the oven
>they look pretty neat
>"hi dad! look what I baked for you"
>he surprised&pruod
>he takes a bite
>his tooth falls out
>whoops I forgot to add butter and accidentally baked a tray of sweet bricks

>some years later
>making cookies for school christmass shit
>go to my room while my cuties bake
>suddenly hear that something just blew out
>rush to kitchen
>oven glass door decided to casually blow up

>move in with bf
>deicde to make cookies bc what can go wrong
>I try to pre-heat the oven
>breakers are no more
>he comes back to witness complete darkness, me crying on the kitchen floor over raw cookie dough in the oven

Help me ;_;

>>8295478
Worst I ever did was pass out on the couch with a teflon pot of water set to boil. I woke up to a smokey apartment due entirely to teflon that was disintegrating from the heat. Had to stick my head out the window to breathe at first, then opened all the windows and left for a while. inb4 cancer. I mean, maybe its true but it was many years ago and I'm fine. ...I'm fine, right guys?

>>8300340
Do you even understand what is happeneing in the photo? You can't fucking "clean" that up. She set the board down onto the coil and it melted through. There is nothing to clean. She turned off the heat and it cooled around the coil. Fucking duh.

>>8307304
>help me

Stop trying to make cookies. Somethings just aren't meant to be.

my aunt once put 2 packages of salt into the coffee at the airport but my uncle still drank it

>>8307354
What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.

One time I was trying to make something, I think it was frosting.
Anyway I got to the point where I added the powdered sugar, and I noticed it was becoming really difficult to mix. I even had to just give up using the whisk and start mixing it with my hands.

It was at this point that I realized I had been adding flour instead of powdered sugar, and had accidentally made cookie dough.

It ended up making decent cookies, so everything turned out alright in the end.

>>8307417
Everything turned out better than expected.

Love when that happens.

>>8307304
>Crying in the corner because some breakers popped
Jesus....

All you have to do is reset the fucking things. Literally flipping a switch was to hard for you?

My grandma was baking cake and had to melt half a pound of butter.
She ended up knocking the pot off the stove and the floor was covered in molten butter.

My mother was once shaking a bottle of ketchup but the lid wasn't on correctly. The kitchen looked like a murder scene.

She also nearly lost half her thumb when opening a can of corned beef.

I once minced hot peppers and wiped my eye while doing so.

https://youtu.be/XPLWkVsZj_0

>>8301725
kek

>>8299345
Yeaaaaa Boiiii