ITT: Post times you've cooked like The Joker >making

File: 1473373744739.jpg (128KB, 806x908px) Image search: [Google]

128KB, 806x908px

>baking pizza pie
>leave out the cheese
>use cheese colored sauce instead

.>recipe says to let it sit for 10 minutes
>let it sit for 9 minutes instead

File: antsgonnafreak.jpg (4KB, 135x90px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 135x90px

>bottle says shake well before use
>only shake it a little

>recipe states to fluff mashed potatoes with a fork
>I used a spoon

File: 2011_12_6_tip_002.jpg (51KB, 300x303px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 300x303px

>cup of noodles says do not microwave.
>microwave on high

>recipe asks for one tablespoon of salt
>I eyeball it

>recipe says leave in fridge overnight
>leave it in the fridge over the day instead

>>8088180
>Recipe calls for 100 grams of chocolate
>Buy 150 and eat two squares out of ten that come in it

File: 1456598765859.jpg (15KB, 178x242px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 178x242px

>recipe didn't say to cum in it
>came in it anyway

>>8088180
>Recipe says to stir occasionally
>I stir constantly

File: ツ シ.png (193KB, 448x595px) Image search: [Google]

193KB, 448x595px

>recipe says to separate the egg whites and beat them into stiff peaks before folding them back in
>crack the whole egg in as is

>>8088723
>>>/a/

>use almond milk for cereal instead of regular

MOMS

File: 1442959718445.png (278KB, 706x412px) Image search: [Google]

278KB, 706x412px

>>8088730
What?

>>8088180
>microwave meal says to stir halfway through, recover and put back in
>i just put it in for full amount all in one

>>8088748
Please post your cartoon girls on the correct board.
>>>/a/

SOMEBODY LOCK THESE MADMEN UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY

File: 1433561052707.jpg (183KB, 819x633px) Image search: [Google]

183KB, 819x633px

>Get a zona, can says to shake before opening
>Open without shaking

>>8088215
Savage

>>8088489
God in heaven!

File: 1413224733560.jpg (72KB, 352x389px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 352x389px

>>8088730
>>8088748
Maybe reddit would suit you better

>Be birthday one year
>Decide to make some macaroni and cheese
>Don't have any of the regular Kraft mac
>Decide to improvise
>Get a large bag of regular macaroni that we had in the cupboard
>Get some parmesan and shredded cheddar out of the fridge
>Cook up the macaroni, strain it
>Add all of this shredded cheese to the mix and expect something to happen
>It doesn't
>End up with this large amount of vile, greasy, half-melted pasta
It was awful. I ended up having no choice but to eat all of it over the course of a few days. It was even worse after being reheated.

File: the raper.jpg (48KB, 524x530px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 524x530px

>cooking minute rice
>cook for 59 seconds instead

File: Jared-Leto-Joker-selfie.jpg (61KB, 800x999px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 800x999px

>"let sit for 3 minutes before serving"

File: FB_IMG_1471887147224.jpg (87KB, 640x960px) Image search: [Google]

87KB, 640x960px

>>8088816
DAMAGED

File: 1357323906253.jpg (84KB, 720x960px) Image search: [Google]

84KB, 720x960px

>>8088878
Step your game up, son.

>>8088180
>recipe calls for a tablespoon of butter
>use 3, and a good amount of leftover bacon fat

File: 1352266169739.jpg (187KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

187KB, 600x600px

>put down a totinos party™ pizza
>cover it in pizza rolls
>throw down another tpp on top of that face down
>ate with a knife and fork

File: 1471651393725.jpg (95KB, 724x720px) Image search: [Google]

95KB, 724x720px

>>8088765
Lolno
Suck my dick queer

>microwave frozen chocolate chip waffle for 30 seconds
>wrap it around a snickers, sort of like a hot dog bun
>top it with whipped cream and chocolate syrup

pretty gud desu

File: 99f.jpg (18KB, 600x419px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 600x419px

>final step in cooking directions is "enjoy!"

>I dont

>offer guest a glass of coke
>give him pepsi instead
HE ACTUALLY DRANK IT.

>drop a massive turd in the toilet
>use the half flush button
I PRESSED IT TWICE

>>8088180
>making some ramen
>put in some pop tarts and fudge'
>nuke it

>cake asks for 3 eggs
>put 4 eggs in

>>8088180
>Be kid of 11 or something
>Mom is having a lot of bloating
>Doc thinks it is lactose intolerance
>A month without milk for her to see if it helps
>She switches out milk in her cereal to grapefruit juice
>I make her coffee one morning
>Usually takes milk
>Grapefruit juice it is!
>She spat it across the room
>Said thank you, tough

>>8088496
5/7 would read again

Joey threads are kill

this bullshit still exists

okay.jpg

File: 1429085099833.png (101KB, 450x433px) Image search: [Google]

101KB, 450x433px

>recipe asks for Coke
>use Diet Coke

>Making roast chicken
>Use Pork

Call the cops

>>8088189
>Using Captain Morgan to haze instead of Admiral Nelson

>>8088489
You've just unnecessarily exposed yourself to radiation. Please do not do that anymore.

>friend hanging out
>Go get a glass of coke
>Only one clean glass
>Give him coke in a dirty glass

>>8089355
that's outright adorable

>recipe calls for turkey
>use chicken instead

File: 1465489346879.png (786KB, 859x720px) Image search: [Google]

786KB, 859x720px

>>8088730
>complaining about anime images on a vietnamese sock knitting forum

File: image.jpg (35KB, 424x362px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 424x362px

>mug says it's not dishwasher safe
>wash it in the dishwasher anyway

File: insanity.jpg (757KB, 2600x1700px) Image search: [Google]

757KB, 2600x1700px

>shit in a pan
>fry it to see what happens
>the room gets filled with fart smell and the shit is crusted to the bottom of the pan
>scrape out the shit
>make pan fried tilapia in the same pan without washing

>making spaghetti bolegnese
>use spirals instead

>"top with fresh chives and serve"
>Don't

>be well trained coffee snob
>friend uses meme press at home
>comes to my house wanting espresso
>give him warm cup of fresh diarrhea
>he says it's the best coffee he's ever tasted
I DIDN'T EVEN FROTH UP THE MILK

post times you've shitposted like the joker
>take /tv/ forced meme
>spam it on other boards

>>8089686
did it mustarded

>>8089729
I don't get the whole spaghetti bolognese meme.

You are supposed to use pasta with waves, folds, curls, or holes with chunky sauce and strait pasta for creamy sauces

Why does Spaghetti get a free pass?

>>8089779
Italians tried to teach whiteys to cook

>steal roommate's hungry man tv dinner
>chicken panties and mac and cheese
>box says to microwave for two minutes and then remove chicken
>then to stir the mac and cheese and then microwave again for another two minutes
>do all of these instructions carefully except
>I don't stir

>>8088990
HUNKA HUNKA

>>8090113
>replaces one sugary drink with another
M A D M A N
A
D

M
A
N

File: marco.jpg (26KB, 650x366px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 650x366px

>Recipe tells me to add beef stock
>Add Knorr Beef Stock Pot instead

JUST TRY IT

>>8090113
Funny, but this should not be legal though.
When a person avoids a food, it can sometimes be an allergy. I was force fed shit like this constantly, at 23 diagnosed with autism, a heart murmur, sunlight allergy and fifteen other things not previously present.
Don't be the person that is so cheap they can not find another cheap food that the child will eat.

File: 1462689056564.png (216KB, 338x401px) Image search: [Google]

216KB, 338x401px

>recipe says pre-heat the oven for an hour
>I do it for sixty minutes instead

>>8090398
>2016
>using microwave time

File: image.png (662KB, 862x1000px) Image search: [Google]

662KB, 862x1000px

>best before x
>eat it at midgnight the day it expires

>>8090394
>autism
>not previously present
Are you one of those retards who also thinks vaccines cause autism?

>>8090490
Possibly but I am autistic so you know..